7 Ways to Trust yourself More

Many people agree that building trust in themselves can have many benefits in different life areas. Consider 7 ways to trust yourself more:

1.  Deepen connection with yourself

Trusting our own intuition may not seem easy if adversity or traume have taught us to distrust.  These experiences are like energetic blockages to self-trust.  So, if feeling indecisive, consider asking or journalling, “is this what I really want?” When we repeat this, true feelings get louder.  We only hear when ready to truly listen. As we reconnect with inner voice, creating boundaries happens naturally and help us distance from harmful actions or relationships.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Sometimes, a mistrust of self can come from a lack of self-compassion.  Sometimes we forget every human is imperfect.  Come what may, life choices do not define us. Being kind to ourselves makes us less judgemental.  Shifting into self love and acceptance is the road to building the foundation of self-trust.

3. Revisit the power of intention

Although it’s wonderful to have lofty goals in the long term, it can help to set some reasonable goals that are achieveable in a shorter term. If we only aim high, we may get frustrated or discouraged. This could impact self-trust and affect overall energy level and motivation.  Setting clear intentions are ery important also.

4. Value Solitude 

Many people are afraid to be alone. It can bring up feelings of discomfort or loneliness.  While loneliness may harm your mental health, there are benefits to spending some quality time in solitude. Alone time can help you work out your own needs and preferences. It gives you time to make decisions that feel right to you without being influenced by the external.

5. Master a New Skill

When you lose trust in yourself, you also lose confidence that you can cope or care for yourself.  Building mastery over a specific skill can help you regain your self-esteem and trust in your ability to cope with life’s challenges.  To get started, choose a skill that evokes enthusiasm. Commit to learning and practicing this skill until you feel confident in your ability to perform it.

6. Consult a Mentor

While on the journey to learning something new or shifting habits and life focus, it can be helpful to work with a mentor or coach to keep you on track.  It is valuable to be exposed to different perspectives that you may not have considered.  Interacting with someone having deep insight or simialr life experience has unexpected benefits.

7. Commit to Dreamwork

What we dream during the night can be very educational.  Yet, many people do not recall details regularly or see value in closer reflection.  Dreams can reveal how we are feeling and coping with life or obstacles we are facing. It can offer insight about level of consciousness and other gems. Consider taking exploring self-view from different vantage points during day and nightime hours.

25 Questions to help get Clarity in a Relationship

If you are confused about your relationship, whether its moving forward, stagnating or even if you have one at all, you may benefit from getting more clarity.  

Clarity in relationships means a situation where both partners are on the same wavelength, have mutual understandings of the purpose of spending time together.  The need for clarity arises if either partner is unsure of the direction a relationship is heading. Its helpful if confusion is addressed. 

The major way to ask for clarity in relationships is to have a genuine and open talk with your partner. You both need to be clear on what you want in the relationship and how the other party can contribute.   Clarity is important because it is one of the best ways to open your eyes to several things you might have ignored. You need to know if you both see the relationship in the same way. Getting clarity will help you know where to improve or if action can be taken for mutual benefit.  Consider 25 questions to help you find clarity:

1. How often do I doubt my relationship?

Identify how often this thought crosses your mind. Does it cause insomnia, and are you looking to find solutions to unanswered questions? Be deliberate. Query about your relationship. 

2. Is there a pattern?

Another way to gain clarity in relationships is by asking yourself if there is a noticeable pattern in your own behaviour or theirs. This might explain why you are having doubts about your partner. 

3. Do we agree on the status of our ‘relationship’?

Two partners must be aware of the nature of a friendship or evolving relationship to consciously play their roles and allow the union work.  Are you both of you are working towards a common goal?

4. Is history repeating?

Do you notice that some things that happened in your previous relationships occur in the present one? If this is so, (i.e. fear of commitment) you need to find out what is truly going on. 

5. Do I feel safe?

A key question to ask yourself about your relationship is if you feel safe or not. Providing answers to these questions will help you understand if some behaviors should not be condoned.

6. Are we willing to compromise?

If you want to know the level of commitment, you can gain clarity by finding out if you and your partner are ready to compromise. The basis of compromising is stepping out of your comfort zone.

7. Can I count on my partner for support?

When you are in a relationship, you should rely on your partner for support, irrespective of the circumstances. If you are looking for how to ask for clarity, knowing where your partner stands when it comes to supporting you is crucial. If your partner is always available for you, or simply shows up intermittently at his/her convenience, this means two different things. Do you feel like a priority?

8. Is my relationship adversely affecting my self-esteem?

Another way to gain clarity in your relationship is to find out if your overall self-esteem is affected or not. You need to be brutally honest. If you always feel good about yourself and the relationship, then the union might be something you want to continue.

9. Is my relationship preventing my growth?

The goal of any healthy relationship is to grow together with your partner. There is something wrong if one of the partners is not growing in different aspects of their lives. The right partner will ensure you grow and succeed in everything you do. If you are not growing, your partner might not have your best interests at heart.

10. Do our major goals align?

One of the reasons you might not have gotten clarity in your relationship is that your goals do not align with your partner’s. Do you know your own goals? Do you know theirs? This may be an invitation to reflect here.

For instance, some major goals in relationships are relocation, children, career, marriage, pets, spirituality, ect. For your relationship to work and stand the test of time, you need to be sure you and your partner agree here.

11. Does it excite you to see your partner? 

You need to ask yourself important questions like “am I happy to see my partner?” Knowing the answer to this question helps you to know if your relationship excites you or not. In a healthy relationship, partners will always be happy to see each other when they meet.  This means that despite what they are facing, the thought of having a partner gives a sense of fulfillment.

12. Where do I see my partner and me in a few years from now?

Another way on how to get clarity in a relationship is knowing where you and your partner will be in some years and if the both of you will still be together or not. Knowing the answer to this question allows you to focus on other areas of life. If you don’t feel your partner has staying power, the relationship may not be worth keeping.

13. Am I ready to change?

Does it look difficult or easy for you to change some things for your partner? If you are not ready to be accommodating and understanding in some aspects, then it means your relationship is not rock-solid. 

14. Is the communication between us smooth?

Communication is beyond the regular conversations you have with your partner. It involves how the both of you make plans to achieve a common goal, even if it is to resolve a conflict. Are you someone who likes texts and written messages? Is your partner mor of a gift giver of time, energy and objects? Unsure whether your understand each other? The 5 Love Languages book may help. 

16. Do you feel free to express yourself when your partner is around?

Have you noticed how you behave anytime you are around your partner?   It can give you a pointer to know if you like who you are around them. When you are with your partner, you should feel secure and happy to express your ideas, emotions, and thoughts. If you don’t feel delighted and safe around them, it is a sign that the relationship is not healthy for you.

17. Do you and your partner trust each other?

Trust is one of the core building ingredients of a healthy relationship. To ask for clarity in relationship, you need to find out the level of trust between you and your partner. Both of you have to be sure that you will keep each other in mind when making critical decisions and avoid being selfish.

18. Is there respect in your relationship?

When it comes to finding out relationship clarity, one of the things to check is if there is respect in the union. Showing respect comes with honoring your partner. It means you will always note that they are an integral part of your life, and you will not demean them.

19. Have you spoken about romance?

To truly gain insight into your present relationship status, this is one of the questions you need to ask yourself. If you and your partner have not told each other “I love you” , it might be that the relationship, it may cross your mind to explore this.

20. Are you or your partner sacrificial in the relationship?

One of the ways to know that your partner is rooting for you is when they go out of their way to do something for you. Have you or your partner made some huge sacrifices that came with many demands? If this has barely happened in your relationship, it means you have a lot of work to do.

21. Do you feel threatened by people who admire your partner?

How do you feel when you learn that some people are into your partner? Do you feel secure that nothing will happen, or do you always feel agitated that your partner will cheat on you?   Any feeling you have when other people find your partner attractive determines the state of your relationship.

22. Do you love spending time with your partner’s loved ones?

When you are in a relationship with someone, you have an important duty to keep close relations with those close to your partner. However, if you don’t feel comfortable being around your partner’s family and friends, something might be wrong with your relationship.

23. Can you call your partner your best friend?

One of the ways to find clarity in relationships is if you see your partner as your best friend. Having your partner as your best friend is mostly advised when it comes to relationships. They should display certain attributes that will make you rely on them and call them your best friend.

24. Are you keeping a secret from your partner, or are they keeping one from you?

Do you feel your partner is hiding something from you, and they don’t want to spill it? Usually, you can detect this by watching any behavior they recently started displaying. Such behaviors might be propelled by something you are hiding. 

25. When last did you discuss the future together?

To gain clarity in relationships, look back at the last time the both of you had a serious discussion about the future. Planning for the future regularly with your partner helps you know what to look forward to. If you rarely talk about the future together, something might be wrong with your relationship.

Another step to find clarity in relationships is to find out the deal breaker in your union. Is there anything your partner would do that can make you walk out of the relationship? You need to be clear on the boundaries in your relationship that come with some repercussions if they are crossed.

If you have been confused about the state of your relationship, use the questions mentioned in this piece as a yardstick to measure how your relationship is going.

Dream Analysis of the Week- Face the Music

Dream:

I dreamed that something was following me and yet also avoiding me.  I could see it in the eyes of a colleague who did not return my calls. I felt it in a man who did not wish to speak with me as he turned away and drove off in a truck that grew wings and flew.  I could sense it as I read newspaper headlines about local real estate developpers. Angry local women were protesting a court outcome.  I sensed the same thing vying for my attention everytime I picked up my phone to check email or social media.  It was like the itch that seemed to move to a different place in my body if I made a move to scratch it. Even when I resisted scratching, the sensation would be evoked by the external.  It was harder to tune in and feel this music in the sun.

Insight:

For some people, letting go is an idea, something very difficult to do.  We become very good at ignoring our gut. The ultimate goal is natural awareness.  At some point, you do not know how not to be aware. That is when everything is meditation. Awareness is all that is. At that stage, there is no period of starting and stopping meditation. Yet, in the beginning, steps of guidance, focused attention, going to a place at a particular time, control, are required to shift into, help us recall this state. An analogy can be seen as honesty and dishonesty play out in our own life experience. This is our process of shifting out of ego fear and into love.

Dreams that echo inner conflict point to the roots of unrecognized or unexplained anger, resentments or guilt. Part of you wants to see things for what they are in the present moment, accept and integrate what bothers you, yet fear, conditioning keep you in denial.  The only way to accept others is to fully accept ourselves first, including decoding our shadow.  What we think we reject in others often simply reflects what we judge or reject about ourselves.  Whatever you think you cannot accept, choose to avoid or "protest" about is actually inside you. Headlines echo the unconscious issues that cry out for your acceptance and conscious validation.

Dreams speak to us in a language of metaphors, symbols, images, and archetypes. These patterns we all recognize instinctively, as part of the collective mind. An example would be the idea of a good mother or an angel. Whether or not we had a good mother or ever saw an angel, we share common understanding that the mother of compassion who loves unconditionally and protects wholeheartedly does exist. This is an archetype. Although we all dream about different things, many patterns are universal. Dream images and events are not literal, but have archetypal resonance. Each dream aspect is unique to the dreamer but connects to the collective unconscious. It is here where insight and history of the universe is stored. We often access it during dreams.

The wings make reference to spiriituality. Humans are spiritual beings. We are comprised of both essence and matter. We take form as flesh and bone that encapsulates our purest self—the soul, our most authentic being. This part of us feels deep love and spontaneous joy. It is our elemental self lodged in trust and understanding. We were born into the world in this perfect and ethereal form and from that moment our humanness began to grow. As soon as we experienced pain, loss, or fear we began to develop the counterpart to the soul—our shadow. Our shadow consists of the qualities we repress, deny, or dislike in ourselves. It is the dark side of our personality. The shadow grows as we experience suffering and hardship in our human form. Each one of us is a hybrid blend of shadow and soul. We are both dark and light. Filled with fear and love. Brimming with confidence and saddled by doubt. We are a balance of what is seen and unseen.

In a woman, the soul is represented as masculine and the shadow is represented as feminine. The opposite is true for men whose soul is shown through a captivating, beautiful, and intriguing woman and whose shadow is portrayed as an ugly, destructive, violent or somehow undesirable man. When you are feeling connected, spiritual, your soul shows itself in. If it makes an appearance and leaves, this suggests you are distracted by or weighed down by your shadow. When we are overwrought with feelings of anger or fear, the shadow figure may dominate the dream space.  The multiple people living inside you are called personas.

 We offer Dream Consultations and dreamwork as part of our psychotherapy and coaching packages.  We also offer an Astral, Lucid & Dream Yoga Course.  Contact us for details.

Nourish unseen potential

(Seascape Photo by Anton Gorlin)

Notice success doesn't come from outside. It comes from our brain. It begins with nourishing the right thoughts, knowing and accepting we are innately successful and capable of doing anything we set our minds to at any life stage. We each have unique talents and are extraordinary being ordinary just as we are in this moment. As awareness grows, we accept and do the best we can with the bodies and gifts we have and know we are always more than enough. As we grow to love and accept ourselves, we resonate confidence, effectively follow soul paths, inspire others to be the best they can be wherever they are on their path.

Consider this : some people have an idea but not the tenacity to think it through and take it to the next level. Each of us can tap into courage and perseverence to develop our mind power. Every idea is like a little seed but we must grow it. Seeds may look small, but they grow into enormous trees. The hidden potential alone in the seed does not make the tree. The seed requires attention, to be put in the ground, cared for, given the right conditions of water, light, nutrients to develop. As the seed sprouts and grows into its full potential, we see how something little can transform into something big and beautiful. Similarly, every thought we nurture is like a budding seed of success. It cannot grow without infusing love and belief in unseen potential. Only then, does the light within the seed and us emerge like joy felt in each new sunrise.

 

Expand into that creative vision

(grasshopper molting macrophoto by Charlene Robinson)

Notice each stage of awakening invites letting go of versions of the old to embrace "the new." Every moment offers opportunities to release suffering and tune into deep Truth. Whatever we fear most is what we are meant to do. Growing confidence arises in natural radiance. Hope in possibilities can shift into trust and knowing all that is real. Going through the motions is worth it as we shift wholeheartedly into our authentic creative vision.