Don't tip the waiter

The "Don't Tip the Waiter" game requires players to construct a cardboard waiter, balance him on a precarious stand, and to take turns stacking cardboard plates of food on his serving platter. The first person to overload him and tip him over loses the game. Much like the game of life, success implies grasping when you have enough on your plate so not to topple over. Is your life that easy?

If you're like many people, you undertake more activities than you can realistically manage. You may sense overdoing it is a punishment or a requirement that is part of your learning process.  To know what's good for you means you take time to deal with the tasks you've set out for yourself. You need not do things all at once. Yet, if you do, you'll progress as you choose to learn from the results. For people who don't choose to learn lessons, they may repeat negative experiences. These people will invite similar challenges into their lives until they learn to manage them.

Remind yourself that success is attainable in different forms at different times in your life. If you desire a miracle, success even takes that form as you work toward it.  It's useful to consider various possibilities. No feeling of imbalance is beyond repair. Why wait for other people to discern what you can or can't do? To judge you from outside looking in doesn't mean they know you as well as you know yourself. No incorrect definition of success exists. The implications for us all are enormous.

Umbrella of life blown inside out

Umbrellas startle us when they're blown inside out. Human instinct is to struggle against the winds of change. Some people dream of controlling their lives like an umbrella, yet, deciding to live in a new place can become more or less than you expect. The acts of organizing and packing house certainly offer opportunities for learning about yourself. Did you ever realize that what you choose to take and what you choose to give away or part with reflect much about your mindset and level of personal growth? Ask yourself what you think you need now as compared to how you felt in your last place? You will begin to notice that certain things about you have changed. What do subtle nuances reveal about your character?

1) Your desire to move was triggered by some event. Perhaps you outgrew your old place or, something about the neighbourhood no longer suited you. Perhaps it was a job opportunity that caused you to consider re-locating? Maybe you'd like to have pets and where you live didn't allow them? If you were forced out, you may have been evicted or, as a renter, you may not have lived up to conditions of the lease.  Heck, maybe the landlord decided to sell and the new owner had other plans for the place you used to call home. Whatever the case, you were ready for change. In your mind, this was a step to improve your circumstances. You chose to reframe your priorities. Consider implications for yourself and for people you know. Why is this good for you?

2) The timing and conditions of your move are perfect.You may be exhausted after the collecting boxes and wrapping breakables in newsprint. You may have lifted furniture or been fortunate to direct hired movers or kind-hearted friends who sacrificed afternoons or weekends. Your moving experience requires choices and decisions about what is best for you and where. If you don't ask for help in this process, does it mean you're a glutton for punishment, you're broke or, you have another plan in mind? Remind yourself that at some point in life before the move, you sensed that something was incomplete. Are you getting closer to a sense of completion? Your inner change isn't finished until you decide. How do your visible, external transitions mirror inner changes? What kinds of new views are you beginning to notice?

3)Change occurs in multiple directions. Scientists will tell you, "that which is built is constantly being destroyed; that which seems lost is being used to build the New." Change is frequent and natural. Many times we hear people say, 'I hate change.' We all have abilities to envision and imagine an appealing life. Not everyone has the courage to carve it out. As you learn to refine your mental tools, you'll not only look forward to change, but you'll realize you're consciously reshaping your reality to feel more comfortable with who you are. If you feel like an umbrella, you may wish to stay blown inside out because change enables you to benefit from the directions and timing of opportunities that present themselves.

In over your head?

If you're a person dreaming or juggling projects and desire to make them happen, how would you know if you're in over your head? How would you know whether you bit off more work or goals than you could realistically accomplish in the time you'd set out?  You may not realize it, but you take risks to change what you know or do. You may not have reflected much on this before.  Its helpful to re-orient yourself by reviewing whether it would be in your best interest to change your course of action.

1) Ask yourself key questions.  What do you like about where you are and what you do? What kinds of situations are indispensable?  Are you competent at your current tasks? If not, could you be taking steps to get there or would you be better off doing other things? Does anyone or any condition give you reason to feel threatened?

2) Get to the 'nitty-gritty'.  You need to get to the clinchers with honest answers.  Whether you step back to consider your life in general, career, relationships, leisure activities, emotional issues, transitions or other matters, you need to understand whether you focus time on the things that mean the most to you. Where you focus your energy is perceived as your priorities whether or not you believe this yourself on a conscious level. Aim to reduce your focus to a few priorities.

3)  Do you feel trapped?  If bills are piling up or many things in your life seem to be piling up or falling apart, perhaps its time to rethink how you organize your time.  Feeling stuck is a mindset you create when you realize you're unhappy about something and feel you have limited options.  You always have more choices that you believe.  You're in a trap if the more you do something, the more you feel you must continue.  Remind yourself that you can reach out to others for help.

4) Tap into your emotions.  If you feel anxiety or stress, or overwhelmed about what you have planned or what someone else has planned for you, then you may have reason to slow your pace or review differently what's ahead.  As you gain new insight into your values and beliefs, you'll gain a better sense of whether your life can be better than it is and what you wish to do next.

5) Know your motivation.  What are the real reasons why you feel in over your head? Are you results-oriented, impatient and unable to get what you want? Why is it that you're wrapped up in situations that cause you to feel uncomfortable? How might you invite them into your life? Once you figure out this angle, it will be easier to determine the step-by-step process to get out of it.

Tune into your signs

You dream your life is evolving at a rigorous pace, in what you convince yourself to be all the right directions, but how often do you really listen to yourself and your behavior? Do you know what you really want? This isn't simply a question of knowing how you really feel about your choices and relationships. Its a question of discovering things you may not have known about yourself. When you’re ready to learn, the signs are all accessible for you to sort through:

1) Read your physiology. Consider your autonomic nervous system. Notice how you react spontaneously to ideas and thoughts of your life circumstances. When does your mouth water? Why would you perspire? What can differences in your heart rate tell you? In which conditions would you get goose bumps? Do you experience adrenalin rushes? What about energy boosts? Are you affected by sympathetic ("fight or flight") or parasympathetic ("rest and digest”) instincts?

2) Read into your emotions. Your body responds to the way you think, feel and act. This is your mind-body connection. Anytime you feel stress, anxiety or worry, your body reveals signs that something isn’t right. If your blood pressure rises, you know restless sleep or you develop stomach ulcers, stress about some aspect of your life may be the root cause. Strained emotional health may weaken your body's immune system, making you more susceptible to colds and other infections during hard times.  How you react to your life determines how well you handle things. 

3) Identify your instincts. Your body senses whether a particular choice or set of circumstances, contribute to your happiness. To feel as though you work toward something that motivates and inspires you is incentive to keep on your track. Yet, if your mind is filled with doubt, negative thoughts, and questions slowing down to understand more is desirable. Don’t continue action you feel isn't good for you.

4) Isolate what’s missing. At times, what you don’t notice or tell yourself is precisely what you should be noticing or saying about your life. If your self-confidence is lacking, it would be difficult to convince other people to support your ideas or convince them, things are great.  Are you persuaded where you are is a good thing? If you don’t hear your mind, body and soul encouraging yourself to continue as you have been, you should recognize the implications for change.

Feel around in the darkness

As you dream of defining what success means to you in a given period of your life, you may be faced with tough decisions.  It may seem as though you feel around in the darkness for a switch to shed light on things.  Rather than be discouraged, remind yourself if everything was clear, the learning process wouldn't be as rewarding.  Your emotional process is a teacher.  Do you listen?

As you self-question about your priorities, you can grow to trust yourself and accept who you are. To begin to understand your personality will empower you to make better decisions for you.  If you get to a stage where you make decisions that ignore your perceived strengths and weaknesses, it would be time to reassess sources of meaning in your life and rethink the basis for your decisions.

1) Focus only on where you desire to change.  What's the point in defining components of success in areas of your life you don't desire to improve?  Learn to discern the key issues based on priorities you're struggling to sort out.  Narrow down your priorities to the most important ones.  Draft lists of tasks at hand, what you can or can't control. Gauges of success relate to what you can influence, in terms of things like your mindset, physical and mental health and well-being. 

2) Stay true to sources of meaning in your life.  If you're unsure of where to focus, tell yourself you're not meant to master everything.  Learn to step back and identify what you desire separate from what other people desire for you.  The guidance of others can be reassuring and useful, but its essential to learn to listen to yourself.  This will separate you from other people's priorities.

3) Recognize the value of short and longer-term.  Your sense of progress will mean different things depending on where you are in health, relationships and job hierarchies, among your perceived options.  To take a job in order to earn money to make the rent is a kind of success, but that may be a means to an end rather than the end you work toward in the bigger picture.

4) Connect with aspirations.  In all likelihood, your evolving concept of success will relate more to your hopes than those things that cause discomfort in your life.  However, if you haven't yet isolated your primary hopes, or they seem to be changing, the root causes of your uneasy feelings is a hint about where to go next.  Facing fears will help you uncover a new route to fulfillment.

5) Give yourself time. It's up to you to determine when to recognize certain things about yourself and your circumstances.  When you're ready to let yourself feel, ready to be patient to see how certain events unfold, ready to recognize options you hadn't considered before, your view of success will change with you.  This doesn't relate to human measurements of time so much as your level of comfort about new kinds of self-discovery.  Success is a state of mind and results.