Interview with Vishnu of Vishnu's Virtues

In the process of reflecting on why we do the things we do, its helpful to draw our attention to underlying principles that drive us. Self-respect, dignity and honour sit at the top of my list. Yet, I was not always so clear. We are often reminded life's apparent obstacles are the Path to getting to know ourselves better and seeing with more clarity.    

As part of awakening to elements of a more authentic life, and shifting to walk the talk, universal principles often guide me.  Synchronicity led me to meet Vishnu of Vishnu's Virtues. His popular self-help blog and books help people who have had difficult relationships heal their break-up and find love again.  I appreciate that he speaks from direct experience and is speaking his truth from the heart.  During this interview, I invite taking a closer look at messages about harmony or disharmony in our own lives:

Thank you so much for this interview opportunity. I am looking forward to it!

Please share what you do and what brought you to this point in your life...

I was born in the East and grew up in the West between two cultures. Like many “good kids” with immigrant parents, I followed the path that was designed for me and that society told me to follow. I finished my law degree, got a job in the legal field, got married and bought a house.

That is a common story. Many parents model a certain life and we are taught to find our place in their existing paradigm.  As restlessness arises, we are invited to ask why.  Tell us what prompted you to break away, and to embark on another Path.

 If I had followed the path that had been promised to me, then everything should have worked out and I should have lived happily ever after. That quite didn’t happen and instead, everything fell apart. When life falls apart, we can fall apart or we can start a blog... 

Funny. This reminds me of the film Julie & Julia with actresses Amy Adams and Meryle Streep.  The is based on Julie Powell's autobiographical book: 524 Recipes: 365 Days.  The protagonist decides to spice up her life by blogging on cooking her way through a Jullia Child cookbook.  By listening to her heart, the blogger develops quite a following.

Share insight into pivotal events that shake you up, cause you to face fears. How do such experiences prompt us to make lasting life change? 

Without question, my divorce was one of the most life-changing, pivotal and sacred moments in my life. As Debbie Ford has said, “ Divorce becomes a holy moment when you choose to use it as a catalyst for having an extraordinary life.” For me, I think divorce was a wake up call to thoroughly examine every part of my life and recreate my life from the ground up. I started making life choices and career choices more consciously.

That sounds tough, and yet, adversity also often makes us stronger.  Beautiful flowers are known to grow out of the mud. How about painting us a picture: feel the way through the difficulty... 

This may sound a bit gruesome, but it feels like being a lonely ghost in a cemetery at night. Imagine a ghost who didn’t’ know how he got there and didn’t know where all the other ghosts were. So you’re lonely, it’s dark and it feels like death all around you!

This reminds me of that classic 1965 film The Sound of Music with Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer.  Unsure if you know it? Anyway, during the film,  Mother Superior (and later 'Maria') says, "When the Lord Closes a Door, somewhere he Opens a Window..." The divine message here is to simply trust in what is coming. Can you relate to that?

Definitely! The good part about darkness is that you know it won’t be night time forever. The day will surely come and the sun will rise again. 

Hallelujah! How did you find the Path back to yourself and what matters?

I found my way back to myself by forgetting about the outside world and focusing on my inner world. I found my way back to myself by getting clear on what I wanted out of life, determining what I valued and remembering the feelings that I wanted to have in my life on a daily basis. I thought about the life I wanted ahead of time before going about creating it. Often we do  the opposite.

That's a great lesson and invite for everyone.  I mean, how many people are really clear on their purpose, their priorities and actually live by them consisently?

Not yet eveyone...

Exactly! Sometimes it takes adversity to shake us up and wake us up. (See also my Interview with Kerrie Atherton about Stories of Hope)

What does happiness mean and feel like in your personal life? What are some practical things people can do to experience more personal happiness?

My biggest suggestion is to figure out what makes you happy and do that ahead of time. One way to be happy is to live in alignment with who you are.

Excellent point! How would you suggest our readers uncover this?  

One way to know who you are is to do the internal work of asking yourself who you are, why you’re here and what you want. A simple way to tap into this is to figure out what brings you happiness on a daily basis. Pay attention to which experiences and conditions evoke joy in you.

The simplicity of paying closer attention really resonates. We can only answer our own questions by being honest with ourselves.  What other guidance can you offer here?

I also invite people to reflect on what they gravitate towards. That offers many clues to who you are and what brings you purpose.  

So true! We each give ourselves little messages about changing purpose but we do not always choose to listen...

Where do the Soul and soulful living come into this? How does soul healing affect relationships? 

When your external circumstances fall apart, you are invited to align more with your soul. When you become more aligned with your soul, you can live your life more fully.  Most of us live the life we think we want without making any connection to what our soul desires. 

So, if I get what you are saying, waking up leads us to ask more conscious questions.  

Yes. We see more clearly and hear what we may have already been saying but we were not ready to hear it until now.

Being present is so important. What are the most significant relationship lessons you have learned?

I give myself permission to ask: what does my soul want? I think the biggest lesson that I’ve learned is that when relationships fall apart, you invite yourself to go within. Your greatest soul realization and discoveries are waiting for you when your heart breaks. 

That moment when we allow ourselves to feel the pain of a broken heart is also the moment we let light in, that is, hear and consciously feel the light of our own innate understanding. Its like a wake up call that we exist to love and feel.

Thsi said, many people feel discouraged about their relationships or lack of them. Please share some advice with our readers to guide positive life change. 

Without question, the most important thing you can do for your relationship is improve the relationship you have with yourself.  Only then, can you make headway when actively working on relationships with others.

Please be more specific...

 Improving the relationship you have with yourself requires self-acceptance, self-compassion and improving your own self-worth. I believe that if you improve this relationship then all other relationships around you will improve. I truly believe that the relationship you have with yourself is the one that’s going to manifest around you. The way you treat yourself is likely how you will treat others. Improve the way you treat yourself and I promise that you will treat others better and be in relationship with someone who treats you better.

Thanks for drawing attention to the mirror principle. The external reality we each experience is indeed a mirror of the inner not vice versa. Growing conscious of this makes it less likely to be affected by external conditions. It also implies we are ready to take increasing personal responsibility for how we think and feel. Is that not so?

Agree very much.

You have written books on relationships. Which tips or techniques make a relationship last?  Which strategies or views can you suggest to help people pinpoint what really matters in their partnerships? 

I believe that the skill that makes a relationship last is how you create the relationship you have with yourself. We tend to treat others the same way we treat ourselves. So if you want to improve your relationship with others, watch how you’re talking to, treating and feeling about yourself. The way you treat and speak about yourself is what you’re likely doing to others. A couple ways to make relationships last is to speak more to each other about what you both want from the relationship and work on forgiving each other more quickly. I’ve discovered that we tend to imagine what we want without expressing out loud to each other! Also, grudges and resentments never lead to a healthy relationship so the sooner you speak about it, forgive it and come to terms with something, the stronger you can make your relationship.

If you had to identify the role of faith  and trust in your life, what role do each play? 

When I went through my divorce, I stopped believing in God and inquired if God was listening. I even wrote a book about it, Is God Listening? https://www.vishnusvirtues.com/books/is-god-listening/  My understanding about God, the universe and forces beyond is that we aren’t listening.

We aren’t trusting what we’re hearing from God, the universe or ourselves.

And if we sense God, the universe, ourselves, are all one in the same, and we ignore one, we do not hear any and do not feel heard either. Its all a  pointer to what or whom is not listening?

Definitely. If things are not working, we must ask the question, 'not working for whom or according to whom?' (which brings us face to face with beliefs and conditioning). 

Would you say then that unhappiness suggests we are not listening to the part of ourselves that knows what is best for us?

You could put it that way. I know I learn to trust myself more and realize the forces outside of us have their own intelligence. I stop making demands on it to make my life a certain way. I trust that the universe knows what’s best. I do my part but surrender to the universe to do it’s part.

Absolutely! Letting go and surrender are valuable lessons. 

In addition, if you’re looking for a partner, take action to find a partner and trust you’ll find one but don’t push or control the universe to do it faster or force it to produce someone who isn’t right for you. Trust that the universe knows best.  

Love yourself like you wish to be treated is a great take away. Setting an example is attracting what is best.

What do you value highly or believe in with all your heart? How does this energy or life force help make things happen?

I know that the universe is working on my behalf to help me discover who I am and help me live in alignment with it. I believe that we have to force things to happen less and let life guide us more. As smart as we think we are, the universe knows best. I’ve stopped making wishes for my birthday of things that I want and instead ask for guidance and wisdom to trust the universe to lead the way. It’s a cosmic dance and we each need to lead and follow. If we lead and follow, we are tripping the universe up!

People often speak about what they want yet do not seem to have in their lives. What from your experience, causes people to discover the truth behind their relationships and patterns?

I think the biggest lesson that people can take away from relationships is when relationships go wrong.

It also appears helpful to ask who is judging the relationship as good or bad for us in the first place (or which ideas we have adopted in relation to this).

You can get super curious about yourself, your patterns and who you are. The problem is that  many people do not self-reflect and thus do not learn from their mistakes. In fact, most of the time, we think the other person is wrong, blame or we are fault-less. Relationships are our greatest learning experiences but we seldom self-reflect, learn or grow from them as much as we can. You can choose to grow from experiences.

Self-reflect more is another great take away. As the saying goes, 'what we dislike in others is what we have not accepted about ourselves.' Facing our shadow is what we exist to do and love. 

What would you say is your reason for being? Which event (s) caused you to feel this way?

My reason for being is to be a bridge to help people grow from who they are today to become the people they are capable of being. My divorce certainly caused me to feel this way. I broke away from a predestined life and welcomed in a life that was entirely new and unfamiliar. I’ve had plenty of growth and self-awareness in the process. I’ve gained experience and heart wisdom and want to be a catalyst for others who find themselves in the throw of heartbreak realize that their best life is on the other side of a broken heart. 

Tell us about practices or teachings that shape your life-view. 

My biggest lesson about my breakup and divorce is that the past doesn’t have to equal the future. All readings and teachings that have helped me live in the present moment have helped shape my view.

Who are your inspirational mentors? How have they empowered you to shift how your see yourself?

I would consider Eckhart Tolle, Jon Kabat-Zinn and Pema Chodron as my teachers who helped me see that this is the only moment we have. As Nancy Levin says, “honor the space between no longer and not yet”. I think this quote really encapsulates that it’s about the journey, not about the destination. There is so much growth, understanding and wisdom to be collected along the way. I am now aware that you do not have to be a prisoner of the past. They remind me that you can’t have spring until you first have winter : ) There’s a place for every season. 

Our audience benefits from this: Universal principles speak when we are ready to hear them.

You write about love, heartbreak, letting love back in and the power of grief and heartbreak. What are some key observations you make about yourself as well as people/ clients you have encountered?

I would say that the key observations I’ve made it we can’t start fresh until we let go of the old. I’ve realized that it takes work, not time, to let go of the past and grieve. We have to actively work on letting go of the past. The one thing that our past is good for is to help us make some observations about ourselves. We have to use past relationships as a learning classroom and discover truths about ourselves. Each relationship helps us become the better version of ourselves so we are continually growing. Don’t think of soulmates when it comes to relationships. Think of relationships as classrooms. We have many teachers. 

Indeed.  When open-minded, everyone and everything is a teacher, as are we for ourselves. As Lao Tzu says, when the student is ready, the teacher appears...  Please share any universal messages that stand out which would help us all in our day-to-day living. 

Our purpose in the world is to become un-ravelled and discover who we truly are beyond everything else.

How do relationships fit into this universal wisdom?

Relationships and breakups help us discover who we are beyond it all. Use your rock bottom moments in life to get a deeper understanding about yourself. When your external world crumbles, you have an invitation to go within and see what needs improvement, healing or awareness. Use the lessons of life to help you discover who you are spiritually.

Remember, there is nothing to fear about change. Change is a teacher. Change happens to let go of what doesn’t serve us and welcome in those things that do. You don’t have to hold onto the present for dear life. There is life after relationships ending, careers ending, and familiar circumstances ending. Every ending has a new beginning.

Share anything else you feel you would like our readers to know.

Thank you for such a comprehensive interview and questions. It was so in-depth and based on the things that I’m exploring.

Where can people find you?

I would invite my readers to follow me on journey at www.vishnusvirtues.com and to pick up my new book, The Sacred Art of Letting Go, on sale at the Amazon store.

Really appreciate that you focus on encouraging people to recognize the messages of love in their lives.  For Vishnu's latest Amazon book, The Sacred Art of Letting Go, visit his Amazon store here. Here are some links to offer more information:

5 key points on connection

Notice restlessness and discontent are symptoms of disconnection. This goes deeper than the physical disconnection you feel when your mobile phone, computer, internet or other technology is not working on your terms. Maybe you are feeling a range of confusing emotions that disturb peace of mind in relationships or other aspects of reality? What can you do to feel more at ease?

Consider retraining the mind, that is how and what you see as your reality. What happens as you shake up your sense of who you think you are and review discomfort from a different point of view? Ponder these five points about connection. How do your emotions and understanding of what is happening in your world change?

1. The nature of intimacy in your relationships mirrors love, acceptance, intimacy with yourself 
2. No one thing or organism exists on its own (we share the same water, air, light, etc.) 
3. No thing or organism acts on its own (everything is interconnected energy flow)
4. Every organism is a process understood by its actions (motion of allowing or resisting)
5. The behaviour of all organisms is only understood in relation to its environment

This said, reflect on fear, guilt, shame, anger and other examples of emotions you are feeling in relation to specific situations. How are these emotions pointers to another way of being more authentic (or living a mroe authentic life)?

Interview with Maria

I am often asked what brings particular clients to me. Some wish to journey into higher realms for guidance, get grounded, transform troubled relationships, identify and release limiting beliefs, or increase capacity to heal their bodies. Every individual is unique. I share this recent exchange with Maria for the benefit of you who are seeking answers to your own questions. 

What prompts you to open up to me?

Maria: To be honest, I was not looking for a coach with specific credentials. I am trusting my gut. In speaking with you,  I felt a real connection. It just felt right to take the next step. I explored your website.  What I read on the internet confirmed this is the right choice for me. 

Have you had  coaching expectations?

Maria: Well, before beginning, you asked if I had specific intentions, whether I have any experience with hypnosis, remembering my dreams, past life regression, various therapies and healing practices. I suppose my point of reference for our sessions began with the idea I could add to what I have experienced.  I want to learn to trust myself more, get to the root of obstacles I am facing, to shift patterns I see that are holding me back, get clearer on where to go from here.  If I ask you what you feel you can do for me, what would you say?

I am not here to answer your questions, I am here to help you stop asking them. As a sound-board, I help you to notice when you think and feel the way through life.  I also help you to begin to recognize and take responsibility for each of your choices.

Maria: That says a lot.  I ask loads of questions.  Answers are not always clear to me.  I am told I am too emotional and wish to get a handle on that, take more time for me and get over my fears.

Whatever you fear invites you to get-to-know yourself differently. As you change the way you see things, what you see changes. Noticing anything about filters?

Maria: I am seeing obstacles differently.  I am more aware of lessons and options to respond to what life throws me. The way I react emotionally to people and events my life is not always helpful. I also notice emotions I am not really in touch with and resist feeling.  I still take some things personally and wish to change this. I do not like losing control.

Some perceptions are helpful and empowering, while others keep up negative patterns.  A shift in perspective starts with an increase in awareness. Do you relate?

Maria: Yes. As I grow aware of the my judgements and beliefs, I begin to grow aware of what and who triggers me. I really want to stop losing control over my emotions.

Indeed.  As we progress with sessions, are you noticing any shifts?

Maria: I am noticing that my reality changes based on how I feel about it, who I hang around and how I use my time. I am also more aware that making the unconscious conscious is one path to healing. My own ignorance, indifference and inaction only perpetuates discomfort and keeps dreams out of reach. 

You may have heard the idea, 'you are becoming like the five people you spend the most time with.' Personal reality is based on beliefs, expectations.  Experiences reinforce beliefs. So, if you want to change your reality, changing perception is key. 

Maria: In my case, re-training the mind for change takes practice. I work on self-discipline.

Letting go gets easier. Of all the practices we are exploring so far, what stands out?

Maria: The breathwork, different mental processes and ah-ha moments that I have after our open dialogue.

Why are you receptive to breathwork ?

Maria: What you offer are techniques that enable me to gain deeper insight into myself, my resistance.  It hits I allow myself to hinder or speed up self-healing. I am more aware of core beliefs that have been running me and the reasons why my life brings me to where I am.  It feels good to take steps to shift my focus and priorities. 

Why has your most recent session helped you?

Maria: You give me opportunity and space to explore things that I do not make time for by myself. I am more aware than ever before that I get wrapped up in the day-to-day tasks of being a wife, parent, student and doing my best to juggle it all.  Until today, I had no idea the deeper source of my patterns.  Making the unconscious conscious is already changing how I feel about myself and how confident I am about where I am headed.  You guide me to recall what I forget.

I'm sure you have a theme: the theme of your life. You can embellish it or desecrate it, but it's your theme, and as long as you follow it, you will experience harmony and peace of mind. - Agatha Christie

7 Steps to manifest the ideal life

The ideal life may strike you as a pipedream, though it need not be this way. Right now, the moment is right to influence a shift in your life, to grow aware of layers of your own resistance. In your mind, you may think you want certain things, nurture certain dreams, and work toward a different kind of life than the one you seem to be leading.  Questions arise; What must I do to get there from here? What does impatience tell me? How can I eliminate restlessness and manifest faster? Who can help me? What can I do? Ponder 7 steps to more actively reshape your reality:

1. Explore your feelings 

Only when you are aware you are unhappy or dissatisfied can you do something about it. If you feel impatient or uncomfortable about some area of your life, this invites you get to the root of what is really bothering you.  It is rarely about what it appears to be on the surface. Discovering why you feel as you do and how to change this helps you stop manifesting what you do not want.  If you feel drawn to work with others as part of your process, dream interpretation, breathwork or other spiritual practices or processing, this can empower you to go deeper into yourself.

2. Clarify the vision

It is easy enough to speak in passing about your ideal life, but what does this really entail? What does it feel like? Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? If you have a sketchy picture, no wonder you feel confused or stuck. Reclaiming your inner power begins with growing aware of the disconnect between thoughts, feelings and actions, and your relationship to time. Shifting to see and understand everything as energy helps you feel your way into a vibration of gratitude and appreciation.  This takes a dream to the next level so you manifest consciously.

3. Have fun with it

You may assume you must always serious about creating the ideal life. You may also underestimate power of your thoughts and intentions.  What you think and feel has a huge impact. Harmony and playfulness are the result of walking your talk. Reflect on how you view different animals (traits/ behaviours). How often do you laugh? Laughter signals you allow or resist harmony. Kids, on average, laugh at least 100x per day and adults less than 10. What does this tell you about where you are and where you wish to be? Losing your mind points to being less serious, going with the flow, and feeling your way into a more light-hearted life. 

4. Be committed

Achieving anything requires commitment.  How consistent you are, how disciplined, all shape the path and perceived time it takes for your vision to materialize. How often do you share what is on your mind or swallow your desires, feelings and dreams? The key is learning to speak and live your truth consistently. Many people benefit from a soundboard along the way: a coach or mentor to help guide a journey and stay focused.  Statistically, anyone really into success invests in growth, self-development and teachers who empower them to see beyond their conditioning. 

 5. Alter the big picture

Your ideal life is a blank slate until you breathe life into it.  Only as you devote energy (focus), do you make something a priority with your time, does it take shape as a living-breathing entity. How often do you add to this vision? Writing and communicating changes you wish to make? Exercise the imagination. So much more exists than you are aware of and living already. Is music or some other form of creative expression like your therapist? What enables you to relate to everyone in a different way?  Rediscover what matters and allow this to shape your new reality. 

6. Work through the fears

Whatever your current life situation, you have conscious and unconscious fears about moving into the unknown. This could take shape in your vision as a relationship, career, or some other transition. Whatever the case, the only way to move forward is to grow aware of the nature of your fears, their origin. Being in flow is about understanding and moving beyond fears.

7. Get in touch with what is hidden

The ideal life is made up of things you see and do not yet see about yourself.  Its common to be unaware of true power, what this really feels like and how to access it. What do you hide from yourself? Consider the possibility of undiscovered talents, skils, unrealized visions, untapped energies and far more.  Making conscious what is unconscious is the key to everything. 

Courage is knowing what not to fear- Plato

11 Tips to embrace change with grace

More and more people are growing aware of changes and opportunities for change are unfolding all around them. 

You may find yourself feeling confused, uncomfortable, getting emotional more often, noticing opportunity for change knocking at your door or change happening without you in different situations.  Consider 11 tips for embacing change with grace:

1) Focus inward

Pay attention to how you are thinking and feeling. Be aware of core beliefs you project are what reflects and your external reality.

2) Notice your emotional triggers

Being aware of your emotional triggers implies not only recognizing when you are triggered, uncovering and healing deeper reasons for them.  This empowers you to create a new reality.

3) Talk less, listen more

Rather than listen with the intent to reply, listen with the intent to understand how you/ people are feeling. This approach offers surprising insight into why it feels easy or hard to go with the flow of change.

4) Validate yourself

Validating yourself is being heartfelt. Listening to the heart means taking more action based on intuition, and having the courage to do what feels right rather than on what you are conditioned to believe is acceptable or would appease others.

5) Invest more in personal development

When spiritual or related programs, workshops, courses, books, videos, coaches or mentoring enter your scope, you are ready.  Its up to you to see the value in investing in yourself and actually commit.

6) Offer workshops or courses

Share insight based on your passion, interest or hobby. Join skillshare, offer your own on-line courses, propose a physical airbnb experience in your local area.  The options are only limited by your imagination. 

7) See everything is connected

What is happening in education, economies, religion and other spheres is all connected.  From the moment you grow more aware of trends and interconnectedness, you begin to see through illusions of separation on a whole new level.

8) Accept yourself

The degree you accept (or reject) yourself is reflected back in every area of your perception and life. As you grow in tolerance and understanding of the world around you, this reflects changing self-acceptance.

9) Love more

As you can begin to find something to appreciate whatever you perceive to be happening, you are beginning to see through your own filters of judgement and negativity. Resistance to change is akin to resisting love.

10) Feel deeper

Feelings are key to understanding yourself and why you choose to suffer, see and create the world as you do. Suppressing feelings is the conditioned way to live.  The more you explore your feelings in the moment and along timelines rather than overlook or deny them, the more you begin to understand yourself and why you accept or resist your destiny in thi s (and other) lifetime (s).

11) Explore breathwork

Consciousness flows through the breath.  Exploring breathwork is a kind of rebirthing process which allows you to gain invaluable insight into how and why you create habits, behaviours and patterns. All of this shapes your perception of Self and the external. It helps you understand your unconscious motives for creating and responding to change. Nothing transforms your life like making the unconscious conscious.