Re-set boundaries

At different times in your life, people will cross your personal boundaries.  You will sense this as you grow uncomfortable and trigger an emotional reaction from inside you.  Marshall Rosenberg's insightful book, Non-Violent Communication offers four ideas to assist you to avoid becoming overly emotional and defensive.  Do you know where your feelings originate and why?

1) Separate Observation from Evaluation.  Underneath all that is happening, to what are you actually responding?  You may be upset about something completely different or unrelated to the person who has somehow pushed you 'over the edge.' Refrain from scapegoating and letting off steam in inappropriate ways, such as lashing out.

2) Identify how you feel.  Isolate the feelings that stem only from you and grasp the choices of words that you may use to victimize yourself.  Learn not to give other people power over your emotions, to make you feel things.  Be accountable and work through all your discomfort.

3) Pinpoint your needs.  What do you aim or hope to get out of this set of conditions?  What is realistic versus desirable?  Start with intuition and then list what you seek from this person or relationship. What will you do so not to go too far in expecting too much. Where would this be?

4) Formulate a request.  How you approach a person influences the reaction you'll get.  If you demand, people don't often react well.  If you say nothing, people will assume you don't desire anything.  Figure out what you seek and formulate it in a way to show how it would benefit the other person to give you what you seek.  Kosher strategies wouldn't involve threats or blackmail.