Whether or not you realize or accept it, you exert no control over what is happening outside yourself.  You have free will and exert control when it comes to your thoughts and feelings, but you don't control anything else.  You are only responsible for you.

Now, if you gaze into a kaleidoscope, you glimpse interacting shapes and colors.  This serves as a fabulous analogy.  Every moment, every human being is contributing to changing shapes and slants inside this kaleidoscope.  Life moves through us and with us. 

Imagine your life as a series of experiences.  You add pieces to your own section of the huge kaleidoscope.  It includes sections contributed by every other creature and living thing.  How could you control all those colors, feelings and experiences?  You don't. The assumption you can is the illusion you create out of a desire to control what you can't.

You are the only person who can discern and change your behaviour.  Do you ever sense your choices are selfish or self-centred?  Do you ever take steps to fight your own resistence?  Pay attention to your vibes.  Listen to your mind.  Choose to avoid conflict, arguments and negative energy.  They are unnecesary illusions.  Why not let them go?