The biggest risk ever

You may have taken risks in your time, but I wonder how far you'd be willing to push the envelope? The chances you take often fuel the most memorable stories you'll share later in this life or other lifetimes if you come to recall those. Its no surprise that people often find the effort to take chances and go after what is heart and soul-driven is worth far more than any associated regret or 'what ifs' would offer.

As for me, I've taken many risks. They're the reasons why my life is so exhilarating. The story I choose to share now represents one of the biggest risks I ever took. Another person took it with me.  An excerpt is published in a March 2007 book by Keen Publications called "Grab Your Tiger." Reflecting back, from the moment I recall risk is illusion, a distortion of mind, I see all I do, I do for me. Its the faith we are each invited to reconnect with that reminds us we are always whole.

Not too long ago, I met a man briefly on a bus in Florida while I visited Orlando for a conference. We impulsively shared dinner and conversation. The next day, the man boarded a plane to head back home. You might think our story ended. Well, it didn't. We had hit it off and a distance romance ensued. The experience was anything but ordinary. After all, he truly lived on the other side of the world.

Over the next month and a half, regular e-mails and large phone bills evolved. We even wrote a special electronic book together and he edited my draft of an inspirational book which will soon be published. I wrote him more than 500 letters (card stories inside cards) and posted them to his office (I didn't know his post box). I was told the office girls got a kick out of the stamps? The nature of our vast communications soon prompted him to take the chance of his life. While nearly falling asleep on the phone one night, he blurted out,

"Would you meet me for coffee in Paris?” He knew I planned a spring trip to Europe with my sister.

“That’s a long way to travel from Australia when I only have 3 days in Paris,” I replied, thinking he must've been joking. 

He told me he'd been saving for a new stereo, but the trip of 16, 808km would be his preferred investment. I was flattered, but my ticket and travel dates were unchangeable. I suggested we could meet at another time when we both had more time, but he had never been to Europe and decided his work schedule would allow it about when I was traveling. Why would you say? I told him if he came to Paris, I would gladly give him a scenic tour. After all, I'd lived there and knew the area.

Now, if you don't believe in guardian angels, you might change your mind after this story. A few days after that Paris conversation, I received a curious phone call from an airline. A technical glitch in my booking had caused the airline to cancel my tickets. After I got over my initial shock, I managed to negotiate a return ticket 5 days later that the initial plan. Then, I emailed Australia.

The response I received was, “Italy?”

My reply was, “Need you ask?!”

I suggested some key stops for what was planned as a romantic, 8-day train trip (2500km) through France, Switzerland and Italy. When all was said and done, we planned to meet at the Gare du Nord in Paris on a particular date. That day was definitely something to look forward to, or was it? 

Now, before the big day, the last time I'd been to Gare du Nord, I hadn't recalled four exits on separate floors.  Yet, on arrival, that's what I discovered. Better still, I had been stuck in traffic a half hour in a friend's car in terrible traffic and I had no mobile. Imagine my state of mind upon arriving at the train station 40 minutes late to meet a man who had just travelled 14 hours to meet a woman he'd met in person one evening for dinner and one morning for breakfast? Who was taking the bigger risk? Him scaring friends with his impulsive travel spending or me being so inexcusably late?

This in mind, wouldn't you assume that I would have to negotiate my way through the barrier by way of French policemen because my electronic ticket wasn't working? Wouldn't you assume that I would find no functional pay phone to contact my weary traveller? When I did find a crackly phone, I discovered I'd forgotten the number back at my friend's apartment! If you never believed in Murphy's Law, this day would change your mind on that. Nonetheless, patience and faith saved the day. After all that, he recognized me by the back of my hair and my familiar orange dress.

"I was beginning to wonder if the stereo would've been a better choice, but I'm glad I waited."

"So am I."

"You know, until now I'd never waited 45 min for anyone. Risks can really pay off!"

http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/9/8/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up.html

http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2008/2/18/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up-2.html

http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2008/7/26/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up-3.html

This story is the foundation for my first book, Self-Disclosure: Changes from Within. 

Trading places, spaces and identities

Okay, so you're having a hard time understanding someone's behavior or point of view. What are you doing about that? Maybe you ignore the person and hope he or she goes away. You could request clarification, but the person in question may simply repeat what was already said and leave you confused or frustrated. This is an invitation from the universe to gain insight into yourself.

If you wish to better understand someone, you have other options. Imagine you trade places. That's right! Pretend you're the person with whom you disagree. If you were in this person's shoes, how would you feel? What would your motives be for a particular opinion? What do you gain from being inflexible? What does this say about your personality? How do(es) culture, social role, religion, age, gender and life experience influence your perception and attitude?

As you ponder answers, you begin to see new points of view. You begin to see that the anger, fear or resistance are simply layers of illusion to be peeled away. What matters is you open the heart and show compassion. Listen to what someone is really saying. Words and gestures are smokescreens.

What is Balance?

Balance is forever present, yet people often find themselves believing they must chase it. Slow down. Stop even. Watch the mind going in circles. Let go of beliefs that have you side-tracked. What is permanent is an innate state unaffected by worry.

To paraphrase the poet Kalhil Gibran,

Without the energy of Hate, we don't understand the full energy of Love.
Without Sadness we don't understand the full energy of Happiness.
Without Evil we don't understand the full energy of Good.
Without Chaos we don't understand the full energy of Peace.

Staying power

Notice the conditions and relationships that have staying power or longevity in your life.  What keeps them in your scope or focus of attention?  What solidifies a bond between friends or partners and convinces them to 'stick it out' even when circumstances are difficult? What keeps certain people connected?

"The prospect of growing old together," admit one middle-aged couple.

"The loneliness I see among mature singles around me," replies one married man.

"We give each other strength," admits a female partner of 10 years.

"The joys of our children and grandchildren," explain grandparents.

"Shared values," notes a married woman.

You hear about financial troubles, serious illness, workaholism and other hurtful habits or activities, and yet, people who choose to stay connected somehow recognize how trivial many of their trials, disagreements or concerns really are.  They talk things out and let go.  They learn how not to hold grudges.  Instead, they focus on what brought them together.  They reminisce about how and why they overcame problems in the past. 

Couples that stay together through hardship learn it enables them to grow stronger and build trust. They learn the value of apology and forgiveness in and work through destructive, negative thoughts and feelings.  Healthier relationships are those where partners find ways to face the truth about themselves and also evolve together. A shared vision, a willingness to listen to each other, can lead to a relationship with staying power.  People will often offer you advice about your life.  Evaluate it thoroughly from your perspective. You are accountable for your decisions. Depend on yourself. Have faith in yourself. Share your intuitive views and see what feels right.

How to stop overthinking

Overthinking occurs when you have a hard time turning off your mind. Worry and anxiety creep in. All those 'what ifs' capture your attention.  You anticipate how things could go wrong, and how you could respond to unforeseen situations. Overthinking reflects you judge and self-criticize what you have already done and you justify why.

As you read this, you may know what its like to have thoughts run wild and wonder what to do about it.  They compel you to re-examine actions you have already taken and those you wonder if you should. You may question whether you said the right thing, wonder how people interpreted your behaviour. You may keep going over and over decisions, questioning your own motives and what is best for you or others involved.

Consider your tendency to overthink based on how you reply to these questions:

In terms of dating: Why did I wear that outfit? Why was my make-up smudged? Why didn't he look my way? What must she think of me? What must his/ her friends think? Where can we go that would be impressive? How do I know if I said the wrong thing?

In terms of relationships: What will my spouse say when s/he finds out what I have done? What could my friends/ in-laws think of my choice? How can I be sure they will understand my point of view? Why are they not phoning/ including me?

In terms of body-image: Why does the mirror make me look so fat/ skinny? Where does all the acne come from?  Who actually calls these marks beauty spots? How can wrinkles be taken as laugh lines? Why do I keep gaining weight when I exercise/ eat right/ am always on a diet? Whay am I never satisfied about how I look?

In terms of depression:  How isolated did I feel? What could explain this prolonged loneliness? Why did s/he leave me?Why am I unmotivated? Why am I having trouble concentrating? Why do I feel restless and sluggish? How long does this post-natal depression thing last? Can how I feel be labelled depression?

In terms of work: Why aren't I capable of coping with my job/ schedule and family responsibilities? Why am I not living up to expectations? When will I pull myself together? Why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I get over it? When should I go back to work? Why are they asking me to rethink my role as a stay-at home parent?

As you realize you are overthinking, notice the messages about self-worth, self-love and acceptance that speak to you. Notice whether you are allowing fear and ego to control you.  Notice your word choices and how they may disempower you. You actually have choices about which words to use and which thoughts to think.

As an exercise to see what overthinking is inviting you to see about yourself, write 5 phrases relevant to your situation. What do you over-analyze? Write down the feelings that stand out about each phrase (i.e. fear, self-doubt, etc.) Notice if they feel positive or negative. Now, rather than assume something negative happened or will, assume positive things. Know how you think is shaped by your feelings and whether you focus on the future. Fear only exists there. It cannot exist in the present moment.

As you recognize you tend to over analyze people and situations, this is inviting you to step back and learn about yourself. To notice overthinking acknowledges discomfort about something inside. As you look deeper to discover why, you can tailor your strategies to curtail or stop it.  Why do you do the things you do? Maybe some of these resonate with you? If not, reflect on other possible reasons. Jot those down and reflect.

a) Indecisiveness/ low self-confidence (unsure what you want)
b) Strong sense of entitlement (ego success-driven)
c) Never satisfied/ perfectionistic
d) Seek approval & acceptance / fear disapproval & rejection 
e) Diagnosed with psychological/ psychiatric illness

What if every reason you could possibly give to explain why you over-analyze brings you back to a plea for love? What if everything invites you to be more aware of how you can love Self and others unconditionally?  One perspective is every experience invites you to love yourself more and see yourself as you really are. To overthink suggests you choose to focus on fear rather than love, and you can shift attention anytime.

"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It`s a death trap." -Anthony Hopkins