4 Points to consider rather than revenge

All relationships aren't experienced in a positive light. You may be grappling with thoughts of anger or revenge you feel tempted to carry out to get even. If you've been hurt in relationships, your reflex may be to take impulsive action. Look out! Jealousy, resentment or thoughts of "not enough" can become the energy that flows in your veins and the dominant frequencies you send out. You invite more of what you think about into your life. Attracting negativity isn't in your best interest.

Allowing discomfort to control you affects your relationships in a domino affect. To help you regain control over your thoughts, feelings and impact relationships in more positive ways, you need to change focus before you take revenge or do things you might regret. As such,it makes sense to remind yourself of four things:

1) People behave based on what they know. Some people have no point of reference for love, compassion and appreciation. They may manipulate, exploit or harm people to project how they have been treated, how lost they feel, and based on examples they have seen. This scenario helps you understand why people will push away precisely what they need most, that is, people who glow with happiness or enthusiasm, who offer of guidance, gestures of compassion or other assistance. People who reject what they need fear what they don't know. Why send them more negativity? That won't help them and it won't help you nurture better relations.

2) People get wrapped up in their ego-mind. Ironically, when times are good and money flows, there can be greater dissatisfaction due to "enough syndrome".  As people envision what things could be like, they may become angry and enraged about how things actually are for them. How many people do you know who openly compare themselves to others? Do members of your family frequently talk about what you don't have that the neighbours do? Are you envious of the affection and loyalty you see in other couples, the success you witness in other businesses and levels of creative energy? Focusing on reasons for emptiness or getting even won't fill your void.  It would dig your hole deeper.  Choose to build on your strengths instead.

3) People who never get angry may be easy targets. Aggressive and angry people can easily take advantage of such people because they may cringe and back away. They don't fight back. If this sounds like you, then you choose to be a victim. You may sense helplessness and get anxious, afraid, and depressed. Lashing out to make up for lost time isn't the answer. Do you treat other people as you desire to be treated? This invites treatment you want. Sending thoughts of love and forgiveness and then, disciplining yourself to shift focus would be more effective. Ensure your actions don't undermine or contradict your intentions for enriching relationships.

4) Most behavior is learned early in life. If a person comes from a chaotic or disrupted home, being angry may have been the example set. Sometimes children learn the only way to get what they want is to start a fight or express angry. Parents may have given in to quiet them. Other adults who are susceptible to anger, keep it inside and take advantage of people. Such angry adults simply act as they always have. Recognizing this kind of personality may give you reason to make choices that put distance between you. You can't change others, but you control your reactions.

Comments

[darla]

The last two days have been very sad for me. I have lost a "friend" and I am confused about whether it was a misunderstanding or a legitimate reason to sever the relationship. I decided that I no longer wanted a friend in my life after I felt that she had undermined me in business. Her behaviour has been very confusing for me as she often says one thing one day and then the next day she says something completely different.I felt that she was manipulating and using me in some ways to promote her own business. She would excitedly talk about a particular joint venture, but avoided the subject of putting anything in writing.She would ask me to work on getting my contacts to meet with her to promote this venture and yet when she had great contacts she refused to share them or excluded me by deciding to do things on her own, even when they were in my area of expertise.I have done things for her that have made her money but when she has had an opportunity to help me she has not.Perhaps she is just a much better business person than myself, holding onto the golden eggs for herself. I am confused and I feel rotten because I regarded her as a friend and a confident. She feels that she has done nothing wrong and is disgusted that I would suggest that she has been less than honest about the nature of our business relationship. I as usual end up feeling as though this must be all my fault and I cannot stop analysing the situation in my mind.Any advice for healing this wound?



Darla

[Liara Covert]

Darla, the universe sometimes seems to send mixed messages. And yet, as you train your mind to realize every experience serves a meaningful purpose, then you are already teaching yourself to detach from negative energy. It is tempting to believe certain people 'have it out for you.' Yet, you can also believe that each interaction is another test. Compassion and forgiveness are always the answers. Imagine yourself developing feelings for someone that are not shared. The more energy you exert, the more drained you would feel. This is not reciprocity. It is an exercise in learning to create boundaries. No human being is better or worse than any other. That would be ego talking. Every moment, you are given opportunities to bolster your esteem, to believe you are capable, talented and have reason to accept yourself. Ego always chooses to chip away at that.

[Darla]

Hi Liara,

Thank-you for responding to my post.

I do not believe that my friend has it out for me. I feel she changes her mind about agreements from day to day.I'm not even sure if she is aware that she does this. She is hurt by my comments about her which makes me feel even worse than living with her lack of respect for committments.There were far better ways to go about this than the route I took and it has weighed heavily on me.She has asked me for an explanation of why I feel the way I do and I feel I have some solid answers for her.I do acknowledge that she has been a great teacher and for that I am thankful. I still am not sure she will really see her behaviour for what it is.I will have to accept the fact that although I can understand that my words have caused her pain, she will probably never see another side but her own.I don't really wish to re-build the relationship I've lost a lot of faith in her as well as my ability to decipher, what on the surface, seem to be straightforward committments. I do forgive her and I would like both of us to move on.

Darla

[Liara Covert]

Darla, true friendship is based on a genuine feeling of closeness. This comes from mutual sharing, understanding and connectedness. Reciprocal feelings of love and appreciation sustain friendship.Compassion and concern attract friends and other gestures alienate. The Talmud reminds us, "We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are."

Your own journey to sharpened awareness is within you. That means obstacles are created within you too. On some level, you desire friendship with certain people. It is also you who becomes tired, bored, restless or doubtful or your relationships. People respond to your vibes to teach you about your feelings, even if you are unaware of them. Part of you desires to sabotage your experience as an exercise. You are shifting awareness.

[Darla]

When you say sabotage my experience as an exercise, do you mean that I am sabotaging my friendships as an exercise? I really don't want to do that. I do agree that with the statement that We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are. I really would prefer to learn my lessons in a more gentle manner and particularly, I would like to learn without leaving others feeling wounded. I will commit to learning how to communicate my concerns more effectively and constructively while leaving the sword behind.

Thank-you so much for your words. I always find them so comforting.

Darla

[Liara Covert]

Darla, human beings do not ususally consciously self-sabotage. Your awareness is always changing. You are learning to explore and discipline the mind on conscious, unconscious and other levels. Every thought you create, every feeling you evoke, is another effort you exert to learn. Contrary to what many people believe, you have no control over what others choose to feel. Every individual decides whether to react to what unfolds around them and if so, how. Your conscious and unconscious motivations are at work. As you evolve to retain different lessons, you also evolve to to become more aware of what you think and feel as you do rather than reflect on situations after the fact.