How to stop overthinking
Overthinking occurs when you have a hard time turning off your mind. Worry and anxiety creep in. All those 'what ifs' capture your attention. You anticipate how things could go wrong, and how you could respond to unforeseen situations. Overthinking reflects you judge and self-criticize what you have already done and you justify why.
As you read this, you may know what its like to have thoughts run wild and wonder what to do about it. They compel you to re-examine actions you have already taken and those you wonder if you should. You may question whether you said the right thing, wonder how people interpreted your behaviour. You may keep going over and over decisions, questioning your own motives and what is best for you or others involved.
Consider your tendency to overthink based on how you reply to these questions:
In terms of dating: Why did I wear that outfit? Why was my make-up smudged? Why didn't he look my way? What must she think of me? What must his/ her friends think? Where can we go that would be impressive? How do I know if I said the wrong thing?
In terms of relationships: What will my spouse say when s/he finds out what I have done? What could my friends/ in-laws think of my choice? How can I be sure they will understand my point of view? Why are they not phoning/ including me?
In terms of body-image: Why does the mirror make me look so fat/ skinny? Where does all the acne come from? Who actually calls these marks beauty spots? How can wrinkles be taken as laugh lines? Why do I keep gaining weight when I exercise/ eat right/ am always on a diet? Whay am I never satisfied about how I look?
In terms of depression: How isolated did I feel? What could explain this prolonged loneliness? Why did s/he leave me?Why am I unmotivated? Why am I having trouble concentrating? Why do I feel restless and sluggish? How long does this post-natal depression thing last? Can how I feel be labelled depression?
In terms of work: Why aren't I capable of coping with my job/ schedule and family responsibilities? Why am I not living up to expectations? When will I pull myself together? Why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I get over it? When should I go back to work? Why are they asking me to rethink my role as a stay-at home parent?
As you realize you are overthinking, notice the messages about self-worth, self-love and acceptance that speak to you. Notice whether you are allowing fear and ego to control you. Notice your word choices and how they may disempower you. You actually have choices about which words to use and which thoughts to think.
As an exercise to see what overthinking is inviting you to see about yourself, write 5 phrases relevant to your situation. What do you over-analyze? Write down the feelings that stand out about each phrase (i.e. fear, self-doubt, etc.) Notice if they feel positive or negative. Now, rather than assume something negative happened or will, assume positive things. Know how you think is shaped by your feelings and whether you focus on the future. Fear only exists there. It cannot exist in the present moment.
As you recognize you tend to over analyze people and situations, this is inviting you to step back and learn about yourself. To notice overthinking acknowledges discomfort about something inside. As you look deeper to discover why, you can tailor your strategies to curtail or stop it. Why do you do the things you do? Maybe some of these resonate with you? If not, reflect on other possible reasons. Jot those down and reflect.
a) Indecisiveness/ low self-confidence (unsure what you want)
b) Strong sense of entitlement (ego success-driven)
c) Never satisfied/ perfectionistic
d) Seek approval & acceptance / fear disapproval & rejection
e) Diagnosed with psychological/ psychiatric illness
What if every reason you could possibly give to explain why you over-analyze brings you back to a plea for love? What if everything invites you to be more aware of how you can love Self and others unconditionally? One perspective is every experience invites you to love yourself more and see yourself as you really are. To overthink suggests you choose to focus on fear rather than love, and you can shift attention anytime.
"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It`s a death trap." -Anthony Hopkins
Reader Comments (79)
i have a weird passion to learn about the way people think and why we think what we think. and i say weird because i don't know anybody to this point in my life that cares about thinking as much as i do. if i did i would just talk to them instead of vent on the internet. i'm not even sure all of this applies to this forum, it just seemed like the right place.
anyways, i agree with a lot of what i've read. there's something to all this talk about dwelling on positive thinking. if we all spent half as much time obsessing about positive thought as we do negative thoughts we'd all be a lot happier people. anyways...happiness is choice. and i had to type all of this out to remember that. so thanks post box for listening.i'm out
When you call yourself "stupid," this is not a loving thing to say. What you experience in the world reflects back to what degree you appreciate yourself fully. When you feel pain, then the answer is to love yourself more. No work promotion or perceived recognition you can obtain is lasting. Everything external is changeable. You can train the mind to be unfazed by what happens. The only thing that is unchanging is the love you are/ feel within.
Consider taking up activities that help you build confidence, feel joy, laugh and have fun. This may include sports, music, something creative, whatever inspires you. Explore what love and appreciation mean. As you get to know what feels good being alone or in groups, you are more likely to make choices that feel good in other situations. If you feel uneasy about getting into a relationship, you may not be ready or, you may not have met someone who feels right to your heart.
I have a serious problem with over thinking, at night I tend to stay awake for hours going over events in my head and wondering about future events. One of the main things which I over think is my relationship with a certain friend. I've felt very strongly toward her for a long time and at one stage we went out, I spend a lot of time considering if she feels the same and last week I told her how I felt, I asked her if she felt the same and she replied 'I don't know'. Since then I haven't got more than two hours sleep each night because I've been considering this over and over again. I think is there someone else? Is she saying that so as not to hurt my feelings? Does she think I'm stupid or something cause I speak about how I feel about things (anything really) quite alot? I've also been getting very jealous because she has met a guy and is spending a lot of time with him but won't see me. Is there anything I can do to stop thinking like this? It's driving me mad and I feel like I'm acting like a love-struck child.
What a great post, Liara.
Fear cannot exist in this moment. And this moment is all.
goodnight.
xoxo
Two people have been living in you all your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to. . . . you have uncovered in yourself your own wise guide. Because he or she knows you through and through, since he or she is you, your guide can help you, with increasing clarity and humor, negotiate all the difficulties of your thoughts and emotions. . . . The more often you listen to this wise guide, the more easily you will be able to change your negative moods yourself, see through them, and even laugh at them for the absurd dramas and ridiculous illusions that they are. . . . The more you listen, the more guidance you will receive. If you follow the voice of your wise guide . . . and let the ego fall silent, you come to experience that presence of wisdom and joy and bliss that you really are.(overthinking ceases)