Allan and Barbara Pease &10 behavioral revelations

Allan and Barbara Pease are experts in human relations and body language.  They have sold over 20 million books including, Why Men Don't Listen and Why Women Don't Read Maps, Why Men Lie and Women Cry, Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes, and The Definitive Book of Body Language: how to read others' thoughts by their gestures.  They're also popular public speakers. I have had the pleasure of being in th audience of some of their events and always come away with gems of wisdom.  This has real relevance and staying power.

Even if you have never heard of these people, these 10 tips taken from their books will trigger your own "ah-ha" moments.  After all, as you dream, devise a plan and proceed unconsciously, its your underlying thoughts and emotions that determine how your vision or dream unfolds: 

1) Being perceptive means being able to spot contradictions between someone's words and their body language. (Being self-aware means discerning these things in yourself).

2) For a man, success in the mating game relies on his ability to read the signals being sent to him, as opposed to being able to initiate.  Women's difficulty in finding partners isn't about reading signals, its more about finding a partner who will match their criteria.

3) Modern humans are worse at reading body signals than their ancestors because we are now distracted by words.

4) When a person's words and body language are in conflict or contradict, women ignore what is said.  Men react differently.

5) Submissive dogs reveal their throats.  Humans reveal their palms.  The position of your hands on your arms, legs or in the air actually reveals if you're being honest with yourself.

6) A natural smile produces characteristic wrinkles around the eye--insincere people smile only with their mouth.

7) Science proves the more you smile, the more positive reactions others will give you. (Good advice is to smile constantly. Everyone will wonder what you're up to.)

8) The older human beings become, the more serious they become.  An adult laughs an average of 15x/ day while preschoolers laugh  more than 400x/day.

9) People drink alcohol and take drugs to try to feel how happy people feel normally.

10) When the mind closes, the physical body follows.  The question is, do you notice the real meaning behind gestures or choose to beat your head against the wall?

Recognize you're a gateway

Regardless of what you desire or hope for, the key to realizing goals is to recognize you're a gateway for the passage of intention energy. As you learn to give and receive love, that is, to give and receive unconditionally, this will lead you to sense new meaning in life. You will realize you never act alone or without support.

To think about it another way, any vision you have for relationships, career, health, growth or purpose, all comes back to how you feel about yourself and what you think you deserve. One basic goal many people have is to feel more confident about bigger goals and plans to achieve them. Consider these ideas to enhance goal-setting:

1) Heal any fears about giving or receiving love. If you harbour any fear of not succeeding in your projects or dreams, this hinders a sense of progress. You send out energy into the universe based on your vibrations. Negativity, doubt or self-destructive thinking is a low vibration which invites more of the same. Healing fears invites more upbeat experiences. You have to be looking for them in order for them to find you.  If you keep working when you are tired, you get stuffed and cannot perform.  Learn to let go.  Trust this is an investment. Put it away for a while.  Relax. Come back to it with a clear mind.  When you devote your whole self with joy, you get more work done in less time with less stress.

2) Forgive anyone who may have hurt you or held you back. You may be tempted to blame others for holding you back from where you think you should be.  However, your own choices and emotions have led you to where you are. If someone didn't react the way you'd hoped, this may be a blessing in disguise. Forgive them, forgive yourself. Step into the light. Your positive feelings offer clues about meaningful goals.  As you listen, you will raise your energy vibration and focus differently.

3) Love & accept yourself. What is unfolding does not have to affect how you feel about yourself. Keep nothing. Dwell on nothing of the past. If one goal does not work out the way the ego wants, listen to the heart.  Know this makes you available for another opportunity you would not otherwise be free to notice. Press the delete button. No person, no set of conditions, no stroke of luck, no mentor, can guide you until you decide you are worthy regardless of goals you achieve. To love yourself fully is to trust what you feel in the heart. Even if the external world judges you based on exam results, your future does not depend on exams. The more you love yourself, the more you feel successful whatever you do. Recognize you are a gateway to self-acceptance.  Quiet the mind.  Meditate on feeling good wherever you are.

Your own incredible journey

Part of you searches for something deeper than what the mind thinks it knows. You already face certain challenges and are transformed by those experiences or feel somehow indifferent. Maybe you consider how you could share what you've learned to benefit others? Sharing your wisdom can make you feel successful but what if simply being is itself enough? Savour your own incredible journey every step of the way.

Success can be interpreted by the mind or felt in the heart as new ways of creating joy and experiencing life.  The mind tells you strategies generate satisfaction. You may see yourself as part of a collective generation that is defining group success with shared vision or specific goals. Notice your vision of success shifts at different stages of your life.  Is it aligned with your priorities? Ask what is the aim of each of your efforts. 

As you reflect back on 'rite-of-passage' events, your dreams and life experiences, you gain insight into other kinds of success. You realize that each time you separate from what you think you know in your conditions, self-image or any other aspect of your life, you will face challenges to get-to-know you can see yourself and life differently.  Notice different kinds of milestones.  Everything draws you back to what matters now.

In essence, you're supposed to get knocked down so you can learn to get up again. You're meant to expand on all those limits or ideas you thought were unchanging. They're not. Neither are you.  Perception is impermanent. True success is not.  It is symbolized by your willingness to set out on the journey to let go of the unreal and be who you are.

“Not all those who wander are lost.” J.R.R. Tolkein, The Fellowship of the Ring

Mother Teresa & 8 Points to keep yourself on track

Mentors are viewed as inspirations and leaders who set uplifting examples.  Mother Teresa's life choices illustrate what it feels like to 'do the right thing.'  She set the intention to be herself regardless of what she encountered.  Her  behavior speaks for itself. Take this to heart.  Keep yourself on track:

1) People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centred.  Forgive them anyway.

-As you forgive, you choose not to be lowered to their level and thus rise-up higher to inspire.  People who gripe about life would like nothing better than to hurt successful people. Why give them that satisfaction?  Why not inspire them to transform instead?

2) If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

-Be kind because this is your nature, not because you have ulterior motives.  Be genuine and you will attract sincere, like-minded people to assist you with your pursuits.        

3) If you're successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.  Succeed anyway.

-People will disagree with you or be offended.  Ignore these reactions.  As you learn to avoid relationships of convenience, you can build a reputation of integrity.

4) If you're honest and frank, people may cheat you.  Be honest and frank anyway.

-Treat others as you would hope to be treated.  Rise above a fear of dishonesty.  Set examples.

5) What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight.  Build anyway.

-As you give life to your inner passions, you share joy because it gives your life meaning. If anyone burned your writings or destroyed your creations, you couldn't help but continue.  You sense this is what you're meant to do.

6) If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

-People around you always benefit from examples of happiness. Even grumps might come around.

7) The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.  Do good anyway.

-Give of yourself not as an effort to seek approval but to uplift or cheer people for the sake of it.  Visit friends, relatives and strangers in nursing homes or hospitals. Brighten their spirits.

8) Give the world the best you have; it may never be enough.  Give the world your best anyway.

-As you detach yourself from desired outcomes, you'll be surprised at the benefits.  You aren't meant to predict all the events you touch. Many are beyond your scope and control. Appreciate all that unfolds.

Deciphering ignorance

The Indian Patanjali suggests you need to return to school in order to rise above ignorance and achieve success.  According to him, we may all access useful knowledge in our minds.  It's what we choose to do with this that creates our version of success. Who is given the authority to determine what kinds of facts and skills are more important or more useful than others? What kinds of reasons do you have for accepting a particular hierarchy of steps to success?

If, by drawing from some of your skills, you're able to acquire more money and you desire this, then it may make sense to pursue this avenue.  However, if someone chooses to apply different kinds of knowledge at his disposal, which brings him less money, this individual is not ignorant, though certain cultures would have us believe that intelligence is measured by level of income.  For some people, success is based on feelings, such as a level of accomplishment or satisfaction.

Ignorance can be felt as what Wayne Dyer calls, "falsely identifying oneself as only of the ego-based world."  How can you reframe views of success such that you unlearn your thoughts to separate yourself from cravings and objects you desire? Ignorance prevents you from experiencing success and fulfillment so long as you continue to pursue what appears to provide it rather than find a sense of purpose and success within yourself without doing anything. 

Your senses may influence your view of success by tempting you with things you think you want but don't really need.  Success may involve overcoming certain self-destructive habits, such as over-eating, addictions, focusing on sources of grief, frustration and pain. 

Come waht may, remind yourself that you are not your experiences. You are not the person who thinks he chooses and controls them. A watcher exists beyond all that is perceived. Know values and habits arise as your own illusions. Reflect on your selected activities and what they reveal about your views on success. Ask yourself whether any belief about success is ever spot on.