Top 9 Things People Desire

In an email survey, I asked willing participants:

"If you could say in one word what you want more of in life, what would that be?"

Among the responses, those desired most are those listed below witha. few highlighted comments. I share my take on these points, and suggest why people often feel can’t get enough of the elusive experiences or states. See which stand out for you.  Leave a comment about your feelings and experience:

1: Happiness

Biggest challenge: “Not knowing what I want to do.”

Many seek to achieve happiness as if its a carrot on the end of s stick, or find it hard to keep once experienced. In my professional work, I’ve seen that happiness often escapes people if (1) they find it hard to define happiness and  2) they are taught the key is external. As a result, happiness is a perpetual moving target.

2: Abundance

Biggest challenge: “Not having enough money or time to accomplish the things I want to do.”

I’ve interested with people of diverse walks of life. In many cases, regardless of what we earn, we somehow feel we never have enough.  The question is: how much money do you really need to feel fulfilled? And what other views on wealth and abundance stand out? if you want more money, do you understand the key principles and behaviors required to generate it? Its important to review your money "story."

3: Freedom

Biggest challenge: “Having the freedom to find my ‘true purpose’ or being lit up by the day-to-day at work.”

Ah, freedom. We all want it, yet so many people I meet are resistant to doing what’s required to get it. 

What is necessary to experience freedom? I’ve seen that it requires making yourself right (not wrong), following your own authentic values and beliefs, and building strong boundaries to protect yourself from what others will tell you is right for you or try to force on you. And it takes forging your own path in life and work, despite challenges and rejection. It requires boldness and courage to make yourself your own highest authority.  Connecting with inner passion and commitment are stepping stones to rediscovering freedom.

4: Peace

Biggest challenge: “Lack of clarity about who I am and my purpose.”

We long for peace,. Peace from noise, chatter, pressure, responsibilities. We also want peace from the painful thumping inside our own heads – the conflicts and strain we inflict on ourselves every minute to be better, stronger, smarter (prettier, thinner, better parents, _______ [you fill in the blank]).

Peace, I’ve found, doesn’t come from being better at anything, or even figuring anything out. Attaining peace is a practice that we need to cultivate, regardless of what's going on. We have to carve out space within ourselves and in our lives to tune into peace, do the work to expand peace as a feeling and commit to it. You don’t have to know your purpose to be at peace – you just have to commit to being at peace, and building daily practices.

5: Joy

Biggest challenge: “How to find the right role or position for me now that will bring joy in my work.”

I’ve observed how the process of stepping up to our highest potential and honoring our best visions for contributing to the world in a meaningful way does indeed pave the way for more joy. I believe (and have lived) that we simply can’t feel joy in our lives if the work we do pains us. We’re not able to effectively separate who we are from what we do (and why would we want to?).

So when you’re stuck in work you hate, with people you don’t respect, supporting outcomes that feel wrong to you, then your life as a whole can’t help but be joyless, even if your personal or family life brings you happiness. Joy emerges as you ar authentic and simply be true to yourself.

6: Balance

Biggest challenge: “Balancing my need/desire for flexibility while making enough money and having the benefits I want.”

I’ve researched work-life balance extensively, and believe that it’s doable only under one condition: that you  honour your priorities. It takes understanding your non-negotiables (what you won’t compromise on, what you won’t say “yes” to), and then living from that knowledge, and making the "right" decisions that align with your top life priorities. If you can’t do that, you can’t create or sustain balance.

7: Fulfillment

Biggest challenge: “Utilizing my potential in the best possible way, for myself and for others.”

Fulfillment can be defined as this: “Satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one’s abilities or character.” We simply can’t experience fulfillment if we’re not living up to what we know is our highest and best potential. Have you ever settled for something much less than you know you want or deserve? It hurts – a lot.

It dawns we must leave our comfort zones, and identity, and the stories we tell ourselves about what we’re capable of, so that we can become the person we dream to be. We may also need to leave some people and relationships behind (the ones that don’t support us to soar higher and grow because it threatens them).

Fulfillment is possible when you are filling up your cup, honoring your own potential, not forsaking yourself by putting everyone else in front of you. Fulfillment comes when you take bold actions that say “yes” to the future vision of you, even well before it’s “hatched.”

8: Confidence

Biggest challenge: “Feeling like I have something to offer now, rather than feeling constantly as if I’m not ready and need more training.”

I’ve seen in working with many people and in my former therapy and corporate work, that we humans only see what’s at the tip of our noses. When we’re in situations that are hurtful, demeaning, challenging, we sometimes lose confidence, forget who we are  We're often taught that it's not advisable to think for ourselves, and we shouldn't follow our own path if it conflicts with the values of our "tribe." In short, we're taught not to believe that we can govern our own lives well if we don't listen to our authority figures, family members, teachers and others around us.  that keeps us stuck living someone else's life, is extremely damaging and severely limits our potential and our happiness. Confidence comes from acknowledging our own magnificence.

9: That which we cannot put our finger on

"This is the intangible"

The reality is that it's a tough world out there, with many challenges we're simply not prepared to face. But throughout those challenges, there are countless ways we can remain true to ourselves, leverage our gifts, and foster our self-esteem and passion for life and work. And we can continually build our confidence, happiness, and fulfillment, despite these challenges. For that, we need an abundance of self-love, and also support from others who don't want to tell us what to do, but instead, want to help us follow our own, internal value system and beliefs. And we need to believe in ourselves without fail, despite the evidence around us that says we’re not “ready” to soar in creating what we long to.