Could I have done better?

It's easy to turn introspective if you sense you're on a downturn or a losing streak in your life. Would this behavior be a cop-out? You might outpour justifications like, "it happened because..." or, "it wasn't my fault." Maybe refusing accountability would suit you? Some people would rather wallow in regret or 'turn a blind eye.'

Wait a minute! A downturn from which original vision? A losing streak in who's opinion? Ask yourself if your feelings come from within or from other people's criticism or impatience for your results. What kinds of messages and lessons are available for you to learn in your current situation?

My own life has repeatedly taught me that not getting results I thought I wanted can be the best thing that could happen. The interviews that didn't lead to the desirable job offers, the dates which didn't evolve into intimate friendhips or relationships, the seeds I sowed in other areas of my life which didn't bear the fruit I thought I wanted. Deep down, I realize now that some of these seeds I sowed sensing already the experiences weren't for me. I simply had to prove it.

These awakenings sometimes hit me late at night or when disappointment aimed to take hold in my heart. Still, I pressed onward to seek clarity inside. I accept new realities even when part of me feels they're initially hard to accept. Why? Part of me feels like I hadn't achieved things I'd hoped for and worked toward. Its not failure but unfinished or unresolved business.  I take time to grasp some things and people would eat away at you constantly if you permit it. Not achieving what you set out to do can be a subconscious goal to teach you valuable lessons. Your motives may be misplaced. Is it your ego taking charge?

I'm not the kind of person to dwell on whether I could've done better than I think I have. Who I am today differs from who I was in the past. My aim is to learn from each experience and look forward. I sharpen my listening skills and let go of situations which are out of my control. To let go of some dreams I hold too tightly enables me to embrace joys accessible in my reality now. Former dreams evolve and change or even disappear as my priorities change. Life is like that. I do my best.