Entries in Relationships (49)
Liara Covert
"If we forget ourselves in order to benefit others, if we are prepared to give our own lives to save the lives of others, and if we are giving them whatever is necessary for their welfare, then we shall gain happiness and all perfection." -The 14th Dalai Lama
When human beings forge relationships, they may have a deeper agenda. You may not be consciously aware of why you spend time with certain people, or, you may consciously seek out people because you hope to gain something specific from the relationship. It may be personal or professional or, something unknown to your conscious mind.
Some people are very altruistic. They always put another person first. This may be your partner, parent, child, friend, colleague or strangers. In such cases, caring and devotion come from the heart. Love and compassion guide you as long as you choose to trust.
Other people are more self-centred. They make choices that favor their own interest, consciously or unconsciously. They only do things if they discern it would be to their perceived advantage. The nature of their relationships reflects their self-importance.
To fight your own will offers a lesson. You want to do more than survive. You want to change part of yourself that seems to be missing. You are shaping your consciousness with every person you meet. You stretch to become something you have always been.
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Describe characteristics of your dream relationship. This doesn't have to be romantic in nature. It can be a list of traits that you find appealing or necessary. Let us know why. How did you come to these conclusions? Do you imagine this or speak from experience?
When it comes to relationships, we make all our choices for conscious and unconscious reasons. How would your life be different if you began to consciously recognize unhealthy behaviour patterns and change? Modifying your behaviour doesn't necessarily mean you get to the root of your conditioning. How do you know if your assumptions uncover what you see or, only what you would like to see? Do you really know yourself?
Take your current partner. To acknowledge the truth of what is happening in your life within your relationships, you need to be willing to take responsibility for your half of making or watching it happen. As you reflect on your conditions, you can, when ready, gradually grow to see where your beliefs and agreements create where you are.
One man shared a story. He felt that as his personal life took off in a good way, unforeseen obstacles appeared to repeatedly annoy him or push his goals out of reach. For example, his business partner cheated him and their business folded. Then, stress and financial strain mounted. As finances grew healthier, he was wrongfully accused of an unrelated crime he didn't commit that complicated smoother sailing. Then, even wedding plans seemed to him problematic as mysterious glitches appeared.
Always remind yourself apparent challenges are blessings. They help us deal with self-centeredness, self-importance and self-esteem issues. In order to benefit, a person has to be willing to address the underlying reasons for self-sabotage. Your choice of how to react to other people determines whether you take their behavior personally. As you come to realize you don't always have to prove you're right, your perspective changes. You take responsibility for yourself and certain things no longer matter. You can grow.
What if you decided to release all your expectations about everything and everyone? This would require detaching from rigid points of view about why you think things should work in a certain way. This process takes courage, discipline, self-control. Are you ready?
Human beings dream of being seen and accepted for what they are. Do you see me as I am? Do you see yourself as you are? Would you know it if you were? What would that mean anyway? How would you confirm it? Which words or images would help describe it?
Few people choose to look at other people directly. Why might this be? When you look at someone directly, you see through them. But, to what? What prompts you to turn away?
Eyes are described as windows into the soul. You look into somebody's eyes and see reflections of your true self. That is, what you desire to see and anything you would prefer to overlook or forget. Unconditional love and acceptance are often traded away.
When you see yourself as you are, you reconnect with your soul, with everything and everyone. Should this worry you? Of course not! Then, why do so many people resist taking responsibility for how they feel? For their core choices, decisions and creations?
People often prefer to push away or ignore what they are in favor of a quest to find that which appears to be missing. They think what they need is a person or relationship to feel more complete. Reality is they fear what they'll find if they know themselves, or rediscover who they truly are. If you see yourself as you are, would your life-view shift?
Well, maybe it reassures you somehow to selectively forget the truth? People go to extreme lengths to test their endurance, their relationships, perception, faith, and justification of progress. Discover what happens as you disregard any inkling of defeat. Discover the implications of raising awareness of your core relationship with your soul.
As we evolve, grow and make different choices in our lives, memories of external influence can come rushing back to us. No matter where you are and what you are doing, different people have helped you get to where you are right now.
You may reflect on your parents, employers of the past or present, friends, strangers or people who have entered your life, stayed briefly and may no longer be there. Each relationship offers lasting wisdom. Some leave more lasting impressions.
Amidst all this, it is meaningful to ask yourself what is the best advice you have ever been given? Who shared this wih you? What were the circumstances? How has your life evolved as the result? Share your own personal story to inspire others and encourage yourself.