Uncover the real explanation

I know a divorced man who searches for his dream partner. By choice, he has repeatedly dated women who don't seem to meet his ideals. His pattern has been to see multiple women at the same time because he fears the one he starts out with won't work out. Just as he predicted, things fell apart. The others broke it off as well, after learning that he hadn't been loyal, honest, trustworthy or faithful.

Whatever the nature of your personal life, your self-image is conveyed in your thoughts and behaviors with others. You do this consciously and subconsciously. Your true feelings will be mirrored back at you by your dates or partner(s). You may seek to avoid relationship failures yet, still invite them in. Its never too late to learn what it takes to develop your faith, renewed courage, confidence and self-love.

1) Stop assuming the worst. The Law of Attraction tells you that you will get exactly what you wish for. Buying into fear of inadequacy, unworthiness and rejection will invite what you don't want. You may need to work through unresolved, emotional wounds to let go of the past. You're never upset for the reasons you assume.

2) Address honestly your ego-based beliefs. You may feel confused about your results or the reality of what minimum success you permit yourself. Rather than sense break-ups are evidence of your faults and weaknesses, or evidence of you as victim, choose instead to examine parts of yourself that are willingly given or withheld.  Facts are non-emotional.  What you give is what you get.  Your soul echoes its safe to give all of you.  Yet, caution doesn't mean you can't open your heart.  You only fear intimacy until you stop fearing your own vulnerability. 

3) Identify what you desire to manifest. Superficial appearances aren't what your soul truly craves. If you believed you deserved a joyful, loving relationship, you would have one. If you believed you had "the right stuff," then the compatible person would arrive. If you don't feel you're ready, it implies you may be risk-averse or fear commitment. Learn about what makes you tick and what you can do to attract that.

Mohandas Gandhi & 6 Lessons to get to my truth

Mohandas Gandhi is one of my inspirational mentors. I got a lot out of his quasi autobiography which he prefers to call, 'The Story of My Experiments with Truth.'

Whenever you choose to learn about someone, its natural certain things will stand out and enable you to rethink what makes you who you are. If you to desire to probe the dreams of your soul, you may appreciate key lessons I've learned from Gandhi :

1) Engage in regular self-reflection. Gandhi favored self-study. He dedicated himself to a life-long moral and spiritual quest to discern what made him who he was. He grew to believe only truly humble humans glimpse Truth beyond ego. He grasped an inter-connectedness with all. His experiments explored the meaning and value of his own salvation. As such, he regularly took stock of his life and considered directions for his future, before measuring himself against his own standards.

2) Shape your life according to your highest ideals. Gandhi came to believe that his decisions about how he lived mattered. He discerned that regardless of how powerless or insignificant individuals felt themselves to be, anyone could evolve to value him or her-self and personal ideals. We exert power from within that enables us to conform with whatever behaviour we feel is right at a given time.

3) Commit yourself to extending personal principles. Gandhi ascertained that the morality and beliefs we choose to live by result from external conditioning. According to him, only by exploring your perceived weaknesses will you embrace your virtues and sense areas of your life in need of reform. In other words, experience we see as moral lapses, mistakes or failures, assists us to open our eyes to the soul.

4) Repeatedly test your own character. Gandhi's life demonstrates to me that we never know ourselves as well as we think we do. Understanding why you deviate from a norm, and loving and accepting yourself as you are, is part of your life-long learning. At a given moment, how you identify your sense of self is a choice that needs to be tested. Peel the layers of illusion and deceit you have created.

5) Overcome any impulses to be intolerant. Gandhi saw hatred was a poison that could spread as intolerance. His view encourages us to forgive what we feel to be injustices. He reminds us mistreating others is undesirable, even if you have felt mistreated. He mused about the power and impact of peaceful resistence before applying it. He grew to believe positive examples were the best ones to set.

6) Realize personal change influences collective change. Gandhi lived as if consistency was imperative. His view is that if you do not practice what you talk about, then you will never be credible. A hypocrite doesn't stand as a role model for peace and truth. Gandhi said, "Become the change you wish to see in the world."

3 Tips to rethink your reactions

Many people are involved in relationships which trigger feelings of discomfort. This may mean you don't get along.  This may mean someone seems to exploit you or push emotional buttons.  It may be your co-workers, your boss, your partner, your parents, your in-laws, your siblings, or someone else you would rather avoid. 

Why not rethink the meaning of your impulse?  What are you really avoiding? Its useful to realize each person you meet is meant to teach you things about yourself and the world.  Before you react harshly or negatively, consider these points:

1)  Realize your judgement hides the truth.  Your instinct may evoke hard feelings like anger, fear and grudges that surface.  This actually invites more of the same from whomever bothers you or, from other people you have yet to meet.  Ask yourself why certain people or their behavior bother(s) you.  Your answer reveals parts of yourself you fear or may be choosing not to face.  How would your life change if you decided these experiences were uplifting and necessary? 

2)  Understand a person's behavior hides inner truth.  If people seem to hurt you emotionally, then they only do so because this is what they learned after being hurt themselves.  Anyone who doesn't love him or herself is unable to demonstrate love to others.  You could also deduce that not knowing how to care or respect for oneself can only lead to disrespecting others.  All of this means behavior that bothers you in relationships may actually be a plea for love, compassion, respect and understanding in disguise.  What does your response say about you?

3)  Be willing to let go of past experience.  Treatment you received in the past can stay there, if you learn to let go of its hold over you.  Many people perpetuate their own discomfort by focusing on what they don't like about their relationships now, what they didn't like before.  They criticize others, show lack of the qualities that are perceived as missing in others. You may forget you could choose to feel overwhelming joy to be alive.  Learning how others think can bring you closer to understanding your own view, hidden guilt, and more uplifting parts of your soul. 

Search for your true mind

More and more people are motivated to understand deeper realities.  Yet, the process of learning meditation can also seem discouraging.  You may not be making progress as fast as you would like.  You may resent your effort when the results just don't come the way you desire. Why might people prevent their own progress?

1) Fear.   To stand back from the comfort of common noise, predictability, and the daily existence you're familiar with, you must confront deeper, unresolved feelings inside yourself.  The ego-mind tends to do anything to evoke fear and discomfort so you no longer sense the truth about yourself is beyond what you already think you know.  Meditation is a means to enable you to teach yourself to listen differently, to heighten your sensitivities and reframe fear as illusion.

2) Confusion about happiness.  People who win money are often not as happy as we assume.  People who have suffered health setbacks and people with serious illness are frequently happier than we initially realize.  As a person evolves in solitude, true sources of happiness within can be easier to discern than during distraction. Happiness is in the "now" as you are.  You can tap into it anytime.

3) Ignorance. If you have never experienced love, compassion, forgiveness or other uplifting feelings that come with increasing self-awareness, then its likely you don't know what you're missing.  You may think that's fine, and you're entitled to your opinion.  Yet, from the moment you open your heart and your mind to something other than what you think you know, then your world will transform in unimaginable directions.  To confront who you're not is the first step to discovering who you really you.  Its a question of being willing and taking the new steps forward.

3 Tips to re-interpret the apparent slump

Discouraged job-seekers and transitional career people approach me for advice. They frequently ask if there isn't something wrong with them.  After all, they say they set career goals and find themselves repeatedly put off or discouraged by prospective employers. These seekers focus on what they sense is lost or missing. If you feel stuck in a rut or like you're going nowhere fast, consider these tips:

1)Examine your patterns. Its easy to assume not getting what you think you want in a job or career means you're doing something wrong. Its common for people to self-criticize, punish and self-reprimand when goals aren't reached as planned. It makes sense to deduce you have something to do with your results.  Yet, couldn't you perceive things differently? What if you began to realize not getting certain jobs was a blessing? What if you realized you've been developing transferable skills you didn't notice before? What if the Universe is nudging you in more suitable directions? Rather than jump to conclusions about your glass of skills and abilities being half empty, you can decide to see your glass of potential as being more than half full. This invites you to make choices to boost esteem and project greater self-worth.

2) Raise self-awareness. You may think you want to land a particular job, but you may also be unaware that the vibes you send out say the opposite. When behaviour you project contradicts your beliefs, that can come across as less-than-convincing to prospective employers. How well you know yourself influences your sense of success in any workplace. If you force yourself to apply for jobs in environments where you feel uncomfortable, where you don't feel good, where you're not being true to yourself, then this explains why you aren't getting more positive results. Why not regard each job, each interview, each application process, as a learning experience? Its also helpful to take steps to raise your awareness about why you are in your current conditions and to re-evaluate this in relation to where you wish to be.

3) Seek external guidance. Each of us can evolve and learn about ourselves on our own. Yet, it can also be helpful to reach out and ask for assistance. Everyone benefits from help sometime. It may require that you swallow your pride and admit you could be more effective with help. Remind yourself successful people understand the value of advisors and specialists to guide them. You have lots of options. Ever consult career counsellors? You can do assessments to narrow the focus of your true skills and interests. Career fairs, conferences, or exhibitions on subject areas of interest are great networking venues. You never know who you will meet or how they could open your mind to possibilities.  Keep an open-mind.  Internet forums can be useful too.  Forget about your local libary? You may also choose to hire a coach to guide you on a focused self-analysis. You are only limited by your own mind.