Midlife unravelling to midlove

Notice midlife is not about the fear of death. Midlife is death--out with the old, in with the new. Tearing down identities, conditions, relationships, we have spent our entire life building, may feel like "death." And yet, shifting out of fear brings rebirth of a phoenix.

Whatever the issue, from people -pleasing and performing to perfectionism and conformism, it seems as if we spend the first half of our lives suppressing, denying or shutting down to resist the root of unconscious pain, and the second half, taking brave steps to open everything up to feel and heal the forgotten hurt.

As life as I knew it falls apart in stages, it appeals to reframe midlife unravelling as midlove. Loving ourselves fully is the most difficult and courageous journey we’ll ever take. The universe offers a finite period of time to tune in and recalibrate to that self-love, and midlife is the halfway point. Being repeatedly shaken up is like a slap in the face yet it invites us to let go of shame, fear, desire, suffering, all thoughts that stands in the way of love.

Rest assured, life unravels at her own pace. The search for self-love and acceptance seems like an endless quest. We think we have it and then we don't. Conscious awareness may arise noticeably in midlife, but we deal with it from that point onward. As we begin to see truth through the lies we tell ourselves, it grows harder to keep up the charade.

Turns out, its easier to ignore the universe in your twenties as the universe simply whispers, “Pay attention,” Then, in your early thirties, she whispers a bit louder, “Slow down.” Trust me though. By midlife, the universe is more persistent and cannot be ignored. She presents in unexpected ways & places so we grow aware we squander gifts, do not live up to our potential. There are penalties for not following through with the Soul contract. We are reminded "You’re halfway to dead. Get a move on!" Much like Scrooge in Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol, we get a BIG wake up call.

Once the shock of the universe’s visits wears off—and you stop choosing a crisis over alternatives, several options present...

Its always possible to pull the universe closer, embrace her wisdom fully, thank her for opportunity to grow, and calmly ease into the unraveling. Let go of everything, all illusions at once. This however, is not what usually happens.

Another option is to deny midlife unravelling altogether. Scrooge does so iniitially in response to Bob Marley's ghostly visit. Scrooge simply goes back to his soup and scoffs, "Humbug!" The result was visits from three ghosts. Scrooge gets the shake up of his life.

Of course, denial is not so easy at this level. Pretending that all is well when its not requires active denial, like putting your fingers in your ears and humming. After numerous distractions, the only way to maintain denial of the midlife unraveling is to be even more perfect, more certain, more judgmental, even more of what the universe invites you to let go or give up. Some attempt to numb out, to self-isolate, to sleep, but the wake-up calls intensify .

Unfortunately, midlife differs from the other stages we’ve managed to survive because the symptoms don’t improve over time. Attempting to numb the midlife unraveling is attempting to numb out from who you are as the cocoon is opening. In this case, the universe simply steps up its game.

The universe knows exactly how to bring us to our knees, to a pivotal turning point. No matter how hard or far we fall, grace arises to pick us up, push us out into the world for more. Strangely enough, this feels like the best thing that could ever happen. It feels like significant amount of pain and loss, but something amazing happens along the way—self-rediscovery. The real me arises from the ashes. Midlife unraveling has taught me how to be brave, trust intuition fully and welcome whatever uncertainty has on offer. I look deeply into the universe through a telescope and realize profoundly that she, the universe, is me.

Awaken to the energetic journey

Notice the idea of awakening is not real. Awakening is only someone else's experience unless the real thing happens in our lives. Those who simply overhear and repeat ideas emit different frequencies than those who act based on conscious awareness, true innate intelligence or direct knowing. Less-than-direct experience keeps us oscillating betweeen ego and heart rather than be integrated heart-mind. Our perception and experience shift based on our changing vibration. We see things as we are until we see them as they are- pure love energy. The physical, mental, emotional, intuitive and spiritual bodies are all on their own journey to align in harmony and stillness. We each determine the pace of our alchemical journey.

Expand to transform existence

Notice our lives transform as we expand consciousness. This requires we be open to new things, like responding differently to the same people and familiar situations, and using expanded insights to understand the mind, thoughts and behaviours differently.

At a pivotal moment, it hits that physical sensations and restlessess are gifts we give ourselves. They gently point to what we have been ignoring. Suddenly, conditioning is seen to reflect our outdated ideas of reality. When we act based on expectation, based on what we are taught we are supposed to work toward, we ignore the heart. As we identify less with the external, and begin to look inward, solitude guides shifts in priorities and perception. How we spend time grows congruent with what matters in the heart. We distinguish between sex and love, between superficial and real power. We are more sensitive, allow ourselves to feel more deeply, to cry, explore pain we used to repress, openly express creative impulses, share vulnerability and forge true connections.

The moment arisess when we suddenly understand how we relate to life, to physicality, sexual energy, creativity, ourselves. We begin to empathize, sense what others feel. It dawns what it is to be a human being, a true friend and neighbour, confidante. We grow value- driven, make decisions aligned with the soul. It begins with consciously shaping our thoughts and emotions, to carve out the soul path. We grow as we practice mindfulness, that every thought and action is shaping the direction of our life. This is about swallowing pride, letting go of all that blocks love.

This is the moment we stop seeking external acceptance, and start to live as our trueself. We begin to offer service based on innate urges to give, enrich the world and exchange in balance. Devoted practices and pursuits lead ego concerns to diminish. We begin to manifest our spiritual being in the physical and in our relationships.

At this very moment, that split between the external world and the spiritual realm grows clear and the incongruence of that double life is obvious. We are in the world but no longer feel part of it. We grow adept at passing between spiritual and physical realities and transfer insights between worlds. It dawns we naturally adapt to situations but always act from the Higher Self.

At the same time, we meditate more often, see into conflicts and offer genuine guidance from our own direct experience. Living from spirit and being grounded is key. One tunes into emotional connection with all living creatures. One understands what lies in the hearts of people, one feels their pain and know sharing one's truth is what heals everything.

To express our spirit physically, is to be uninhibited by negative feelings or judgments of self or others, to be affectionate with overwhelming warmth and emotional connection. Barriers between the ego and the collective dissolve. This goes beyond recognition of connection with "others." We begin to feel the symbiotic connection with all of creation. We grow aware of energies and realize that all feeling, thought, and action is based on vibrations or frequencies of energy. We see that master the energy we channel changes everything.

This is the point where it dawns that heart energy transforms thoughts and perception as well as all we meet. As each of us no longer identifies as an individual being with ego concerns, there is nothing to become and we are one with the universe. Sense of self and ego boundaries dissolve. Sense of existence is completely transforming from the inside out until boundaries are no more.

Stop Playing it Safe

(Visual Art Bill Brouard- @ Visual Alchemy)

Notice what happens as you stop playing it safe, when all of a sudden, something awakens within you that recognizes you are the one that has been holding yourself back. Its the illusion of fear and conditioned assumptions in the mind that keep us feeling small, powerless or stuck. This revelation is the pivotal moment of finally reclaiming inner power, consciously shifting to focus purely on Soul direction and destiny. Trusting intuition allows energy to flow more freely, can involve abruptly letting go of apparent commitments and aspects of life that previously defined you. Being spontaneous opens channels of vision within you that continue to dazzle and amaze. Creative streams of inspiration arise as if from nowhere. Life experience shifts again. 

Soul view of intense energies

Notice as energies intensify, the common (3D) assumption is that feeling tired, emotional or imbalanced points to stress, strain, over-extending, hidden physical issues or other things "wrong" with us. Yet, the Higher Mind or Soul invites us to see everything differently.

Although being taught to seek quick fixes and advice may be helpful at times, as we tune into Soul, it dawns that our innate abilities allow us to recognize another view: that we are actually recalibrating energetically. We have choices how to respond.- to allow or resist. Where ego sees signs and symptoms evoke fear and negativity, Soul sees them pointing to trust, follow intuition, inner knowing, so we function whole-heartedly by listening to languages of the Soul.

Higher Self or Soul sees our energy, state of mind and conditions, echo our harmony or incongruence with true Being. Resistance to letting go of outdated beliefs, perceptions and life situations, implies we unconsciously perpetuate old ego-driven patterns, including conditioned ways to deny or repress our own needs. Increasingly intense energies reinforce we must address all untruths and denial.

One cannot heal neediness until recognizing what neediness and insecure attachments are, why they emerge within, how they take shape in our relationship with self and others. Only by bravely deconstructing our own self-created illustons can we build a secure foundation that echoes our current state of growth and frequency.

Soul views physical tiredness as a longing for connection and intimacy with those of similar frequencies, something beyond the everyday limited reality we have been taught is real. In this way, our fatigue and intensive energies, point to doorways of new realities. They open as we consciously listen to soul guidance and merge with our Highest Selves. This requires reclaiming our power, making new choices congruent with the frequency of the Highest version of Self.