Restlessness is a sign of transformation

Notice at the perfect moment, light penetrates like a catalyst to clarify what disconnects from all that is real and matters in heart. By affirming our dignity and allowing others theirs, we are able to honor ourselves, connect as equals, move forward with insight.

Earlier in life, I often heard myself saying things like;

"Everything happens for a reason"

"It was for the best"

"It was a blessing in disguise"

(all of which were relevant in context...)

In passing, such phrases sound optimistic and seem harmless. Yet, with maturity, I realized I had been taught to dismiss very real concerns and feelings worthy of considerable attention. People would cross my boundaries, be hurtful, or behave in ways that went against my core values or intuition and I would be overly tolerant and accepting or too easily forgiving. Making light of difficult situations was a superficial way of glossing over issues. This felt better in the short-term, but ultimately, it solved nothing and left hidden issues to linger. In fact, as I go down the rabbit hole, it appears I mastered the art of pretending things were fine when they were clearly not.

Part of my awakening has involved recognizing I would hide or avoid anger that deserved to be felt and expressed, Rather than working through hard emotions or confronting unresolved issues, I used to simply downplay or dismiss them. Believing traumatic events must serve as “learning experiences” or focusing on the silver lining behind every negative experience, did not allow me to experience the fullness of the wisdom they held. Assuming I had a handle on it was how I hid from insecurities. It was a clever way I pulled the wool over my eyes until I was ready to go deeper.

I went through stages where I was convinced spiritual practices I engage in are always positive. Feeling detached also came to mean I was not fully conscious or present. I was very good at focusing on the positive or being overly optimistic. Had no idea I was projecting negative feelings. At some stage, it dawned positive thinking is not the way to overcome problems. Facing shadows is far more effective. Rather than attempting to “rise above” emotions, I learned to feel, heal and move through them.

Pride is difficult to detect in ourselves because it is a refusal to admit wrong or see a need to change. As the light of our dignity shines more brightly, we realize that we don’t have to be perfect. Showing vulnerability and humility invites stronger connection. We move from the superficial into soul-level relationships. We grow approachable rather than seem intimidating. We don’t see ourselves as better or worse than anyone else. We are the same.

It is freeing to hold ourselves with the dignity that comes from simply being human. We don’t need to achieve “greatness” to have worth and value. Greatness is innate . We might be inclined to seek excellence because it feels meaningful, energizing and expansive, but not because it defines who we are.

It dawns pride that drives us at certain stages of life prevents us from acknowledging our human vulnerabilities. When driven by shame or illusion of inferiority, its uncomfortable to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I made a mistake.” When pride rules, we believe we’re always right or we fear backing down. This makes it difficult to know and sustain intimacy.

A self-centred culture teaches we must achieve self-actualization (enlightenment) to be truly happy. This quest also contributes to a tendency to avoid difficult or painful emotions. Rather than trying to solve problems in environments that cause suffering, self-centred culture teaches people that they alone are responsible for their destiny. At certain stages, maybe you relate?

What stands out is that negative thoughts and feelings serve a purpose. They do not exist so we avoid them. Rather, they point to a diminshed self image, deep hurt, sadness and that emotions that require acceptance and validation. Negative thoughts exist so we use those thoughts to propel positive actions. Simply putting on rose-colored glasses and ignoring deeper issues does not make them go away. Choosing instead to forge friendships, look people directly in the eye, be candid and share vulnerability, are keys to being more assertive, self-loving and decisive when it counts.

Ultimately, discomfort is a soul-level sign that something is not right and needs to change. If you think you lessen discomfort by simply avoiding it, or normalizing abnormal behaviour, situations causing distress will remain. Yet, to recognize the nature of our unconscious behaviours, is to see restlessness is itself a sign of our ongoing quantum transformation. We are catching up with the light.

The Point of Meditation

Notice meditation is about opening the sacred heart or Third Eye. This is not a vestige or organ living in the head. Its a blossoming of awareness that presents based on expanding consciousness. One aspect is not the part of you that identifies the "I" that associates you with the limited physical body. As we examine this first "I" more, it is a mosaic of childhood conditionings used to fulfill agendas that even this "I" does not understand. It does not know what it says and is completely unaware of what is beyond it. The second eye is an entity frozen in time, the Inner Child, the self you were long ago that refuses to dissolve, that runs the show to gain power or sensory gratification that it did not have as a child. It has many different agendas. It is anti-love, or resists love for it knows not what love is. This second eye arose from a sense of rejection. It was created in an environment that was not unconditionally loving. It may not know its gender or whether its alive or dead. Until this unfulfilled or empty ghost is flushed out and seen as it is, it cannot be dissolved. Until then, the second eye perpetuates itself through activities of the first "I" (unbeknownst to the first "I") that projects the second eye in the form of "the other". Things go on with the second eye that the first "I" doesn't know. The second eye enjoys the vex, suffering, self-defeat. To get beyond suffering, you cannot simply analyze the first "I" because the second eye controls the thoughts the first "I" is allowed to retain. The truth keeps falling away, yet it consistently slips away as the first "I". The key is surrendering to the Third Eye, pure awareness, love and the unborn, eternal Self. It sees all. As one turns inward, the first "I" comes to surrender to divine nature and the second eye can be fleshed out, cherished and integrated into the whole. The first outranks the Third Eye. Only as the rightful owner of the mind is allied with the conscious mind can all vexations and unconscious agendas be overruled and absorbed by the Divine. It is not "I" that actually lives within us but Supreme Reality, that which is beyond any name or form. We can point to it but it only reveals itself as we make our way through the winding web of illusions and love ourselves fully. We can surrender to it. If you are meditating and the mind refuses to be quiet, this is simply resisting the ever-present divine within you, the very life of our Being. To surrender through the act of silence can overcome the ani-love force that has created illusion, ignorance and the wheel of reincarnation. Liberation arises as one accepts oneself fully and knows one has been the divine all along.

Come Full Circle

(Image by  Mareh Kohen)

Notice at a given moment, you can only ever do "your best" based on your current insight, level or stream of consciousness. A focal point of awareness knows there is never anything wrong with you or how you do anything. How and what we see is simply a matter of perspective. Purpose and circle of compassion simply change (expand or contract) based on sense of self. So long as you view yourself as a separate individual, purpose is related to time and distance imagined to reach "success," in forms of a job, life role, sense of community or experience. As you tune into the Soul, and reframe 'coming full circle,' the only purpose is to love everything and everyone equally not only in mind, but also consistently in practice. There is nowhere to go, nothing to become. As it dawns love and acceptance are here now, one's circle of compassion expands. One gently stops recognizing difference or attempting to prove oneself, stops comparing and judging. Imagined boundaries dissolve. The ego mind could never understand for it cannot comprehend unity, equality or interconnectedness. The more you notice fear and/or love speaking through you, the more you come to notice the ego comes and goes whereas true divine Being is ever-present. As timeless Being takes the helm and navigates the ship (human body-mind), then choices change and love is the ultimate purpose and motivation in every area of your life. Trust and surrender are the compass. This does not often happen instantly, but it does happen. We are each like a stone skipping across the cosmic ocean, leaving ripples, deciding what stacks up, changing vibration in due course.

Love brings clarity

Notice love invites us to remove the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we can no longer accept or live within. The path of removing our masks, requires dismantling the life we have come to think is real, tolerating pain, and seeing through our suffering. What makes the journey worth it is we long for reality more than we want to hide inside illusions of those masks. Recall the story of the Golden Buddha. The gold of this buddha was hidden for centuries under simple plaster and clay. It went unnoticed, a reminder it seems natural we develop layers of ego coverings, that we learn ways of hiding, enhancing and ignoring our True Self. When we feel really fearful, the covering gets thicker, more solid. We add layers to what is always here and do not recall the gold. We are identified with the coverings and forget the Truth of Being, our genuineness. Turns out, "real" is not how we are made. Its not our outer coverings symbolized by plaster and clay. Something more formless, intrinsic and pure is awake. As we shine the light of awareness on the plaster coverings, we bring the warmth of love, humor, acceptance to those coverings. This is what melts them so golden authenticity shines through. As we grow more mindful of our patterning (represented by the coverings), we realize the illusion of the anxious, needy, lonely self. It dawns the underlying radiance is more true to who we are than the clay coverings. Wakefulness, openness, creativity, aliveness only shine through as we allow maturity, inner wisdom to reign. The poet Rumi reminds us that is is through love that pain transforms into medicine. We are our own healers that transform into beauty and goodness with perfect timing. We know we are supposed to love ourselves into healing, to face the ego states and love ourselves through it. The most fundamental layer of conditioning is the one that does not recognize the painful coverings are illusions. We hate ourselves for the coverings. We are supposed to love the coverings, the parts of the ego that make it hard to open tour heart to ourselves. When negative emotions arise, we are taught to dislike or hate ourselves, and the master emotion, shame shows its head as if "something is wrong with me/us". Every emotion has its place and can get amplified. We are culturally- rigged with a deep fear of judgement and rejection. Whatever comes up, we come to believe we shouldn't be feeling this way. The core feeling of badness imprisons us in the mind until we are ready to let go of the covering that glues itself to all other coverings. In the stress of life, we forget the subjectivity and realness of each other. The key to being real is to remove layers of conditioning, to listen more attentively to each other. The messages of bad "other" repeat. Shame is exacerbated by cultural caste systems. We are wired to not like our own conditioning and think that is who we are. The healing comes from seeing and loving the conditioning so it can become more transparent though we have an aversion to it. The gold of loving awareness is always available, much like the sun is always here regardless of how many clouds exist in the sky. Through love, all pain and suffering dissolve. Clarity remains.

Allow Silence to guide you

Notice this is about shifting or giving attention away from "me" to immense sense of eternity, spaciousness, everylastingness which is always here. It is never absent from anything or anybody. It is not something that someone can give you. This awakeness within cannot be grasped by the mind or the form of the body. The point is what is occupying and moving through the HU-man body. You cannot get yourself out of the centre of being. Silence does this. Only in quiet can 'what is true in you' come to centre stage. The greatest obstacle are the "me"'s addictions- heroin, cocaine, alcohol, technology, trained to be addicted to approval, intensely addicted to approval, to seeking and being loved, to its ideas, its own thinking, opinions, for no particular reason. The mind pretends its something intelligent. We can give the mind things to do and soothe the ego. Love watches the withdrawl, the shifts from additction to addiction and knows no barriers.