What would you give up?

People talk about what kinds of relationships they desire in their lives. You may begin by listing the traits of your perfect partner, what he or she would do for you, how you would like to be treated.  Maybe you envision yourself lying down on a sofa while your partner does all your housework, looks after the pet, the kids and even feeds you grapes.  The intimacy would be tender and tantalizing and the communication would always be clear. Perhaps you'd simply write a recipe and give it to a magic server as if you placed an order in a special restaurant. This vision you create may differ from your current reality.  Any chance to enable them to meet half-way? 

It is said that if you imagine something, that potential exists to make it real. Wouldn't we all like to think we would realize our ideal relationship visions? You can read books, place personal ads and participate in talk shows. Be careful though, because you may get exactly what you ask for.

Of course, your reply, might be, "Well great! Bring it on!" Yet, you may not realize that we must pay a price for each experience, even those we hope for and invite into our lives. There's a real trade-off somewhere we may or may not anticipate. You might say that the universe exerts efforts and requires us to exert some effort in order to keep a balance.

So, when you desire something to change in your current relationship, or you seek a new partner, maybe even hope and pray, remind yourself that you also need to offer something in return. In which ways do you already give of yourself? In what new ways could you offer yourself? What kinds of incentive are you prepared to offer to attract affections and attention of a person? What can you do to enhance your current relationship to recognize value that you and your partner already offer? What lengths would you be willing to go to keep this individual in your life?

The idea of giving things up can begin with things as simple as making space in your closet for the belongings of someone else. Why not clean out the garage to make room for someone else's car? You can cut back on time you spend out with your friends in order to put some aside for someone special. As you redefine priorities, you will discover how changing little things can mean a lot.

Yet, would you be willing to go further? If your current partner or someone new who seems well-suited,discovers a kidney problem, would you be willing to donate your own compatible kidney? Would you donate your blood if it would be compatible? Would you be ready to suffer financially to enrich the life of this person? Would you give up your job to move to a new city or bend over backwards to accommodate the person? What about establish new kinds of limits What would you be willing to change about you?  Remind yourself that by giving things up, or making changes in the best interest of someone else, you will actually be gaining a far more meaningful life that you can share. How you focus your mindset and evolve in your attitude determine what you'll give up.

What's all the fuss about?

Sometime, in the not too distant past, the general public began to feel as though they had reasons to review their lives, their track record, their views of themselves and the world.  Large numbers of people began to feel as if their lives needed fixing.  Self-help books evolved in droves in identify widespread problems experienced in daily life and their supposed solutions.

Why is it that you may suddenly feel you don't have enough confidence, you don't have a good enough lifestyle, you don't have strong enough relationships, you aren't connected enough to a purpose, you don't spend enough time on people and activities that should mean the most to you? What's all the fuss about? Why do people suddenly accept that what they have isn't good enough?

Steve Salerno wrote a book, "Sham: How the Self-Help Movement made American helpless."   He explains the self-help industry promotes self-criticizing to encourage you to tear yourself down with a goal of building your confidence. Salnero argues this kind of approach to positivity yields questionable results.  Salerno asks why, if 'SHAM' programs and treatments supposedly solve their clients' problems, the industry thrives on repeat customers. Why is the proposed next step, should initial program or treatment fail, new views of the same? In the book's second half, Salerno argues that SHAM does real harm through its influence on love relationships, schooling, and health care.  Although he feels the self-help industry should not be dismissed as "silly but benign," he shows how it undermines the value and techniques of traditional psychology and empowering education.

Each of us may forget that we have the power to decide what is "enough" time or what constitutes our own "success."  Perhaps one of the most challenging things for many of us is to determine what defines balance and fulfillment for us as individuals separate from what other people have or may want us to experience. We can benefit greatly from listening to other people because they will almost always notice details that we miss. However, we can also benefit from learning to listen to ourselves to figure out how we feel and and what we consider to be self-satisfying.

You're never alone

Elizabeth Kubler Ross became a recognized psychiatrist and specialist on death and dying.  She has published many books on these subjects in which she refers to her understanding of angels.

According to Ross, three reasons explain why no one dies alone. Aside from an absence of pain and the experience of physical wholeness in a simulated, perfect body, people who contacted her just before death, after near death experiences and from beyond, explain how they become aware that it is impossible to die alone.

Ross' research reveals terminally-ill patients slowly prepare themselves to die, such as children with cancer. Prior to death, they develop awareness that they have abilities to leave their physical bodies– they have what we call an 'out-of-body experience.' All of us apparently have these out of-body experiences during certain states of sleep, although very few of us are consciously aware of it. Ross explains how the people who do become aware of it gain potential to learn a  lot about different states.

Dying children, who are much more tuned in, become much more spiritual than healthy children of the same age. They become aware of these short trips out of their bodies, which help them in transitioning and to become familiar with where they are in the process of passing on.

During those out-of-body trips, dying patients describe becoming aware of the presence of beings surrounding them who guide and help them. This is the first reason you cannot die alone. Young children often refer to them as "their playmates." The churches have called them guardian angels. Most researchers would call them "guides." It is not important what label we give them. It is important that we know that from the moment of birth, beginning with the taking of the first breath, until the moment when we make the transition and end this physical existence, we are in the presence of these guides or guardian angels. They will wait for us and help us in the transition from life to life after death.

The second reason Ross highlights why we cannot die alone is that we'll always be met by those who preceded us in death and whom we have loved. This could be a child we lost, perhaps decades earlier, or a grandmother, a father, a mother or another person who has been significant in our lives.  Alison Dubois is another author who testifies to this from her own experience. 

The third reason why we cannot die alone is that when we shed our physical bodies, even temporarily prior to death, we are in an existence where there is no time and no space. In this existence, we can be anywhere we choose to be at the speed of our thought. A young man who dies in Vietnam and thinks of his mother in Chicago will be in Chicago with the speed of his thought. If you die in the Rocky Mountains in an avalanche and your family lives in Virginia Beach, you will be in Virginia Beach at the speed of your thought. According to Kubler-Ross, guardian angels may teach us this ability, that is, if we don't naturally evolve to discover it for ourselves.

See 'You Don't Die Alone'  at: www.elisabethkublerross.com

On the brink of disaster

Ever wonder why you may stop when you're on the brink of saying or doing something you'd regret? Does an invisible hand hide your car keys before you leave a bar? Do you experience a sudden bout of amnesia when you're about to insult someone? Do images of your life flash in front of you and sway you from joining a criminal element? Does some powerful force prevent you from hitting someone after you raise your hand? Is this a little favor from Forces beyond you who desire to save you from yourself?  You may not help but wonder about your guardian angels.

Consider the last time you almost lost your cool, almost embarassed yourself in front of a crowd, almost gave up plans when the going got tough, almost went too far too fast when you really weren't ready. What reason did you have for suddenly changing your course of action?  Perhaps an opportunity grabbed your attention, something didn't feel right or gave you goosebumps, the window blew open or something else happened to distract you.  Do you honestly believe that these were freak occurrences?  Could they have been efforts to bring you to your senses?

Reflect on the situations which created your deepest wounds, the things that were said or done, at home or at work, or in public places. You relive the feelings you had as you were betrayed, discarded, disrespected or otherwise mistreated.  When you're on the brink of taking steps to seek revenge, something causes you to lighten your emotional load and let go of the hurt before you hurt more than yourself.  A Force beyond you convinces you of the many benefits to be found in releasing negative, dishonorable thoughts, not only for you, but also for the sake of others who observe you, learn and follow from your experience.

On the brink of adisaster is a time of surprising growth and enlightenment. You suddenly see yourself and situations more clearly. At times, you sense a flash of foreseight to help ground you.  Imagine that this is meant to happen.  What do you learn about yourself? impatience? or ego? Maybe, just maybe, something beyond you is looking out for your best interests. Look at you now!

Gratitude

Gratitude is a feeling of being thankful.  You feel grateful for your family or other people you cherish, but how often do you tell them aloud, express this in writing or demonstrate it using other gestures? How often do you reinforce that priceless sense of appreciation? What was it in our personal histories that caused us to stop talking openly about how we feel? As we grow up, we tend to become quiet, downplay thoughts and feelings and hesitate to be open.  You may sense the world you grew up in does not respond kindly to openness or transparency.  People aren't taught to accept compliments graciously but often respond in disbelief.

Consider western societies include special occasions into calendars.  You may think of Father's Day, Mother's Day, Grandparent's Day, Valentine's Day, Vetran's Day, National Independence Days, and others. Ask yourself why it is necessary to remind yourself to take time to express gratitude for those people and freedoms or circumstances that you are thankful for. How do you think of yourself if you forgot birthdays and other special occasions? You may feel upset or sad when people don't acknowledge you.  Are you conditioned to only give and receive appreciation at specific times during the year.  How does your life transform as you become more spontaneous with kindness, compassion and appreciation?

Imagine what your life would be like if you felt appreciated by everyone. You wouldn't likely have an internal gauge that measures attention. It wouldn't matter if people didn't contact you on commercial holidays.  Look beyond the negative feelings you might feel if people seem to forget about you. What does this really say about how generous you are with self appreciation? Do you need reasons to be grateful? Why hold back your feelings? What do you fear? Be grateful for every moment.  Show others by example they too can live a more joyful life. 

Gratitude is the memory of the heart. -Jean Baptiste Massieu