Getting along

The little things you do often make a big difference to your relationships, your workplace and even to strangers. What kind of efforts do you make to get along with other people? Some of us do not like confrontations or discussing things that make us feel uncomfortable. People who learn the importance of listening and compromise know these behaviors go along way to make interaction more enjoyable and enduring. What efforts do you make to understand other people?

Consider;

a) what steps you can take to give more of yourself, your ear, and your time?

b) what can you learn about you from people's complaints? What would you like to change?

c) how can you give people in your life more space to deal with things alone?

d) how can you forgive other people for their mistakes so you can move forward?

e) why do you need  forgive yourself for things you've done? how do they affect relationships?

f) what can you do to boost morale, self-confidence and encourage others to excel?

g) What kinds of training might you undertake to better udnerstand shared finances or emotions?

Answering the above questions would be a great place to start.

Money talks

During the 1987 film, 'Wall Street,' I recall when Gordeon Gekko says, "Money talks." He has his own opinion when he says candidly that "every dream has it's price." We must find a way to clarify our dream before we can decide what sacrifices we're willing to make to realize or achieve it. If your dream is to manage a successful business, then at least you have a starting point for moving forward.

Wall Street reveals how a young and impatient stockbroker is willing to do anything to rise in status to the top, including trade on illegal 'inside' information. He is ready to make unethical decisions which jeopardize his career. The young guy does it all for his future and as an effort to earn the respect of a ruthless and greedy corporate raider whom takes the youth under his wing.

When we think of choices we make to better our own lives, we realize compromises and sacrifices will need to be made. We aren't physically able to be in every place at once. We reduce time spent with loved ones if we're away somewhere working.  We decide on the value we place on material possessions and status, and may revise our view on work habits after having a heart attack.

Money is useful insofar as it can buy things and affect our level of lifestyle and existence. Its a means of exchange and the fuel behind democratic economies. Desiring money isn't bad. Yet, the motivations behind your desire and how you choose to spend money often reflect the kind of person you are. Consider whether you spend it faster than you earn it, whether you share generously, save for projects or store it away like a miser. Consider whether you ever think you will have enough. How will you generate it? You can learn a lot about yourself based on how you think about and handle money. What have you learned so far? How would you like to change your money habits and associations? You have the ability to pin down how you feel and whether you decide it would be healthier to reassess and recondition yoru thinking.

Who pushes your buttons?

As life has it, you meet people who will test your patience. Certain people may seem to try their hardest to annoy you, or to distract you when you prefer to focus on what you see as important. Step back. Reframe situations where people 'press your buttons.' How else could you see them?

If your child knocks on your home office door to ask if you would come to his soccer game or help him with his homework, and you brush him aside, what does this say about your priorities?

If your mother-in-law shows up on your doorstep regularly to impose her advice, and you let her monopolize your time or run your home, what does this say about your assertiveness?

If your office intern always asks questions when you're in the middle of projects, and you lose your temper, what does this say about your role as an effective teacher and mentor?

If your partner is depressed because of losing his job, and he mopes around complaining, and you chose to ignore him, what does this say about your ability to empathize and support him?

If your retired spouse is suddenly under your feet because he doesn't know what to do, and you cancel your regular schedule to suit him, what does this say about your view of 'alone time?'

If someone doesn't understand after you repeat things three times, and you decide to give up rather than try a new approach, what does this say about your faith or belief in that person?

If your boss lies to you, chooses to mistreat other employees and you accept that behavior without reacting, then what does this say about the nature of your principles and ethics?

If someone you know is constantly negative and obnoxious, and you allow yourself to get hostile, what does this say about your ability to show the person compassion they may never have felt?

If an associate has financial problems and constantly takes advantage of your good will, what does this say about your ability to look after yourself or to draw his attention to root causes of issues?

Impatience in any form takes it toll on our physical bodies. It causes stress, raises blood pressure and aggravates the body's organs and immune system. Impatience can rattle your social life too, by straining relationships, and disrupting group activities, but only if you let it.  You always have the opportunity to consider another side to distractions.We can all benefit from learning to see value in other views.

Right place, right time?

No doubt there have been times in your life when you felt as thought you were in the right place at the right time.  You may have won in weekly bingo or had that lucky numbers on a 50$ lottery ticket just when you needed the money.  You may have arrived at a bus stop just as the bus arrived so you didn't have to wait.  You may have been late for an important appointment and suprisingly got green lights almost all the way to your destination. Those good experiences are the ones you remember because circumstances seemed to unfold in your favor. The question is, did you have anything to do with it? Or was something beyond you influencing the outcome? Of course, you can believe what you choose to believe and your opinion may be right.

People always arrive in my life just when I need guidance.  Sometimes I attract assistance because I look like I need help, but it goes deeper than that.  One such occasion relates to a timely experience where my passport, money and identification were stolen during a visit to Estonia. I was supposed to be heading to Finland on a ferry that evening, but that departure wasn't meant to be. I was fortunate my employer was in his North American office when the small shop I was in permitted me to email. He was able to wire me some money for the next day. I reported the theft incident to police who arrived on the scene and returned to the hotel I'd stayed the night before. They still had my credit card info.

The next day, the informal Canadian mission told me to replace my Canadian passport would require 10 days. That would have to be ordered from Finland. I also had an Estonian passport however. After making my official statement at the local police station, partly though a translator, I decided to set out and try to find out how to replace that document in what might be a shorter wait time. 

Imagine my surprise that in asking directions every so often to ensure I was headed in the right direction. In speaking to a parking attendant, an older man drove up to pay for parking. He was perhaps the age of my grandfather. He knew of the government office I needed to visit and offered to take me there in his car. Me without a map, he estimated it would have been 2-3 hours away walking on foot. He only spoke Estonian and I did my best to explain my situation. I made the choice to get into his car. I learned he was a government consultant. With his assistance, I went through bureaucracy meant to take 14 days in less than 6 hours. This kindly stranger took me to where I could pick up the money that had been wired to me. He helped me to organize a job interview, told me where to go, and he picked me up later by car to take me to the ferry to Finland.

This man is an angel in disguise. He appeared out of nowhere.  I felt I could trust him. We only communicated in Estonian.  He told me he had a granddaughter my age and went out of his way to help me.  For a few years after that experience, I sent him Christmas cards.  He also sent me a letter. Then, he vanished. My mind echoes he may have died. My heart knows this soul is immortal and ever-present. In my life, he was definitely in the right place at the right time. He reminds me I am always in the right place to learn if I am receptive. His compassion is a mirror. I see that we each exist to make a difference in th lives of others.  When someone helps you, you are also helping that person, even if the how is unclear.

“When God puts love and compassion in your heart toward someone, He’s offering you an opportunity to make a difference in that person’s life. You must learn to follow that love. Don’t ignore it. Act on it. Somebody needs what you have.” -Joel Osteen

Don't put it off!

Okay, how often do you hear a little echo in your mind that tries to make you feel guilty for postpoing things? Most people have had this experience. Often, the results of putting things off make your life more difficult than it has to be.  Many of us have heard the phrase, "don't put off until tomorrow what youcan do today," yet how many of us truly listen and apply this to our life?

For example, I've learned from experience that when I postpone my backyard weeding, thorny weeds sprout up everywhere. I must struggle and fight to regain control of my backyard. You may relate on this level or with regard to the cleaning you had been meaning to do before the dust bunnies moved in in full force. Did that extra effort required to clean teach you anything?

A Canadian girlfriend recently confided in me that she had been putting off asking her boss for a raise out of fear and she ended up being passed over for a promotion she really deserved.  That was a tough break. She had the choice to dwell on what might have been.  Instead, she prefers to focus on how she can act differently to speak up in the future to better her circumstances.

A divorced friend of mine is courting a woman over the Internet in India. Experience has taught him that not devoting himself to his relationships is part of the reason why they can break down and deterioriate.  Now, he not only contacts this new girlfriend regularly over the skype phone and email or SMS, he is already planning a trip to visit her.  He's not taking any chances of letting this one get away!

Students have been known to postpone studying for tests or completing homework assignments until the last minute.  This brings on unnecessary stress and anxiety. Why not learn to discipline yourself and get things done?  I know, you may not like certain subjects.  Yet, few people like everything. You can decide what you will like with your attitude just as you can decide not to like it.  Mindset is a choice. Then, you can go do things you may enjoy more and enjoy real peace of mind.

We can all learn to re-organize aspects of our lives to make our lives more fulfilling.  After all, we are only given a certain amount of time in every day.  It's up to us to make the most of what we're given. Whatever you have been putting off and still mean to do, remind yourself that you may well be wasting more energy on excuses than you would be using to finish the task. Learn to use your time wisely. You'll be happier and more relaxed. Go ahead. Take charge of your life!