The value of a grain of salt

If you've never tried goal-setting, it may seem scary to you.   Maybe you think this requires lots of work and you'd prefer to spend your time differently. Maybe you make other excuses.  People may have also told you stories about their failures. Sometimes people permit fear to make an activity seem harder than it is.  They spend time going about it the wrong way, giving their fear too much control. 

You won't get results just because you avoid or think you do enough of the 'right things.' Goals aren't usually achieved simply through the efforts of your choice, and boasting about what you did. Think again. It's unwise to assume you'll resolve your fear by doing nothing or only doing things your way. Take your fears of goal-setting with a grain of salt, or decide your rationale isn't good enough.

If you have set goals before, didn't follow through and gave up, you may also be turned off the whole idea. Either way, if you're results-driven or motivated by a sense of progress you didn't have, that's an issue.  Let's step back a moment. 

Why has goal-setting lost its appeal to you? Is it because the process didn't live up to your rigid expectations or you didn't get what you wanted? Please! Intentions are insufficient. Consistent action is needed, and patience and self-confidence. You don't only work your timeline.  Other variables are at play, like events beyond your control. Take pride with a grain of salt.  Don't give up. If at first you didn't succeed, learn why and start again.  Chances are, your wisdom will propel you further.

The truth is that goal-setting will be as easy or as difficult as you make it to be. Decide in your mind that you'll be willing to have faith in your life and your potential. Believe that if you consult other people for advice and take steps to learn about you, then goal-setting will come naturally. Each and every day you can trust yourself, you will evolve to find ways to satisfy your needs.  If you struggle to get your heart in the right place, my advice to you is to just let go of fear and trust the events already unfolding. Learn to open your eyes wider. Recognize connections.

Connect or disconnect: that is the question

You may or may not know someone who takes time to write. While you’re in the midst of living your life, perhaps in the ‘fast lane,’ you may ask, “why would anyone stop to do that?” After all, isn’t writing mostly a solitary activity and a clear ‘disconnect’ from what you love most? Well no, not necessarily. It's true writing is typically done when you’re alone, but you can also work with others. Consider the following examples of benefits you can gain as you give something back:

1) Writing enables you to learn about you : people choose to write journals or diaries to organize thoughts, dreams, or work through perceived problems and ideas. Transcribing your own words enables you to step back and see things differently. You can brainstorm your plans and goals and move ahead too. In this way, writing can be an exercise to better understand who you are.

2) Writing permits you to share expertise and connect with others : when did you last write a piece to appear in a printed publication or on-line? Maybe never ? If I asked you about TV, you’d likely say “I watch it.” My next question would likely be, “Will watching TV assist you to share your lessons learned, connect with and help others, or increase your sales (if you’re in business)?” What lessons could you share?

3) Writing makes it possible to leave a legacy : what you write and publish will be saved somewhere, and passed on to others for their personal use. Sharing part of yourself can be timeless.  People may not remember your name as easily as they do your words or stories. You may write fiction, non-fiction of some kind of commentary. How do you wish to be remembered?

4) Writing facilitates engagement : if you have concerns and seek to engage other people in a cause or raise their awareness of specific issues, you could always get up on a soap box in a park or along the street and speak your mind. Writing is another way to effectively reach out to people. What reasons compel you to want to capture the attention or interest of others? What kinds of situations or emotions you wish them to better understand? 

5) Writing is an opportunity to earn respect : although its unlikely you will become everyone’s friend, as you take steps to express your opinion and ideas, this can assist you to earn respect. If your visions are creative, thought-provoking or inspirational, this will evoke the desire in readers to reconnect with you and read your work again.  You can't control how people react to you, but you can decide to offer them something which may give them reason to react, period. 

6) Writing bridges personal and work relationships: whether you're in an office setting working in a team, considering how to connect with someone or to express appreciation, its clear that writing can be a means to develop relationships. Whether you collaborate on a business report, draft love letters or other types of correspondence, its reasonable to assume words will help.  Resist the temptation to think you don't know what to say.  The point is word choices are yours.  

Could I have done better?

It's easy to turn introspective if you sense you're on a downturn or a losing streak in your life. Would this behavior be a cop-out? You might outpour justifications like, "it happened because..." or, "it wasn't my fault." Maybe refusing accountability would suit you? Some people would rather wallow in regret or 'turn a blind eye.'

Wait a minute! A downturn from which original vision? A losing streak in who's opinion? Ask yourself if your feelings come from within or from other people's criticism or impatience for your results. What kinds of messages and lessons are available for you to learn in your current situation?

My own life has repeatedly taught me that not getting results I thought I wanted can be the best thing that could happen. The interviews that didn't lead to the desirable job offers, the dates which didn't evolve into intimate friendhips or relationships, the seeds I sowed in other areas of my life which didn't bear the fruit I thought I wanted. Deep down, I realize now that some of these seeds I sowed sensing already the experiences weren't for me. I simply had to prove it.

These awakenings sometimes hit me late at night or when disappointment aimed to take hold in my heart. Still, I pressed onward to seek clarity inside. I accept new realities even when part of me feels they're initially hard to accept. Why? Part of me feels like I hadn't achieved things I'd hoped for and worked toward. Its not failure but unfinished or unresolved business.  I take time to grasp some things and people would eat away at you constantly if you permit it. Not achieving what you set out to do can be a subconscious goal to teach you valuable lessons. Your motives may be misplaced. Is it your ego taking charge?

I'm not the kind of person to dwell on whether I could've done better than I think I have. Who I am today differs from who I was in the past. My aim is to learn from each experience and look forward. I sharpen my listening skills and let go of situations which are out of my control. To let go of some dreams I hold too tightly enables me to embrace joys accessible in my reality now. Former dreams evolve and change or even disappear as my priorities change. Life is like that. I do my best.

Almost dead as a doornail

In 2005, I met the older mother of a good friend. I sensed she had smoked much of her life and her cough and story confirmed this.  She repeatedly complained and shared negative energy. She seemed to forget she had ideas or activities to feel passionate about.  This woman didn't seem to realize that her refusal to exert efforts to reverse her negativity was not only adversely affecting her, but she was alienting others as well. Many people didn't wish to be around her. She pushed them away. She tried to convince herself she didn't need people when she really did.

As time went on, I visited this woman and kept in contact with her. I felt connected to her and she taught me the value of listening.  I encouraged her to help me edit an uplifting book I wrote.  Her outlook evolved.  She focused more on positive experiences in her life, from winning many prizes on radio shows to realizing she had friends for line-dancing and outings.  Before long, she reverted back to closet smoking. The smell of her home (and my garage when she visited) told the truth.  She denied it, but her voice grew raspier. I thought there was also more to it.

One night, early March 2007, without warning, this woman's breathing became laborious.  She was up most of the night but was afraid to call and worry anyone she knew. The next day, her male companion visited and expressed concern.  She spoke about dying as she regularly did.  Her male friend ignored it. He called the doctor.  At that point, she consulted the doctor.  She was instructed to calm down, eat better and take care of herself. Yet, days passed. Her breathing difficulties continued and worsened. I know because I received a call from her male companion.

A few days later, I received a call late at night from her male friend who had called her an ambulance. She had been taken to hospital because she was struggling severely to breathe.  She believed she would die.  The ambulance driver and hospital doctors gave her oxygen. Her breathing level supposedly reached as low as 32. According to the doctors, she was near death.  I received phone reports from her companion and then went to the nearby town 2 hours away to visit myself. I learned when the doctor did his initial examination and consultation, he discovered this woman hadn't been taking her medications.  What medications, I wondered?

Turned out, three years earlier, she had seen a doctor for serious respiratory trouble. At that time, she had been prescribed 3 medications to open her airways and facilitate her breathing. She admitted she used one for a while but then, felt better and decided to throw them all out. She had decided the medicines were too expensive and unnecessary .  She had diagnosed herself as healthy and went on as usual, at least until her most recent brush with death.

As much as she said death was on her doorstep, when it seemed to knock, she didn't feel ready.  She told me her guardian angels felt closer, and they let her know in their way it wasn't her time. Perhaps she finally realized she felt like she was dying. Its what she thought she wanted.  It was a revelation for her to discover she could wish for and create her life to be another way. Last I spoke to her, she told me in disbelief that her breathing level was up to 160. She felt very proud.

She confided to me that the lung issues must have built back up when she wasn't looking. I didn't mention the smoking. The doctor said candidly, " light up again and you'll realize the death wish."  I think she has changed her mind?  She now practises blowing bubbles in water and performs other breathing exercises advised by her doctor. She inhales prescribed medicine and oxygen and I see a huge improvement in her morale.  She seems more at peace within herself than before. She accepts she is supposed to take the medication the rest of her life. With her pension, the medicine is less expensive than she remembered before.

In fact, I realize this woman has been preparing herself to heal.  Once back home, she told me how she sensed she would be healed yet, she would have to undergo more difficulty in order to make it happen.  The shock of her recent health scare reinforced connection with angels.  She reflects back on her life more and makes efforts to reframe past tragedies as blessings. She recently confided she was almost suffocated by her last ex-husband and she was more than ready to heal past emotional wounds.  She 's grateful her angels weren't ready to let her pass.  She's finally learning to release her attachment from pain.  As she raises her awareness of life, she realizes no experience is in vain.

Hidden motives

The purpose of a story exists in the mind of its author even before he writes it, and whether or not the author is consciously aware of a Higher Purpose or hidden motives. The author may only sense that he or she wishes to share something, or discover more about the inner self. The crux of a story is buried deep within, initially hard to decipher, yet unmistakably there, and worthy of reflection, much like the echo of our own sense of purpose, that may at times be misunderstood.

Note how mystery writers often work backwards from the perceived solution to explain a crime. In some sense, stories enable us to work back and rediscover why we're here. Whether you go backwards or forwards in a story, neither the author nor the readers may know exactly how a story will unfold. For, like an evolving life purpose, each story evolves with its own rhythm, spirit and soul, painting a developing picture that remains as open to us as we are to choices and interpretations.

So, as we seek to uncover the details of unfolding stories written by others or ourselves, we somehow quest to learn something  new about our own hidden purpose. This journey itself may enable us all to find unexpected meaning in what we think and do. Knowledge gained along the way may trigger revelations as much as recollections of the significance people we once met in passing and had thought forgotten. As knowledge gave birth to a view of the original universe, our growing understanding of ourselves can begin to decode and enlighten us of our true self.