What if your relatives lived forever?
Saturday, January 10, 2009 at 1:58AM Regardless of how well you know your family or how much time you spend together, part of you wonders what life would be like if your relatives lived forever. How would this reframe your joys, sorrows and burdens? Would you reunite someday?
I went to highschool with a girl who had three adorable toddlers when she suddenly died of complications from breast cancer. She was only thirty-one. Her spirit remains in the hearts of people who knew her. Echoes of her laughter live on. Her children now adamantly believe they contact her, and do.
A friend of mine looked after his great-aunt until she died at one hundred and two. He tended to her house and garden, visited her regularly and assisted when she voluntarily went into a nursing home. While she was there, he arranged to have her bills paid, and organized her life the best he could. She lived in aged care less than two years before she left this world. Then, her nephew managed the probate, taxes and more. She rests in view of a bay, gladly reunited with her husband.
I know a man who did not get along with his father in life. Despite this, he keeps the deceased father's ashes in a soup tureen under his bed. The living man says he does not believe in ghosts and talk of an afterlife makes him edgy. Still, he cannot bring himself to release memories of life with this man.
As it happens, I have visited quite a few cemeteries. It may surprise you to discover what happens to plots and crypts that are rented by the year and at times, forgotten. When a family dies off or becomes disinterested, cemeteries re-sell plots. Imagine you may have unexpected company oneday.
As our parents get older, their health issues arise to remind us of fallibility and mortality of being human. Our physical abilities change. Our faculties sharpen or weaken. Parents do not expect to outlive their children. Yet, some do. Children do not always find it convenient or desirable to stop their lives, give up independence and devote themselves to parent care. Other children do not think twice about reorganzing their lives or relocating to do the best they can to help when needed. You do what makes sense to you and make your own choices.
How many people do you know who have moved back in with parents or parents have moved back in with them? I know some adult children who have never left home. They are into their forties. Their lives revolve around parents they feel need them.
If your relatives lived forever in the physical world, that is, the ones you like and the one you do not, they would each continue to teach you things. Your responsibilities would expand, but of course, that would not imply you would accept them. You can choose to believe in reincarnation, immortality or none of the above, but the connections you forge with people live forever in your heart. Love is everlasting.
Reader Comments (13)
Friends of mine live in similar situations to the one you describe. One Canadian girlfriend in her 40s lives with her eighty-something year old dad who is only taking four medications. One Australian male friend in his 40s lives with his eighty-something year old mom who takes a few medications but has also recently had a fall. Both of these friends of mine teach, neither are married or have children. Both have put their personal lives on hold to care for aged parents. They actually have a lot in common!
I also have friends in Malaysia and Brunei who have multiple generations living in the same house. This is tradition or normal for them. They do not wait for a family member to be ill and to require care to reorganize living arrangements. Different generations have evolved to assist one another. Grandparents help care for youngsters and every generation shares wisdom. I have seen the power of transparency in other Asian cultures and parts of Europe as well. In some places, young people are not conditioned to move away to prove one's independence. Instead, they are encouraged to learn the reality of interdependence, empathy and compassion differently.
One girlfriend I have known since highschool has eight of her own biological children. Her most recent two are twins! She and her husband live in a small house, not a mansion and the children interact differently than in they all had their own rooms. They readily help each other, work out their own disputes. They have learned to do so in part because they have no real place to run away from each other. Now they do not choose to do that. They have observed relatives of smaller families off watching television, using a computer or ipod in different rooms of larger houses and the family is not so close-knit. They have not learned to communicate in the same way.
In my own case, I have recently moved home to assist my parents. As it happens, I was married earlier this year and my husband has accompanied me. His family lives on the other side of the world. We define what comes naturally.
It is certainly an interesting concept, but I think relatives just may wind up killing one another. It would be like playing a video game for a really long time and getting tired - just waiting for the "Game Over" sign to flash. ;D
I prefer to start fresh, new game, new players - same Soul.
Not so, with my mother, although I came to be able to see her differently before she passed away. My mother lived with her mother for most of her life, and the two of them fought all the time.
I grieved over my grandmother's passing and not as much over my mother's. I feel closer to them both, (as much as I loved my grandmother -- if that makes any sense), now that I can appreciate them from "there".
If I were asked this same question before my grandmother had passed, I wouldn't have been willing to let her go.
Some people are convinced the spirit of their loved ones is always with them, in the physical world and even after they have passed over. If you believe humans are all energy beings, then you may also believe they change form and retain the same soul. Some people do not ask if their relatives live forever. They already believe this is the case when you hold love and memories in your heart. To recognize souls in other forms is another matter. Some people develop abilities to do this and do so at will.
Other people focus on the consequences of perpetually aging relatives in the physical world. Thoughts often wander to assumptions about deteriorating health, rising financial expenses, perceived burdens and fear of not finding ways to look after family or pay someone else to do it. These perspectives are generally grounded in fear, selfishness, a lack of knowledge about options or no desire to look into it.
An episode of Star Trek: TNG tackled a related idea. A fictional civilisation had a law that required all indidivuals in that society to commit suicide at age sixty. This rigid control scheme was to prevent overpopulation and ensure there was enough food and resources for the living. Most member of that society accepted it as it was and did not question. Yet, a few beings from the planet escaped onto the Starship Enterprise. They contemplated the idea of leaving their planet and living on-board. They reflected on their fear of uncertainty, of growing old, of eventually being demoralized and losing dignity. Their plight provoked powerful questions. The escapees eventually returned to conform with their society, even though they held qualms. They chose not to set a precedent to cause their society to destabilize. This revealed a process how they coped with core fear.
A few poigant remarks:
Methuselah is mentioned in Genesis as son of Enoch and the father of Lamech (father of Noah), whom he fathered at the age of 187. He was said to have lived 967 years.
In some modern societies, centernarians are on the increase. Their wisdom is often recognized and revered.
I replied to your comment within my post (with the title "In Memory, my Beloved Brother") with a question about ancestor worship. As a Chinese, I like to know what western people think about it, especially from you. I hope you don't mind.
This is a great aspect of immortality to explore further. Families are so instrumental in our lives.
It's interesting to also look at immmortality from the point of view of everyone being immortal (as opposed to my article which just considers oneself being immortal)
This gives me further avenues to explore - thank you.
Juliet
I believe that our souls or spirits live on after our physical death, so we will reunite with our families in the future.
Many adult children are family caregivers, even if their aging parents stay in their homes independently or move to a senior assisted living community of some sort. The children still have much responsibility for their parents' care outside of the physical aspect.
To me what's important is that those inter- and multi- generational relationships exist and remain strong for families, no matter what stage of life we're in. I have seen cases where families are very distant, or where aging parents have no one to assist them -- it is heart breaking to me.
Thank you for the thought-provoking post.
Linda, as your life has revealed, many situations exist. I have a friend who is a homecare nurse. She often faces situations that involve lawyers, clergy, insurance companies, bureacracy, even police and not always family. I also have an aunt who is a home care nurse. Her role has generally focused on caring for widowers where family was uninterested or uninvolved. Different levels of dependence lead human beings to ask whether immortality is poossible or desirable. To explore this concept more fully while alive, one must learn how to detach from counterproductive emotions and baggage. Mindfulness and introspection lead people to view existence differently. Yet, to evolve on such a level, people need to step back from what they have come to fear.