Review your motives

"If we forget ourselves in order to benefit others, if we are prepared to give our own lives to save the lives of others, and if we are giving them whatever is necessary for their welfare, then we shall gain happiness and all perfection." -The 14th Dalai Lama

When humans forge relationships, they may have a deeper strategic agenda.  You may not be consciously aware of why you spend time with certain people, or, you may consciously seek out people because you hope to gain from the relationship.   It may be personal or professional or, something unknown to your conscious mind. In some cases, people are very clear why they seek a particular mentor, they may wish to model a paricular kind of external success and wish to follwo similar steps to get there.

Some people are very altruistic.  They always put another person first.  This may be your partner, parent, child, friend, colleague or strangers.  In such cases, caring and devotion may come from the heart.  Love and compassion guide us unless people-pleasin, fear of rejection or codependence exist due to soul wounds.

Other people are more self-centred.  They make choices that favor their own interest, consciously or unconsciously.  They only do things if they discern it would be to their perceived advantage.  The nature of their relationships reflects their self-importance.

To fight your own will offers a lesson.  You want to do more than survive.  You want to change part of yourself that seems to be missing.  You are shaping your consciousness with every person you meet.  You stretch to become something you have always been.

Comments

[Evita]

Liara I am not sure if I am getting this post right, if it is in favor of living life for others?

In my life I have experienced people who live life for others, but on the inside are really miserable. They identify their ego with living for others, helping others, forsaking themselves and thus live based on being "better" somehow than others because of the sacrifice they are making. I think it is not only obvious to see this type of life does not serve them but also it is done for the wrong motives.

In the past, and especially for those tied to religions people thought it was somehow noble to be a "martyr". But if we look within ourselves today, I know most of us can see that the point of life is not to sacrifice yourself. Again many religious people thought God would rejoice at this - but one has to wonder how does God benefit from you suffering or dying?

Ultimately I think if one accesses their higher and true self, they always act out of compassion as you say. And if you act out of compassion life will naturally play out a perfect balance between the self-centeredness and altruism that we need.

For as I said, there are many examples of people living for others, which all too often are for the wrong reasons and stem out of a bigger egoic self than actually being blatantly self-centered.

[Mei]

I like the quote from the Dalai Lama :)

[Alexys Fairfield]

Hi Liara,
We all need to bend and stretch to become who we are more often. :D

[Liara Covert]

Evita, 'right' and 'wrong' don't exist. Human beings make them up. You interpret everything as you choose. Each person is surrounded with examples of behaviour. You choose to adopt what you see or not. You unconsciously judge. Judgment is a human trait. Anyone can learn to detach, recondition and dissolve this tendency. The Dalai Lama illustrates that you can live with love and compassion without being a martyr.

[Liara Covert]

Mei, Thanks for visiting! If you put "Dalai Lama" into the search on this blog, you will find other articles that include his insights.

[Liara Covert]

Alexys, bending and stretching is a great analogy. Human beings often limit their idea of exercise to movements of the physical body. In reality, mental and emotional exercise is also extremely meaningful and useful. We are very powerful and loving spiritual beings.

[Donna L. Faber]

This is another compelling post that has personal significance at this time. As an individual who has evolved from selfish love to more involved and self-less love, I've come to confirm in my life that love is a verb. You must give it to receive it ... and in the giving, when done with compassion and with no expectations, it works its own magic on us, I think. Every person I know who is in a relationship selfishly, or for reasons that may be subversive even to themselves, is secretly miserable, unfulfilled, but crippled and unable to seek anything differently. Oh, this is a good topic!

[Liara Covert]

Donna, each human being has opportunities to learn through experience. To truly understand what it means to be selfish and selfless, a soul needs to grasp what it means to be on giving and receiving ends. Magic comes naturally and is experienced fullly if energy and soul love are permitted to flow. Experience brings wisdom when you're ready.