Insights on Healthy Boundaries

(Sacred geometry 756 by Endre Balogh)

Notice a lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect as well as offers valuable opportunities for understanding ourselves and Soul growth. The consequences of our actions point to the possible unconscious nature of our choices. While we exist to love each other, we are not here to be one and other. One cannot force another to be aware of or feel his own feelings. One cannot think for, believe, grow aware or know viscerally for another. One cannot work through another's disappointments that another's self-created limits may produce. In essence, One can be a mirror but cannot grow for another. One only makes certain journeys alone. We are not powerless and at any moment, can consciously change our thoughts, feelings, behaviour and life direction to take responsibility to a whole new level. This is not about control, but rather, true freedom. As we accept the freedom of another, we do not get angry, feel hurt or withdraw as they set boundaries. Their behaviour invites us to better understand our own. As we come to recognize the hidden motivation behind our setting boundaries (or lack of them), we are empowered. Quantum shifts in life conditions occur as we grow aware of and heal possible guilt, deep fear of other people's anger or harbouring our own, fears of loneliness or abandonment, fear of rejection, and codependence. Making the unconscious, conscious allows us to shift from fear-based patterns to a more consistent love vibration. Shadow work guides us to new insights and expansions in consciousness. As we see through our impulses and patterns, we know what we stand for and tune into our energetic message. Often, boundary issues arise due to lack of initiative or insufficient assertiveness. Taking action is about finding inner courage. It is about speaking one's mind with kindness through the feeling heart. Deepening awareness shifts us away from an ego- driven life so we feel into limitless possibilities and tune into dimensions of experience previously unknown to us before this moment. 

Get out of that dilemma

I am sometimes asked why share Zen stories as part of my workshops and group sessions. In a nutshell, Zen stories may confuse or leave one hanging, yet they do not impart information or knowledge. They are designed to to get rid of something, to get rid of a false problem with which you are wrestling so that the problem will disappear as the result of understanding the story.  In this way, they invite joining the dots like stars into constellations and evoke eureka moments.

There was a Master walking, engaged in forest meditation with a group of his disciples.  Suddenly, he picked up a tree branch and said to one of the monks, "what is it?" As the monk hesitated , did not answer immediately, the Master hit him with it.  Then, the Master turned to another monk and asked, "what is it?" That monk said, "Give it to me so I can see."   The Master tossed it and the monk hit the Master.  The Master said, "Well, you got out of that dilemma." 

When we look for the mind that seems to be giving us so much trouble and realize it cannot be found, this is a pointer to the solution to our perceived problem. A dilemma is like a physical stick that many people hold within themselves, dwell on, discuss or allow to fester. Focusing on dilemmas harms ourselves. Letting go, going with the flow, acting spontaneously, implies less thinking, and more savouring this moment as it is. A dilemma is a state of mind. Albert Einstein echoes we cannot solve a problem with the same level of consciousness that creates it.  We can always tune in, and allow the rhythm of the breath to guide us. The power resides within.

Feel joyful for no reason

Whatever has guided you to this website, from the moment you make up the mind to change, you are already shifting into a new level of consciousness.  Now is the moment to get clearer about what you are doing, why you are doing it, as well as the underlying reasons for your life choices, how you are living, breathing, feeling and being. 

As the will to shift grows, it helps to hear about inspirational mentors who have made lasting personal change. This of course, is only heresay until we experience unique inner shifts ourselves. It pays to train ourselves to be more observant, to break conditioned emotional patterns, to see our environments and time anew to allow authenticity to blossom.

Rest assured, you may have already begun this process.  Nonethless, it can be valuable to receive a bit more insight, related to meditation, breathing and how your body and behaviour offer you signs and signals.  Who you present to the world is not necessarily who you ar at the core.  

Feeling joy for no reason happens as we dismantle our old identity and break the habit of pretending to be someone we are not.

Move beyond the suffering

When you get upset, lose focus or balance, pay attention to what your emotions are telling you.  Stop giving credit to others for the way they seem to behave.  The world around you only ever responds based on your expectations.  Notice what happens when you are alone.  Notice what agitates you, makes you feel impatient.  Notice what happens as you separate yourself from source.  You cannot be mad at someone or be afraid of anything and be true to yourself.  Brace yourself: a conflict with anything is a conflict with yourself.  So, what can you do about it?

1) Stop allowing yourself to be offended.  Whatever offends you only weakens you.  Being offended creates the same destructive energy as that which is used to press your emotional buttons in the first place.  Monitor your thoughts and inner dialogue.  Nothing irritates you unless you allow it.  What to do? Stop resisting. Look deeper at the nature of your own suffering. It actually begins and ends with you.  The real issue is a yen to control the uncontrollable.

2) Let go of your need to be right.  You are conditioned to believe some people are right and others are wrong.  If you allow yourself to get agitated, you are disconnected from your loving, creative spirit.  Letting go of the need to be right helps you embrace kindness and gratitude for lessons at hand.  Imagine yourself in another's shoes.  Would you feel the same as you do in your own skin?  Would you behave in the same way or see more than one 'right way'?

3) Give up the desire to win, compete or be superior.  Whenever you get stirred up, and lose sight of inner peace, observe the ego.  As you let go of the desire to be better than others, you recall a feeling of calmness.  You begin to see all experience invites you to evolve within yourself, to see the nature of impermanence.  Give up any unwholesome state of mind.  Sadness, grief, fear, regret, and pity do not arise when you have true self-understanding. As you feel inner gentleness, you strengthen compassionate, wholesome states of mind.  Love reigns.  The heart knows all is always well, that everything is equal, that every situation is win-win for all. 

4) Know its all unfolding in divine order.  Whatever your role or stage in life, you attract the perfect conditions and people.  See things from a higher vantage point.  When people do not show up to assist you, then you have the skills, self-discipline and emotional intelligence to handle it on your own.  Before you judge others, ask yourself how you would deal with the situation from their perspective.  Only when you know the cause of suffering is that the end of suffering. You benefit others by nurturing a non-judging mind, and keeping an open heart.

5) Recognize you cannot separate wisdom from compassion.  You know things as they truly are through your own direct experience.  The more you grasp reasons for your emotions and your own suffering, the more you understand the suffering of others. You strengthen a more conscious connection with all beings.  Be loving and kind toward yourself. Accept you are not who you think.  Forgive yourself.  Ask yourself questions and allow answers to emerge. Nothing fazes the essence of being. You can inspire people into a place of non-suffering by existing in this state.  Be present.  By direct inner seeing, you see what matters without study, logic or reason. 

"You can't suffer yourself into their understanding.  You have to succeed yourself into their success." -Esther Hicks

"Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.  Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset."  - St Francis de Sales

What is really going on?

Some people tell you they sense time, as they understand it, is accelerating.  They offer their perspectives and interpretations.  They offer you opinions on world events.  They use words to judge and describe and exert effort to pin things down.  What do you see?  What is really going on in the world?  How do you sense things within yourself?  Why the impulse to question?  What happens as the thoughts cease?

What you choose to believe is what you believe.  What you choose to have faith in is based on your focus and a lingering spark of doubt that things may not be going well. The mind tells you reality is one thing while the heart and soul whisper another.  What about the Middle Way? Sense that place where contemplation stops. Be that now.

To ask what is going on is to quietly assume your own ignorance or lack of understanding.  Notice what happens as you shift from a restless state of mind to a serene state of being.  You see that fear and doubt underlie beliefs and faith.  You shift attention into knowing and trusting all is well.  Nothing happens.  Nothing fazes you.

"The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express." -Francis Bacon