Midlife unravelling to midlove

Notice midlife is not about the fear of death. Midlife is death--out with the old, in with the new. Tearing down identities, conditions, relationships, we have spent our entire life building, may feel like "death." And yet, shifting out of fear brings rebirth of a phoenix.

Whatever the issue, from people -pleasing and performing to perfectionism and conformism, it seems as if we spend the first half of our lives suppressing, denying or shutting down to resist the root of unconscious pain, and the second half, taking brave steps to open everything up to feel and heal the forgotten hurt.

As life as I knew it falls apart in stages, it appeals to reframe midlife unravelling as midlove. Loving ourselves fully is the most difficult and courageous journey we’ll ever take. The universe offers a finite period of time to tune in and recalibrate to that self-love, and midlife is the halfway point. Being repeatedly shaken up is like a slap in the face yet it invites us to let go of shame, fear, desire, suffering, all thoughts that stands in the way of love.

Rest assured, life unravels at her own pace. The search for self-love and acceptance seems like an endless quest. We think we have it and then we don't. Conscious awareness may arise noticeably in midlife, but we deal with it from that point onward. As we begin to see truth through the lies we tell ourselves, it grows harder to keep up the charade.

Turns out, its easier to ignore the universe in your twenties as the universe simply whispers, “Pay attention,” Then, in your early thirties, she whispers a bit louder, “Slow down.” Trust me though. By midlife, the universe is more persistent and cannot be ignored. She presents in unexpected ways & places so we grow aware we squander gifts, do not live up to our potential. There are penalties for not following through with the Soul contract. We are reminded "You’re halfway to dead. Get a move on!" Much like Scrooge in Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol, we get a BIG wake up call.

Once the shock of the universe’s visits wears off—and you stop choosing a crisis over alternatives, several options present...

Its always possible to pull the universe closer, embrace her wisdom fully, thank her for opportunity to grow, and calmly ease into the unraveling. Let go of everything, all illusions at once. This however, is not what usually happens.

Another option is to deny midlife unravelling altogether. Scrooge does so iniitially in response to Bob Marley's ghostly visit. Scrooge simply goes back to his soup and scoffs, "Humbug!" The result was visits from three ghosts. Scrooge gets the shake up of his life.

Of course, denial is not so easy at this level. Pretending that all is well when its not requires active denial, like putting your fingers in your ears and humming. After numerous distractions, the only way to maintain denial of the midlife unraveling is to be even more perfect, more certain, more judgmental, even more of what the universe invites you to let go or give up. Some attempt to numb out, to self-isolate, to sleep, but the wake-up calls intensify .

Unfortunately, midlife differs from the other stages we’ve managed to survive because the symptoms don’t improve over time. Attempting to numb the midlife unraveling is attempting to numb out from who you are as the cocoon is opening. In this case, the universe simply steps up its game.

The universe knows exactly how to bring us to our knees, to a pivotal turning point. No matter how hard or far we fall, grace arises to pick us up, push us out into the world for more. Strangely enough, this feels like the best thing that could ever happen. It feels like significant amount of pain and loss, but something amazing happens along the way—self-rediscovery. The real me arises from the ashes. Midlife unraveling has taught me how to be brave, trust intuition fully and welcome whatever uncertainty has on offer. I look deeply into the universe through a telescope and realize profoundly that she, the universe, is me.

Love Yourself First

Notice loving yourself first brings greater clarity and fulfillment on a wider scale. "Who am I" who is able to give love? Am I giving it or, simply wanting to receive it? And is this about love or wanting to be desired, accepted, valued, heard? Love and desire are not the same. In this context, to be loved (desired) one day could lead to being rejected another day. Desire is then, not a stable form of emotional energy. Is my desire truly "love" for another or a subtle attempt to control and possess and take away their freedom or potential for growth? Does the free offer of love grow into an unconscious demand based on set of conditions? Is love then selfish or selfless? Is love based on fear, perceived lack and assumed instability without the other? Its amidst the chaos of internal self conflict that the impossibility of certain love is recognized. Related relationships end. This revelation evokes misery, despair, sense of where to from here? The very structure of collective ego is in a state of fragmentation. The only way out of the quagmire is through- to feel and return to Source, focus on love power that is ever present and accessible, alongside the courage to let go of the unreal.

Ego's ideas of love can justify regressing to childish behaviour. To move out of the energy of a codepedent struggle, mental-emotional imprisonment of the other, the key is to recognize true love is about letting go not clinging or holding on. When the other flies, and detaches emotionally, ego is abandonned. True love is seen as it is. Only love of pure goodness gives one the ability to shine or radiate light. The conditioned reaction to fear, deny, repress and run from pain and search for pleasure signals the love we bear for self.

Deny thyself nothing, give self infinity and eternity and discover that you need nothing for you are beyond. - Nisagardatta Maharaj

Be the discipline of Yoga

Notice a dream goes on within us continuously. A man can live without sleep but cannot live without dreams. Sleep is only needed so you can dream. If you are not allowed to dream, you will not feel fresh or alive. If you are in a dreaming state, only then do you listen to me. Dreaming is somewhere other than the here and now. You are jumping ahead. True yoga is the path to consistently be here and now. Yoga means you are ready not to hope or glimpse ahead. If you are hoping yoga will bring something for you, then yoga is not for you. Yoga is about not moving toward the past or future, but about moving within you, being present in your deepest centre. The mind must be here to enter this reality. Yoga does not invite you to learn anything. No belief or faith is required. It is not mental. Simply venture bravely into the unknown, and experience things directly. Only by tuning in, and settling the mind as it is does transformation happen. Yoga is both death and a new life. Unless the old dies, the new cannot be born. Unless you are ready to die, you cannot be reborn from the ashes. This is not something you think about, it is something you must be. Sometimes guidance is useful to get out of the head and into the heart. Yet, the gist must be done, known alone. To grow aware of Now, is to see pattern of life is confusing and meaningless, desires dissolve, deep anguish and suffering arise. If whatever you do brings pure misery then the moment is now. You cannot ask for this but earn it. Only then does one begin to understand the discipline of yoga. You cannot obtain the capacity to know until you obtain the capacity to be. This is not a curiousity or intellectual. It is far deeper. Dissatisfaction is not real and total as long as hope exists. All hope must fall to truly enter yoga. The one who promises to do or do not do is no longer. Who is going to be blissful? Silence is only possible in harmony, when no crowd exists.

The Secret to True Nature

Notice that as we let go of outdated beliefs and reveal our true colours, our entourage shifts and changes until we are in complete resonance with multidimensional nature. Every mind makes its choices between embracing truths or turning away. We guide self on the Path. Change is always both good and bad, because change, even when it is refreshing, always entails perceived loss. Nothing new appears unless something old ceases. There exists despair and equanimity. Impermanence is both. Its synchronicity that the lotus grows out of the mud and the phoenix arises from the ashes.

Much of my writing refers to death, absence, and disappearing from one world, body or state into another. Focusing only on immortality resists the wisdom offered by ideas of death and prevents one from feeling truly alive. As consciousness expands, one shifts from belief that death is an end to awareness of energy in motion, transforming, transmuting, changing form, state and ultimately, parallel realities.

If you want to understand True Nature, simply observe cause and effect over time. When the time is ripe, True Nature reveals itself. Every personal and emotional teaching of impermanence that life is kind enough to offer, deepens my capacity to love and expands innersight into the over-soul and its projections. We are all on a journey to realise that everything is based on love, connection, abundance, and freedom. No matter the experience, we can choose to perceive it through these high vibrating frequencies, and therefore embody more of our divinity in our current reality.

Awaken to the energetic journey

Notice the idea of awakening is not real. Awakening is only someone else's experience unless the real thing happens in our lives. Those who simply overhear and repeat ideas emit different frequencies than those who act based on conscious awareness, true innate intelligence or direct knowing. Less-than-direct experience keeps us oscillating betweeen ego and heart rather than be integrated heart-mind. Our perception and experience shift based on our changing vibration. We see things as we are until we see them as they are- pure love energy. The physical, mental, emotional, intuitive and spiritual bodies are all on their own journey to align in harmony and stillness. We each determine the pace of our alchemical journey.