5 Pointers to a satisfying relationship

Creating a good (reciprical) relationship implies learning how to interact with your partner in ways that promote and enhance honest communication while allowing for trust and vulnerability. Becoming skillful at relationships requires both your own inner work and external work (on your partnership).  Consider 5 pointers to nourish a satisfying relationship:

Unconditional Love & Compassion: How to have a satisfying relationship? Some say its key to always put your partner first. Yet, you cannot ignore yourself. Focus on what you are giving and how you are caring in balance with what you are receiving.  Express your needs in a way your partner can understand. If s/he does not get it, this may not be the right person for you.

Absolute Courage and Vulnerability: Love no matter what and commit to absolute truth. Treat someone else as you would have done unto you or treat your partner better to raise the bar on how you would like to be treated. The power of compliments, kind gestures and expressing love is often underestimated. Yet, if this baffles or overwhelms your partner, you may not see eye -to-eye and the relationship may drain rather than energize you.

Know the Truth: This is not about blaming. The key to extraordinary relationships is to know your partner’s soul and never make them wrong. Understand their needs, past hurts, behaviours and patterns. If it resonates, do what you can to satisfy their needs.  Yet, being a good partner in a relationship is also about feeling complete unto yourself without the other person. Know that you cannot satisfy each other's voids, only enrich each other.

Be Honest with yourself: Get conscious and commit to moment-to-moment awareness. Your state, body language, words and actions have a direct and potentially lasting impact on your relationship.

Giving Freedom: The power of forgiving, forgetting is profound. There is a saying: if you give a bird freedom and he comes back, he is yours. If the bird never comes back, he was never yours.  This is not about possession but rather about free will.  Create a safe space for your partner to make honest mistakes and make them feel that they can take comfort in a secure relationship. You cannot force anything. Satisfying relationships arise from giving partners the freedom to value you as you are or move on without imposing guitlt or coersion. 

3 Steps to transform your life

Many people ask what they can do to change their unfulfilling conditions and by extension, alleviate anxiety and intense emotion.  Getting the most out of coaching or mentoring relates to exploring key attitudes or beliefs. Consider 3 questions to get to the root of the matter and consciously transform your life:

Question 1: What do you really want right now?

While each person sees things in unique ways, a satisfying life is commonly based on three things:

• Transforming dreams into reality (getting measurable "results")
• Finding joy in what arises; harnessing power to understand, appreciate existence at the deepest level
• Realizing life is happening through us and for us rather than to us. (taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings as well as our power to change them, change how we respond to the external)

Question 2: What prevents you from having/ getting what you want?

Only three things prevent you from having anything you want:

• You lack clarity about what it is you really want
• You are missing/ unaware of the proven tools and strategies
• Your resistance stands in in the way of allowing  (inner conflicts exist- energy is out of alignment)

The biggest problem for most people is looking for ways to solve their problems instead of focusing on creating the life they want – a life of their own design. For coahing and mentoring to guide you effectively to a new way of being, start with what you want instead of thinking about what you don’t want. (Focus on outcomes)

Question 3: How do you change life in this moment?

An integrated approach can take your journey to the next level so you live the best version of yourself.  This implies you

• come to recognize your own patterns (make the unconccious conscious)
• are willing to take steps to make new choices (step outside the familliar/ break patterns),
• accept a different life is possible for you. 

Honour the Self

Notice facing and honouring yourself is the most direct route to piercing through the veil of illusion. Everything is pointing toward Reality, though its not Reality itself. Would it not be curious if someone could give you who you really are? Everybody has given us what is on load-our personalities. When the body is given back, we realize who we are but we can also realize this before. To be a seeker is to imagine a gap between "here" and there. To maturely integrate a spiritual teaching requires you apply it, not simply believe, write about or work toward it. This knowing and being activates cosmic alchemy. Tune into what makes you feel most alive. The ultimate solution to a problem is to realize you do not really have any problem. This is the Truth of who we are. To awaken to this is to be truly satisfied. Its a spontaneous happening. It happens when the well-intentioned self-will takes a vacation. Beautiful things in life simply happen without effort. Falling asleep is effortless. Falling in Love is beyond you. Falling into you and the Truth cannot be forced. It is effortless. Let go of all that is self-centred.

Uncover what sustains you

Notice a certain longing arises within that no external relationship can fully satisfy. Every external relationship arises in hopes to do so. Yet at a point, it dawns its not possible to be fulfilled that way. This hope or longing is only satisfied as one falls in love with the whole. No part can fulfill it. To fall in love with the totality and realize One is that, is to fall in love with Oneself and feel utterly complete. This allows contentment to arise. Nobody is content right now. Contentment simply is. No need arises that thinks it needs to be satisfed. To feel truly fulfilled then does not happen with any relationship or love affair of the world. Being in love with, tuning into the love energy of existence, sustains us. Other situations may seem to enrich that, but they are not it. The belief that they are or can ever be leads to restlessness and discontent. If one partner or another thinks their relationship is the answer, is required to feel complete, issues may arise. Two individuals who feel complete within themselves can enrich each other. All your external relationships are enriched as you love and accept yourself. You invite feelings of love and wholeness to be reflected in your life and entourage. From the moment One glimpses true fulfillment, the Path or Way to peace reveals itself. Awareness is the pilot. To be fulfilled is to overflow with Love, and know true contentment is uncontainable. Letting go of falseness allow One to radiate the frequency of love to bless others and be a blessing itself. It happens within yet any imagined boundary with the "external" then dissolves.

The genius of adaptive strategies

When you feel that something is not working on your terms or timeline, you may feel frustrated.  Its moments such as these where it pays to reframe events and recognize the genius of your brain's adaptive strategies. Yes! You are a true genius!

In order to gow aware of and accept your own sheer brilliance, it is  valuable to shift focus from negative energy and discomfort to grow aware of what is really going on.   Ever wonder what the signs and signals of your body-mind are saying? Ready to decode them?

Consider the examples of; anger, depression, anxiety, stress, trauma, drug addiction, rashes, and self destructive behaviours and dysfunctional relationships.  Every human being is wired for survival.  The ego exists to self-protect.  This is what the body and mind are up to as you repress, suppress and dissociate from what troubles you. Its part of the strategy.

When ready, you can retrain your brain, your mind as well as your palette for life just as you can shift which foods and flavours appeal to you. It takes time to be attracted to and enjoy foods, behaviours and experiences of what is natural and good without self-judgement. Get ready to embrace a whole new way of existing.  Invite a new level of satisfaction.

From the moment you understand why you do the things you do, you are empowered  to make positive and lasting change.  This applies to not only how you view yourself, but also how you interact in the world.  As you let go and stop wanting things so badly, it seems miraculous yet suddenly, what you need comes to you without effort. Insight to ponder: what does surrender look and feel like in your life? What could it look like as you embrace it more fully?