The 'make-other-people-happy' gene

You may not consider having a change of heart controversial, but what about people around you?  What if you're the type of person who doesn't like to disappoint others? 

Maybe, from the time you were a child, you considered yourself a 'good kid.'  You always felt you did the right thing.  You felt the love and respect of your parents and or at least a close circle of friends, teachers and mentors.  Somewhere along the way, you developed the desire to please and this became synonymous with your own sense of happiness.  You couldn't tell the difference.

Suddenly, you're having seemingly radical thoughts.  Your intuition is suggesting you change course.  You sense something doesn't fit. You envision separating from what you know or have known.  People are not looking at you kindly. Will you leave them in a bind and think of yourself? Intead of inner peace, do you experience inner turmoil?  What makes the most sense when your desires are in diametric opposition?

The frog on the horizon

You may feel comfortable where you are doing what you're doing. And yet, you may not realize the great opportunities that pass you by.

Consider the story of the frog who was born at the bottom of the well in a remote town. This was the world he knew. He was initially content to splash around in the water he had always known. After all, his family was there and he was having fun. He didn't mind so much the size of the little round well. He felt as though he had everything he needed. So why move or change?

But the day came when this little frog decided to look upward instead of simply straight ahead as he always had. He caught a glimpse of light that sparked his curiosity. He wondered what was up there. He felt the impulse to climb up the slippery wall of the well. Admittedly, it was tricky. The uneven bricks in were covered in wet moss. It would've been much easier for the frog to remain where he had been. He looked back yet, decided to keep going forward.

When he finally reached the opening at the top, he cautiously peered over the edge. What he discovered was astonishing. He caught a glimpse of a glassy pond. This body of water was much bigger than the water in the well. He hopped in that direction and stumbled upon soft lily pads. Never felt anything like that before! Marveled as he was by what he saw and touched, he decided to venture out a bit further. Much to his surprise, he discovered a lake. After swimming in the lake, he sensed he might go further still. When he did, he came across water as far as he could see. A wise turtle explained that the frog had arrived at the ocean. It was beyond belief.  He decided he would swim until he reached the horizon. After a while, he got on the back of the turtle, and they continued swimming.

The story of the frog reminds us how we can limit our own thinking. It's one thing to be content with what we have where we are, but its another thing altogether to shy away from challenge or change because you prefer to stagnate or fear uncertainty. The only ways to evolve and grow is to take risks to do what you haven't tried before. Being adventurous doesn't necessarily mean you're restless or seek to avoid discomfort where you are. The idea of reaching out to discover your destiny is a means build self-confidence.   Empower yourself and you'll create the life you want.

Ugly & grateful

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love. The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly.

To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long age been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, and even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!" All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.

Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If ever someone picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbor’s huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end. Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front.

As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring.

Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion. At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for. Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly.

~Anonymous (Author Unknown)

Rise above a jaded self-image

How you perceive yourself has a tremendous impact on what you do with your life and whether you will evolve to fulfill your destiny.  Do you dream parts of you were different than you think they are? Would you like to be able to work toward greater self-acceptance?

How you perceive yourself is like a portrait.  Who do you envision when you peer into the mirror?  Do you imagine a particular livelihood with its associated uniform, accessories and mindset?  What you choose to see in yourself may not be an accurate depiction of your core self.  How often do you make assumptions about "what is best?"  All perceptions have influences.  Learn to distinguish yours.

Many people are unsure how to separate their identity from what they do for a living.  They evolve into a role and condition themselves to think like people do around them.  Perhaps this sounds like you?  Maybe you feel confident, 'in your element' (so to speak) or at ease in your life, with what you wear and what you do.  This would mean you know yourself well enough to be honest and make choices that make you feel good about yourself.  You happiness would glow. 

In the case you feel unhappy, insecure, unworthy, unattractive, inferior or negative in other ways, your life choices will likely reflect your inner thoughts.   You might hear yourself say, "I'm not good enough" or "I'm ugly" or "they will never choose me."  If you reinforce thoughts that you will never accomplish anything meaningful, and this is what you choose to believe, then you may have poor self-esteem and you're unlikely to realize your potential.  Even if you don't feel like this, you may know people who would fit this profile.

Whatever your self-image, its worthwhile to realize that you are loved and appreciated.  You have skills that can benefit others.  Are you using them?  You may not realize that how you feel inside governs the choices you make, the relationships you nurture, and plans you work toward.  What other people say about you tends to affect how you feel about yourself.  Yet, whether or not you realize it, you also impose images on yourself. Consider the clothes and images which draw your attention.  Do they reflect your personality? 

Your abilities and accomplishments can be guided by examples, but what you do with your life, where you go and what you accomploish for whom, is ultimately your choice.  Each decision you make shapes your character.  Who you were yesterday doesn't have to be who you are tomorrow.  Even your shortcomings are part of you that can teach you something useful if you choose to learn.  personal growth is a choice.  As you reflect on your past, you have the power to gain valuable insight which can build your confidence and encourage continued learning. 

John Wood & 3 Thoughts to review your dreams

John Wood dreamed of big responsibilities at Microsoft and became a senior charge of forging software markets in Asia in the 1990s. While that part of the world, he went on a soul-searching trip to the Himalayas.  This experience triggered a revelation about a much deeper calling.  Instead of serving as a refreshing change of scenery from life in the rat race, it caused him to re-direct his boundless energy and entrepreneurship in completely new directions. 

To the surprise of his peers, he decided to resign from Microsoft  and create Room to Read.  As of late 2006, this organisation had already donated over 1.2 million books, established more than 2,600 libraries and 200 schools, and sent 1,700 girls to school on scholarship, and enabled over 875,000 children to access the priceless gift of education they wouldn't otherwise have touched.  The idea of strapping books to a yak and trekking to high altitudes may not be your ultimate desire, but you may be inspired by John Wood to examine your life and re-evaluate your dreams:

1) Ask yourself if your career is all-consuming.  Some people discover they have convinced themselves they love what they do and they realize they forget why.  If you feel you're involved in some activity for the wrong reasons, this is a sign to take steps outside your comfort zone.  Allowing yoruself to become consumed by some pursuit as a means of escape from other things isn't the answer that is best for you. Your conditions are actually drawing your attention to something beneath the surface.  Its up to you to determine why you aren't caring for your needs.

2) Do you feel you do something lasting and significant?  Whatever your focus, consider what kind of legacy you are leaving and for whom.  You set an example for people you know and people you don't know.  What you leave behind can be things like lasting reputation, a structure, a foundation, a sense of motivation and inspiration that is contagious for other people who can contribute and ultimately continue what you start.    

3) Are your pursuits compatible with your deepest values?  Certain people make choices based on money alone, yet these people aren't usually happy at the core.  Reflect on your beliefs and whether how you devote your time enables you to share yourself and those things you perceive as important. The more you encourage people to develop themselves in an area you value, the more you are actually expressing love, reinforcing human connections and justifying your own inner passion.  The more time you spend on specific pursuits, the higher the priority these things should have for you.  If you don't commit to what you love, are you not wasting time?

*I highly recommend the book Leaving Microsoft to Change the World: An Entrepreneur's Odyssey to Educate the World's Children by John Wood (Harper Collins, 2006)