4 Points to get your bearings
Monday, November 19, 2007 at 12:13PM Romance is a subject of frequent inquiry. People ask themselves whether they 'feel right' or sense they may be making a big mistake. Rather than quickly succomb to your worst fears, I invite you to ask yourself four questions:
1) Would you rate this relationship as a positive or negative experience? If this question seems to oversimplify your situation, then take out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. Write (+) at the top of one column and (-) at the top of the other. Now make your list. Based on the side with the most comments, you can figure it out for yourself. Recognize whether your initial view was overly-impulsive.
2) Which lessons are you learning through this relationship? This might seem like another way to say, 'what am I getting out of this?' The point of this is not to bolster your ego. Its meant to prompt you to assess yoru situation honestly. You invite people into your life to help you learn about yourself. How is your partner like you? How does he or she 'act to 'press your buttons?'
3) What do you sense you are teaching or sharing with each other? As you learn about trust, faith, communication, commitment, understanding, unconditional love and other types of sharing, you may discover incentive to rethink, reframe or revise your view of your relationship. Reflect on the qualities you would like to see and experience. How does this compare with your life? What can you do to change you?
4) Which life lessons you have learned or continue to learn? Every situation has a bright side. Yes, you can detect benefits in every choice you make. Even if you decide that you aren't exactly in your ideal relationship, its important to realize it takes two people to make it work. If your relationship isn't working, then you have something to do with that. Change yourself. Set an example. Evolve into the person you would like to to share yoru life with. You will attract compatible people.
Reader Comments (2)
If I look back on past "problematic" relationships, I can see the good teacher in every single one, with their positive effects rippling long afterwards through my soul.
I dare say in this light there simply isn't such a thing as a "bad" relationship, whether romantic or otherwise. In the end it might come down to deciding whether, for us, the positive experience outweighs the negative enough to make this a lasting relationship in our lives ... but that any relationship always offers the opportunity for growth to the soul, this I strongly agree with.
And to "evolve into the person you would like to share your life with" ~ wow, wouldn't that be SUCH a journey of light! Much food for thought. Thank you!
Just as your choices of and exposure to relationships clarify desires deep within your soul, something beyond you hears every one of your requests to grow. It isn't so important if you feel unable to retrace all the experiences that led to where you are. The point is, who you are today, how you think and perceive have evolved yet, you'll always have intrinsic value. Recognize you judge and criticize your own 'problems' more than anyone. Your "worthiness" is never in question by anyone but you.