3 Tips to help overcome neediness

How many people have you met who don't feel as if they can do anything without their partner? Ever heard the term 'clingy?' Maybe you've been afraid to be alone.  Maybe you're unaware how needy you are, or sense a desire to change.  If you have ever felt "needy," it would be useful to learn more about your needs and those of others.  Consider these tips to help overcome your illusion of neediness:

1) Find the humor in it.  Ever hear an employee say, "I'm indispensible!" That attitude tends to reflect a certain ignorance about reality.  Other people could almost always take your place.  Loosen up! Find reasons to laugh at yourself and your views of your relationships.  What caused you to feel indispensible? Step outside that perspective.  How do you make a unique contributions to the world?

2)  Look beyond peer pressure.  Would insecurity help to explain your feeling of having to be with someone? Reasons behind your belief require attention.  If you fear being dumped, detached or abandoned, its in your interest to sort through these issues.  Fears are always based on past experience or assumption. Whatever anyone else did to you or to someone you know is irrelevant to the future. 

3) Break it down.  Reflect on your feelings.  What do they tell you about your self-acceptance?  If you uncover pain, guilt, shame, doubt or parallel emotions, this may reveal low esteem.  Since you attract what you think about, you may find you repeatedly attract people who reinforce negative feelings.  Move instead to affirm loving thoughts about yourself and others.  You'll discover like-minded souls who will help you to heal.  Its desirable to manage growth in steps, at  your own pace.

Comments

[Pippa]

Thank you so much for these thought-provoking pointers, Liara! I stand amazed at the sheer volume of your writing, and I am so grateful for this post.

I have indeed thought of hardly anything else but neediness this week, and I'm setting aside the weekend to contemplate it in more depth, keeping your tips in mind as well. You make such a difference!

Love & Light,
Pippa

[Liara Covert]

Hi Pippa,
The more your raise your awareness, the more you will realize your life offers many opportunities to learn and grow. To decide each choice and how you perceive the results has potential to help is to sense value in neutrality. As you resist defining things as "good" or "bad," you realize everything is exactly what you make of it.

[mer]

hey, just want to tell you my story: my partner went to a different place very far away from me, and now i am missing her a lot. I always want to talk to her or chat with her. i even wait long hours on the computer to see if she is online or not.

My point is i am beginning to want her more, her affection, want her to think of me, txt me more than she does, leaving post on my wall saying she loves me, and replying to my wall post that i love her, and i want her to reply i love you too.

i felt like i want the whole world to know that she loves me and so that no man will think they got the best on me and try to court her, coz i see a lot happening here from where i am.

Sometimes i made her special things and i want her to be grateful with that like saying thank you and i love it or i love you so much, but sometimes this doesn't happened and it make me feel sad.

I don't want this feeling, i actually hate it. i felt like so insecure, and i feel depressed most of the time. I love her so much, and i don't want to do this things to her like asking too much to prove that she also loves me, and no one can take her away from me.

I do make my self very busy so that i don't think about her that much, but i just can't help it any where i go she is always on my mind and heart, and i am so inspired to show her how much i love her and i am doing, but the problem is i need her to do the same.

I know love should be unconditional, but i am just a man who want to be loved back.

any advice will be very much appreciated.

thank you very much

[Liara Covert]

mer, someone else cannot complete you. Shift your focus. Love yourself more. The love of another person does not help you feel more secure. Problems are ideas trapped in the mind. Many people want instant love. You cannot control other people or make someone appreciate you differently than you do. Yet, you can choose how you respond to them, and love them as they are. We are taught nothing of significance comes easy. How you feel about yourself in the present moment is what matters. A projection of a fantasy may never be fulfilled.