Earlier in life, I often heard myself saying things like;

"Everything happens for a reason"

"It was for the best"

"It was a blessing in disguise"

(all of which were relevant in context...)

In passing, such phrases sound optimistic and seem harmless. Yet, with maturity, I realized I had been taught to dismiss very real concerns and feelings worthy of considerable attention. People would cross my boundaries, be hurtful, or behave in ways that went against my core values or intuition and I would be overly tolerant and accepting or too easily forgiving. Making light of difficult situations was a superficial way of glossing over issues. This felt better in the short-term, but ultimately, it solved nothing and left hidden issues to linger. In fact, as I go down the rabbit hole, it appears I mastered the art of pretending things were fine when they were clearly not.

Part of my awakening has involved recognizing I would hide or avoid anger that deserved to be felt and expressed, Rather than working through hard emotions or confronting unresolved issues, I used to simply downplay or dismiss them. Believing traumatic events must serve as “learning experiences” or focusing on the silver lining behind every negative experience, did not allow me to experience the fullness of the wisdom they held. Assuming I had a handle on it was how I hid from insecurities. It was a clever way I pulled the wool over my eyes until I was ready to go deeper.

I went through stages where I was convinced spiritual practices I engage in are always positive. Feeling detached also came to mean I was not fully conscious or present. I was very good at focusing on the positive or being overly optimistic. Had no idea I was projecting negative feelings. At some stage, it dawned positive thinking is not the way to overcome problems. Facing shadows is far more effective. Rather than attempting to “rise above” emotions, I learned to feel, heal and move through them.

Pride is difficult to detect in ourselves because it is a refusal to admit wrong or see a need to change. As the light of our dignity shines more brightly, we realize that we don’t have to be perfect. Showing vulnerability and humility invites stronger connection. We move from the superficial into soul-level relationships. We grow approachable rather than seem intimidating. We don’t see ourselves as better or worse than anyone else. We are the same.

It is freeing to hold ourselves with the dignity that comes from simply being human. We don’t need to achieve “greatness” to have worth and value. Greatness is innate . We might be inclined to seek excellence because it feels meaningful, energizing and expansive, but not because it defines who we are.

It dawns pride that drives us at certain stages of life prevents us from acknowledging our human vulnerabilities. When driven by shame or illusion of inferiority, its uncomfortable to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I made a mistake.” When pride rules, we believe we’re always right or we fear backing down. This makes it difficult to know and sustain intimacy.

A self-centred culture teaches we must achieve self-actualization (enlightenment) to be truly happy. This quest also contributes to a tendency to avoid difficult or painful emotions. Rather than trying to solve problems in environments that cause suffering, self-centred culture teaches people that they alone are responsible for their destiny. At certain stages, maybe you relate?

What stands out is that negative thoughts and feelings serve a purpose. They do not exist so we avoid them. Rather, they point to a diminshed self image, deep hurt, sadness and that emotions that require acceptance and validation. Negative thoughts exist so we use those thoughts to propel positive actions. Simply putting on rose-colored glasses and ignoring deeper issues does not make them go away. Choosing instead to forge friendships, look people directly in the eye, be candid and share vulnerability, are keys to being more assertive, self-loving and decisive when it counts.

Ultimately, discomfort is a soul-level sign that something is not right and needs to change. If you think you lessen discomfort by simply avoiding it, or normalizing abnormal behaviour, situations causing distress will remain. Yet, to recognize the nature of our unconscious behaviours, is to see restlessness is itself a sign of our ongoing quantum transformation. We are catching up with the light.