Manage the internal

Notice when discomfort arises inside and creates restlessness, let it go. Everything comes up to be acknowledged and validated. As disturbances arise, relax inside. Leave it alone. Release it when u see it. Let the moment pass by. Train yourself to create space inside. Allow stuff to come up and transmute. Growth is when you let go of the root cause, inner disturbances not the reaction itself. This is inner work. Things happen around us that tend to pull us into a disturbance. Its wise to stay an observer.

Consciousness or focus is drawn to the point of maximum disturbance. Recall your will is stronger than the unconscious flow of attention. Want liberation? Are you willing to relax and let go, come what may? This is not a question of physical strength. Retrain the mind. Relaxation is always the answer-regardless of jealousy, insecurity, fear, anger arising, bring consciousness to it. This is not about suppressing, fixing or blocking discomfort. Simply sit with it, relax and release the blockage that caused the reaction. Transmute energy that blockage had over you. The power comes back to you. Reclaim that inner power. We either give our will (power) away to what is pulling on it or not. We are building the centre of Being to let go of the pull. We cannot deal effectively with the external til we manage the internal.

5 Tips to Release Fear-based confusion

Fear-based confusion is when intuition knows you are ready to make a big life change but feel too confused or postpone taking action you know feels right.  The ego has you believe in obstacles, unknowns, reasons why-not, or other people involved you “should” put first. Thus, resistance has the upper hand. You may hover between a rock and hard place.

Does this sound familiar? Maybe you contemplate a career change, a geographic move, parenthood, ending a relationship or committing to one, organizing your finances, jumpstarting a new project, a health regimen.  Most relate to gut-wrenching confusion in some form or life area, and it can affect stress, anxiety, breathing rhythm the state of your identity.

In my own life, I’ve come to notice confusion arises as a symptom of fear, and awareness of the bigger picture can help us reclaim power, reduce stress, anxiety and help us reverse escalating emotion. As a general rule, the more important certain decisions are to your soul's evolution, the stronger the resistance you will feel. Rest assured, nobody is alone or helpless in their journey. Turns out, fear-based confusion is manageable.  In fact, it brings surprising insight and wisdom.  Consider 5 tips to release fear-based confusion:

 1. Identify what brings you joy

If fear holds you back, identify what brings you joy.  Explore what evokes uplifting feelings and aliveness.  For example, instead of trying to answer the question, “What should I do with my life?” ask, “What can I do that evokes joy right now?” Follow the trail of excitement, gratitude and appreciation for yourself, and existence. Know that sources of joy naturally shift and change as we grow.  We are each meant to be here now. As we focus on what evokes deep joy, the clouds of confusion disappear.  Clarity arises naturally.

2. Let go of "little things" that you outgrow

Giving up some activity, like a hobby you do not like anymore, or reducing portions of dessert, is much less daunting than making bigger life changes too fast. Taking things step-by-step helps you see what is possible, builds your confidence to tackle bigger things.  In addition, it leaves room for expansion and freedom to grow. As Michael Singer eches, "Letting go of fear is not letting go of life."

3. Decide on direction

Be clear on some direction. Making a clear decision is the quickest way out of confusion.  This may sound obvious, but self-doubt can be a slippery slope. Believe in yourself enough to make a decision. Know that "right" and "wrong" decisions do not exist. What matters is how we feel where we are. For example, you may not know what career you want after school yet love travel and may do so as a way of soul searching. You may not know if you want to continue in a job/ company so may take a sabbatical or retain a coach.  Doing something is a step to guide yourself in the best direction.

4.  Release expectations 

Some people tell themselves only to take a risk or decision when they feel they control the whole process. They immediately search for something that feels secure in the face of change; a new home, job, relationship, hobby or situation to move into before finlly cutting ties to the previous conditions. Yet, life does not work that way. Truth is, change happens more smoothly when we take ourselves out of it, surrender to the unknown. You can set an intention, but magic happens beyond our control.  The element of trust has a place here.

5. Trust the Universe

Once you make the initial decision, the Universe will start to provide you with people and experiences that help you move forward. Breathe.  Tune into awareness, how your decision feels in your body, and act on whatever option has a sense of lightness and openness to it. To leave the details to the Universe allows us to focus on the present, how we feel right now rather than making joy depend on a certain outcome. Recall vulnerability is strength.  Feeling vulnerable is part of embracing change. Befriend confusion and recognize the gift it is. Once you take the first step, everything else falls into place.  Its the divine plan.

Midlife unravelling to midlove

Notice midlife is not about the fear of death. Midlife is death--out with the old, in with the new. Tearing down identities, conditions, relationships, we have spent our entire life building, may feel like "death." And yet, shifting out of fear brings rebirth of a phoenix.

Whatever the issue, from people -pleasing and performing to perfectionism and conformism, it seems as if we spend the first half of our lives suppressing, denying or shutting down to resist the root of unconscious pain, and the second half, taking brave steps to open everything up to feel and heal the forgotten hurt.

As life as I knew it falls apart in stages, it appeals to reframe midlife unravelling as midlove. Loving ourselves fully is the most difficult and courageous journey we’ll ever take. The universe offers a finite period of time to tune in and recalibrate to that self-love, and midlife is the halfway point. Being repeatedly shaken up is like a slap in the face yet it invites us to let go of shame, fear, desire, suffering, all thoughts that stands in the way of love.

Rest assured, life unravels at her own pace. The search for self-love and acceptance seems like an endless quest. We think we have it and then we don't. Conscious awareness may arise noticeably in midlife, but we deal with it from that point onward. As we begin to see truth through the lies we tell ourselves, it grows harder to keep up the charade.

Turns out, its easier to ignore the universe in your twenties as the universe simply whispers, “Pay attention,” Then, in your early thirties, she whispers a bit louder, “Slow down.” Trust me though. By midlife, the universe is more persistent and cannot be ignored. She presents in unexpected ways & places so we grow aware we squander gifts, do not live up to our potential. There are penalties for not following through with the Soul contract. We are reminded "You’re halfway to dead. Get a move on!" Much like Scrooge in Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol, we get a BIG wake up call.

Once the shock of the universe’s visits wears off—and you stop choosing a crisis over alternatives, several options present...

Its always possible to pull the universe closer, embrace her wisdom fully, thank her for opportunity to grow, and calmly ease into the unraveling. Let go of everything, all illusions at once. This however, is not what usually happens.

Another option is to deny midlife unravelling altogether. Scrooge does so iniitially in response to Bob Marley's ghostly visit. Scrooge simply goes back to his soup and scoffs, "Humbug!" The result was visits from three ghosts. Scrooge gets the shake up of his life.

Of course, denial is not so easy at this level. Pretending that all is well when its not requires active denial, like putting your fingers in your ears and humming. After numerous distractions, the only way to maintain denial of the midlife unraveling is to be even more perfect, more certain, more judgmental, even more of what the universe invites you to let go or give up. Some attempt to numb out, to self-isolate, to sleep, but the wake-up calls intensify .

Unfortunately, midlife differs from the other stages we’ve managed to survive because the symptoms don’t improve over time. Attempting to numb the midlife unraveling is attempting to numb out from who you are as the cocoon is opening. In this case, the universe simply steps up its game.

The universe knows exactly how to bring us to our knees, to a pivotal turning point. No matter how hard or far we fall, grace arises to pick us up, push us out into the world for more. Strangely enough, this feels like the best thing that could ever happen. It feels like significant amount of pain and loss, but something amazing happens along the way—self-rediscovery. The real me arises from the ashes. Midlife unraveling has taught me how to be brave, trust intuition fully and welcome whatever uncertainty has on offer. I look deeply into the universe through a telescope and realize profoundly that she, the universe, is me.

Reclaim forgotten power

Notice each of us is the authority in our own version of reality yet for varied reasons, tend to forget this and give our power away. Let this moment be a turning point. Its up to each of us to take responsibility to move our lives forward, to grow aware of and let go of what no longer serves our highest good and the good of all. Reclaiming inner power can involve starting to see ourselves as the beautiful, strong, bold, and courageous beings we are created to be, putting heartfelt knowing into action. Reclaiming power also happens each instance we choose to forgive and love what we are taught to fear or hate so we can move on and it no longer controls us. Blossoming into more of true divine nature is about growing in wisdom and maturity to decode the signs and signals we give ourselves. Love the journey.

Honour Yourself

Notice what it is to honour yourself. To honour oneself means that we care and show ourselves as much love and kindness as we might show others, even treat ourselves better than we imagine others would like to be treated. Does it ever feel like you are more present for others, that you are more connected and in tune with the needs of those around you or that you want to please everyone? We are all helping each other along a winding road. We are crossing the abyss that separates us from our true selves. Journeying to and through the heart space is perhaps the most transformative of all journeys. This is about growing aware of and letting go of all we are not. There is so much conditioinng that exists to separate us from ourselves and each other. When the challenging situations arise, our first response may be to ignore this, attempt to get rid of discomfort, judge ourselves for it, view ourselves as a failure. Recall the story of Buddha shooting 2 arrows. The first arrow represents the painful emotions we want to escape or send away. We shoot the second arrow because we dislike our insecure, anxious, failing self. In essence, the tendency is to blame ourselvs for the experience. When its a habit to shoot those second arrows, or in other words, revert to a habit of judging ourselves, we are creating an abyss that is locking us in our self-created suffering. It solidifies our identity as a bad self, creates that undercurrent that "there is something wrong with me." The reality is that any self-aversion creates an abyss that separates us from others, and obscures reality. The answer is always to love ourselves, to love and accept ourselves into the freedom we tell ourselves we long for. Depending on our outlook, the outcome changes. Everything comes back to love. Its who we are and everything guides us back to the truth we know and feel in the heart.