Do you love yourself?

Seeking approval is a sign.  Reaching for approval reveals you doubt yourself.  If you decide not to seek approval, you begin to see that what other people think doesn't reallyaffect who you are inside.   Why? You don't have to be what people desire or expect.  Loving yourself unconditionally means you accept yourself and do not seek to change anything.

As you begin to consider things about yourself you might wish to change, reflect also on people or circumstances that may have prompted you to feel this way. Learn to rise above these influences. Tell yourself honesty triggers a fulfilling life.  Denying innate love and acceptance blocks a human being from living physical existence to the fullest.

"How do we love ourselves? One way is by not seeking approval outside ourselves."

-Byron Katie

Gateway of humility

Humans are taught to think life isn't supposed to be a smooth journey. Many of us have "close calls" where it may seem like death misses us by a whisker. Did you have a close call where you felt it wasn't your time to leave? Did you approach the gateway of humility, a tunnel of light perhaps and realize love is the answer? Maybe you feel a bigger plan is at work?

I knew a girl who was hit by a car and put into a coma. She ended up pulling out of it and later, regaining consciousness.  She indicated her deceased grandmother had told her she'd be back another time.  The doctors didn't believe her. Her family wasn't sure if she was hallucinating. She believes her grandmother is now a guardian angel who protects her.

Alison Dubois' life demonstrates the power of guardian angels. She is the focus of a t.v. show called Medium and author of the best-selling book, "Don't Kiss them Goodbye."

When she was six, Allison's deceased great-grandfather supposedly approached her with a message for her mother: "I am okay, I am still with you. Tell your mom there's no more pain." Allison shared his comforting words with her mother and turned to embrace a lifetime of creating connections between loved ones and the those they have lost who are seldom really far away.

Another purpose of her Alison's gifts surfaced while she was an intern in the homicide bureau of a district attorney's office. Curiously, she began to visualize the crime as she handled evidence. She claims to have regular dreams where people contact her from the other side. Allison listened to her Higher Self and gave up law school aspirations to be a consultant profiler on criminal investigations. Her abilities have also been tested in closed research studies and one of the many test subjects she impressed with her readings turned out to be Deepak Chopra.

Alison trusts her guides and surrenders to a power greater than herself.  This enables her to exist at a high level of conscious awareness, to accept and evolve with changes as the observer inside herself.  Her life is a testament to the benefits of trusting love, energy and guardian angels.  She senses these being make themselves available to assist us providing we ask. 

Where will you be in 3-5 years?

A good way to outline your goals is to visualize where you plan to be three to five years into the future and work backwards, like you were designing a comic book storyboard. Imagine you have a magic paintbrush and the world is your canvas.  Break down your pictures into different elements. Choose places you will be, what you will be doing, who you will be with, the kinds of projects and activities which will fill your time. The only way to reach your dreams is to define them, write about them and discuss them in ways they can be broken down and worked out.

What will it require to realize these goals you envisage for yourself? If you see yourself winning an olympic medal in a certain sport, then you'll need to list what you think you'll need to get there.  You'd likely list things like; find a coach, buy good footwear and atheletic apparel, acquire necessary equipment, draft a training schedule, research qualifying meets in which you'll need to compete in your desire to qualify for the Olympics. You'd need to go from genera lists to timeframes and budget, where and how you would obtain what you need. This list would go on.

What would you require if you foresaw yourself in a thriving business down the track? You'd obviously need to isolate key industries of interest. From there, you may go to a library to borrow books on writing business plans, doing marketing assessments and basic accounting. You may also seek out people who have run their own business and ask for advice on steps to follow.  The more information you colloect, the more focused would become your course of action.

What if you had plans to marry your girlfriend and settle down? You may dream of a wedding, a new place to live together and other elements ot this picture. Again, working backwards is a great strategy to help you figure out the details. If you decide on a number of guests, the prospective venue, whether you'll offer food or some kind of reception, whether you wish to marry in a church or somewhere else, who would marry you? would you have a honeymoon? Each element would have a tentative cost and would require thought and real research. You may consider consulting a professional wedding planner or deciding to skip the hassels and elope. 

What if you desired to plan a special trip? It would be necessary to decide on a destination, the mode of desired transport, the planned activities, whether you had an coinciding plan like travel photography, beating an ocean swiming record, landing freelance journalism projects or writing a book.  Each element would have an associated cost in preparation time and money.  This requires a breakdown so you could find ways to save the money and devote the time you would need.

What if you desired to lower the stress in your life and increase your overall health and well-being? This would require that you clarify exactly what you mean by this? Would you hopeto lose weight? Become more physically fit? Evolve into a vegetarian? Go off to some spiritual retreat? Make a concerted effort to change different personal habits, schedules and priorities? Do you wish to do this on your own or with the support of a friend or group that shares your goals? Anything is possible once you set your mind to accomplish it.

What if you desired more than anything to go into remission from a long-term illness? In your mind, you would know what your current emotional, physical and other capacities are and what kinds of changes you would hope to evolve. Again, by pinpointing exactly what you wish to do, you can determine whether you wish to focus on things like physiotherapy, homeopathy or other alternative approaches to medicine and wellness. Will you read books and consult specialists? The world is your oyster. You have the freedom to shape your life as you would hope to have it.

Retirement goals

Each of us knows family or friends who are approaching and experiencing retirement. You may even be living this kind of life transition yourself. What is it about goals that change over time? This is only natural when your physical, emotional and other abilities are evolving too. Know that whenever somethign seems to end, somethign else is beginning.

I know a man who fears not finding enough to do during his retirement. To ensure he keeps busy, he collects boxes of old papers and electric items past their prime, with the intention of sorting and repairing. This man certainly has more than enough to do to fill his perceived time.  Still, he fears what retirement represents: change of routine, a loss of professional identity, apparent aging, thoughts he makes less of a contribution to society and is then less valued. Does this ring true for you?

Everyone is invited to realize lif continues as long as you allow it. Notice whether you see who you are is reflected in what you do. In truth, nothing that is changing actually reveals who you are but only points to it. Imagine what life feels like as you sense that everything is helping you accept yourself as you are.

I know another man who retired in his thirties because of achieving financial freedom. From that moment on, he decided to focus his time on training for elite triathalon competitions and assisting other people to achieve financial freedom. He chose to see retirement as an opportunity to better himself, physically, emotionally, that he had nothing to lose to work hard to get there and everything to gain.  He embraces each day and sees it as filled with new opportunities.

I know a woman who doesn't plan to retire until her health gives out. She takes high blood pressure medication and often puffs when she climbs the stairs. She collects movies with plans to watch most of them during retirement, yet she has little time now and feels too many people need her services to let them down. She works full time and cares for her two aged parents. Her goals are to accomplish as much as she for as many people as she can in the time she's got.

I know another man who retired from a career in the church in his 50s in order to put his experience to use as a counsellor.  He chose to begin a second career, fall in love, get married and have a family.  When he outlived his wife, he married again. He also encouraged himself to write a book to help others. He continues to visit friends and keeps busy to stay motivated.  Among his goals, he would like to live long enough to know his first grandchild.

I know a woman who's hospital staff colleagues gave her a retirement going away part and a ticket for a cruise.  When she returns from the trip with her husband, she'll decide what's next.

I know another man who is still working well into his seventies because he can't afford to retire. He doesn't receive a pension.  Throughout his life, he lived from paycheck to paycheck and never learned how to save.  In fact, sometimes he spent more than he earned.  His children grew up and moved away and his wife died already. Now he has to fend for himself.

When it comes to your retirement goals, you benefit from defining what you desire and by a specific timeline.  If time is the commodity you seek more of, it makes sense to plan what you would do with it so you'll be prepared.  When you ask other people or society for what you want in the form of opportunities, they may not simply hand these things over.  You need to be ready to act and also make sacrifices. 

Retirement is then, a state of mind that embraces life transitions with grace and gratitude.  As you reflect, this may represent more time to do those things you've always wanted to do or more time on the golf course.  It may mean you simply decide how to re-organize your time in ways that give you new purpose. Know purpose is always evolving with you. To nourish a zest for life means you life life to the fullest regardless of what you do and for how long.  You stop measuring and focus on enjoying.

Face the music

Many of us instinctively run from people and situations that make us feel uncomfortable. You may know someone who cringes at the thought of making decisions, fearing not being able to control the results. Would you rather 'grin and bear it' than admit someone displeases you and initiate conflict?  If you lie to yourself and others, this could bring on guilt and fear of telling the truth. What kind of price do you think you would pay for telling the truth and facing the music?

You eat a meal your partner cooks and compliment him even though you dislike it.  You continue this approval into courtship and marriage, and lying makes you feel worse and worse inside. Yet, you fear that by telling him so many years later, that he won't be able to trust you anymore. 

You eagerly ask your boss for a heavier workload when you already feel quite overwhelmed. You express your desire to be considered for the upcoming promotion. As it turns out, you don't get it because you're perceived as pushy and you prove unable to complete the tasks you requested.

You offer unconditional love and approval in a friendship and receive only resentment or lack of reciprocity.  By not questioning desires and needs, people can misunderstand each other and evolve to seek love and approval wherever they can find it.  Sometimes, not offering what your friend wants is the beginning to showing this person understand what you need.

You assess everything you do for people in your life as having invisible exchange value. You measure love, gestures and other kinds of attention given and received.  You withdraw emotions and attention from anyone you secretly wish would give more to you. Why the hidden agenda?

Life experience can help you learn the difference between expressing love and appreciation  without imposing your personal desires with ultimatums.  

"Nobody did or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices." -Alfred A. Montapert