What do you do about conflict?

You may dream of a peaceful situation where you always see eye-to-eye with people or, at least feel understood.  Yet, it can be hard to keep your spirits up when people you know desire to debate or disagree.   What do you do about conflict?

Realize conflict begins and ends in your mind.  Accept that you can agree to disagree.  No single idea will appeal to everyone all of the time.  Each person is at a differnt stage of growth based on life experience.  It is not your job to impose your views, prove that you are right or, to educate based on your values.  Similarly, you can be tolerant of others without adopting all they say.

You can freely offer your perspective.  You learn who to share views with and from whom to withold them.  This is not about keeping secrets.  It is about learning to sense where you relate to others and where you do not.   It does not generate positive energy to condemn people or to think negative thoughts.  Each person has the freedom to think and feel and resolve what he or she chooses. Some people do not desire to resolve issues.

Comments

[Lance]

Great point Liara! With some people it is easy to share viewpoints, even if they are in disagreement with that other person - because there is a healthy respect for each other and the viewpoints presented.

[Alexys Fairfield]

Hi Liara,
Conflict is the inability to "fit" in a ideal, opinion, etc. When we realize that everyone is different and not everyone will agree, we can learn to overcome the need to be "right" and just be. While we have a right to be heard, we don't have to be right. Is it important to be right or to be happy? When I see conflict in others, I bless them silently.

[Melinda]

Dear Liara,

You have a great deal of wisdom. I always enjoy reading your perspective on life and I agree with you on conflict. I have been meaning to catch up with your lovely blog.

I apply the serenity prayer to so many areas of life, including conflict. Simply put, I try to change those things that I can control and those that I can't, I have to accept. There is a great deal of wisdom in such a simple prayer.

Peace to you, my friend--

Melinda

[Miruh]

So true, very wise tips. Many people just want to be right. I'd rather be happy and keep my opinions to myself when I see that I am not connecting;like you said, "Each person has the freedom to think and feel and resolve what he or she chooses. Some people do not desire to resolve issues."
Great post Liara, thank you!

[soulMerlin]

today, someone tried to "take over" and cut me out of something I am responsible for and enjoy doing. My response was short sharp and decisive.

henry

[Davina]

Hi Liara. I always keep an open mind to other people's perspectives and have learned not to judge them or try to get them to change their opinion to match mine. I do get uncomfortable when other people obviously discard my opinion as wrong and try to enforce theirs on me.

[Liara Covert]

Lance, as you evolve to love yourself unconditionally, you learn to respect other people for who they are. You realize every human beings is at a stage of personal evolution. Your ability to empathize, understand and control your emotions determines the directions in which you channel energy. You begin to realize where it makes sense to react or not. Each person evolves to accomplish an inner sense of progress. You define meaning in relationships. It always exists even if you are not yet ready to sense it or learn from it.

[Liara Covert]

Alexys, to learn to send love and forgiveness to everyone is part of why humans exist. It is those situations where part of you experiences discomfort that you stretch and potentially grow the most.

[Liara Covert]

Melinda, simplicity and compassion are always the answer. As you visualize what it is that bothers you, then you realize you also project it in different forms to learn to work though these feelings. People are not always aware discomfort and perceived conflict raise awareness of what they no longer need. As you do this yourself, you learn to acknowledge and release negative energy and you also rediscover new levels of freedom.

[Liara Covert]

Miruh, human beings are unaware of everything they do. At times, you may believe you 'keep your opinions to yourself.' However, judgment is not only expressed in words. Just because you do not voice an opinion does not mean you are not generating and perpetuating it silence. Opinion may be revealed in your thoughts, choices, and feelings evoked concealed from external view. As you raise awareness that you hold these feelings, you train mental discipline, and dissolve inner conflict what does not serve you.

[Liara Covert]

Henry, you always have the option to rethink and redefine how to express compassion. Whenever I sense external conflict arising, I ask myself how someone like the Dalai Lama or Mother Theresa would respond. This assists me to to move beyond emotional response that is not always in my own or another person's best interest. Soul growth is perpetual.

[Liara Covert]

Davina, it sounds as though you experience growing awareness about what differentiates you from people around you. How you view others is also an opportunity to learn about the underlying reasons for your own thoughts and feelings. We always have opportunities to learn more than what have already. This is an advantage of living in a physical body.

[Darla]

Hi Liara,

I am experiencing quite a bit of conflict both internally and externally.At the moment I feel like a dichotomy of thought and action. I feel anger but don't always express it, which I think is a good thing, but other times I express my anger or negativity about certain people aloud.I know that each person around me is a reflection of myself in some way and I do try to understand where other people are coming from however, it is so hard when you see injustice or greed in others to sit back and not react negatively.I try to understand why they are the way they are and how I can learn and grow from these situations. Often I feel taken advantage of and people say it is because I am too nice but actually it is because I am very uncomfortable with conflict.Despite that I still end up in situations where I am aggravated enough to react and it is disappointing when I don't respond to these situations from a point of view of trying to understand.I know that if I want world peace, I must learn to master conflict on a smaller scale. I must "be the change I wish to see in the world". It is a struggle and I feel the effects of this internal turmoil upon my physical health.I'm quite sure if i could find inner peace, I would feel better equipped to deal with disharmony outside of myself.

Darla

[Liara Covert]

Darla, as you raise awareness, you begin to pinpoint the reasons for your feelings. Some people consciously avoid whatever evokes their discomfort. This does not happen by accident. This happens by design. It helps to explore what you have in mind. Many people do not realize avoidance is not the most effective way of working through issues. You are constantly teaching yourself to reframe your own perception. Each time you allow yourself to feel aggravated, you are teaching yourself to make different kinds of decisions. Some people just say, 'I do not know why.' It does not always serve you to question your impulses. You are controlled by your paradigms. If you have the slightest inclination to do something, then do it. Yet, decide you will also evolve to understand it. This is all part of your process of resolving conflict within. Never give up on your own learning process. It is always working. You are only aware of a limited part of this.

[Darla]

Thank-you Liara! I do tend to over analyze my thoughts and actions to a point where I feel guilt over everything that I have done that wasn't ideal.I know that this does not serve me well, however, I also know that each time I go through this process, I move towards a better understanding of how to deal with conflict.Not reacting I suppose can be just as fruitless as reacting - learning to respond constructively I suppose would be best.I am not religious in the traditional sense but I am very spiritual and for years when I would pray I would ask the universe to help me be a better human being. Sometimes I think in order to achieve that(becoming a better human being) you have to be involved in situations that may expose your weaknesses or perhaps even your strengths.Like most people,I have had a great deal of challenges in my life that most people react to with empathy or sadness.I see them as blessings - it sometimes takes me several years to see them in that light but for the most part I usually do.I'll try to remember this as I deal with current conflicts in my life.

take care,
Darla

[Liara Covert]

Darla, every moment, you are raising your self-awareness and learning meaningful things, even on levels where you are unaware. You may be interested in reading the post and comments from this Dreambuilders blog: "How to stop overthinking"

http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/2/26/how-to-stop-overthinking.html

[Darla]

Thanks Liara,

I read the "how to stop overthinking" post and it pretty much sums me up. I think my chronic overthinking may be a result of insecurities and past experiences.I think I have recently made a bit of a breakthrough however, I don't seem to worry as much about what other's think of me but there is still a long way to go!

Darla

[Liara Covert]

Darla, every human being is on a personal journey. This means you are at an individual stage of awareness and other people are experiencing their own. Rest assured, if you were consciously aware of all you needed, then you would not be where you are. To acknowledge conflict is a stage in your personal awareness. To choose to debate, to generate negative emotions, to dwell on challenges and semantics, itselfs a stage. This means you are ready to expand the mind, to rethink certain kinds of self-understanding.