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How to stop overthinking
Monday, February 26, 2007 at 7:46PM Overthinking is when you have a hard time turning off your mind. Worry is something else again. It's all those 'what ifs' where you anticipate things could go wrong, even if that's highly unlikely. Overthinking reflects you feel things you have aleady done have gone badly and you justify why.
Overthinking is when things inside compel you to review and re-examine your thoughts, then analyze your feelings repeatedly. You may question whether you said the right thing or wonder how people interpreted your behavior. You keep going over and over things as if you were a detective looking for that little explanation you don't seem to find. You can examine your tendency to overthink based on how negatively you reply to questions:
Why did I wear that dress? Why was make-up smudged? Why didn't he look my way? What must he think of me? What must his friends think of me?
How isolated did I feel? What could explain this prolonged loneliness? Why did she leave me?
Why am I unmotivated? Why am I having trouble concentrating? Why do I feel so sluggish?
When will I pull myself together? Why is it I'm always so hard on myself? Why can't I get over it?
Why aren't I capable of coping with my job? my family? my schedule? my high expectations?
As an exercise to reframe your negativity and tone down the overthinking, take each of the above phrases and put it into a positive context. Rather than assume the negative happened, assume you left positive impressions. Look to the future with positive thoughts. Train yourself to realize the nature of your thinking is shaped by your mood and you may highly-distort reality.
Why might you think so much?
a) Sense of beliefs, principals and success are constantly changing
b) Strong sense of entitlement
c) Desire and expectation for quick fixes
d) Hyper-vigilance of emotions and reactions around us
When you learn to recognize you're thinking too much, you can learn to understand what causes you to do this and develop your own strategies as effective ways to curtail stop it.
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Reader Comments (58)
I understand what you're saying. To feel bombarded by media images, by examples in society and other external standards and expectations, can make it seem like you're in competition with yourself to be as productive and efficient as possible. This can also imply a sense of a burden to solve not only your own problems, but also those of others. Modern ideals are increasingly unrealistic, especially for women, who are expected to "do it all" in some societies. Striving to achieve the virtually impossible may result in discouragement and frustration. The reassuring thing is each person can learn to establish limits, and to control thinking. Gaining insight into limits is more likely to happen after you surpass them. Self-control can evolve.
It's great to hear that you now know you have more control over your thoughts than you originally realized. This is empowerment. You have the ability and feel motivated to change. Feel good about that.
To learn about when you overthink, and to gain insight into why you do it, will determine which exercises would be most effective for you to change this habit. In general, I would reccommend six mental exercises to apply to your own life. Working with a coach will empower you to translate this into more meaningful action.
1) Believe you can change.
2) Recognize you control your mindset and emotions.
3) Accept you think things into being.
4) Trust you can shift in your mood and feelings.
5) Visualize you will positively impact your thoughts.
6) Create what you intend & be grateful for it
The law of attraction is very powerful. Whatever feelings you send out, such as fear, guilt or doubt, will determine what you think and how often. The kinds of emotions you focus on are what you generate in the form of conditions. As you meditate, you learn you control your mind. As you explore ways to relax, you will invite related conditions that are applicable to you. To get on the frequency of what you want and make it happen, stop thinking about what you don't. Direct your energy more wisely.
Thanks for your comment. The key is to stop focusing energy on negative thought patterns. It sounds as though it would be helpful to start by making a list of positive things that have happened in your life and positive things you would like to see happen. Focus energy on people, things and experiences that evoke good feelings. The more you think of what you don't want, the more you think about what makes you feel bad, the more you will experience that. You can turn it around. Refer above to my earlier comments as well. For additional guidance, feel free to email me.
I know I have a serious problem with my over thinking. I am 24 years old and have been over thinking for as long as I can remember. The most common things I over-think about are social interactions. I try to tell myself other people's opinions don't matter to me but I never can convince myself I suppose. In fact, it took me 20mins to post this because I felt I would be judged. It has gotten so bad that I intentionally stay at home instead of going to parties with my friends. I feel uncomfortable around people I don't really know. Is there anything I can do besides the exercises above that could stop this constant worry? Thank you for any help you can offer.
One vital step is to reflect on possible reasons for your fear. Why do you expect the worst? Why do you assume people would have a negative opinion of you? Why believe that you would be always be judged? Nobody really judges you except for yourself. Worry is always based on something. It could relate to past experience, what people tell you, and/or your ego-mind. Ultimaltely, you generate all your feelings, good and bad. You decide what you will and will not believe. You can choose to feel differently. In order to re-train your mind effectively, you must realize you generate worry for hidden reasons that must be uncovered. That requires some courage. You've got it!
Exercises like positive affirmations could help. Other steps you could take to decondition and better understand reasons for negative thoughts could include; journaling, creative self-expression, meditation, past life regression therapy, dream analysis, coaching or other approaches you decide. Simply be solutions-oriented. Get help to develop discipline and consistency. You'll find methods that work for you.
I ended up overcoming it a year or two later. But I have just recently had a break up with another girl that I was really in love with. At first I was ok, but than the bitterness came back, and I have started doing the same things again. I tell myself that it will pass, and even am able to laugh at it, but it still doesn't stop it from happening.
Any help would be great.
I have just read the comments by Kate and Liara of 23rd & 24th June.
This I can relate to, as my girlfriend is also called Kate and is in a situation identical to this posting with stress at work and overthinking on situations. Unfortunately, this ruminating takes place away from me and this in turn causes negative thoughts about me to occurr. Kate has said she needs time and space which I find extremely difficult to give, but which I know is the right thing to do. I love my Kate with a passion and will stand by her fully committed to our future together--she needs to realise that despite her being grumpy with me--I think she is an absolutely wonderful person to love and be with.Kate--if you are in a similar situation, then trust your boyfriend to do the right thing by you-if he has stood by you so far he is likley to stay with you for ever!