Cement sent from heaven

The following is a true story which helps you learn why this man takes angels seriously.

When I was 23, I was sailing in the Caribbean, off the coast of Cuba, and my small boat capsized.  A friend and I had taken it from the Havana Yacht Club and foolishly sailed out too far, without having the sense to wear life jackets.  Sail and rudder were gone.  With great effort, we hauled ourselves inside and sat there, water up to our waits, helpless.  A burst of wind came up, and the next thing we knew, we were clinging to the gunnels of the submerged boat.  It was too far to swim ashore and the waters were full of sharks. We drifted in a swift current, southwestwardly, along the coast.  Before long, it was pitch dark.  I was shaking inside with fear, not knowing how we would ever be found in the darkness, not being sure how long the boat would remain afloat.  I prayed more persistently than ever. I promised God if that he saved us, I would serve him well.

I don't know how much time had gone by when my companion screamed in pain.  A Portugese man-o-war had brushed across his belly, its poison leaving a wake of angry welts.  He kept taking about jumping overboard and, I recall my attention was diverted from my own desperation to talking to him about anything I could think of to distract him from his anguish.  But, I felt it was hopeless.  In the morning, if we lasted that long, the sun would emerge and burn us to a crisp.

Miraculously, morning came and the sun was not as threatening as I'd imagined.  We were at least a mile from shore, and still afloat.  Much to my surprise, I saw a large ship approaching and became excited.  The ship had seen us.  As the ship grew closer, I could read the large letters painted on the side: Lehigh Portland Cement.  The sailors threw the ladder down and one kind man helped us on deck.  We drank coffee and the ship turned back to harbor.  I said a prayer of thanks, reminding myself of my promises and determined to do my best to remain faithful to them.

For years I remained convinced my prayers had been heard by God.  And recently, I began to wonder whether God had sent an angel to send us safely home.

-Frederic Flach, MD, based on an excerpt from The Secret Strength of Angels 

What is Balance?

Balance is forever present, yet people often find themselves believing they must chase it. Slow down. Stop even. Watch the mind going in circles. Let go of beliefs that have you side-tracked. What is permanent is an innate state unaffected by worry.

To paraphrase the poet Kalhil Gibran,

Without the energy of Hate, we don't understand the full energy of Love.
Without Sadness we don't understand the full energy of Happiness.
Without Evil we don't understand the full energy of Good.
Without Chaos we don't understand the full energy of Peace.

Staying power

Notice the conditions and relationships that have staying power or longevity in your life.  What keeps them in your scope or focus of attention?  What solidifies a bond between friends or partners and convinces them to 'stick it out' even when circumstances are difficult? What keeps certain people connected?

"The prospect of growing old together," admit one middle-aged couple.

"The loneliness I see among mature singles around me," replies one married man.

"We give each other strength," admits a female partner of 10 years.

"The joys of our children and grandchildren," explain grandparents.

"Shared values," notes a married woman.

You hear about financial troubles, serious illness, workaholism and other hurtful habits or activities, and yet, people who choose to stay connected somehow recognize how trivial many of their trials, disagreements or concerns really are.  They talk things out and let go.  They learn how not to hold grudges.  Instead, they focus on what brought them together.  They reminisce about how and why they overcame problems in the past. 

Couples that stay together through hardship learn it enables them to grow stronger and build trust. They learn the value of apology and forgiveness in and work through destructive, negative thoughts and feelings.  Healthier relationships are those where partners find ways to face the truth about themselves and also evolve together. A shared vision, a willingness to listen to each other, can lead to a relationship with staying power.  People will often offer you advice about your life.  Evaluate it thoroughly from your perspective. You are accountable for your decisions. Depend on yourself. Have faith in yourself. Share your intuitive views and see what feels right.

Shape your life

How many people do you know who don't like to make their own decisions or don't know how? These kinds of people ask someone else what to do or ask someone to do it for them.  Maybe you generously help someone with decisions, not realizing that you may actually prevent this person from developing key life skills. 

If you're having a tough time, and feel very vulnerable, you may prefer to lean on someone.  You may have lost a loved one, be in a destructive relationship or feel stuck in a self-defeating situation. You may ask people to guide you, tell you what to do, and eliminate your bad choices.  Yet, not facing things on your own means you permit fear or uncertainty to control you.  This may prevent you from learning to seek professional help you need.  Unless you figure out how to leave a destructive situation, or grow from what you now see were bad choices, you may become dependent on people for judgments and self-assessments you need to learn to make yourself. 

Maybe you have a conflict looming, where you're definitely in the right, yet, obtaining more just and ethical treatment isn't easy.  The experience may be an ongoining trial of patience and inner strength.  You may fear losing faith in the process, losing faith in yourself and wonder about the implications of any decisions. What would be the best thing to do now?

Rest assured that you're frequently being given new opportunities to change, to learn from mistakes and then, to try again and make better decisions.  It's all in how you look at the situation.  You have power to take charge of your life, to learn to read your intuition.  We all benefit from learning to look at ourselves to see where and when we have grown,how we have contributed to the lives of others, and why we have had a sense of failure. Learning to deal with the truth of why we evade choices and situations enables us to shape our lives for the better.

How to stop overthinking

Overthinking occurs when you have a hard time turning off your mind. Worry and anxiety creep in. All those 'what ifs' capture your attention.  You anticipate how things could go wrong, and how you could respond to unforeseen situations. Overthinking reflects you judge and self-criticize what you have already done and you justify why.

As you read this, you may know what its like to have thoughts run wild and wonder what to do about it.  They compel you to re-examine actions you have already taken and those you wonder if you should. You may question whether you said the right thing, wonder how people interpreted your behaviour. You may keep going over and over decisions, questioning your own motives and what is best for you or others involved.

Consider your tendency to overthink based on how you reply to these questions:

In terms of dating: Why did I wear that outfit? Why was my make-up smudged? Why didn't he look my way? What must she think of me? What must his/ her friends think? Where can we go that would be impressive? How do I know if I said the wrong thing?

In terms of relationships: What will my spouse say when s/he finds out what I have done? What could my friends/ in-laws think of my choice? How can I be sure they will understand my point of view? Why are they not phoning/ including me?

In terms of body-image: Why does the mirror make me look so fat/ skinny? Where does all the acne come from?  Who actually calls these marks beauty spots? How can wrinkles be taken as laugh lines? Why do I keep gaining weight when I exercise/ eat right/ am always on a diet? Whay am I never satisfied about how I look?

In terms of depression:  How isolated did I feel? What could explain this prolonged loneliness? Why did s/he leave me?Why am I unmotivated? Why am I having trouble concentrating? Why do I feel restless and sluggish? How long does this post-natal depression thing last? Can how I feel be labelled depression?

In terms of work: Why aren't I capable of coping with my job/ schedule and family responsibilities? Why am I not living up to expectations? When will I pull myself together? Why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I get over it? When should I go back to work? Why are they asking me to rethink my role as a stay-at home parent?

As you realize you are overthinking, notice the messages about self-worth, self-love and acceptance that speak to you. Notice whether you are allowing fear and ego to control you.  Notice your word choices and how they may disempower you. You actually have choices about which words to use and which thoughts to think.

As an exercise to see what overthinking is inviting you to see about yourself, write 5 phrases relevant to your situation. What do you over-analyze? Write down the feelings that stand out about each phrase (i.e. fear, self-doubt, etc.) Notice if they feel positive or negative. Now, rather than assume something negative happened or will, assume positive things. Know how you think is shaped by your feelings and whether you focus on the future. Fear only exists there. It cannot exist in the present moment.

As you recognize you tend to over analyze people and situations, this is inviting you to step back and learn about yourself. To notice overthinking acknowledges discomfort about something inside. As you look deeper to discover why, you can tailor your strategies to curtail or stop it.  Why do you do the things you do? Maybe some of these resonate with you? If not, reflect on other possible reasons. Jot those down and reflect.

a) Indecisiveness/ low self-confidence (unsure what you want)
b) Strong sense of entitlement (ego success-driven)
c) Never satisfied/ perfectionistic
d) Seek approval & acceptance / fear disapproval & rejection 
e) Diagnosed with psychological/ psychiatric illness

What if every reason you could possibly give to explain why you over-analyze brings you back to a plea for love? What if everything invites you to be more aware of how you can love Self and others unconditionally?  One perspective is every experience invites you to love yourself more and see yourself as you really are. To overthink suggests you choose to focus on fear rather than love, and you can shift attention anytime.

"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It`s a death trap." -Anthony Hopkins