How to stop overthinking
Monday, February 26, 2007 at 7:46PM Overthinking occurs when you have a hard time turning off your mind. Worry and anxiety creep in. All those 'what ifs' capture your attention. You anticipate how things could go wrong, and how you could respond to unforeseen situations. Overthinking reflects you judge and self-criticize what you have already done and you justify why.
As you read this, you may know what its like to have thoughts run wild and wonder what to do about it. They compel you to re-examine actions you have already taken and those you wonder if you should. You may question whether you said the right thing, wonder how people interpreted your behaviour. You may keep going over and over decisions, questioning your own motives and what is best for you or others involved.
Consider your tendency to overthink based on how you reply to these questions:
In terms of dating: Why did I wear that outfit? Why was my make-up smudged? Why didn't he look my way? What must she think of me? What must his/ her friends think? Where can we go that would be impressive? How do I know if I said the wrong thing?
In terms of relationships: What will my spouse say when s/he finds out what I have done? What could my friends/ in-laws think of my choice? How can I be sure they will understand my point of view? Why are they not phoning/ including me?
In terms of body-image: Why does the mirror make me look so fat/ skinny? Where does all the acne come from? Who actually calls these marks beauty spots? How can wrinkles be taken as laugh lines? Why do I keep gaining weight when I exercise/ eat right/ am always on a diet? Whay am I never satisfied about how I look?
In terms of depression: How isolated did I feel? What could explain this prolonged loneliness? Why did s/he leave me?Why am I unmotivated? Why am I having trouble concentrating? Why do I feel restless and sluggish? How long does this post-natal depression thing last? Can how I feel be labelled depression?
In terms of work: Why aren't I capable of coping with my job/ schedule and family responsibilities? Why am I not living up to expectations? When will I pull myself together? Why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I get over it? When should I go back to work? Why are they asking me to rethink my role as a stay-at home parent?
As you realize you are overthinking, notice the messages about self-worth, self-love and acceptance that speak to you. Notice whether you are allowing fear and ego to control you. Notice your word choices and how they may disempower you. You actually have choices about which words to use and which thoughts to think.
As an exercise to see what overthinking is inviting you to see about yourself, write 5 phrases relevant to your situation. What do you over-analyze? Write down the feelings that stand out about each phrase (i.e. fear, self-doubt, etc.) Notice if they feel positive or negative. Now, rather than assume something negative happened or will, assume positive things. Know how you think is shaped by your feelings and whether you focus on the future. Fear only exists there. It cannot exist in the present moment.
As you recognize you tend to over analyze people and situations, this is inviting you to step back and learn about yourself. To notice overthinking acknowledges discomfort about something inside. As you look deeper to discover why, you can tailor your strategies to curtail or stop it. Why do you do the things you do? Maybe some of these resonate with you? If not, reflect on other possible reasons. Jot those down and reflect.
a) Indecisiveness/ low self-confidence (unsure what you want)
b) Strong sense of entitlement (ego success-driven)
c) Never satisfied/ perfectionistic
d) Seek approval & acceptance / fear disapproval & rejection
e) Diagnosed with psychological/ psychiatric illness
What if every reason you could possibly give to explain why you over-analyze brings you back to a plea for love? What if everything invites you to be more aware of how you can love Self and others unconditionally? One perspective is every experience invites you to love yourself more and see yourself as you really are. To overthink suggests you choose to focus on fear rather than love, and you can shift attention anytime.
"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It`s a death trap." -Anthony Hopkins
Reader Comments (79)
Life experience teaches different things based on your perception. How you view something in the moment can differ from how you reflect back down the track. To feel bombarded by media images, and other social standards and expectations, makes it seem like you compete to be better, more efficient, more beautiful or improved in some way. Modern ideals are increasingly unrealistic, especially for women, who are expected to "do it all" in some societies. Striving to achieve can be discouraging and frustrating when outcomes do not match ego expectations. The reassuring thing is each person can learn to see through their thoughts and motivations. Insight into reactions arises as you permit yourself to step back and see underlying reasons for your behaviour. You are your own judge and jury.
It's great to hear that you now know you have more control over your thoughts than you originally realized. This is empowerment. You have the ability to change your perception. People motivate themselves as a response to perceived struggle or assumptions that something is hard. You feel inspired from the moment you allow solutions to your perceived problems to emerge within you.
To notice when you overthink helps you awaken to reasons why you do it. Exercises are only ever as effective as you decide they are. As a starting point, I recommend you reflect on these 6 points and apply to your own life. Reading my books and others, and working with a coach, are other options you may choose to empower yourself to go further at you pace.
1) Know you can change. (Eliminate doubt)
2) Recognize you control how you think and feel. (Be Proactive)
3) Accept every word choice/ action arises out of love or fear. (Let go of what is not inspired/ motivated by love)
4) Trust you gain something from every experience. (Identify the lesson)
5) Visualize you positive feelings and situations.
6) Live what you intend & appreciate the process.
The law of attraction is very powerful. Whatever feelings you send out, such as fear, guilt or doubt, will determine what you think and how often. The kinds of emotions you focus on are what you generate in the form of conditions. As you meditate, you train the mind to be quiet. I recommmend you give it a go. As you explore ways to relax, you feel more peaceful in life situations. To get on the frequency of what you want and make it happen, stop thinking about what you don't. Direct your energy more wisely.
Thanks for your comment. The key is to stop focusing energy on negative thought patterns. It sounds as though it would be helpful to start by making a list of positive things that have happened in your life and positive things you would like to see happen. Focus energy on people, things and experiences that evoke good feelings. The more you think of what you don't want, the more you think about what makes you feel bad, the more you will experience that. You can turn it around. Refer above to my earlier comments as well. For additional guidance, feel free to email me.
I know I have a serious problem with my over thinking. I am 24 years old and have been over thinking for as long as I can remember. The most common things I over-think about are social interactions. I try to tell myself other people's opinions don't matter to me but I never can convince myself I suppose. In fact, it took me 20mins to post this because I felt I would be judged. It has gotten so bad that I intentionally stay at home instead of going to parties with my friends. I feel uncomfortable around people I don't really know. Is there anything I can do besides the exercises above that could stop this constant worry? Thank you for any help you can offer.
One vital step is to reflect on possible reasons for your fear. Why do you expect the worst? Why do you assume people would have a negative opinion of you? Why believe that you would be always be judged? Nobody really judges you except for yourself. Worry is always based on something. It could relate to past experience, what people tell you, and/or your ego-mind. Ultimaltely, you generate all your feelings, good and bad. You decide what you will and will not believe. You can choose to feel differently. In order to re-train your mind effectively, you must realize you generate worry for hidden reasons that must be uncovered. That requires some courage. You've got it!
Exercises like positive affirmations could help. Other steps you could take to decondition and better understand reasons for negative thoughts could include; journaling, creative self-expression, meditation, past life regression therapy, dream analysis, coaching or other approaches you decide. Simply be solutions-oriented. Get help to develop discipline and consistency. You'll find methods that work for you.
I ended up overcoming it a year or two later. But I have just recently had a break up with another girl that I was really in love with. At first I was ok, but than the bitterness came back, and I have started doing the same things again. I tell myself that it will pass, and even am able to laugh at it, but it still doesn't stop it from happening.
Any help would be great.
I have just read the comments by Kate and Liara of 23rd & 24th June.
This I can relate to, as my girlfriend is also called Kate and is in a situation identical to this posting with stress at work and overthinking on situations. Unfortunately, this ruminating takes place away from me and this in turn causes negative thoughts about me to occurr. Kate has said she needs time and space which I find extremely difficult to give, but which I know is the right thing to do. I love my Kate with a passion and will stand by her fully committed to our future together--she needs to realise that despite her being grumpy with me--I think she is an absolutely wonderful person to love and be with.Kate--if you are in a similar situation, then trust your boyfriend to do the right thing by you-if he has stood by you so far he is likley to stay with you for ever!