When you least expect it

In Australia, the distances between cities are much further than they are in many other countries.  This helps to explain why standard gas tanks are often double the size they are in North America.  I was initially startled by the numbers of signs that appear along highways which say things like, "Power nap now!,"  "Pull over for a snooze," and "15 minutes could save your life."

I friend of mine was driving along Victorian country roads in the early morning rain. He drove for hours without passing any gas stations or homes.  He had only passed cattle and sheep farms.  At one point, he saw the biggest kangaroo he had ever seen coming toward him from the side. He slowed down to a crawl. The animal hopped across the road and continued out of sight. My friend believes that the size of the creature could have completely demolished his car and him. His advice is keep your eyes wide open, and even then roos will appear when you least expect it.

Wherever you are, driving is a privilege with unforeseen risks.  If you see animals and your speed doesn't permit you to stop, turning into a ditch would be less dangerous than a head-on collision. 

Learning the hard way

As each of us grows up, we have many opportunities to decide whether we prefer to learn the easy way or the hard way.

If, as a child, your parent whacks you when you bite your nails, you're supposed to realize it isn't the proper thing to do. The question is, do you choose to outgrow it?

In school we’re given rules to follow. If we disobey, we may get punished by having to write out lines or get assigned extra homework. I recall a boy who was class clown who spent much of his time in the corner. Another student was always raising his hand with answers or going out of his way to help the teacher. Kids teased him at recess. The school bully took his lunch money.  This overachiever learned the hard way that kids can be cruel. He chose to be himself anyway.

Time passes and you develop plans in life. You learn its unrealistic to get everything you want. Circumstances offer you occasions to learn lessons, if you're paying attention and desire to learn. If you dislike what people say, you learn you don't have to get physical to fight all your battles. Learning the hard way is supposed to teach you to rise above such things and come to use your head.  You may think no reaction at all may actually be an easier way.

When relationships don't work out as you would hope, breaking up may seem like learning the hard way what not to do. You can choose to learn that nothing is permanent and people do not always evolve together. You can gain new understanding into the idea of "my way or the highway."  You can choose to learn about yourself and plan what you will do differently next time.  You can step back and identify your desires, temper your passions and reframe priorities. Leaving a difficult realtionship is an example of learning the hard way for some people taking the easy way for others. Not everyone has the desire to confront challenges or work through perceived problems.

What about practical things? If you burn your hand on a hot stove, you feel pain. You're supposed to learn not to hurt yourself the same way again. Yet some people do, over and over again.  If you walk into a door because you don't pay attention, you're supposed to learn to watch where you're going.  And yet, you may still find you injure yourself the same way again. Does that make you feel like a slow learner? If you say things you regret at a later time, you're supposed to learn it's sometimes better to put your foot in your mouth and keep certain things to yourself. The question is, will such an experience prevent you from doing that same thing again? Maybe? Maybe not?

No matter what your experiences, you decide for yourself whether the learning process will come easily, if it will come through pain and suffering, of if you choose to learn at all.  What you choose to gain and whether you learn enough to prevent history from repeating is very much up to you.  You may be a person who feels you need to earn rewards through hardship.  You may be a person who avoids hardships at all costs. Learning lessons is optional, but this will enrich your life.

Tell-tale judgments

Whether or not you realize it, when you judge other people, underneath it all, you are really reflecting being judgmental and non-accepting of yourself. In order to evolve to become less critical of others, you first need to learn to be less hard on yourself.  This is within your reach.

You may mutter under you're breath, "That was stupid of me!" or "How could I be so dumb?"  Maybe you've criticized your forgetfulness or other traits simply because this comes easily.  This could be because you've heard it in movies and read about it in books.  Perhaps you've heard people you know say it to you so often that you've been conditioned in destructive thinking. That's a tell-tale sign. You're in a fantastic position to experience a new kind of freedom. You just may not know this yet. 

From the moment you begin to accept yourself for all that you are, strengths and weaknesses, even perceived imperfections, it is from this point that you will finally start accepting people for who they are. This isn't as difficult as you might initially think. It requires honest self-reflection, a willingness to explore your fears about yourself and a sincere desire to change your attitude.

As an exercise, take out a piece of paper and separate it into two columns. In one column, list those things you like and appreciate about yourself. In the second column, list those things you dislike and desire to change.  As you learn to realize the second column contains stumbling blocks to you getting ahead, you can learn to work though them. Why do you feel as you do? Discover that what people have always told you doesn't have to influence what you think.  Being yourself the key to your happiness. Recognize benefits in every aspect of your character. You can learn things about your past, present and future.  If you have judmental friends or family, this history doesn't have to repeat.  You have power to change the course of your behavior if you choose.

Twisted ideas of succes?

As you meet people in your life, you come to learn that they have different ideas of success.  It's useful to figure out what kind of success you desire for yourself and whether the people you know and hang around are assisting you to get closer to your target.  Statistics show that the five people you spend the most time with are those individuals whose lives you somehow admire and in whose footsteps you're most likely to follow. Consider the life choices of your closest friends. Reflect on where you are and where you aim to be.  Realize all choices have consequences.  Those of your friends may or may not be things you wish for yourself.

Down at the local bar, you may overhear a man bragging how he had evaded police when his blood alcohol level was over the legal limit. He felt he'd succeeded by pulling one over on them.

As you walk downtown with friends, you may hear a homeless man explain to another that he felt he'd succeeded because he refused to accept social or other assistance. After all, he had pride.

While out at a party, you may hear of a friend who is proud of taking illicit drugs and managing to stay perceived by friends and family as being clean. As he managed to hide a dangerous habit, he felt that he succeeded.

After an enjoyable dinner, you discern that a colleague has a serious gambling problem. This person admits playing the machines gives him an incredible high. He tells you his idea of success is having the goal of winning the slots to work toward. He invites you to join him for company.

You're out with your friends at night and they impulsively decide to graffiti the underside of an old bridge. They pull you to run after the stunt.  They laugh and feel they will get away with it.

One of your university alumni has retired and is charged up about his plans to sail across the Atlantic.  His track record as a sailor isn't great, and so he's looking for crew. He asks you to join him on the adventure.  He is convinced he will succeed if he leaves just before hurricane season.

One of your friends has been smoking cigarettes for years.  He learns he has contracted lung cancer. You still accept the second-hand smoke.  Part of his idea of success is not having been intimidated into quitting. He feels the government or anyone else shouldn't control his choices.

It's never too late to review your life choices and change how you spend your time. It's unlikely you'll agree with all of your friends' behavior. Remidn yourself you're not forced to follow anyone's footsteps.  Yet, you can learn much about your principles and values from the choices of people you call your friends.

As you take time to clarify dreams and the kind of life you would like for yourself, do not allow yourself to become discouraged by friends who haven't had courage or self-confidence to change.  If you hope to achieve financial success, then it wouldn't make sense to seek a mentor in someone who has not experienced the journey you aspire to for yourself.  If you're a creative person, pursuing a science degree or joining military may not be for you.  if you have athetic goals, then drinking or disregarding health will not help your body train and achieve.  Life choices offer you opportunities to learn about yourself. Take steps to define your own view of success.  Then, you'll discover how much easier it really is to go after it and live it.

What if?

You may be one of those people who thinks about decisions a lot before you finalize them. That may not always be in your best interest if you talk yourself out of things. You may know people who are quick to doubt their potential rather than imagine and act on endless possibilities. Have you ever wondered what if your negative assumptions were wrong? What if those positive outcomes were within your reach?

What if you turn down the chance to attend an industry convention, where you might've met a business owner who would turn out to jumpstart your career?  What if you chose instead to go to this convention, and your networking landed you the most challenging job or your career?

What if you permit shyness to prevent you from approaching a propsective partner with whom it may turn out you have a lot in common? What if you found the courage to speak with this person, and your continued contact led you to fall and love and marry or spend your lives together?A few seonds of courage changes everything.

What if you didn't take the time to investigate a business opportunity because people you know failed and call it a scam.  What if you take a risk to listen to successful people who offer you the tools to create a more balanced life and also to help others duplicate your new kinds of success?

What if you remain where you are, assume evrything has to be as it always has been? What if you experience struggle and despair simply because you refuse to change your attitude? What if you took steps to boost your self-confidence and morale and you discovered the power you have to shape your attitude and visualize and live better?

Remind yourself what fuels perseverence.To surrender to your dreams and permit them to guide and motivate you may seem a bit quirky.  Does this seem to practical or too simple?  Ignoring your dreams may itself be the craziest thing you've ever done. What if you began to perceive your life as it could be rather than as it is right now? What if you allowed your mind to wander and visualize your life as you think it should be? What would that include?

What if your dreams were not extinguished by self-doubt or lack of belief in what you could do? Trust. Creating wealth is not about money. The principal is grounded in adding value to your life and to the lives of others. Find courage to create the life that resonates with yout soul. T he world is your oyster.  Seize each day. Seize each moment. The choice is yours. Make someone' s day because you can. A smile can itself go a long way.