Romantic relationships have been known to break-up when one partner or both realize things are not working.  Many factors contribute to one person leaving another.  Communication may be shaky or even non-existent.  Common issues include unmet inner needs, unsatisfied dreams and a lack of cooperative effort to realize shared goals. The partner who desires to leave may suddenly see him- or herself differently.  Personal feelings shape expectations for the present and future. 

If you consider leaving your partner or know someone who does, conselling and talking with close friends can help shed light on key issues. Reflection and self-examination are also very beneficial. It's in your interest to review why you think you were attracted initially, what appeals about your relationship, what turns you off, what have you done about it, and what steps you have taken to truly understand the pros and cons of staying and leaving. For starters, why not consider these issues: 

1)  Stability. You may be drawn to challenges or avoid them like the plague. When predictability or unpredictability are the basis for a relationship, and your original circumstances change, it can be disorienting and alienating. Figure out if your comfort zone thrives on danger and threat of loss or, a perceived guarantee of security. Either way, permanence doesn't exist. If you're always moving and alert to change, excitement may be confused with passion. If you've known no hardship, conflict or turmoil, peace may stir passion. If you choose to dwell on what you've known, you haven't yet learned to face reality of change and how a sense of stability can evolve separately from economic, health, environmental or other changes. 

2) A neurotic partner.  You may be attracted to a partner who says what you're thinking and puts words to your feelings which saves you effort.  You may never have learned how to express yourself well. If you get angry with a partner, you may not realize you're really angry with yourself, about what you're doing or not doing. What you believe you can't accept in another person is always a mirror of what you refuse to accept in yourself.What could you learn about expressing how you feel?

3) Evolving happiness. It's rare for partners to break-up when all is well. However, when views of happiness and contentment diverge, this can cause trouble.  It's useful to review issues of compatibility that initially led you to attract your partner. Ask yourself what has changed and why? Only you can know whether external conditions affect your relationship, whether its a change inside your partner and/or yourself. Consider material desires, spiritual pursuits, issues of having children and other pieces of the puzzle.  Some of your partner's qualms may surprise you. If you open your eyes, you'll discover how well you really know that person (or don't) and also how well you know (or don't know) yourself. Would you be willing to make new compromises?

4) Criticism & deficits. If your partner frequently reminds you of your failures, and is highly- critical in destructive rather than constructive ways, this may become more than your ego can bear. Before you jump to conclusions though, it can be useful to examine your track record and reasons for being defensive.  Consider why your partner may become so judgemental and what this tells you about past role models in your lives. Do you desire to be like destructive role-models? Do you know what they are? or, has this behaviour happened inadvertently?

5) Past relationships. if your partner can't stop talking about an old flame and seems convinced  a comparable person doesn't exist, you may ask yourself about whether you value reciprocity. If your partner feels safer dwelling on the past, and fears the risk of failing with someone who is caring and available, you might begin to realize a one-sided relationship isn't what you want.  How your partner reacts (or doesn't react) to your advances offers clues about the future. What would your behavior and desire to stay with such a person teach you on how you value yourself?

6) Infidelity. Some people believe in unconditional forgiveness and other people are unable to accept infidelity from a partner on any level. You think you know where you stand on this matter until it happens to you or to someone you know. Emotions or self-questioning may seriously cloud the issue.  What's important is how you feel about your partner, whether you can live with what the person has done, and the impact your decision will have on any children involved. Whatever you decide, remind yourself that understanding why infidelity happens can also teach you about yourself, your needs, and your awareness of your partner's needs. Rethink how you value honesty and vulnerability.

7) Secret resentment of demands and roles. You may be reluctant to give more of yourself and your time than is absolutely necessary to your partner. You may struggle between your desire for dependence and for independence. You may more toward love and cooperation, and also value alone time, privacy, and detachment. Indecision about where you stand on self-sufficiency and partnership or your partner's inability to clarify this, may cause you to rethink your commitment.

8) Highest hopes and ideals.  Home is the place where love is first be practised and understood before it is practiced or shared anywhere else. If you're partner isn't meeting your expectations, ask yourself whether this person is aware of your hopes and ideals and whether they're realistic. After all, you'd benefit from understanding how your expectations emerged, why you chose your partner, and what satisfying or unsatisfying these expectations represents to both of you. Since people change, hopes and ideals can change too. Do you evovle with them or against them?