Regardless of your conditions, as you reconnect with your core self, you realize you are happy as you are. You always have the choice to view things with a liberated attitude. Savor things as they are. You are always gaining something valuable. If you do not yet sense love and acceptance, you still can with faith. Consider revising your perception of life and death right now.
The following classic Zen story offers related food for thought;
Before Ch'an Master Pao-fu passed away he told his disciples, "I have been feeling weak lately. I suspect that it is almost time for me to go."
Upon hearing this, some of his disciples said, "Master, you still look very healthy."
Others implored, "Master, we still need your guidance," while some urged, "Master, please stay for the sake of all beings."
One disciple asked, "Master, when it is time for you to go, will you go or will you stay?"
Master Pao-fu asked, "which do you think would be better?"
The disciple answered without hesitation, "Whether it is life or death, let it be!"
The Master started laughing, "When did you steal the words that I was going to use?"
Upon saying this, Pao-fu passed away.