Move beyond seeing black & white

Narrow-minded people tend to perceive things as clearly black or white, good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable, based on a rigid standard or point of reference.  The ideas of attachment and detachment to what you experience greatly shape who you are and how you see your growth and fulfillment.

Ask yourself whether you or anyone you know defines happiness based on what they gain or lose.  Consider whether being too results-oriented may limit your self-view and understanding of the implications of praise or blame. Reflect on whether a lack of desired status or fame necessarily invites feelings of disgrace, low esteem, or lack of self-respect. Learn why you may have conditioned yourself to recognize and devalue opposition in people and things around you. What are the artificial distinctions based on? Who or what happened to generate or reinforce your attitude?

Take the example of modern wedding planning. At one end of the spectrum, individuals desire luxury, many guests, expensive gifts and gourmet meals. The organization and complexity of the affair can be daunting, and so can the pricetag. What causes people to develop expectations where they feel entitled or feel they must plan for ages to afford a lavish wedding? If this is a baseline, will growing desires and egos in each person ever really be fulfilled?

At another end of the spectrum, individuals celebrate their love differently with contentment and simplicity. They avoid extreme luxury and create a setting for companionship that doesn't produce emotions like attachment, pride, arrogance, or lead them to dwell on what they dislike. Internal thoughts of self-acceptance are nutured and developed. To gradually become less selfish and gain more respect for another, and how your behavior affects that person, is an attitude which nurtures love and compassion in a relationship and beyond.

No matter what your point of reference, and whether you're married or engaged, giving up attachment doesn't imply you must sever ties to everything and everyone you cherish. As you nurture desire for happiness in yourself and in others, you can learn to better understand your reasons for attachment and detachment to people and circumstances. What works or doesn't work begins inside. Learn to identify destructive beliefs that are purely self-serving. Remind yourself that progress can be partly defined by external, material things yet, improving yourself means inner development and self-awareness become inseparable from how you regard what you do in the outer world. Which of your actions are based on fallacies?