Feedback as soul food

If each of us is truly honest with ourselves, we would have to admit there have been times when our behaviour has been unsuitable and even disrespectful to others.  If we refuse to acknowledge our "faux pas," or do nothing to avoid such behaviour in the future, then we refuse to learn from the past and focus on our perceived headaches.  Are you aware that a perceived mistake or sense of failure is an inappropriate basis to define your self-worth or value?

If you haven't been as honest with yourself as you could be, then you may identify more with people you think make your life difficult than admit your perception is the real issue. Supervisors will complain about their employees.  Staff will complain about bosses.  Partners will complain about each other's behavior.  Parents and children will disagree at any age. You may even disagree with your pet's actions. Do you assume everyone but you is the problem?

You may be the sort of person who can't seem to live with others yet, you can't seem to live without companionship or other relationships either.  You may engage in relationships because you're convinced you need things from them. Remember people interact for diverse reasons. Some people desire to give more than they receive.  Others don't know how to give or take. Whatever your case, you need not be hurting yourself or others in the process.  What can you do about you?

1) Remind yourself relationships reinforce your existence.  You choose how you will permit them to influence your life.  People enable you to get-to-know-yourself better and enable you to learn to work through relationships, or they can be your excuse for living an unsatisfactory life.  Consider whether you sell yourself short. 

2) Teach yourself relationships have costs and benefits. It takes time, attention and energy, yet, becoming mindful of why you engage in certain relationships and what you get out of them will show you whether your efforts are meaningful and justifiable. Perhaps you could become more or less results-oriented. Is your current mindset detrimental? Do you aim to serve others or self-interest?

3) Accept you learn from all relationships.  Not all relationships appear to be in our interest.  You may be asked to interact with people you dislike.  You may have uncomfortable tasks of firing people, mediating conflicts or often be in places with difficult people.  Ask yourself if you can learn from the process.   If you discern you have self-defeating tendencies, if you always seem to focus on what isn't working for you, can you rise above a troublesome attitude and perceive differently?