Friendship shapes wealth

Sometimes friendship ends up teaching us things we didn't expect. Most people don't put a price on the compassion, support or assistance they receive, yet we may all underestimate the true value of friends or people that enter our lives, just when we really need someone.

I think back to my days as an au-pair (nanny). I was thankful to stumble on this opportunity to develop a kind of family away from home. They gave me a basement room, board and some great opportunities in exchange for helping care for 6 month old twins and a daughter who was initially a year and a half. The children were a handful, but I learned a lot and made new friends.

 During the first year I lived with them and attended university, the family planned to spend two summer weeks at a cottage in a place called Murray Bay. They went the week before I did. I took a bus with plans to join them. That bus took me a great distance to the ferry dock across from Murray Bay. That evening, the bus had been late, so I missed the last ferry. As a student, I didn't have much money and felt dropped off in the middle of nowhere. The local motel was booked solid. My options seemed limited. I thought of sleeping outside the bus station. Yet, the janitor who worked in the bus station wouldn't hear of that. I was invited home to stay there instead. It was a unique way to meet local strangers, but I thought it made sense at the time. I was grateful for the gesture and shelter, and looking back, I see that janitor as more than a kind soul.

What is it about people we know who seem to know exactly what to say when we're down in the dumps or down on our luck? You may feel that some friends can read your mind or strangers touch your heart. People teach me things in airports, bus stations, on trains, ferries and other unexpected places. I've been welcomed into homes in various countries as part of local custom and in ways that helped me out of “awkward binds”. Not everyone would feel comfortable doing this, but such experiences teach me new sides to hospitality and enrich my life. We always have choices to fear or embrace what happens. For me, people are a gift. What we choose to learn from them adds precious value to our lives.

"Approach each new person you meet in a spirit of adventure. Try to discover what he is thinking and feeling; to understand as far as you can the background from which he comes, the soil in which his roots have grown, the customs and beliefs and ideas which have shaped his thinking." -Elenor Roosevelt

Success as you are

At this moment, you can feel successful before you do anything.  Other people would love to live the life you lead. Yet true success is not about comparison.  Remind yourself that you set examples for others wherever you go and whatever you do.  Even people you don't see or notice are influenced by you. As you grow more conscious that all you do matters, then what? 

Enjoying life and feeling successful are grounded in how you choose to perceive the "here and now."  You can be as content as you decide you'll feel, and you'll become as successful as you wish.  You may have a history full of examples of suffering, tragedy, grief and loss.  You could recount your experiences to others in ways that cause them to cry or, you could choose to develop a story of motivation, perseverence and triumph.  How you choose to interpret and imagine things affects your morale, your attitude and the many ways in which your life unfolds.

What matters is how you feel.  Results may happen as you envison or not yet, you always have a choice to focus on benefits of experience and what lessons you have learned.  You are successful because you are alive and growing.  No matter what your age, you have valuable experience behind you and opportunities in front of you.  Anything that's ever mattered to you, all the people, projects or issues you've cared for, help explain why you're a success. You refine this success even now.

"When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too." -Paulo Coelho

Signposts

When I visited a library today, I was reminded signs exist all around us to indicate we are exactly where we're supposed to be and doing what we're meant to do.

I met people who were searching for meaning in their lives after major life changes.  One man confided to me that he had recently divorced and was struggling to seek out new streams of inspiration.  I spoke with him about the benefits of web blogs and forums. I also suggested books of possible interest.   A woman I met was also seeking ways to stimulate her reflection process.  I was able to help her as well.  Each person I meet who is open to receiving information realizes ideas often come along in their own time.  We simply need to be ready, observant and willing to perceive the things that can help us.  We need to be courageous enough to let go of our fears in order to move ahead.

Even if you don't yet know it, a thought, talent or activity represents who you are at the core in this period of your life.   If you haven't yet found that, clues exist all around you.  As you explore interests and ways you can connect with the world,  you will discover the kinds of things that boost your energy, stimulate your mind, peak your curiosity and inspire your imagination.  Discovering and connecting with such things is a useful practice.  In time, as you feel more comfortable, you can decide how you wish to integrate these things into your life.   

Chosen or imposed risks?

Risks certainly come in different forms based on our own perception.  Do you consider the risks you take to be somehow foisted on you like you don't have a choice? Or do you seek them out because you feel you can gain something from taking risks?

The Dalai Lama chose to secretly flee Tibet because the Chinese violently took over in an effort to suppress an ancient, religious culture.  Like the Dalai Lama, many Tibetan citizens, including brave children, have chosen to risk their lives to journey through harsh natural, conditions in order to have a chance at freedom.  They choose to expose themselves to hazards, possible gunfire and death in order to take charge of their fate. They would be taking a risk to stay in Tibet and be constantly threatened, and they would be taking risks if they choose to leave all they had ever known. When faced with life and death situations, one typically chooses life.

In 1943, when the Soviet Union took over Estonia, my maternal grandparents took their children and risked their lives to escape amidst bombings.  In their minds, choosing between prospective oppression and freedom wasn't really a choice.  To lose national independence and stay there would've meant losing the freedom to use their native language, being unable to nurture their culture, to exercise their will.  There was even the likelihood of ongoing surveillance and a threat of death. They preferred to take their own risks to travel to Germany and work there, then onto Italy and Australia where they lived brief periods before moving onto Canada.  They chose to move places that offered them civil liberties, freedom of speech and opportunities rather than increasing restrictions. They also had the luxury of their health, resourcefulness and determination to overcome incredible odds during wars that are difficult for me to imagine.  So, choosing life over possible death can be linked to our values and principles as much as to instinct.

When you think of the risks you take everyday, you may note bigger ones and smaller ones.  You may be fortunate to live in a country where you don't take your life into your own hands each time you venture to a local market or choose to practice your belief system.  You may not think that more people die in car accidents each minute than people statistically die in airplanes.

Even basic, everyday activities involve risks for some people. You can quantify and compare the hazards, but can you minimize or eliminate them? News headlines regularly announce harmful chemicals we should avoid avoid, or foods and behaviors which represent threats. You may dream of a simpler world where you perceive fewer risks. But does such a world really exist? If we reflect back, a century ago, life expectancy was 50 years, now it is over 70. Do you think this means the sum of all risks must be less than it was? Or, do you feel each time a health risk is eliminated, we simply discover new ones to replace them? 

Back to your roots

I spoke to an older, Polish woman on a rural, public train.  She told me her goal was to eventually visit her home country.  As it happens, she grew up "Down Under" and has only ever seen photos of most of her relatives.  She belongs to a nearby Polish cultural association where she interacts with Australian people who speak her native tongue, cook ethnic Polish foods such as perogies, engage in folk dancing and singing, among other events that remind her of her distant homeland. I began to wonder what identifies a place if it isn't the people, history and things the lady said.

In speaking with me, she explained her motivation is a sense of connection to a place she's never seen.  She says she thinks about where she is now and why. She recognizes she has independent will and freedom to choose how she spends her money.  Yet, she remains reluctant to achieve her goal.  As we chatted, I noted she didn't use definite, proactive language, such as "I will go."   Instead, she used reactive language, such as "I can't" (because). 

When her stop came, I suggested she might get to see her homeland someday, and she replied tentatively with a smile, "I might."  Whether she truly sets her mind to achieving this goal remains to be seen.  Literally traveling back to her family's geographic roots may be more of an inconsequential dream than a real-life priority. What have you done in your life to investigate your family history? How do you foresee your interest evolving and why?