Catalyst for positive change
Wednesday, January 31, 2007 at 6:50PM What would it require for you to take a hard look at where you are and in which direction your life is heading? What kind of experience would you need to wake up to who you really are?
One friend of mine was in an relationship for nine years before she realized the challenges she faced were blessings in disguise. The more aware she became that her needs weren't being met, the more she realized things had to change, but she didn't like the idea of being alone. She tolerated discomfort until she decided it was time to take responsibility for her own happiness. The last straw was when her former boyfriend bought a motorbike rather than an engagement ring. This was her catalyst for positive change. She moved on to meet another man who listened, valued and respected her to make her feel appreciated. When she was ready, she invited this new partner into her life. Healing occurred when she listened to her feelings.
I remember an uncomfortable job transition. I chose to dress professionally and treat clients and fellow staff with respect. Yet, fellow employees were sloppy. Some of their lazy behavior reflected low motivation or self-respect. Management didn't set high standards and few people are pleased if a visitor 'raises the bar.' Looking back, I sense seeing me was likely unsettling. It was like forcing peers to look in the mirror and face things that made them feel uncomfortable about themselves. This former job also reminded me that I'm only to blame if I feel stuck in an unsatisfying situation. As I felt healthier, I attracted colleagues into my life with other standards and work ethics. They enabled me to create more suitable professional opportunities and then, to move on.
At my 10 year high school reunion, some old friends didn't recognize me. To them, I had really changed. I had been away to school, lost weight, grown up and matured through life experience. I felt I still had a long way to go and much to learn, but I sensed I had outgrown my roots. I wore different clothes and felt comfortable with my evolving self. I had already set in motion a gradual awakening that is still guiding my life journey. Apparently, my inner joy was visible.
What was especially poignant about this reunion was meeting a girlfriend I hadn't seen for a time. She had always been a horse-lover. I learned she had been living with her local boyfriend who was a dairyfarmer. On the surface, this sounded great. I'd never met him, but he sounded 'outdoorsy' like her. Only, weeks later, I received a letter from her telling me she'd left the dairyfarmer and moved to Germany. She realized that in order to live a more fulfilling life, she had to step out of the corner she had painted herself into. Seeing me again and learning about my life experience caused her to accept that she had been lying to herself. When she opened herself up, she stepped out of her rut and created a life that excited her. Soon after her move, embracing a new language and job, she met the man who would become her plumber husband. I heard they were married in a barn. Recently, they also bought a horse.
In reflecting on my own moments of truth, I suppose I trigger revelations when I feel uncomfortable. When I begin to feel I'm living some experience that seems like someone else's life instead of my own, I realize I need to separate myself from the expectations of others. I remind myself I'm always surrounded by choices to seize opportunities. I have options to expand and challenge who I am or accept what other people think I should be. I'm thankful that my will to forge ahead is much stronger than my fear of change.
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