25 Questions to help get Clarity in a Relationship

If you are confused about your relationship, whether its moving forward, stagnating or even if you have one at all, you may benefit from getting more clarity.  

Clarity in relationships means a situation where both partners are on the same wavelength, have mutual understandings of the purpose of spending time together.  The need for clarity arises if either partner is unsure of the direction a relationship is heading. Its helpful if confusion is addressed. 

The major way to ask for clarity in relationships is to have a genuine and open talk with your partner. You both need to be clear on what you want in the relationship and how the other party can contribute.   Clarity is important because it is one of the best ways to open your eyes to several things you might have ignored. You need to know if you both see the relationship in the same way. Getting clarity will help you know where to improve or if action can be taken for mutual benefit.  Consider 25 questions to help you find clarity:

1. How often do I doubt my relationship?

Identify how often this thought crosses your mind. Does it cause insomnia, and are you looking to find solutions to unanswered questions? Be deliberate. Query about your relationship. 

2. Is there a pattern?

Another way to gain clarity in relationships is by asking yourself if there is a noticeable pattern in your own behaviour or theirs. This might explain why you are having doubts about your partner. 

3. Do we agree on the status of our ‘relationship’?

Two partners must be aware of the nature of a friendship or evolving relationship to consciously play their roles and allow the union work.  Are you both of you are working towards a common goal?

4. Is history repeating?

Do you notice that some things that happened in your previous relationships occur in the present one? If this is so, (i.e. fear of commitment) you need to find out what is truly going on. 

5. Do I feel safe?

A key question to ask yourself about your relationship is if you feel safe or not. Providing answers to these questions will help you understand if some behaviors should not be condoned.

6. Are we willing to compromise?

If you want to know the level of commitment, you can gain clarity by finding out if you and your partner are ready to compromise. The basis of compromising is stepping out of your comfort zone.

7. Can I count on my partner for support?

When you are in a relationship, you should rely on your partner for support, irrespective of the circumstances. If you are looking for how to ask for clarity, knowing where your partner stands when it comes to supporting you is crucial. If your partner is always available for you, or simply shows up intermittently at his/her convenience, this means two different things. Do you feel like a priority?

8. Is my relationship adversely affecting my self-esteem?

Another way to gain clarity in your relationship is to find out if your overall self-esteem is affected or not. You need to be brutally honest. If you always feel good about yourself and the relationship, then the union might be something you want to continue.

9. Is my relationship preventing my growth?

The goal of any healthy relationship is to grow together with your partner. There is something wrong if one of the partners is not growing in different aspects of their lives. The right partner will ensure you grow and succeed in everything you do. If you are not growing, your partner might not have your best interests at heart.

10. Do our major goals align?

One of the reasons you might not have gotten clarity in your relationship is that your goals do not align with your partner’s. Do you know your own goals? Do you know theirs? This may be an invitation to reflect here.

For instance, some major goals in relationships are relocation, children, career, marriage, pets, spirituality, ect. For your relationship to work and stand the test of time, you need to be sure you and your partner agree here.

11. Does it excite you to see your partner? 

You need to ask yourself important questions like “am I happy to see my partner?” Knowing the answer to this question helps you to know if your relationship excites you or not. In a healthy relationship, partners will always be happy to see each other when they meet.  This means that despite what they are facing, the thought of having a partner gives a sense of fulfillment.

12. Where do I see my partner and me in a few years from now?

Another way on how to get clarity in a relationship is knowing where you and your partner will be in some years and if the both of you will still be together or not. Knowing the answer to this question allows you to focus on other areas of life. If you don’t feel your partner has staying power, the relationship may not be worth keeping.

13. Am I ready to change?

Does it look difficult or easy for you to change some things for your partner? If you are not ready to be accommodating and understanding in some aspects, then it means your relationship is not rock-solid. 

14. Is the communication between us smooth?

Communication is beyond the regular conversations you have with your partner. It involves how the both of you make plans to achieve a common goal, even if it is to resolve a conflict. Are you someone who likes texts and written messages? Is your partner mor of a gift giver of time, energy and objects? Unsure whether your understand each other? The 5 Love Languages book may help. 

16. Do you feel free to express yourself when your partner is around?

Have you noticed how you behave anytime you are around your partner?   It can give you a pointer to know if you like who you are around them. When you are with your partner, you should feel secure and happy to express your ideas, emotions, and thoughts. If you don’t feel delighted and safe around them, it is a sign that the relationship is not healthy for you.

17. Do you and your partner trust each other?

Trust is one of the core building ingredients of a healthy relationship. To ask for clarity in relationship, you need to find out the level of trust between you and your partner. Both of you have to be sure that you will keep each other in mind when making critical decisions and avoid being selfish.

18. Is there respect in your relationship?

When it comes to finding out relationship clarity, one of the things to check is if there is respect in the union. Showing respect comes with honoring your partner. It means you will always note that they are an integral part of your life, and you will not demean them.

19. Have you spoken about romance?

To truly gain insight into your present relationship status, this is one of the questions you need to ask yourself. If you and your partner have not told each other “I love you” , it might be that the relationship, it may cross your mind to explore this.

20. Are you or your partner sacrificial in the relationship?

One of the ways to know that your partner is rooting for you is when they go out of their way to do something for you. Have you or your partner made some huge sacrifices that came with many demands? If this has barely happened in your relationship, it means you have a lot of work to do.

21. Do you feel threatened by people who admire your partner?

How do you feel when you learn that some people are into your partner? Do you feel secure that nothing will happen, or do you always feel agitated that your partner will cheat on you?   Any feeling you have when other people find your partner attractive determines the state of your relationship.

22. Do you love spending time with your partner’s loved ones?

When you are in a relationship with someone, you have an important duty to keep close relations with those close to your partner. However, if you don’t feel comfortable being around your partner’s family and friends, something might be wrong with your relationship.

23. Can you call your partner your best friend?

One of the ways to find clarity in relationships is if you see your partner as your best friend. Having your partner as your best friend is mostly advised when it comes to relationships. They should display certain attributes that will make you rely on them and call them your best friend.

24. Are you keeping a secret from your partner, or are they keeping one from you?

Do you feel your partner is hiding something from you, and they don’t want to spill it? Usually, you can detect this by watching any behavior they recently started displaying. Such behaviors might be propelled by something you are hiding. 

25. When last did you discuss the future together?

To gain clarity in relationships, look back at the last time the both of you had a serious discussion about the future. Planning for the future regularly with your partner helps you know what to look forward to. If you rarely talk about the future together, something might be wrong with your relationship.

Another step to find clarity in relationships is to find out the deal breaker in your union. Is there anything your partner would do that can make you walk out of the relationship? You need to be clear on the boundaries in your relationship that come with some repercussions if they are crossed.

If you have been confused about the state of your relationship, use the questions mentioned in this piece as a yardstick to measure how your relationship is going.