What is Wholeness in practice?

Notice a key question that arises in this moment is: can I see, observe wholly without division? To observe through the lens of wholeness is sanity, lucidity, clarity. To watch how our mind is operating - to observe, not correct it, not shape it, not say, 'I must become whole or act to feel whole, or take steps to be sane,' may feel insane. It depends how the mind watches. Does it watch with judgement and analysis- form a conclusion, a condemnation, or refer to memories? Wholeness is as mind freely observes. Tremendous joy and vitality arise right here without us. Tune in.

13 Situations where we ought to speak up

(Image: Human Energy Field- visionary art by Alex Grey)

Many people have heard phrases like “Silence is golden” and “Silence speaks louder than words.” And yet, situations also arise when not speaking up is not in our best interest and can also be detrimental to others.

This article invites reflection on 13 situations that invite us to recognize speaking up is important, desirable and in the interest of the greater good.  Knowing the best course is about learning to tune into our vibration and watch signs and signals within us. May this inspire each of us to step back and review what can feel like tricky situations. Self-mastery involves systematically mastering our fears. 

1) When we witness injustice

When we see someone is treated unfairly or unjustly, we ought to know deep down silence is not an option.  Whether it’s at work, in public, or even among friends, standing by and doing nothing makes us complicit in the injustice.  It takes courage to speak up, especially if the person acting unjustly is a partner, family member or perceived authority.  We each matter. What we say matters. Validating others and their rights is like validating ourselves.  Candidly sharing can inspire others to also listen to their gut and say what they feel.

2) When our boundaries are being crossed

Moments arise when people, intentionally or unintentionally, cross our boundaries or those around us.  It might be through words, actions or even invading personal space. Many people know what it is to stay silent, thinking they don’t want to create a scene or get on someone’s bad side.  Yet, I’ve come to realize my peace of mind is paramount.  Respecting myself not only alleviates discomfort.  It also ensures my boundaries are respected. Yet for my boundaries to be respected, I must first clearly define them.

3) When something is unclear

Many people seek clarity.  At the same time, they may act as if they know or understand things they do not.  I’ve been in meetings and personal situations when what’s being discussed is confusing or unclear.  It’s easy to feel embarrassed and just nod along, pretending to understand. Yet, I’ve found that asking for clarification shows courage, open-mindedness, and willingness to learn.  That does not necessarily mean I always get clear on everything, Yet, If we say nothing, we stay in the dark. Instead, make room to let light in.

4) When our health is at stake

Well-being is a given yet how we experience health in the body, varies.  True health and balance depend on being in harmony with our soul.  Life experience has taught me to tune into the heart for guidance.   Although self-care may be effective and beneficial at times, there are situations where I speak up and reach for external expertise. In health matters, silence is not an option.  If I have a serious physical wound that is bleeding, or require surgery, I get things properly treated. I am open to discussing symptoms with specific practitioners,  expressing discomfort to a fitness instructor or friends who relate.  It’s easy to ignore signs until that no longer resonates with conscious living.  

5) When our values are compromised

Certain situations arise that challenge our sense of taboo or compromise of our values.  Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or even casual interactions, I’ve been in situations that turn out not to align with my core values.  Tempting as it might be to keep silent to maintain peace or avoid conflict, I’ve learned that this can lead to regret and resentment.  As the way I live my life is my message, I work toward transparency to encourage others to work though their own layers of unconscious dishonesty. Hence, it’s crucial for me to shift situations when my values are disrespected, standing firm in my convictions while also promoting understanding.

6) When we feel unsafe

Safety is a tricky one. This may seem obvious but it is not. Earlier in life, I found myself in situations in school, workplaces and elsewhere where I was bullied and due to fear of authority, injury, or undesirable consequences, I chose not to speak up when I felt unsafe.  Fear of safety led me to allow others to exert power over me.  Of course, we are generally taught not to put ourselves in harm's way.  Yet the mind can interfere. As we grow in wisdom and maturity, this allows seeing things from new perspectives.  I am systematically working through this and empower others to do so. It helps to take the personal out of situations, to reflect on universal principles and make decisions based on what is for the greater good not based on what ego would have us do or not do.

7) When someone we care about is hurting

During our life journeys, we encounter situations where people we care for deeply are going through a tough time, mentally, emotionally, physically, perhaps living with the memory of having done something they regret. If we truly see this, feels it, we are aware of it, both the inward sorrow, as well as the outward sorrow. Then, only one option exists-we must respond, one has to solve it, one can't just sit by and do nothing.  Of course, it may be  tempting to remain silent, assuming they need space or fearing that we might say the wrong thing.  However, I’ve discovered that reaching out and expressing concern and support can make a difference.  It’s not about proposing ot solve their problems. it’s about reminding them they’re not alone.   Sometimes, it is reassuring to feel supported.  At the same time, its also important to recognize we are not responsible for the choices other people make or do not make. 

8) When we are hurting

To feel is what makes us human. Pain is physical, suffering is mental.  Self-worth can be affected. At times, I’ve chosen to keep difficult feelings to myself.  I’ve put up a facade, pretending I could handle it all.  But I’ve learned that silence can amplify my suffering.  Being honest about my feelings, reaching out for help when it feels right, has been one of the hardest yet most liberating things I’ve done.  Turns out, vulnerability is strength. In some situations, to admit that we not okay is a big step towards deep healing.

9) When our ideas can make a difference

Some of the biggest innovations have come from unexpected ideas?  For instance, the idea for the Post-It notes came from a 3M engineer who thought of using a weak adhesive for bookmarks.  To doodle or generate ideas invites brainstorning and expanding on what inspires us.  Our ideas could be the next big thing, or might resolve a situation that’s been bothering loads of people.  Remember, thought and the courage to voice it is what changes our reality.  

10) When we are treated unfairly

Discrimination and other mistreatment are more widespread than often realized. I recall a period in my life when I was working for a few different employers who had favorites and exploited me.  It wasn’t initially overt, but the subtle biases were felt.  I was often overlooked for opportunities for which I was just as qualified. In some cases, I was underpaid for my work.   At first, I brushed it off, thinking it was all in my head. But as time passed, the pattern grew more evident.  It took courage, but I finally voiced my concerns.  Those employers did not always see the same way as I did.  I was let go in one case and threatened by others. Things didn’t change immediately.  Yet, I began to see a shift in myself which led me to create situations where I was treated well.  The lesson here is, if you feel you’re being treated unfairly, don’t suffer in silence.  We deserve to be heard and treated with respect. Life is a mirror for how we treat ourselves.

11) When silence hurts more than words

We’ve all had moments in our lives when we chose silence, hoping it would save us from confrontation or pain.  But sometimes, silence hurts more than words.  I remember a time when I had a falling out with a friend. Instead of talking it out, we both chose silence. As days turned into a longer period, the distance grew. It took a lot of courage and swallowing of pride to finally break the silence and mend the friendship.

12) When dreams are guiding us

The more we develop drem recall and explore possible meanings in our dreams, the clearer it is we are often giving ourselves soul-level guidance from about how to manage situations in the physical world.   Exploring dream recall tips and writing down what we remember is a helpful way forward.

13) When you experience (or witness) a conflict of interest

Conflicts of interest happen when people acting in professional roles of authority as well as in personal roles that compromise our position and vulnerability.  For example, its unwise (and unethical) to get romantically involved with our boss or a anyone who exercises authority over us. Its also not in our best interest to share deeply intimate details of a colleague or co-worker who could take advantage of that information. This is about creating or reinforcing boundaries.

In closing, if you’re in a situation where silence is causing more damage than good, it’s time to speak up. The words might be hard to say but remember, healing starts with a conversation.

6 Practices to Facilitate True Success

Notice many people aspire to success. Many also struggle and wonder what is really important or necesary to get here, and also prolong satisfaction that widely seems out of reach or only comes and goes.  Consider these 6 practices to facilitate true success:

1. Clarify your version of "Success"

For many, "success" is a state of reaching desired goals through careful effort, intention, and growth. Ultimately, success is shaped by your sense of well-being or perceived life satisfaction. Some say that to feel good implies sense of well-being and life satisfaction are high.  In such a case, investing more energy, effort, and intention toward goals feels right. Symbols of success, such as wealth and status, tend to manifest as a result. Yet, do we always get more of what we want? Instant manifestation of desires is not widespread.

This said, not everyone defines success by the pursuit of wealth, fame, measurable material possessions, and social status. At different stages of life and experience, our views about success can change. Some people may link success with inner peace, balance and immeasurable things.  Some experience a shift from an external definition to an inner experience. Its a reminder to clarify success in your own terms, resist influence, realize it by your own rules, and create a life that resonates.

2. Get comfortable with discomfort in your life

This may seem an oxymoron. To sit with our feelings is not really about wallowing in negativity and sharing a tornado with everyone we meet.  Sitting with such feelings with intention is about conscious watching, allowing them to move through.  Wallowing implies we are not interested in a new beginning but prefer to dwell on what is not working. It implies investing energy in holding a position, in recruiting a puty party, replaying a story or reiterating what is unjust, offensive and undesirable.  We all know people who do this.  Observing our thoughts and state is recognizing that our emotions (and even those of others) are not really us.  Rather, it is about recognizing they are a pointer and teacher to what is going on deeper inside us. This is the key to cherishing the teaching and rising above it.

3. Take radical responsibility

So, if we are serious above moving forward in life, however we define this, we must we willing to stop repeating what we do not like or what is not working and instead, direct thought and other energy into conscious co-creation.  We must be willing to be accountable for our thoughts , emotions and life situations, and recognize nobody is going to rescue us. We must take charge of where to go from here, reclaim our power, and change our conditions ourselves.  If, in our heart, we sense what we are meant to do or be and resist, this is an invitation from an expanded version of us to move through our fear and assume our new role in the next stage of our lives. In a journal, it may be prudent to jot down some situations that evoke discomfort, what changes we fear and why, or and how we would like to replace this.

4. Spend time each day on meditation & reflection

The Science Foundation funded a study about journaling one’s thoughts and feelings. The result reveals the practice increases mental performance and helps translate thought into action. Yet, journaling isn’t the only method one can use to gain clarity on vision.  Still, focusing on self-reflection allows for meaningful thought connections. Creative people  devote time in daily meditation and self-reflection.  What matters is developing a reliable channel of communication with oneself. This builds self-reliance and trust, come what may.

4. Prioritize exercise that boosts aliveness

This is not simply about physical movement of the body, but also mental, creative and energetic exercises that stretch the mind.  Brainstorm how you could exercise your altruism, paying it forward or offering service.  Take some time out to innovate, create a vision, painting, sculpture, paper mache or even a sand castle.  Allow those creative juices to flow.  Does iWhat is it that you spontaneously come up with?

5. Understand everything is energy

Certain cultures tell us that determination, strenuous effort, even blood, sweat and tears are required to achieve success.  Another view is that everything is non-physical energy and aligning thought, word and action are the key to materialisation and alchemy.  Whatever "camp" you subscribe to is going to guide your process and experience.  Which resonates and works or does not in practice in your sense of reality?

6. Explore the nature & significance of dreams

Tibetan Buddhist practices as well as diverse experts echo that astral, lucid and dream yoga are the key to the experience of success and enlightenment.  Whether we come to remember our dreams, understand or decode our own messages can go a long way to learning the power of dreams as tools to heal and intgrate fragments of our psyche.  Consider the possibility of strengthing your dream recall and explore unfamilliar options if it resonates. 

3 Steps to transform your life

Many people ask what they can do to change their unfulfilling conditions and by extension, alleviate anxiety and intense emotion.  Getting the most out of coaching or mentoring relates to exploring key attitudes or beliefs. Consider 3 questions to get to the root of the matter and consciously transform your life:

Question 1: What do you really want right now?

While each person sees things in unique ways, a satisfying life is commonly based on three things:

• Transforming dreams into reality (getting measurable "results")
• Finding joy in what arises; harnessing power to understand, appreciate existence at the deepest level
• Realizing life is happening through us and for us rather than to us. (taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings as well as our power to change them, change how we respond to the external)

Question 2: What prevents you from having/ getting what you want?

Only three things prevent you from having anything you want:

• You lack clarity about what it is you really want
• You are missing/ unaware of the proven tools and strategies
• Your resistance stands in in the way of allowing  (inner conflicts exist- energy is out of alignment)

The biggest problem for most people is looking for ways to solve their problems instead of focusing on creating the life they want – a life of their own design. For coahing and mentoring to guide you effectively to a new way of being, start with what you want instead of thinking about what you don’t want. (Focus on outcomes)

Question 3: How do you change life in this moment?

An integrated approach can take your journey to the next level so you live the best version of yourself.  This implies you

• come to recognize your own patterns (make the unconccious conscious)
• are willing to take steps to make new choices (step outside the familliar/ break patterns),
• accept a different life is possible for you. 

25 Questions to help get Clarity in a Relationship

If you are confused about your relationship, whether its moving forward, stagnating or even if you have one at all, you may benefit from getting more clarity.  

Clarity in relationships means a situation where both partners are on the same wavelength, have mutual understandings of the purpose of spending time together.  The need for clarity arises if either partner is unsure of the direction a relationship is heading. Its helpful if confusion is addressed. 

The major way to ask for clarity in relationships is to have a genuine and open talk with your partner. You both need to be clear on what you want in the relationship and how the other party can contribute.   Clarity is important because it is one of the best ways to open your eyes to several things you might have ignored. You need to know if you both see the relationship in the same way. Getting clarity will help you know where to improve or if action can be taken for mutual benefit.  Consider 25 questions to help you find clarity:

1. How often do I doubt my relationship?

Identify how often this thought crosses your mind. Does it cause insomnia, and are you looking to find solutions to unanswered questions? Be deliberate. Query about your relationship. 

2. Is there a pattern?

Another way to gain clarity in relationships is by asking yourself if there is a noticeable pattern in your own behaviour or theirs. This might explain why you are having doubts about your partner. 

3. Do we agree on the status of our ‘relationship’?

Two partners must be aware of the nature of a friendship or evolving relationship to consciously play their roles and allow the union work.  Are you both of you are working towards a common goal?

4. Is history repeating?

Do you notice that some things that happened in your previous relationships occur in the present one? If this is so, (i.e. fear of commitment) you need to find out what is truly going on. 

5. Do I feel safe?

A key question to ask yourself about your relationship is if you feel safe or not. Providing answers to these questions will help you understand if some behaviors should not be condoned.

6. Are we willing to compromise?

If you want to know the level of commitment, you can gain clarity by finding out if you and your partner are ready to compromise. The basis of compromising is stepping out of your comfort zone.

7. Can I count on my partner for support?

When you are in a relationship, you should rely on your partner for support, irrespective of the circumstances. If you are looking for how to ask for clarity, knowing where your partner stands when it comes to supporting you is crucial. If your partner is always available for you, or simply shows up intermittently at his/her convenience, this means two different things. Do you feel like a priority?

8. Is my relationship adversely affecting my self-esteem?

Another way to gain clarity in your relationship is to find out if your overall self-esteem is affected or not. You need to be brutally honest. If you always feel good about yourself and the relationship, then the union might be something you want to continue.

9. Is my relationship preventing my growth?

The goal of any healthy relationship is to grow together with your partner. There is something wrong if one of the partners is not growing in different aspects of their lives. The right partner will ensure you grow and succeed in everything you do. If you are not growing, your partner might not have your best interests at heart.

10. Do our major goals align?

One of the reasons you might not have gotten clarity in your relationship is that your goals do not align with your partner’s. Do you know your own goals? Do you know theirs? This may be an invitation to reflect here.

For instance, some major goals in relationships are relocation, children, career, marriage, pets, spirituality, ect. For your relationship to work and stand the test of time, you need to be sure you and your partner agree here.

11. Does it excite you to see your partner? 

You need to ask yourself important questions like “am I happy to see my partner?” Knowing the answer to this question helps you to know if your relationship excites you or not. In a healthy relationship, partners will always be happy to see each other when they meet.  This means that despite what they are facing, the thought of having a partner gives a sense of fulfillment.

12. Where do I see my partner and me in a few years from now?

Another way on how to get clarity in a relationship is knowing where you and your partner will be in some years and if the both of you will still be together or not. Knowing the answer to this question allows you to focus on other areas of life. If you don’t feel your partner has staying power, the relationship may not be worth keeping.

13. Am I ready to change?

Does it look difficult or easy for you to change some things for your partner? If you are not ready to be accommodating and understanding in some aspects, then it means your relationship is not rock-solid. 

14. Is the communication between us smooth?

Communication is beyond the regular conversations you have with your partner. It involves how the both of you make plans to achieve a common goal, even if it is to resolve a conflict. Are you someone who likes texts and written messages? Is your partner mor of a gift giver of time, energy and objects? Unsure whether your understand each other? The 5 Love Languages book may help. 

16. Do you feel free to express yourself when your partner is around?

Have you noticed how you behave anytime you are around your partner?   It can give you a pointer to know if you like who you are around them. When you are with your partner, you should feel secure and happy to express your ideas, emotions, and thoughts. If you don’t feel delighted and safe around them, it is a sign that the relationship is not healthy for you.

17. Do you and your partner trust each other?

Trust is one of the core building ingredients of a healthy relationship. To ask for clarity in relationship, you need to find out the level of trust between you and your partner. Both of you have to be sure that you will keep each other in mind when making critical decisions and avoid being selfish.

18. Is there respect in your relationship?

When it comes to finding out relationship clarity, one of the things to check is if there is respect in the union. Showing respect comes with honoring your partner. It means you will always note that they are an integral part of your life, and you will not demean them.

19. Have you spoken about romance?

To truly gain insight into your present relationship status, this is one of the questions you need to ask yourself. If you and your partner have not told each other “I love you” , it might be that the relationship, it may cross your mind to explore this.

20. Are you or your partner sacrificial in the relationship?

One of the ways to know that your partner is rooting for you is when they go out of their way to do something for you. Have you or your partner made some huge sacrifices that came with many demands? If this has barely happened in your relationship, it means you have a lot of work to do.

21. Do you feel threatened by people who admire your partner?

How do you feel when you learn that some people are into your partner? Do you feel secure that nothing will happen, or do you always feel agitated that your partner will cheat on you?   Any feeling you have when other people find your partner attractive determines the state of your relationship.

22. Do you love spending time with your partner’s loved ones?

When you are in a relationship with someone, you have an important duty to keep close relations with those close to your partner. However, if you don’t feel comfortable being around your partner’s family and friends, something might be wrong with your relationship.

23. Can you call your partner your best friend?

One of the ways to find clarity in relationships is if you see your partner as your best friend. Having your partner as your best friend is mostly advised when it comes to relationships. They should display certain attributes that will make you rely on them and call them your best friend.

24. Are you keeping a secret from your partner, or are they keeping one from you?

Do you feel your partner is hiding something from you, and they don’t want to spill it? Usually, you can detect this by watching any behavior they recently started displaying. Such behaviors might be propelled by something you are hiding. 

25. When last did you discuss the future together?

To gain clarity in relationships, look back at the last time the both of you had a serious discussion about the future. Planning for the future regularly with your partner helps you know what to look forward to. If you rarely talk about the future together, something might be wrong with your relationship.

Another step to find clarity in relationships is to find out the deal breaker in your union. Is there anything your partner would do that can make you walk out of the relationship? You need to be clear on the boundaries in your relationship that come with some repercussions if they are crossed.

If you have been confused about the state of your relationship, use the questions mentioned in this piece as a yardstick to measure how your relationship is going.