3 Tips to rethink your reactions
Sunday, January 20, 2008 at 11:23PM Many people are involved in relationships which trigger feelings of discomfort. This may mean you don't get along. This may mean someone seems to exploit you or push emotional buttons. It may be your co-workers, your boss, your partner, your parents, your in-laws, your siblings, or someone else you would rather avoid.
Why not rethink the meaning of your impulse? What are you really avoiding? Its useful to realize each person you meet is meant to teach you things about yourself and the world. Before you react harshly or negatively, consider these points:
1) Realize your judgement hides the truth. Your instinct may evoke hard feelings like anger, fear and grudges that surface. This actually invites more of the same from whomever bothers you or, from other people you have yet to meet. Ask yourself why certain people or their behavior bother(s) you. Your answer reveals parts of yourself you fear or may be choosing not to face. How would your life change if you decided these experiences were uplifting and necessary?
2) Understand a person's behavior hides inner truth. If people seem to hurt you emotionally, then they only do so because this is what they learned after being hurt themselves. Anyone who doesn't love him or herself is unable to demonstrate love to others. You could also deduce that not knowing how to care or respect for oneself can only lead to disrespecting others. All of this means behavior that bothers you in relationships may actually be a plea for love, compassion, respect and understanding in disguise. What does your response say about you?
3) Be willing to let go of past experience. Treatment you received in the past can stay there, if you learn to let go of its hold over you. Many people perpetuate their own discomfort by focusing on what they don't like about their relationships now, what they didn't like before. They criticize others, show lack of the qualities that are perceived as missing in others. You may forget you could choose to feel overwhelming joy to be alive. Learning how others think can bring you closer to understanding your own view, hidden guilt, and more uplifting parts of your soul.
Reader Comments (2)
Its so true - I found myself giving away my power to my then 'new' boss because he pressed all my buttons. I realised that I was basing my reactions on my past beliefs, and I needed to change my belief system ... and well its worked. I still don't like him, but that's ok, I don't have to ...
You have such a healthy attitude about this situation. Its common for people to believe they are intimidated or otherwise made to feel discomfort by other people. Yet, as you have learned, from the moment you realize how you feel begins in your mind, you can also choose to react differently, to refer back to "the big picture."
For example, no matter how people treat you, choose to behave how you would like to be treated. If someone is rude to you, choose to be kind. If someone acts in ways that try your patience, choose to develop your patience. If you feel misunderstood, don't get angry, develop understanding. Reformulate your approach. If people say negative things behind your back, say nice things about them. Whenever you choose not to generate negative emotions or be controlled by them, you are passing another test. You are getting closer to discovering the real you behind the cloak of emotions.