Could I have done better?

It's easy to turn introspective if you sense you're on a downturn or a losing streak in your life. Would this behavior be a cop-out? You might outpour justifications like, "it happened because..." or, "it wasn't my fault." Maybe refusing accountability would suit you? Some people would rather wallow in regret or 'turn a blind eye.'

Wait a minute! A downturn from which original vision? A losing streak in who's opinion? Ask yourself if your feelings come from within or from other people's criticism or impatience for your results. What kinds of messages and lessons are available for you to learn in your current situation?

My own life has repeatedly taught me that not getting results I thought I wanted can be the best thing that could happen. The interviews that didn't lead to the desirable job offers, the dates which didn't evolve into intimate friendhips or relationships, the seeds I sowed in other areas of my life which didn't bear the fruit I thought I wanted. Deep down, I realize now that some of these seeds I sowed sensing already the experiences weren't for me. I simply had to prove it.

These awakenings sometimes hit me late at night or when disappointment aimed to take hold in my heart. Still, I pressed onward to seek clarity inside. I accept new realities even when part of me feels they're initially hard to accept. Why? Part of me feels like I hadn't achieved things I'd hoped for and worked toward. Its not failure but unfinished or unresolved business.  I take time to grasp some things and people would eat away at you constantly if you permit it. Not achieving what you set out to do can be a subconscious goal to teach you valuable lessons. Your motives may be misplaced. Is it your ego taking charge?

I'm not the kind of person to dwell on whether I could've done better than I think I have. Who I am today differs from who I was in the past. My aim is to learn from each experience and look forward. I sharpen my listening skills and let go of situations which are out of my control. To let go of some dreams I hold too tightly enables me to embrace joys accessible in my reality now. Former dreams evolve and change or even disappear as my priorities change. Life is like that. I do my best.

Almost dead as a doornail

In 2005, I met the older mother of a good friend. I sensed she had smoked much of her life and her cough and story confirmed this.  She repeatedly complained and shared negative energy. She seemed to forget she had ideas or activities to feel passionate about.  This woman didn't seem to realize that her refusal to exert efforts to reverse her negativity was not only adversely affecting her, but she was alienting others as well. Many people didn't wish to be around her. She pushed them away. She tried to convince herself she didn't need people when she really did.

As time went on, I visited this woman and kept in contact with her. I felt connected to her and she taught me the value of listening.  I encouraged her to help me edit an uplifting book I wrote.  Her outlook evolved.  She focused more on positive experiences in her life, from winning many prizes on radio shows to realizing she had friends for line-dancing and outings.  Before long, she reverted back to closet smoking. The smell of her home (and my garage when she visited) told the truth.  She denied it, but her voice grew raspier. I thought there was also more to it.

One night, early March 2007, without warning, this woman's breathing became laborious.  She was up most of the night but was afraid to call and worry anyone she knew. The next day, her male companion visited and expressed concern.  She spoke about dying as she regularly did.  Her male friend ignored it. He called the doctor.  At that point, she consulted the doctor.  She was instructed to calm down, eat better and take care of herself. Yet, days passed. Her breathing difficulties continued and worsened. I know because I received a call from her male companion.

A few days later, I received a call late at night from her male friend who had called her an ambulance. She had been taken to hospital because she was struggling severely to breathe.  She believed she would die.  The ambulance driver and hospital doctors gave her oxygen. Her breathing level supposedly reached as low as 32. According to the doctors, she was near death.  I received phone reports from her companion and then went to the nearby town 2 hours away to visit myself. I learned when the doctor did his initial examination and consultation, he discovered this woman hadn't been taking her medications.  What medications, I wondered?

Turned out, three years earlier, she had seen a doctor for serious respiratory trouble. At that time, she had been prescribed 3 medications to open her airways and facilitate her breathing. She admitted she used one for a while but then, felt better and decided to throw them all out. She had decided the medicines were too expensive and unnecessary .  She had diagnosed herself as healthy and went on as usual, at least until her most recent brush with death.

As much as she said death was on her doorstep, when it seemed to knock, she didn't feel ready.  She told me her guardian angels felt closer, and they let her know in their way it wasn't her time. Perhaps she finally realized she felt like she was dying. Its what she thought she wanted.  It was a revelation for her to discover she could wish for and create her life to be another way. Last I spoke to her, she told me in disbelief that her breathing level was up to 160. She felt very proud.

She confided to me that the lung issues must have built back up when she wasn't looking. I didn't mention the smoking. The doctor said candidly, " light up again and you'll realize the death wish."  I think she has changed her mind?  She now practises blowing bubbles in water and performs other breathing exercises advised by her doctor. She inhales prescribed medicine and oxygen and I see a huge improvement in her morale.  She seems more at peace within herself than before. She accepts she is supposed to take the medication the rest of her life. With her pension, the medicine is less expensive than she remembered before.

In fact, I realize this woman has been preparing herself to heal.  Once back home, she told me how she sensed she would be healed yet, she would have to undergo more difficulty in order to make it happen.  The shock of her recent health scare reinforced connection with angels.  She reflects back on her life more and makes efforts to reframe past tragedies as blessings. She recently confided she was almost suffocated by her last ex-husband and she was more than ready to heal past emotional wounds.  She 's grateful her angels weren't ready to let her pass.  She's finally learning to release her attachment from pain.  As she raises her awareness of life, she realizes no experience is in vain.

Hidden motives

The purpose of a story exists in the mind of its author even before he writes it, and whether or not the author is consciously aware of a Higher Purpose or hidden motives. The author may only sense that he or she wishes to share something, or discover more about the inner self. The crux of a story is buried deep within, initially hard to decipher, yet unmistakably there, and worthy of reflection, much like the echo of our own sense of purpose, that may at times be misunderstood.

Note how mystery writers often work backwards from the perceived solution to explain a crime. In some sense, stories enable us to work back and rediscover why we're here. Whether you go backwards or forwards in a story, neither the author nor the readers may know exactly how a story will unfold. For, like an evolving life purpose, each story evolves with its own rhythm, spirit and soul, painting a developing picture that remains as open to us as we are to choices and interpretations.

So, as we seek to uncover the details of unfolding stories written by others or ourselves, we somehow quest to learn something  new about our own hidden purpose. This journey itself may enable us all to find unexpected meaning in what we think and do. Knowledge gained along the way may trigger revelations as much as recollections of the significance people we once met in passing and had thought forgotten. As knowledge gave birth to a view of the original universe, our growing understanding of ourselves can begin to decode and enlighten us of our true self.

The ultimate eco-friendly lifestyle

Increasing numbers of people aspire to make life choices that preserve and restore natural environments. Some people dream of more sustainable living practices and other people take action to make it happen.  Which life choices would create your ultimate eco-friendly lifestyles? Which habits and practices would you like to change?

In various countries, governments offer financial incentives such as rebates and tax breaks, to convert to more economical uses of energy and to conserve resources. How much solar power and wind energy are used in your local area? Do you use economical cycles and energy-conserving applicances? If you wish to use energy more wisely, build or even remodel your home, you may have more options than you realized.  Consider these ideas and how you feel about them:

1. If you live in a place that experiences cold climates, in winter, reduce thermostats to 68 degrees or below. Reduce to 55 degrees or below before sleep and before you go to work. (As you lower thermostat in winter, you'll save up to 5% heat costs per degree)
2. Turn off lights, electrical devices when not in use. If you live in a country with switches on outlets (like Australia), turn off energy flow when not using socket. Electricity generated by fossil fuels for a single home can emit more carbon dioxide into the air than 2 average cars!
3. Avoid using heavy devices washers, dryers, and electric ovens during peak energy demand times. Wherever possible, choose toilets that use less water per flush, select the most economical appliance cycles, energy efficient shower heads, devices that use less energy. 
4. Close shades and blinds at night to reduce heat loss through windows. This practice also will also apply for warm climates to keep cool air in-house and extreme heat out (day/night).  
5. Choose products (like soap) that require less water and buy energy-efficient lightbulbs.
6. Set computers, monitors, printers, copiers, faxes and other office equipment to their energy saving feature and turn them off at the end of each day. Do two-sided copies too.
7. Decide to walk, take public transport or ride a bike to work.  Leave your car at home.
8. Grow your own vegetables. Eat more locally-produced foods in season to lower transport costs. Recognize when you eat food that is shipped in, this increases energy consumption.
9. Use more recycled products and contribute to local recycling programs. If your home or office doesn't have such a thing, why not take initiatives to start one in your area?  
10. Compost your leftover organic food products and develop your own richer garden soil.  You'll help insects and the air while you also care for our planet.

Righteousness could kill you

You may know people who hold rigid beliefs.  You know, they say things like, "do it my way or take the highway!"  Morals will still evolve and change, even if you refuse to consciously see this. People have been known to change their morals or how they apply their beliefs, to suit their situation, especially if they have hidden motives.  Some people say one thing and do another. Since morals are only expressed beliefs, this would make people hypocrites if they behave in ways inconsistent with their beliefs. What would cause these kinds of people to be selectively blind?

Consider that most people hold the basic belief that it's in their interest to be honest.  This is generally understood to be good business practice. Treat your clients well, offer them value in products and services, and they will more likely become returning clients. 

What about the businessman who tells customers he will produce their products on time, at good value, then doesn't do this and cheats clients out of their commissions and other expected services? Through word of mouth, you would think the company reputation would sink and the businessman would lose clients. This cyclical process may take time, but it happens because we attract the same treatment from others that we dish out. Ever hear the phrase, "what goes around, comes around?" 

What about the man who chooses not to pay an employee as a way to punish a business partner for not permitting him to have his own way? In highly-evolved societies, people simply decide to act based on whether they think their efforts or tantrums work or not to get their desired ends. People who hold unresolved feelings create their own logic in other settings. They feel big, but look small.

If your morals shift, and you refuse to admit it and change your ways, you become righteous. If during your life, someone cheated on you and made you feel bad, thinking you can just cheat your clients, peers or employees, isn't an acceptable way to think or even the score. This kind of revenge isn't justice, its more likely the result of misplaced anger and other unresolved emotions brewing or ready to explode.  This kind of righteousness could kill you emotionally, financially or in ways you don't expect. You lose out, period. Nothing to gain, and much to lose. 

Admitting the crux of the matter would mean you can rise above self-righteousness. Do not live today based on past experiences. Learn anything in your possession isn't really a possession.  Ownership of money or things or the view you can control people is a temporary illusion.  

People so easily forget "right" and "wrong" ways of behaving don't exist.  The only things qualified as such depend on whether your efforts to influence how situations unfold produce your desired outcome.  When you consider a feeling or result or event is wrong, this means you didn't get to be, do, or have what you desired.  Deciding what is acceptable or unacceptable simply contributes to or takes away from your sense of constructed happiness. Don't worry. Start again. Life goes on.