Learning the hard way

As each of us grows up, we have many opportunities to decide whether we prefer to learn the easy way or the hard way.

If, as a child, your parent whacks you when you bite your nails, you're supposed to realize it isn't the proper thing to do. The question is, do you choose to outgrow it?

In school we’re given rules to follow. If we disobey, we may get punished by having to write out lines or get assigned extra homework. I recall a boy who was class clown who spent much of his time in the corner. Another student was always raising his hand with answers or going out of his way to help the teacher. Kids teased him at recess. The school bully took his lunch money.  This overachiever learned the hard way that kids can be cruel. He chose to be himself anyway.

Time passes and you develop plans in life. You learn its unrealistic to get everything you want. Circumstances offer you occasions to learn lessons, if you're paying attention and desire to learn. If you dislike what people say, you learn you don't have to get physical to fight all your battles. Learning the hard way is supposed to teach you to rise above such things and come to use your head.  You may think no reaction at all may actually be an easier way.

When relationships don't work out as you would hope, breaking up may seem like learning the hard way what not to do. You can choose to learn that nothing is permanent and people do not always evolve together. You can gain new understanding into the idea of "my way or the highway."  You can choose to learn about yourself and plan what you will do differently next time.  You can step back and identify your desires, temper your passions and reframe priorities. Leaving a difficult realtionship is an example of learning the hard way for some people taking the easy way for others. Not everyone has the desire to confront challenges or work through perceived problems.

What about practical things? If you burn your hand on a hot stove, you feel pain. You're supposed to learn not to hurt yourself the same way again. Yet some people do, over and over again.  If you walk into a door because you don't pay attention, you're supposed to learn to watch where you're going.  And yet, you may still find you injure yourself the same way again. Does that make you feel like a slow learner? If you say things you regret at a later time, you're supposed to learn it's sometimes better to put your foot in your mouth and keep certain things to yourself. The question is, will such an experience prevent you from doing that same thing again? Maybe? Maybe not?

No matter what your experiences, you decide for yourself whether the learning process will come easily, if it will come through pain and suffering, of if you choose to learn at all.  What you choose to gain and whether you learn enough to prevent history from repeating is very much up to you.  You may be a person who feels you need to earn rewards through hardship.  You may be a person who avoids hardships at all costs. Learning lessons is optional, but this will enrich your life.