Is being a "kept man" the next big thing?

Are women less desirable to men if they are high-achievers and big income earners at work? Do men prefer subservient woman to the one with career and ambition? Two U.S. studies receiving major media attention say that the answer is yes. Not surprisingly, this "bad news for smart women" scenario led to big headlines. There was a considerable backlash about whether or not the studies portray the widespread truth. 

Among evolutionary psychology's truisms:

-Women are by nature coy, modest and monogamous.

-Women with many partners are unnatural, while men are inherently promiscuous. Natural selection instructs men to "spread their seed" widely.

-Women want successful men to provide for them, and older men generally have more resources than younger men. Women would run right past Brad Pitt if he was a struggling actor instead of a rich and famous one, and fall into the arms of a gray-haired but wealthy swain.

-Men lust after very young, baby-faced, presumably fertile women. University of Texas psychologist Davis Buss makes this claim in "The Evolution of Desire," and pop culture revels in this notion.

However, editorial remarks in response to the above claims reveal that high-achieving women aren't necessarily less desirable to men. In fact, many men spoke out publically about how they actually dream of being "kept men" and stay at home dads.  "I'd have no trouble if my female partner took full responsibility for working to support the family," remarked one man.  So the negative or offensive connotation of being taken care of by a woman seems to be fading. 

Consider that flexible, modern men would happily hand over the stress and pressure associated with being in charge. They consider themselves more than ready to "share the load." A new trend reveals working men may secretly desire to redefine their lifestyle and priorities. This may be explained by men recognizing a lack of connection to family and especially to their children.

Whether or not being a "kept man" and/or  stay at home dad becomes the next big trend remains to be seen. Traditional assumptions that a stay-at-home dad is necessarily weak and unambitious are no longer as widely believed as they once were. Statistics still reveal more men act in the Western workforce than women and the majority of men still bring home larger paychecks.

Aspire to be a hypocrite?

So many people seem to be reaching out for attention and pulling bizarre stunts to get it.  Are you just imagining this social phenomenon or is it increasingly widespread and true? What about your own tactics? Are you in the habit of telling people things that aren't true and then, do you pull all the stops to prove yourself wrong? Is sparking controversy and repenting, then sliding down the slippery slope, supposed to be an accetpable way to improve your self-worth and self-image?

Let's consider a rock star like Britney Spears who recently shaved her head on impulse and made other questionable decisions which landed big headlines. She committed herself to live-in rehab, signed herself out, then recommitted herself again and left. What are we supposed to believe about her desire to get well? Why do we keep watching media to find out what happens next?

Think about the death of porn star Anna Nicole Smith and the ongoing dispute over the paternity of her baby daughter. The five men who currently claim to be the girl's dad are certainly setting a memorable example.  Apparently, large sums of money at stake imply the time must be right to admit having few morals or virtues.  So the modern world encourages people to say one thing, do another, and hope that portrayed morals and virtues reconcile when blood work comes back.

Refer back to director Michael Moore's 2004 film, Fahrenheit 9/11.  His views of what happened to the U.S. after September 11 portray the Bush Administration as being full of hypocrites.  According to this Oscar-winning film (best documentary), the Adminstration allegedly used the tragic event to advance its agenda to initiate unjust wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.  Does this mean these politicians aspired to become successful hypocrites to implement their strategic plans?

Well, even you have a public persona everyone sees and views of yourself only you know about. What you say and whether you act consistently are details which can come back to haunt you.  Some people may interpret that you’re simply a "hypocrite" at times or plain "ignorant" of facts. Do you play act during any major life milestones? If so, this differs from someone who does things wrong because he doesn’t know better. Maybe you should seek opinions of your behavior.  At least two sides exist to a coin.  Multiple perspectives may even call into question what you think you want and why. If you don't know yourself, consolation is other people will have their views. 

Logic of a hermit

People will go to great physical, emotional, geographic and other lengths to stretch themselves. For devoted students of enlightenment, the idea of living in a cave may have immeasurable appeal. If you truly wish to understand yourself and the world beyond, you're taught to separate yourself from the familiar and from possible influences which prevent you from deep learning. 

Try as outsiders might, they do not always share the enthusiasm for self-imposed hunger, filth, extended solitude, anti-sociability, extinguished material ambition, abstinence or asexuality and denial of other responsibilities.  Not everyone thinks imposed thirst and hardship will invite a better sense of existence. People like Patanjali, Siddharta, Tezin Palmo and others will disagree.

Maybe the logic of a hermit isn't meant to be understood based on how you've come to think about your life thuis far in other places. You can get your hands on travel books written by individuals who made efforts to share their journeys. Yet, how close do these portrayals come to the real experience? Do you get a sense of connection or disconnection with your own reality? Will you ever know the difference? Do you have the will and inclination to change that?

Consider Robyn Davidson walked 1,700 miles across the Australian desert accompanied by four camels. Tracks is the book about this adventurer's relationship to her own ambivalent quest. She never directly identifies motives, but she was driven by things so profoundly powerful that she may not grasp them herself. Curiously, the financial backing of the National Geographic, resulted in her private journey being invaded. Did she not seek only to redefine her independence? She admits: "I was beginning to see it as a story for other people, with a beginning and an ending."  Photographers followed her. People approached with their own questions and interpretations.   Perhaps Davidon's ultimate confrontations are with her own personal and cultural views of racism and misogyny, and with the challenges she brings on herself in the depths of rural Australia?

In less extreme cases, people will hide themselves away in an office and pretend to be hermits.  They often like the idea of a temporary experience and fear the dangers of greater unknown in the longer term. Maybe the idea of confronting those things that scare us most is one of the best ways to improve our character. If you're afraid to climb a rock face, find a way to do it and that fear will no longer control you. The logic of a hermit invites each of us to take steps to enrich our inner soul, wherever that may take us. What we discover or bring back will be priceless.

Could this be for real?

You may have struggled with your bearings when trying to find a new place. How you choose to see this kind of journey relates to how you view your instincts and the possible intervention of invisible help.

When I was driving alone to my first cultural choir practice in Melbourne, I had to travel quite a distance from where I live. I expected to drive about 45 minutes to an hour in each direction of my destination. I had thought I mapped out the route through highways and freeways, but as I was approaching the Westgate Bridge, traffice became heavy. I sensed I'd missed a crucial turn.  My body become tense in four lanes meeting three more. I instinctively turned into the Shell Gas Station right before crossing the wrong bridge. Repeated experience has taught me service station cashiers in the area aren't often helpful for directions. I had my Melways book of city maps and made efforts to get my bearings yet without success. 

Next, I chose to get out of the car and approach a man who sat in his car drinking coffee. You ever get the chance that someone is waiting for you? Whether or not this was the case, he was able to direct me how to get back on the Monash Freeway, retrace my steps and take another bridge. Now this might seem like an overly logical thing, to ask a stranger a question and get back on track. So what if he was wearing leiderhosen on a hot day. Okay, it's not everyone who wears leather shorts with suspenders. I was thankful to reach my destination and join a group that reconnects me to my cultural roots.  Male members don't typically wear leiderhosen, but short pants with socks are actually part of the men's native costume.

Well, the night after my lost experience, a key dream led me to retrace my steps with a twist. I was driving in the wrong direction, but what was different was a hazy older man and woman dressed in ethnic costume sat (or rather, floated) in the back seat of my car. I could hear them speaking in a foreign language and about whether they would give me a hint about my incorrect judgment.  I sensed they disagreed about how I would use my resourcefulness to get to where I desired to go.  Then, I had a flashback to when I was driving home from the practice. The couple was again still in the back of the car and they had no reflection in my rearview mirror. When I felt uncertain about which exit to take returning on the Bolte bridge, I had this sudden hunch and took the proper left turn.  In the dream, I heard a chuckle in the back seat.  Were these some of my ancestors? Maybe. This dream was far more intriguing than those I've had hovering above my physical body, watching myself make mistakes on school tests that I had already written and couldn't change.

What would you give up?

People talk about what kinds of relationships they desire in their lives. You may begin by listing the traits of your perfect partner, what he or she would do for you, how you would like to be treated.  Maybe you envision yourself lying down on a sofa while your partner does all your housework, looks after the pet, the kids and even feeds you grapes.  The intimacy would be tender and tantalizing and the communication would always be clear. Perhaps you'd simply write a recipe and give it to a magic server as if you placed an order in a special restaurant. This vision you create may differ from your current reality.  Any chance to enable them to meet half-way? 

It is said that if you imagine something, that potential exists to make it real. Wouldn't we all like to think we would realize our ideal relationship visions? You can read books, place personal ads and participate in talk shows. Be careful though, because you may get exactly what you ask for.

Of course, your reply, might be, "Well great! Bring it on!" Yet, you may not realize that we must pay a price for each experience, even those we hope for and invite into our lives. There's a real trade-off somewhere we may or may not anticipate. You might say that the universe exerts efforts and requires us to exert some effort in order to keep a balance.

So, when you desire something to change in your current relationship, or you seek a new partner, maybe even hope and pray, remind yourself that you also need to offer something in return. In which ways do you already give of yourself? In what new ways could you offer yourself? What kinds of incentive are you prepared to offer to attract affections and attention of a person? What can you do to enhance your current relationship to recognize value that you and your partner already offer? What lengths would you be willing to go to keep this individual in your life?

The idea of giving things up can begin with things as simple as making space in your closet for the belongings of someone else. Why not clean out the garage to make room for someone else's car? You can cut back on time you spend out with your friends in order to put some aside for someone special. As you redefine priorities, you will discover how changing little things can mean a lot.

Yet, would you be willing to go further? If your current partner or someone new who seems well-suited,discovers a kidney problem, would you be willing to donate your own compatible kidney? Would you donate your blood if it would be compatible? Would you be ready to suffer financially to enrich the life of this person? Would you give up your job to move to a new city or bend over backwards to accommodate the person? What about establish new kinds of limits What would you be willing to change about you?  Remind yourself that by giving things up, or making changes in the best interest of someone else, you will actually be gaining a far more meaningful life that you can share. How you focus your mindset and evolve in your attitude determine what you'll give up.