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« Embrace patience as a virtue | Main | Rethink your motives »
Thursday
Jul032008

What do you do if someone hates you?

Whether its in your workplace or some other area of your life, it may seem disconcerting if you have the impression someone hates you.  This negative vibe may evoke a very strong feeling. You might ask what you did wrong? What can you do about this anyway?

First of all, hate is an offshoot of fear and vulnerability.  What you perceive in others reveals deeper feelings in need of healing.  Each experience you have is meant to assist you to transform into more profound awareness.  Hate and fear are the opposites of love.

If you hate someone, then this enables that person to exert power over you.  This is an invitation to push your figurative and emotional buttons.  Life is all about learning to detach from such manipulation.  Life always evolves differently than you expect it to be.

Some people think hate is an illusion, that it doesn't really exist.  People imagine different forms of rejection and disapproval as a mirror or reflection of insecurity.  To think positively helps to dissolve such images.  Shatter myths you create out of fear. You did nothing wrong.  Everything is realtive. Just change your attitude.  Discipline your mind.

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Reader Comments (21)

"If you hate someone, then this enables that person to exert power over you. This is an invitation to push your figurative and emotional buttons. Life is all about learning to detach from such manipulation."

This is my favorite part of your post. I has pertinent meaning to me right now as I work through releasing an old friendship/relationship that soured long ago.

Thank you for your insight, Liara.

July 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDonna L. Faber
Donna, you may perceive the concept of intimidation in a similar way. Many human beings will say "so-and-so intimidates me" when this implies they give away their own power. Nobody does anything to you that you don't want deep down. This may be hard to swallow. However, you attract each relationship is for a reason. Its up to you to figure out meaning of interaction and see blessings. What do you learn about your true self?
July 3, 2008 | Registered CommenterLiara Covert
Hate is a powerful word - If somebody really hates another, the person doing the hating should examine why they hate so much, starting with self and never ending with the other person.
July 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBruno
Hi Liara, YEAH! I got on again this morning. I was so happy to see that could! I love your posts. This one on hate is especially fascinating to me. I'd like to share a few things that I have learned about hate.

1. When I am feeling it from someone I know (or don’t know), which rarely rarely happens, I ask myself, "Have I done anything that might have upset this person...even though that still does not make me responsible for their hate. Is there anything REAL that I need to take responsibility for here (for me)? Do I need to apologize for anything? And remove that aspect from the picture?"

2. Then I have to look at it on a soul level or psychic level. I have to distinguish what are their feelings and what is mine. I am someone who feels things even over great distance, and feels everything another person is feeling, I even hear their thoughts. So I have to separate their feelings from mine. Once I can do that I can let go more easily and deal with the situation. Sometimes I can be around someone and suddenly feel intense hate, anger or fear and I have to stop and look, because usually I am picking up something that is someone else’s.

3. Then, like you, I have always seen that hate is what I call a "secondary emotion". The original or base emotion is fear. I have experienced life as two fundamental emotions: fear and love. And then all the off shoots from those emotions. If we can get to the base emotion we can readily understand what is going on. Or at least I can in myself; it works for me very well and very immediately.

4. I have also learned to watch out that I don't carry someone else's emotions out of my own past conditioning. Ex: if someone hates me and I look inside and know that I've done nothing to deserve that hate and YET I still carry it for them by going inside and feeling all hurt and bad about myself, then what they want to do has worked and it has confirmed for them several things: 1. That it's okay to hate. 2. That what they are doing is working and effective and okay to do “with” me. 3. That they are a bad person (they get this message because I am letting them hate me and I don't think anyone REALLY wants to hate. It hurts to hate another person. And I am telling them it’s okay to be sick and mean or hateful.

5. I have learned that I can set solid boundaries; I don't have to stay in the presence of someone who is sending out hate. It is not good for my spirit and soul. BUT I have also learned to model love to someone who hates. If I feel loving toward Robin then I won’t let someone hate me. I see that I am worthy of love…even in my humanity. If I am loving Robin I meet hate with love. And I mean REAL love, I go in myself and find the soul of that person that is hurting and frightened and I tell them that I love them that they are safe and loved, and not just by me but by LIFE. I have seen amazing results by doing this, even over great distance. I forgive them and myself. I forgive even while they are in a state of hate, because they are in a state of hate, because they are part of me and I am part of them. In forgiving them I forgive Robin. I forgive and I can breathe and love and let go.

6. I have learned that people DO change, People DO heal. People DO learn to love, We are all God (the Creator, Life, The Great Spirit, etc.)

7. I learned that when I heal another I heal myself. We cannot heal something with out healing ourselves, over and over and over again.

Thank you dear one for inspiring me SOOOOOOO much! I think I will turn my comment here into a post for my blog. :) You bring the best out of me. I like that! :)
July 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRainforestrobin
True words, someone else who hates you is their problem not yours. We cannot be responsible for others perceptions and emotions.
July 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMark
Bruno, another question to ask is why you might assume someone hates you. Sometimes this perception can be a figment of the imagination with underlying meaning about you.
July 4, 2008 | Registered CommenterLiara Covert
Rainforest robin, your comment is incerdibly poignant and I would expect many people will relate to these thoughts. Love is a powerful force that human beings tend to underestimate. People forget that they may invite negative people into their lives in order to offer another example of behaviour. You can't force anyone to act or "see" but you can always choose how to react to what goes on around you.
July 4, 2008 | Registered CommenterLiara Covert
Mark, you hit the nail right on the head. Getting wrapped up with that other people may think and feel distracts you from the control you exert over your true self. Each person you meet offers new lessons to learn. You decide what you are ready and willing to take on-board.
July 4, 2008 | Registered CommenterLiara Covert
I really enjoyed rainforestrobin's post, and as Liara predicted, I can relate to a lot of it. I find that an intense emotion like hate can be even more intense when it is shared empathically. I've also had experience with it drifting between lives, as well, i.e., I've been on the receiving end of hatred in a situation that has no other explanation than being carried over from a past life. What became most critical for me was distinguishing between this life and the last, in which case I made a conscious decision to focus on this life. Unfortunately, the other individual is unable to do that, and so I've had to remove myself from that situation. Unbridled hate in any situation is unnecessary and a very sad thing. It can become a psychosis.

July 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDonna L. Faber
Donna, karma is a delicate thing. Every moment, human beings are making karma, creating the next life 'in the now.' Past lives explain who you were, not who you are.

Every thought and bahavior sets into motion a cause. All causes have effects in your life. Sooner or later, the causes set into motion by your thoughts and actions produce effects which rebound. You experience good (comfortable) karma or bad (uncomfortable) karma. People really only talk about karma when they mean bad karma. It is useful to realize you have more good karma than bad. People don't effect you unless you choose to react.
July 4, 2008 | Registered CommenterLiara Covert
Hate is a fascinating emotion. I have only had one person in my life who I can say Hates me. I was not aware that the emotion had gone beyond dislike, to the mirror of Hate, until I sent out a friends mailout via my Yahoo address book and he was included. To get a reply wishing I was dead and that he could only live in hope for that outcome was quite a shock. So I sent him a few rather nice things (good karma etc)...hoping that he would change...but sadly he removed himself from my friends list.

July 11, 2008 | Unregistered CommentersoulMerlin
Henry, some human beings create a sense of 'hell'. This is a mental place of sadness and suffering. So long as you believe and remain in another reality, you will not experience discomfort or hate for an extended period. Until a person realizes he or she doesn't deserve to exist in such a place, that person will continue to behave in ways to perpetuate his or her misunderstandings. Each human being has choices and free will.
July 11, 2008 | Registered CommenterLiara Covert
for me it s strange, a kind of spirit hates me and he apears in my dreams. first happhened years ago and he told me i was guilty for his injuries, he had a terrible face and his hand was destroyed. he could hardly walk .he told me it was my fault and he came towards me. the dream was longer.. i don t watch horror movies by the way. and i started thinking it was nothing because it was a long time ago but today i had a dream with the same guy..i was in a station. i know the places really well. is saw him and i felt suddenly strong fear. i didn t understand it was him at first. he followed me. i started running. i went to a group of people and they didn t want to help me stop that guy, they were afraid. nobody came help me and the guy was coming closer and closer . i started running but even if he was injured, walking silent and i was running..he was getting closer and closer i was unable to hide i m never afraid but in my dream i was, maybe for the first time i remember clearly he said i must pay but i..don t know him, i ve never seen him before these dreams.
February 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMr. X
mr x. first a dream, as far as I'm rationally concerned, is merely a reference of prior memories under the 'artistic' influence of your/our subconscious mind. what you've already accomplished, perhaps unaware, and yet so eloquently and sincere, is a linguistic interpretation of the abstract interactions your memories are impressing on the infinite mind. second, be grateful that you are sensitive to these interactions! the only service that dream interpreters offer is helping you to accept what you've already interpreted for them thru your linguistic representations. lastly, I will attempt to sincerely offer you my feedback (I'm feeding it back to you, kind of like a 'sound-off', as some say), however I encourage you to get at least 3 additional interpretations before drawing your ultimate conclusions. also, it is necessary to speak to the divine within you for final guidance. That said, I suggest that you forgive the man in your dream for harassing you. send him that sincere feeling of love that comes with forgiveness. rainforestrobin's post above is excellent advice for this process; treating the dream-entity exactly as you would a real person. the next bit of advice may be more challenging, for you must confront this person if you are ever to encounter them or anyone else like them in your dreams, and in material life. you must tell them the same advice that rainforestrobin has provided above (remember the steps! it's perfect!). along with this courage must exist an absolute faith in love over all, else you will fail. with love. you will always find a new way to grow! thanks for sharing with us. xo
November 6, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermjgo
I understand, rainforestrobin. I am going to recede into the background at work and keep to myself. Everything I do is wrong, so I will do as little as possible. My job keeps me pretty busy, anyway. I am going to stay at my desk and out of everything else. I have forgiven him in my heart and asked him to forgive me. He will not respond, but my conscience is now clear. And I plan to pray for him every day.
September 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBuddha's child
Buddha's child, its hard to stay mad when your perspective shifts to see the beauty that surrounds you actualy is an extension of you. Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. Consider that every experience is an invitation to love yourself more. Identify the message of self appreciation. Love and hugs to you.
October 3, 2011 | Registered CommenterLiara Covert
Thank you, Liara, Forgiveness is a very powerful thing. Not just for the one who is forgiven, but also for the one who is forgiving. I am only now learning to love myself. That is a foreign concept for me. I think it is much easier to love someone else and lose yourself in the process. I always put everything, children, spouse, family, job,etc., ahead of myself. I am just now, at this point in my life, taking that first small step to begin loving ME. Thanks again.
October 12, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBuddha's child
hello!
i have a problem i dont understand my Boyfriend just passed away tow weeks ago his sister an i dont get along i used to live with him for a year then i moved out but left my stuff there but me am him where still togeather long distance relationship we would call each other every day now that he passed away his sister hates me she is mad cause iam taking his van home with me the van is in my name i was not invited to the service she calls me all kinds of bad names she is up set cause iam taking the van at frist i was going to give give her the van but when she started with me calling me all kinds of names i said no she said she wonted to sell the van to bury his ashes iam very hurt i didnt do any thing wrong to this person she is nuts what should i do .
February 2, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdont understand her
This post is very inspiring, thank you.

It's definitely brought in some insight as to why an ex-date/friend has been off and on malicious with me. I have forgiven this person a couple of times and have been there through their ups and downs in their relationship. I had shut this person out many times but they always weaseled their way back in.

It's difficult to constantly forgive someone who is flat out mean when I have been nothing but nice to this person. But enough is enough, and letting this person back in my life is nothing more than a trap.

The lesson learned during this 5 year up and down, is to love yourself and to forgive. But it doesn't necessarily mean to keep this person in your life.

I digress...
March 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSally Hurt
Sally, from the moment you can identify some meaningful lesson in an experience, you shift focus away from your apparent suffering to see the bigger picture. To take responsibility for everything in your life is to realize nobody can 'weasel their way' in if you do not allow it. When you give something or someone your attention, it is suddenly part of your reality. As you stop blaming, change the topics you write about and discuss, you are taking control of how you respond to life. Rather than view yourself as a victim, you realize you have another choice.
March 8, 2012 | Registered CommenterLiara Covert

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