Nicky Hamid & Interview on awakening to what you are

Nicky Hamid has taught spiritual psychology self-awareness in varied settings for thirty years, from university and spiritual retreats, to group meditation and workshops in different countries.

His writing and related endeavors come to my attention through synchronicity.  We both exist to empower others.  We also sense opportunities to awaken and expand consciousness have far-reaching implications. I also heard Nicky interviewed on Blog Talk Radio and chose to contact him. He shares immeasurable insights;

How did you come to be in New Zealand?  

I came to NZ at age 9. It was after WWII and my parents, with five children, wanted to make a better life for us all. They did just that and it was perfect for me with the great outdoors and freedom to explore. NZ has been a home of opportunity and I took to it all.

What do you perceive as your Earthly and other origins? 

When you ask about my true origins, I have to say the stars. I love being here in this life, even with all its ups and downs. It is a privilege to be incarnated on Earth and at this amazing time in the evolution of Humanity. I feel a long history with life here, but I also have distant and distinct remembering of other worlds and so for me this is one adventure in an eternity of adventures, past and future.

I relate to intergalactic and energy connections you imply. One blog article here that elicits considerable interest explores perceptions of “Star Kids.” How would you expand on ‘origin?’

My origin is from the Source of All That Is. No beginning and no end. We are forever so let us all lighten up and enjoy the ride.

What prompts you to write your latest book?  

I wrote All You Can Be to give readers a heart-felt overview of what is happening to us all right now. I have counseled people most of my life. This is about helping them to see their own power and to trust in their own answers and inner process.

More and more people are awakening to really question who they are and why they are here. There is a “disturbance in the force” which is affecting everyone. Big questions and a thirst for real understanding without all the trimmings help people see they bury answers under belief systems (BS = bull shit) and personal agendas. Lots of wonderful ideas and heartfelt teachings exist, but people get swamped. They often do not know where to start.   

How would you describe the book in 30 words?

The book traces an expanded, inspirational view of the human consciousness, origin, and nature. The practical tools given for self-empowerment focus on developing our evolving heart-felt inner guidance system.

How is this book meant to affect people? 

It outlines a vision of how amazing we are and our potential, plus some simple tools that really work, in order for people to build a personalize dynamics in their life that will empower them and help them to feel more fully connected to everything.

Practitioners from the helping and healing professions are often asking me for something simple, and yet which covers a lot of ground, to recommend to their clients. This book will do that. I have been getting such feedback from my readers.  It is also a book to be picked up and opened intuitively to provide individual guidance in the moment.

Who are some of your mentors? Share some lessons learned.

I have had the best mentors I could have had.

My parents: who were not only both widely read but were open always to sharing. Love was behind it all. Long discussions with my mother about the cosmos and the spiritual path and she helped me to gain a sense of place in this world and connection to all that is. Home spun philosophy of my father which told me to expect things to be in a constant state of change and yet to accept and embrace it.

5 siblings: each totally different and unique, they taught me to be flexible and allow others to see as they do without trying to change them to my way of thinking. Later the thousands of university students I have had the privilege to teach. They showed me the infinite variety of views and moods of humanity and the amazing potential of human nature.

Some teachers: I remember for their talents, humanity, and integrity. For example, a geography teacher for his thoroughness and attention to detail and yet enthusiasm for what he did. A psychology professor offered the depth of his knowledge, the dryness of his humor, and his encouragement for my divergent thinking.

Lao Tzu and the Tao: Above all, this taught me to trust, to allow my own process and benevolence of the Universe.

My greatest teachers have been my children: in them, I have seen God (the Source of All That Is). They taught me to be fully present. To be in the moment and that in that moment there is unbounded joy. My grandchildren carry on that legacy for me. If you want to see who you truly are, where you came from, how you were when you came here, then look into the eyes of a baby and young children. That is what we are here to remember. Take truly to heart messages from children.  Really learn to play and rediscover the innocent perception of being totally with it.

Throughout your experiences, what do you learn about fear?

Fear results from lack of knowledge. When I face fear, I face the forgetting of the truth of who I am. No matter what the fear is. If I am nervous about talking to people it is usually because I am afraid that the audience will not accept my message and therefore will not accept me. I have forgotten that I am love incarnate, that what other people think of me is none of my business, and that I am walking into that situation because it is the next joyful step in my journey. I have forgotten all my experience that has shown me that life is a most synchronous and amazing dance.

Fear comes from not knowing and knowing comes from trusting yourself and taking your power to move through the moment. What we seem most afraid of is being totally in the moment of that experience of fear. Conquering the fear comes from refusing to listen to our mind which will always try to scare you based on the past or some imagined future based on horror of the past.

If you can move into the moment and simply experience the feeling of fear without the interpretation then it will move. It has to move. It will become excitement of the unseen to come. It will be about change in you, in your experience, in your vision of yourself and your world. Fear is the unkind lie that you are ignorant and powerless.

Describe your understanding of Lemeurian and Atlantean consciousness.

Throughout our journey in this 3rd density, we have enacted many dramas. We came here to experience, and the Dream humankind has interwoven is one in which we have each experienced both the highest and the lowest ranges of the energetic frequency which is Earth life. Through the various circumstances and how we have acted within the limitations of each we, together with our ancestors, have build up a vast repertoire of knowledge and understanding. Our experience has taught us volumes about limitations of disconnecting from our Source.

Our Lemurian life was one where we gradually fell, from the remembrance of our connection and the complete harmony with all life here, to one of allowing others to trample on the truth and we learned to Ignore our own knowing. In doing so, we took on the hurt, anger and guilt of our own ignorance.

Our Atlantean life was one where through outside interference we learned to separate ourselves from each other, taking on experiences of being a slave to others and also being superior to others, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. We learned about being powerful and In control, and the arrogance of superiority, together with experiences of being worthless, unlovable, and powerless.

We, in fact, learned about all the best and most shadowy aspects of all we could be.

How does knowledge of previous existences (incarnations) impact the present moment?

Now, we are learning to integrate the experiences of all these dramas we have enacted through the alchemy of love and forgiveness. We can really feel the truth of the concocted reality we have been engaged in and take the truth that we are love incarnate and exist forever, then we will forgive. We will say "This is enough of the game of suffering and separation. No one owes me anything. There is no debt to pay by me or by anyone. It was a game that I constructed and played and for me it is over. I forgive myself for it all. I made all the choices and performed every action imaginable in order to have the experience of them. I forgive all the players in the game and truly “thank you with all my heart for the realistic and complete part you have played. The game is up. Now I know. Thank you, I love you."

Why does karma not exist in the New Reality?

Living life is not about justice and fair play, it is about choices. You making the conscious choices for the experiences you desire. You are the Creator of your world. The tension between the opposites like joy and sadness, love and fear, is what you came to experience and resolve and dissolve. You are learning to move beyond duality.

The New Reality says that you can choose or not choose anything. You are no longer here to learn lessons, you are here on an experiential adventure as a child of the Stars. Karma is the Law of cause, and you are the cause of all you experience. Through your love and by your intents you can create anything, any opportunity for the experiences you wish to have.

For ages now you have created an endless cycle of birth and rebirth, Karma and Justice. Do you want to keep playing that game or do you want another more grown up game? Where you are the initiator; where you do not have to have repeat experiences and you do not have to be at war with yourself and thereby with others; where you share with others as you explore the joy of your own self expression in an unlimited Universe; where your body does not die; and where suffering is a choice that no longer makes any sense because you have grown out of it.

What does a person need to do to reach this mental state?

What is happening to you now has nothing to do with payback. All Karma, all the human experiences of the past ages have risen to the surface and are there to be examined at this time. Humanity has said “Enough!” to the endless cycle of repeat lessons. You have learned all you can about suffering. The game is up. Why not take a deeper, truer viewpoint of the whole game you have been playing? Clear it all forever with your love, understanding and forgiveness. Even drop completely the rules of justice. Balance is already deeply inherent in the Reality of your Love. That is all that is needed. How can you see the most undesirable person in the most loving way. Now, there is a challenge.

And, as you forgive everyone, and especially forgive yourself totally, for everything you have ever done that separates you from any other aspect of creation, you reach a certain mental state. Who in your creation is unworthy enough to suffer consequences of their action, and where would the Law of Retribution be?

What advice do you offer about entering the fuller experience of your own inner knowing?

In my new book, All You Can Be, there is a Chapter called the “Four Pillars of Enlightenment”.

It is about what I would consider the essentials of strengthening your inner sense of yourself and who you truly are. Together they form not only a basic dynamic for self-realization, they become pivotal in developing a fool-proof guidance system for negotiating your own unique path of transformation and alignment to your own ascension process. Briefly and in a nutshell these are.

1. Learning to be in the moment. Experiencing and claiming ones own natural watching self. Becoming totally conscious, totally aware and awake.

2. Developing a point of view that sees the Universe as totally benevolent. Learning to see that everything you see and experience is your world and reflects something about you. The Universe wants you to be all you can be and therefore is continually pointing you in the direction of knowing everything about yourself. Above all it is telling you to look with the eyes of Love at everything you are. It will be happy until you are totally in love with yourself, until you know that you are love incarnate. Until you look for the gifts in everything and then unwrap those gifts and see that they are the nature of you at One with the Siurce of All That Is.

3. Realizing that because you have at some level asked to really know the truth of life and who you are that the process to be fulfilled in this has been set in motion and is inexorable. At every turn you will be poked and prodded to listen to your inner guidance, your intuition, the voice within, the voices of your angels and guides. and the Universe bringing you opportunities. You are on a path and you really have no alternative but to learn to listen to your guidance and trust it. No one can help you in this you have to make your own journey of faith and intuition . The only proof you will get is in the synchronicities you will begin to see, in the fact that as you listen and trust things start to happen that amaze you in their accuracy and sometimes in how they defy logic. The only way you can build your confidence is to try things out. It is a lot about not having a clue about what will happen and when but acting anyway and finding out later the pleasant surprise.

4. This is about the sacredness of you. If you can consider the most holy, the most precious, the most magnificent, and profound quality of existing as a being. Then can apply this knowing to yourself and own it. We find this very difficult to do. However, that is what you are, and it is what you will sense as you touch anything that is holy, sacred and profound. When you sense it you will be experiencing your own Presence. Whenever you are totally at Home with yourself and are living passionately you are experiencing your Presence. The Presence that is totally at One, is entangled with the ineffable Source of All That Is. The most Holy Presence that you are. This is what love is this is what you are.

What is your insight into 2012?

There is a great deal of nonsense spoken about 2012. Human beings love to scare themselves and make dramas out of almost anything. 40 years ago, I decided not to read another newspaper, a) because I always felt disempowered by what was said to be happening and b) because I would often feel anxiety and fear. The world that I see and the world described in the news are not the same reality. I prefer my own.

Growing up, becoming a human angel means letting go of all the dramas. The Mayans predicted the end times on the 21^st Dec 2012. They gave no dire warnings, they were describing a fact of the positioning of the solar system in relation to the Great Central Sun and pointing to the fact that it was a time of ending before a time of new beginnings. Nobody knows what is going to happen because we, the human race together with Gaia, have not scripted it yet. However, all indications to me are that we have already entered a benevolent timeline. Whatever happens, the new game in town will be one of abundance and unity, love and self-expression. The consensus reality of humankind has already set this in motion, and in the morphogenic field, a new blueprint for us all. One based on freedom and the sovereignty and dignity of all 6 billion of us.

How do you respond to the existing 2012 controversy?

I think of 2012 as a Love Stargate. A gargantuan wave of Love, Light, Energy is building as the waves are presently washing through us all. How painful or easy the transition is from before completion to after completion, is up to each one of us. It can be bumpy or smooth if you say so. How much love can you take. How much do you love yourself and therefore love all Creation. This is the key to ease of being in these amazing times. Your best means of an easy ride on this wave is your capacity to be at home with yourself, with being here on our beloved Gaia, and being able to hold out your hand to help the next person believe in the truth of who they really are.

Thanks Nicky, for providing us with your reflections. I invite visitors to consult archived Radio and oher interviews with Nicky and also to read his new book. For additional details on Nicky and his latest book, please consult www.angelsawakening.com

How does external change empower you?

Changes you perceive around actually you teach you a lot about the self. Yet, not everyone recognize the benefits are far-reaching. What you choose to perceive outside yourself is gradually preparing you to accept far-reaching inner changes.  Consider how perception of external change empowers you;

1) Changing weather encourages versatility.  While growing up, you may have gotten used to predictable seasons, temperatures, and associated activities. You would expect to wear certain kinds of clothing at certain periods of the year.  As weather patterns change more abruptly, some geographic places experience temperatures typical of of 3-4 seasons in a day.  Climate change promotes foresight, adaptability and resourcefulness throughout a perceived calendar year.

2) Shifts in societal focus mirror inner changes. People remark on shifts in the economy and in societal structures that no longer appear to be working. In other words, values and principles are evolving. This draws attention to conditioned belief systems that people sense they are beginning to outgrow.  Deconditioning is a process that prompts people to bring fears about change to the surface.  You quietly prepare to redefine a sense of security and replace fear with unconditional love.  When and how this process unfolds is totally up to you.

3) Perception of time is changing. Notice the kinds of changes around you that capture your attention. These are not the same kinds of events that focused your mind before now.  Each event that stands out reminds you that what has happened or, what may happen, is less relvant than where you are. That is, what you perceive as priorities shift with your consciousness of what is happening. How are psychological time and fears losing relevance and power over you?

Unleash the real you!

Something within you is holding you back from sharing all that you are. Whatever you are doing with your life at this moment is not all you exist to do. Yet, you are also missing lessons available to you now. You may be unaware of why this is. Consider these questions to help you unleash the real you;

1) What am I waiting for? As you become progressively more honest, it is apparent that you are only ever waiting for yourself to open the gates to freedom.  Waiting is a choice. To realize time itself is an illusion you reinforce, is the key to transcend it. No time like the present.  Its all there truly is.

2) Why is it taking so long? Impatience is a smokescreen for fear. When you truly wish to do things, you find a way.  When fear controls you, the mind echos excuses to keep you paralyzed as you are. Change requires as long as you decide.

3) How do I know if I make a mistake? Experience is is just experience.  When you do not exert effort, you do not choose to stretch and grow. A sense of regret or error is a value judgment. Emotions are misplaced.  They teach you how you distract yourself or postpone greater self-acceptance.

4) Which road is the best one?  Every road has equal value.  You are no better or worse than anyone else.  No choice results in you being more or less beautiful, more or less capable. You always hold capacity to be just as you are where you are.

5) Where will I go first?  The destination is less important than a willingness to embark on a journey.  You need no help to connect with the courage and confidence you have inside.  You make decisions based on how comfortable you feel with the lessons you are learning.  You leave key decisions up the body and spirit which are aligning all the time.

How to stop overthinking

Overthinking occurs when you have a hard time turning off your mind. Worry and anxiety creep in. All those 'what ifs' capture your attention.  You anticipate how things could go wrong, and how you could respond to unforeseen situations. Overthinking reflects you judge and self-criticize what you have already done and you justify why.

As you read this, you may know what its like to have thoughts run wild and wonder what to do about it.  They compel you to re-examine actions you have already taken and those you wonder if you should. You may question whether you said the right thing, wonder how people interpreted your behaviour. You may keep going over and over decisions, questioning your own motives and what is best for you or others involved.

Consider your tendency to overthink based on how you reply to these questions:

In terms of dating: Why did I wear that outfit? Why was my make-up smudged? Why didn't he look my way? What must she think of me? What must his/ her friends think? Where can we go that would be impressive? How do I know if I said the wrong thing?

In terms of relationships: What will my spouse say when s/he finds out what I have done? What could my friends/ in-laws think of my choice? How can I be sure they will understand my point of view? Why are they not phoning/ including me?

In terms of body-image: Why does the mirror make me look so fat/ skinny? Where does all the acne come from?  Who actually calls these marks beauty spots? How can wrinkles be taken as laugh lines? Why do I keep gaining weight when I exercise/ eat right/ am always on a diet? Whay am I never satisfied about how I look?

In terms of depression:  How isolated did I feel? What could explain this prolonged loneliness? Why did s/he leave me?Why am I unmotivated? Why am I having trouble concentrating? Why do I feel restless and sluggish? How long does this post-natal depression thing last? Can how I feel be labelled depression?

In terms of work: Why aren't I capable of coping with my job/ schedule and family responsibilities? Why am I not living up to expectations? When will I pull myself together? Why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I get over it? When should I go back to work? Why are they asking me to rethink my role as a stay-at home parent?

As you realize you are overthinking, notice the messages about self-worth, self-love and acceptance that speak to you. Notice whether you are allowing fear and ego to control you.  Notice your word choices and how they may disempower you. You actually have choices about which words to use and which thoughts to think.

As an exercise to see what overthinking is inviting you to see about yourself, write 5 phrases relevant to your situation. What do you over-analyze? Write down the feelings that stand out about each phrase (i.e. fear, self-doubt, etc.) Notice if they feel positive or negative. Now, rather than assume something negative happened or will, assume positive things. Know how you think is shaped by your feelings and whether you focus on the future. Fear only exists there. It cannot exist in the present moment.

As you recognize you tend to over analyze people and situations, this is inviting you to step back and learn about yourself. To notice overthinking acknowledges discomfort about something inside. As you look deeper to discover why, you can tailor your strategies to curtail or stop it.  Why do you do the things you do? Maybe some of these resonate with you? If not, reflect on other possible reasons. Jot those down and reflect.

a) Indecisiveness/ low self-confidence (unsure what you want)
b) Strong sense of entitlement (ego success-driven)
c) Never satisfied/ perfectionistic
d) Seek approval & acceptance / fear disapproval & rejection 
e) Diagnosed with psychological/ psychiatric illness

What if every reason you could possibly give to explain why you over-analyze brings you back to a plea for love? What if everything invites you to be more aware of how you can love Self and others unconditionally?  One perspective is every experience invites you to love yourself more and see yourself as you really are. To overthink suggests you choose to focus on fear rather than love, and you can shift attention anytime.

"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It`s a death trap." -Anthony Hopkins

Fear of Failure: Women & Depression

Severe depression is the most widespread psychological disorder in the Western world. This disabling condition arises for different reasons and affects diverse communities. As a group, women experience more stressors than men because women often shoulder the burdens of family and friends as as well as their own. Short-term frustration or sadness is normal. If distress lasts for weeks or more, its wise to consult health professionals that align with your socio-cultural and other beliefs.

The profiles below were chosen from surveys to 300 women about their experiences with esteem, self-image, and fear.  We welcome our readers to share comments about their own lives.  What do you learn about yourself?

Jean, a lawyer who knew public t.v. success, lived through both depression and anorexia. She succumbed to pressure from herself, her peers, producers and her audience. “I ignored my need for emotional support. The show consumed me.” For a time, ratings soared. Clients poured into her office, boosting her esteem. She pushed herself hard. “I desired approval and grew insecure. My expectations rose too high.” She couldn’t keep everyone happy. Her life fell apart. Her work-a-holism and competitiveness led to divorce. She felt guilty about neglecting her son and family. When her show was cut, her esteem plummeted. “I was miserable. I felt like a failure. I lost my appetite, but I didn’t notice until I was very thin. I considered suicide.” Public success was short-lived. She would cry inexplicably. “I wondered why I pushed ahead? My inner voice encouraged me, said I could do better. But I was repeatedly disappointed.” It was hard to motivate herself, to refine her identity. “In searching for an acceptable self-image, I suffered depression then anorexia.  I almost died.” Once she admitted her mental illness, she sought help. Treatment and time away from the city enabled her to renew. Dating again builds her confidence.

Helen, a highly-educated, stay-at-home mom, admits struggling with a negative attitude and clinical depression. “I would like to be more positive, but my workaholic father and life experiences make that hard.” She moved to a foreign country to complete graduate school. She married and stayed abroad. Motherhood alone has been unsatisfying. “I attend playgroups with other moms. Some gave up careers like medicine to raise their kids. They devote time to school committees and volunteer causes. At times, I feel so tired and empty.” Helen has undergone psychotherapy, but she discontinued treatment. She felt it was emotionally too difficult. “I didn’t like what learned about myself. It was scary.” A miscarriage caused her to see her life differently. She feels more grateful for her toddler son and finds new meaning in life. 

Jasmine, a budding art therapist, gained weight as a result of taking medications for her mental illness. “My children are growing. I wish to do something career-wise.” She doesn’t wish to wallow in grief. “Losing my parents hurt me terribly. Watching children suffer in news is heartbreaking. It’s hard to concentrate. My energy increases over time.”

Ashley, a freelance journalist, has experienced low-esteem due to long-time of criticism about her abilities. Members of her family have also suffered depression. She is convinced its genetic. Her hidden fear of failure leads her to express a constant level of enthusiasm. “I’m mostly optimistic, but some people think I’m phony.” Insecurity relates less to how people perceive her to how she sees herself. “I was a chubby teen with crooked teeth. Fixing my teeth inspired me to smile more. Becoming more physically fit built my confidence.” She wishes to empower women who struggle with critical self-evaluation. Reproduction issues still get her down. “If success and happiness are measured by having children, I might feel a failure. In developing my career, I haven’t met suitable partners.” Ashley has seen her ambition intimidates men. “I’m productive and get things done. At work, I’ve found it’s acceptable to be told what to do. I’ve also learned it’s useful to question authority.” Ashley doesn’t fear success. Yet, her view of it changes, making it harder to achieve.

Claire, an advisor, has a family history of depression. Her esteem issues led her to seek therapy. “I try to focus on having good relationships, but they’re measured by signs of affluence. I fear I’m unable to measure up.” Claire has struggled with her self-image. She measures her success by how she masters skills and helps others. She rarely socializes and admits, “I find it hard to even feel motivated. I don't like myself much.” She defines her limitations based on external criticism. “I see how people around me judge women. They attribute failure to gender.” Claire doesn’t like being watched and evaluated. “I’m very self conscious. I worry that others will see me fail while I’m just trying to learn. She wonders how women over-achieve. Her expectations are contrary to her conscience. She fears both financial failure and success, and has known neither. “Failure would leave me unable to take care of myself. I worry success is just an illusion that doesn’t truly reflect my values. In my daily life, it’s very hard to find role models to emulate who reflect my values. Most have such extreme lives and sacrifices that I don't feel I can achieve them.”

Joanne, a spiritual housewife, moved to the U.S. from the Philippines. She tries to focus on married life while she feels restless. She has known a cultural identity crisis. “I pray each day and try to be a good wife.” Her sense of success is closely linked to her education and striving to think positively. Prayer enables her to deal with feelings of helplessness. “I perceive myself as an achiever with no room for failure. So, when difficult times come, I tend to sulk.” Her parents’ careers and marriage set her lofty goals. Joanne’s sense of failure clarifies itself in bad decisions she perceives around her. “I compare myself to my school alumni’s achievements.” Joanne fears both success and failure, but she tries to let go to leave the rest to God. “If bad things happen to my family, like sickness, difficulties, I feel worse.” She reads self-help books to improve herself. She also strives to interact with people who inspire her with their own survival, people “who lead a good and righteous life.” Her biggest disappointments go back to the failure of her plans. She admits she forgets that "Higher Forces guide oportunities for healing." 

Eboni, a farmer’s housewife, has experienced depression. She struggles to define her identity separate from motherhood. Her children are grown. She has become more involved in her community. Making friends and socializing helps. “I’ve found self-help meeting groups do a lot to help build my self-esteem. I read inspirational self-help books about women who beat the odds.”

Ella, a nurse and sports coach, dips in and out of depression. She turns to drinking to help deal with uncomfortable emotions and stress of work. She experienced low moods regarding her dad’s death. She was overtired and less interested in her typical activities. She recognizes that she fears uncertainty. Ending an unfulfilling, ten year relationship gave her new strength. “The last straw was when he bought a motorbike rather than an engagement ring.” New romance also builds her confidence. She juggles jobs to achieve financial freedom. “But I don’t like nursing now. It’s hard on my back.” Physical injuries contribute to her sense of failure. Physiotherapy and counseling are helping her rise out of her intermittent depression.

Terry, a former hospital employee, frequently feels overwhelmed by piles of tasks. She admits she is discouraged by her personal life and feels all she has ever done is make mistakes. She dwells on what went wrong, what will likely go wrong or what is wrong with herself as a person. Her energy is drained by shouldering close family responsibilities. Her strategy to beat depression has been to turn to prayer and also to devote part of her life to helping the less fortunate.

Leslie, an elementary school teacher, has become more depressed since a fire consumed her house and created sizable debt. “I no longer put in 100%, or I do too much, feel overwhelmed and incapable. In general, I don’t fear failure. I’ve succeeded and failed. Each failure strengthens me.” Her confidence wavers when she is preoccupied with external approval. “I also feel depressed when I exert effort and receive little response. That can crush me!” Her personal life has had its ups and downs. In the past, her esteem sank due to irreconcilable differences with family members. “My step-mom and I didn’t get along. Dealing with adversity has been trying. “My life is harder than its ever been.”  She's hopeful she'll make it through. 

Judy, an website entrepreneur, fell in depression as the result of the impact of Hurricane Katrina. That storm destroyed her home, most of her possessions and many business files. For a time, she drove out of state and lived in her car. Come what may, Judy defines personal success as, “doing the right thing.” To overcome lingering sadness, she aims to surround herself with survivors. “I minimize contact with ‘losers.’” One example of why this is hard relates to a close friend addicted to QVC. “She has ordered $40,000 worth of goods from the shopping network in the last year.” Feeling unwilling to leave friends with self-defeating behavior pulls Judy down, but she tries to focus on what she can control. “The stakes are not high in my life right now. I’m not trying to accomplish great things, nor is there anything I could really lose.” Overcoming setbacks and depression means learning not to be intimidated by new things. “I just figure out how to do them.” Her restlessness led her to alcohol. Drinking makes her happy and then sad. She tries to forget difficult life. To improve esteem, she says, “I aim to stop impulsive eating and drink less.”

Yamina is a Muslim housewife with low self-confidence. She associates success with positive thinking and support from her husband and family. She would like to start a small business, but she lacks faith in herself. She feels “pressure and expectations from her society.” Her father encourages her to overcome negative thinking. She is strongly affected by failures by close family members. “I fear failure because of how it may stop me from moving on and on whether or not I will be able to rise again from the fall.” She dwells on the death of loved ones. “I also regret not taking initiatives and not becoming what I could have.” She wishes to eliminate these anxieties.

Bella, a home care nurse, never married.  She developed breat cancer later in life and depression arose as a partial result.  She found that during her chemotherapy treatment, she came to judge herself more and began to wonder if her life was a failure because of things she had not  done before the cancer and was now unable to do due to the state of her health.

As you can read above, these profiles reveal some low self-esteem  is a common symptom women describe as a contributing factor to their depression. Each woman’s experience is her own. Low confidence is often linked to struggles with fear and control. If you experience depression or know someone who does, you may sense this condition evolves as women strive to achieve material success, as women seek external recognition and acceptance, or as the result of their experience with relationships. 

In essence, as a group, women who experience depression struggle with happiness and contentment. They fear failing to reach their goals, or failing to meet other people’s standards. A woman’s understanding of success may be linked to peer approval rather than to her own lessons. Conditioning rarely teaches a woman to define her success in terms of how she acts to make life better for herself as she sees fit rather than based on external influences. Women multi-task because its expected. They may over-nurture because they’re taught to be overly emotional.

If you assume control is key, be aware success and happiness are more about letting go of all your taught. Women can only control themselves, not time, how others react, not longevity or mortality. If your morale is consistently low, consider taking on-line depression tests.  Clinical depression is a condition determined by professional diagnosis. Intermittent low spirits are sometimes viewed as depression, adopted as a label or part of an identity.   As you raise your own awareness of why you think and feel as you do, you're also in a position to encourage yourself and others and also feel your way to remember love is the ultimate solution. 

"Sometimes one has simply to endure a period of depression for what it may hold of illumination if one can live through it, attentive to what it exposes or demands. The reasons for depression are not so interesting as the way one handles it, simply to stay alive." -May Sarton