You are in charge of giving your life meaning

The way you perceive yourself and your circumstances reveals whether or not you accept the truth.  Is this what you know or choose to accept? Do you focus on parts of situations or do you actively seek to understand as much as you can of the bigger picture that involves other people?

John F. DeMartini explains that our perceptions "often exaggerate or minimize the truth."  We see what we wish to see, hear what we desire to hear, and selectively draw from our senses based on our own hopes, fears and expectations.  We train ourselves to block out what we'd rather forget.  This kind of behavior doesn't enable us to strengthen our self or get to the crux of who we are. How you feel about things and people are based on your perceptions as well. 

How often do you selectively overlook some of your personal qualities? You may say, that's okay, or it doesn't bother you when underneath it all, that little something has a big impact on the choices you make or how you hold yourself back from things you sincerely hope to achieve. You may fear or condemn based on your own ignorance or on what you'd rather not exert effort to understand. This is your choice, but do you even realize you may be doing this?

The more you open your senses to see and experience some level of good in everything, the more you will realize that you are in charge of giving your life meaning.  The choices you make are ways you seek to convince yourself of your abilities, your potential and your visions of future. How you decide you will view everything that happens will determine what you see.

Consider the film "It's a Beautiful Life." The context of the Nazi concentration camp was not itself uplifting, so how could a director achieve a successful comedy? The protagonist chose how he wished to portray what was happening to his son. The father was so effective, the audience chuckles out of sheer disbelief.

You too can decide how you will perceive the world and your place in it. Whether you choose to better yourself and your circumstances is a first step. If you make this choice, you'll figure out how.

“The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” -Mitch Albom

Limitations are illusions

Friends may confide in you that they have dreams of plans they currently postpone. Surprisingly, many of the reasons they offer for not taking risks are based on their underlying fears they often refuse to admit.  You may not realize fear fuels every imagined limitation and they are human inventions.  We attract and create our own sense of limitations based on what people tell us.

I recently spoke with a talented sidewalk artist.  He was designing chalk images comparable to the paintings of the Sistene Chapel in Florence, Italy.  This man admitted he struggled financially to survive.  Nonetheless, whenever he had a spare moment, he ventured out into the city.  He desired to advertise his talents to the public and take initiatives to seek new commissions.  He takes risks to show and promote what he thinks he can do and he also accepts and grows from critics.  He believes that he has the abilities to rise above his own perceived limitations, and he backs up his beliefs with actions to prove what is truly possible.

How many people will tell you they plan to do something or have thought of doing something yet, have yet to do that thing? Robert Bateman is a Canadian nature artist who chose to become a highschool teacher after university. He didn't believe that his artistic talents would enable him to support himself. So, he decided not to take the risk and chose instead an easier, predictable road.  Years later, he gave up teaching and decided to focus on his passion for nature sketching and painting.  Funny, he sketched and drew during his spare time thoughout his teaching career.  He grew to love and appreciate his talents in new ways and rose to a higher level of awareness about taking risks.

For years, I recall speaking to people about writing books. Many people will say how much they would like to do such a thing, but they often hold themselves back. They explain why they don't have the time, don't have the patience or commitment.  I've been asked about the process of writing a book and seeking an agent and publisher after I've experienced those things myself. I've shared my own story and explained the difference between thinking and doing is only the action steps.  For anyone who has postponed a dream, realize that it is well within reach.  All you need to do is embrace the learning process and do some research about details you have yet to learn. People who realize dreams are open-minded and willing to make mistakes as they move ahead.

Cancer recovery

You know in the heart that every case of cancer is different yet ultimately the same. Each person you know, meet or hear about in this situation invites you to empathize, to share compassion, kindness and love.  Reflect on who benefits from your support/ story.

In speaking with a rotary colleague, I hear he is recovering from malignant melanoma (skin cancer). Luckily, his cancer was caught early and didn't spread (metastasize). His physician did a biopsy and cut out the area of skin which was cancerous. This colleague said he feels good now. He's already out riding his bike again. Retirement doesn't keep him from staying active. He admits he would like to avoid getting cancer again. He thrives on his support network, reminds himself to wear a hat and more sunscreen. He's lucky, humbled by the recent, health setback yet, does not allow fear to control him. As a cheerful athlete, he feels he is now more responsible, and swears by positive thinking.

In contrast, a woman I've known from 13 years is in another remission from breast cancer. Her main goal is to muster the energy and motivation each day to get up and move about her apartment.  She lives alone and has no relatives to help her. She admits her eating habits could be healthier yet, dwells more on what appears lacking than on making changes. She rarely has the physical strength or morale to advance her game. Yet, she takes initiatives to contact a group of cancer survivors/supporters who do home visits and encourage her to attend nearby New York City meetings when she can manage it.  This woman reminds us we are each ultimately alone to deal with our health and emotions. Its up to each one of us to see blessings/ lessons where we are.

Although anyone you encounter with cancer appears on the surface to be simply grappling with physcial health issues, a closer look reveals how they react or respond is based on state of mind.  You may sense someone you know recognizes having cancer as a stepping stone to strengthen relationships, to appreciate life more, to reframe conditions or to challenge and accept himself on a new level.  If a person is highly-resistant or submissive to disease, this effects the evolution of an illness as much as attitude.  Consider how different people you know or have known respond to cancer. Consider how members of your family are responding or have responded to this disease.

Whether or not a person recovers fully from an illness depends on a variety of factors.  For most people, full recovery is the goal.  For this to happen, a person is invited to reflect on thoughts and behaviours that may have contributed to the evolution of the disease.  This includes; lifestyle choices as well as physical, emotional, psychologcal, environmental and other factors.  What blessings or revelations does having the disease trigger? One thing is crystal clear:  attitude and action are key.  Take this on-board:

• Be kind to yourself & others. Set an example.  What goes around comes around. 
• Take care of your physical body.  Explore healthy eating practices and physical exercise. 
• Be mindful.  Raising awareness boosts energy, strength and inner healing.
• Positive thinking, affirmations, laughter/ humor and creative expression therapy all empower you to deal with whatever life throws your way the best you can.  
• Notice balance and imbalances in your life. Feel the difference and thoughts and behaviours contributing to each.  You decide what matters. What if nothing does?

"If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell." ~Lance Armstrong

Why do you talk to yourself?

People may look at you funny if you talk to yourself aloud, but many people do it anyway.  Children have been known to speak aloud to their invisible friends.  Homeless people or others among us talk when we feel lonely or to build confidence as we prepare for a presentation.  Still other people talk to themselves as a way to deal with matters that are hard to face in reality.

It's possible to come up with examples of people who have come to their senses as the result of talking to themselves so others could hear them.  Inventors like Thomas Edison and Leonardo DaVinci are known to have talked out their ideas as they went along.  Chefs like Jamie Oliver and Julia Childs initially spoke aloud to feel more organized in the kitchen before their t.v. shows and cookbooks came into being. What kinds of reasons do you have for voiceing your thoughts when you don't think anyone is listening?

Some people start their days by listing things for which they're grateful.  They reinforce the positive and downplay things that bother them. Spiritual types will openly pray aloud throughout the day wherever they happen to be.  These sorts of voiced views and self-talk are most often directed to God or some Higher Forces. 

If you walk through a shady area or dark alley, you may whistle a happy tune or talk in ways that reassure you about your safety.  When you contemplate taking risks or making big life changes, thinking aloud is a way to work though the pros and cons in a way that your mind really hears.  It may be less effective to write down the points of interest in columns on paper. You may prefer to talk to trees and nature or communicate in ways that enable you to think and learn differently.

And what is it about working through problems that causes people to talk aloud? You may criticize yourself if you take a wrong turn or make an impulsive decision that gets you into trouble.  Some people think they hear better or internalize lessons if they reprimand themselves aloud. Perhaps you know someone who uses harsh comments because s/he thrives on embarrassing themselves.

An example of how thinking aloud can facilitate learning is where a preschooler learns to tie his/her shoe. As the child says out loud each step used in accomplishing the task, it becomes easier to remember.  Some people may assume talking aloud helps us learn faster. We may become more aware of how we think and continue to do this if we talk aloud as adults.

Consult the following link and reflect on the usefulness of talking and thinking aloud:

http://www.studygs.net/thinkingaloud.htm

Why do anything?

Why is it that we may feel as if something about us needs to change? Did someone tell you that you weren't perfect? You're not disappointing me.  Perhaps this doesn't matter to you.  You may not have a vision where you wish to be more like others.  That doesn't have to be a problem, unless you make it one.  That begins and ends with your attitude.

I empathize with you. You don't have to make certain choices just to make me or someone else happy.  I will be as real with you as possible.  No facades.  No little white lies.  Just honest me.  I would like you to realize many good experience exist in life.  What is that? You do not know what I mean?

It's not my place to remove your pain or erase your past.  I'm not here to push away the barricades.  These are your responsibilities.  I'm not afraid of you though.  You have no reason to fear me either.  Take the time and space you desire to work things out for yourself.  I encourage you to let go of any pain that holds you back.  I can help you get through this.  I will lend you my ear.  All you need to do is realize you're in charge of figuring out what health and well-being are in your own life now and compare that to what you would like them to be. You can get there!