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Entries in Brene Brown (7)

Tuesday
Mar082022

Choose to be vulnerable

For many of us, the idea of opening up takes us outside our comfort zone. It may trigger goosebumps or restlessness. Yet, by choosing to be more vulnerable, we also show ourselves we are worthy of love and acceptance. The quest for worthiness is widespread. We are taught to fear the judgement of others when we are actually our own most critical judge and jury. Transparency empowers us as we have nothing to hide and heavy emotions no longer exert power over us. In her TED Talk, Brené Brown explains, "There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it." As we resist the urge to put up walls, we feel vulnerable. Trust you can deal with whatever arises. We may risk facing indifference, criticism or rejection, but being open is also very liberating. When you leave your comfort zone to open up to vulnerability, you make the conscious decision and show others you are worthy. That is a pretty empowering place to be. The world is a mirror. As you choose to be transparent, and love the world, this love is mirrored back.

Monday
Dec242018

Interview with Diana Sandalwood

Diana Sandalwood is the Director of the Dreamweaving Meditation and Counselling Centre.  An adept teacher and healer, her life and work shows that we develop skills, enter into situations and create relationships that our Soul knows is best for our evolution.  We appreciate her willingness to be candid about milestones and during her own journey.  Thanks for offering examples of compassion and courage, inspiring us all to be grateful for every moment and lesson that presents itself.

Share some pivotal moments in your life that guide you to where you are today.

A radical transformation of my own Consciousness has come from my collective life experiences. Some I readily accepted, and others, I initially resisted. All of them have shaped this ‘raw gem’ that is me. All our life experiences mold or sculpt us into who we become as adults.

Sounds like your view about life echoes how Michelangelo felt when he said, ‘Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.’

You could say that. Earlier in life, during search for answers and belonging, I found great solace in the Christian Church Community.  Though I have now respectfully and lovingly distanced myself from it, I am grateful as it guided me to a solid base on which to build my life. 

Feeling gratitude and excitement reflects the knowing you have always had that destiny is on the way. Our desire for connection and love runs deep, to the point we may compromise who we are, to find belonging.  Brene Brown's book, Braving the Wilderness: A Quest for True Belonging to Stand Alone, invites us all to explore our own vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame that are tied up in the concept of belonging.  Tell us about how you come to trust yourself more...

I recall cases where I felt stretched, almost to breaking point.  Yet, I hung in there, believing answers would come, and they eventually did.  It was scary, but I developed faith and trust in myself out of necessity.

Developing trust in oneself and the unknown is part of human evolution.  Many people reach stages where they feel ready to give up, and some do.  Yet, many, like yourself, do not.  As we each  come to realize, challenges offer opportunities to grow stronger,  to tap into what we are truly made of. It is as if we let go of logic to trust other modes of operating.  We shift gears, switch focus.

Searching for Truth and meaning did bring its share of challenges, yet, it also allowed me to gain Spiritual Knowledge then access a depth of Knowing.  This process helps me sort the junk from the Truth… and shows me who I REALLY am, how powerful I am.

What you describe triggers goosebumps. As we feel positive emotions while visualizing different segments of our lives unfolding, feelings we would would feel as we see our vision happening and coming true, this is so powerful.  Meditating on our vision regularly changes everything.  As we bring in all our mind's senses, the sounds we would hear, the smells, colors and what other senses detect, we feel the light and energy of inspiration giving us all we need to go forward.

From your view, what is the REAL meaning of Christianity and Spirituality?

It is not about religion or ‘crowd control’.  Holiness and sacredness are found within.  I sense what is expected of me involves ‘how to live and BE Love.’ I would not call myself religious, but my life experiences prompt me to feel I am a combination of; philosopher, mystic, psychic, seer, healthy sceptic and Optimist.

Optimism is like a happiness magnet that draws more reasons to feel joy, guides us everywhere the Soul invites us to go.  Love that your life illustrates everything falls into place with perfect timing. We must learn patient.  Now, which dream truly motivates you to make new shifts?

My big dream is for a better world - not just a nice, fluffy one, like that described in storybooks - but a world of real Unity and Harmony. I believe we are anchoring the seeds of that in Now, with each of our heart felt activities, a world that is slowly evolving and unfolding before us.

The dream of creating and living in a better world of course, invites us, as Gandhi echoes, to be the change we wish to see.  So often, people are taught to focus on changing the external, but that turns out to be ineffective.  Please be more specific about your personal vision.

Sure! I see authenticity as heartfelt living, coming from within, not being ego-driven.  This translates into finding our own unique voices and celebrating them.  My personal vision is unfolding in the evolving programs at the Dreamweaving Meditation and Counselling Centre.

How is your view of success changing?

Ego-driven success is purely self-centered. Heartfelt living takes shape in how we contribute to the wider world. Success here involves a balance, merging into a collective pool of authentic consciousness.

What you imply rings true.  Ego seeks to be loved in return while Soul simply loves without expectations. One common, widespread belief is we can be spiritual OR wealthy. As Henry Ford reminds us, 'Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.'  Self-confidence is a powerful. The meaning of wealth varies and what people do with abundance also does.  You may be familliar with views on spiritual wealth alongisde this as well. 

As we each awaken at our own pace, our sense of wealth, abundance, and insight into our talents and how we wish to live, changes.  Individuals exist and function at differnet stages or levels of consciousness.

Could not agree more. NYT Best-selling author and teacher T. Harv Eker teaches one can be healthy, conscious and really rich.  He has helped over 1.5 million  people move closer to their goal of financial freedom. From his view, spirituality and wealth are only mutually-exclusive in the mind.

We are certainly far more than what we think. Moving from thinking to feeling-based living changes how we view ourselves and our priorities. As we discipline ourselves to do healing self-work and evolve individually, we,  as a consequence, raise the Collective Consciousness to that of Peace, Love and Oneness. THEN we will see ‘the New Earth,’ a beautiful New World.  It is in seeding THAT, that motivates me on a daily basis!

What an uplifting vision, that the New Earth emerges from a sense of heaven within ourselves. Widespread restlessness leads peopel to seek peace and tranquility.  Nina Goncharova wrote an inspiring book: Rainbow Earth: A Vision for the Future and Jose Arguelles envisioned a rainbow Bridge encircling Earth. Although unique, these visions point to awareness of the same core understanding of Love.  Imagine the world emerging as we all speak honestly about how we feel in the moment.

Wow! More people in harmony with themselves.

This brings us to your calling.  Tell us about the DreamWeaving Meditation & Counselling Centre. Why create it? What purpose and Who does it serve?

DreamWeaving is a communal, Sacred Space.  People come to feel safe to just stop, exhale, unload and detangle their thoughts and lives, to be the Observer and to allow me to lovingly ‘turn the runway lights on’ for them.  I guide them to see their OWN truth, their own Magnificence and still allow them to make their OWN choices, for their OWN life lessons, and to help them see that they DO have ALL that they need Within, that they came fully prepared and equipped for this life.

Share a piece of insight you find helps many.

We need only 'be Still and Quiet’ long enough to hear, and to then follow that intuition, for it is the Soul and it knows the way home. Sometimes life gets so busy and we get so distracted or overloaded that we can no longer tune into that ‘wee small voice Within’, and we just need someone to help us hear our own song again.  Stepping ‘off the merry-go-round’ and breathing is always possible to unburden and listen.

So, how would you describe your passion?

My Passion, my Purpose and my Joy… is seeing people have that ‘a-ha moment’, and to ‘awaken’… and then even better when they ‘pay it forward’… THIS fills my cup.

You may recall "My Cup Runneth Over" is a quote from the Hebrew Bible (Psalm 23:5) and means "I have more than enough for my needs.  You remind us we can each choose to see goodness and blessings, to see the cup half or more than half full, just as easily as half empty.

Let us in on some of your mentors.  Who are they? How do they guide you?

I have been blessed with many beautiful Mentors along the way, I firmly believe in the saying, “When the student is ready the Teacher arrives.” For it seems that when I have been at my spiritual hungriest, someone walks into my life that has all the right answers and wisdom, I have a ‘growth spurt’ and go on. One of those was moments was at age 11-12 when I was visited by Jesus Himself. In a moment of desperate loneliness, He heard my cry, sat with me, comforted me, and has walked with me ever since.

Anything else?

Another pivotal experience was when my husband was away at sea with the Navy, I was at home with 2 small children, with no money due to a pay mix-up, and had come to the end of our food supplies after breakfast one day, with no money and no-one to turn to. I had recently started visiting a local church and felt impressed to call one of the women on their phone register and go around for kids playdate. I also felt impressed not to mention any word of our dire situation, just to trust. So after a lovely day with this lady and her friend who visited also, several cups of tea and a lovely fruit platter, a fun day for the kids, (who also were provided with a sumptuous afternoon tea), as we were leaving her husband arrived home and after a few moments I was asked if I could ‘please take home the fish he had caught today as they already had a freezer full and didn’t need them”… imagine my relief - at the eleventh hour, once again, my trust was rewarded… not only did our pay come in to the bank account the next day, but also - we had beautiful fresh red emperor and sweet lip for WEEKS. 

This touching example reminds us that the more we trust, the more the universe comes through, the more we have reason to strength and deepen our trust in life and the unknown. 

My life has been a series of these types of experiences, challenges, stretching of my faith and trust, and often right at the last moment a bounty arrives… so, as the old saying goes… “I walk by faith not by sight.” “I LIVE this stuff!” THIS is why the Universe uses me to teach this principle.

What advice would you offer people in the process of responding to huge changes in their lives? 

Change is motion, movement is good. There is a beautiful saying, 'The comfort zone is a wonderful place, but nothing ever grows there.'

Embrace change, allow it to have it’s perfect work in you. Look for the gift - there ALWAYS IS one.  Hang in there - never give up on your dreams.

How can you relate?

Based on my experience, with wisdom, discernment and great compassion, I would remind people that this is what they “dialled up” for themselves for this lifetime, and that they are exactly where they are meant to be, to look for the lesson and the beauty in every situation, to be flexible and to embrace change.  To change and grow, I call on my own life experiences to paint a picture of how life brings us the very experience we need for the evolving of our consciousness and personal empowerment. Nothing is ever wasted or for nothing - everything is our teacher. “Everything is Perfect.” Nothing is ‘right or wrong’, it “JUST IS.”  Release the need to control or to understand and just Trust and allow.

The power of acceptance and being non-judgemental is often underestiamted.  What prompts you to laugh and have fun?

It’s often the simplest little things… doing something silly or childlike, watching animals or children at play. Sometimes I just stretch my arms out and ‘fly’ down the supermarket aisles and giggle at people’s reactions, have a swing at the playground or dance in the rain. We’re WAY too concerned about the judgement and opinions of others. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously, lighten up… a wise lady once told me, “If it isn’t life threatening, don’t stress about it.” Enjoy your life.

What can you say about interacting with family and friends?

Spend quality time with them - they’ll keep you grounded! :) Make sure you take time out JUST FOR YOU!

Share one or more big challenges you have encountered and what you learned about yourself.

In the early days of our marriage, I used to get all het up about what ‘he’ was doing wrong, and all HIS faults and how ‘he’ should change, but after getting some very wise counsel I realized that ‘he’ was not my responsibility, and that ‘his’ journey was actually none of my business.  I could not change ‘him’, I could only change MYSELF… and that over the years, as I did that, as I did the self-work, ‘he’ and all those around me often but not always, changed also, or at least responded differently… even at a sub-conscious level, they reacted more positively.

How is your sense of gifts and blessings changing?

Over a lifetime I now know that ‘he’ is my gift, my balance, my teacher and the catalyst that I have always needed to mirror to me and prompt me to see in myself, that which needed working on… and I am now grateful not resistant or resentful.

Share your greatest lesson learned to this point in your life.

The greatest lesson I have ever learned is that, “Everything is Perfect”, to release the need to control or to understand, and that regardless of what the outside picture looks like in any given moment, that there is a powerful work of metamorphosis going on INSIDE, and to trust and to ALLOW this process to have it’s perfect way… and that NOBODY else’s life was my business… hands off! Because by interfering, I might just be depriving them of the very catalyst experience they needed to make a better choice in their life… you never know what’s going on the inside… remember the butterfly story… don’t try cutting butterflies out of their cocoons, you might disable them - or worse!

The metaphore of ourselves each undergoing the metamophosis is very powerful and humbling.  After all, a caterpillar does not consciously know what is happenign, it simply surrenders to the transformation unfolding, allows turning into the chrysalis, and liquid form before becoming the butterfly.  That it is to only live a brief time does not evoke fear. The insect simply lives moment-to-moment in joy, not fear, a valuable lesson to us all.

What's something you're really proud of? Why?

My Children. Both adults now and with their own families, I have watched them grow and go through life and emerge the amazing parents and people that they are. Scarred and wounded, but wiser for it all, I have seen them both bloom into beautiful, strong people… still with a long way to go, but with an amazing start. Makes my heart glow.

Anything else stand out here?

Doing volunteer work - paying it forward. I’ve immensely enjoyed working the Entry Gate at the Conscious Life Festival and the Discovery Festivals each year, as well as other things I like to be a part of as they come up.  

I love the theme of what you describe here. It reminds me of the inspiring movie Pay it Forward as well as what people in communities across the globe are intuitively doing because it feels right. When disaster strikes, people drop everything to help strangers not because they have to, but because they can.

 

Tell us about one or more mood or mind- altering experiences that shifted your focus and priorities.

Almost losing my Son in a motorbike accident back in 1999. Learning that I could not control things, nor shield him from life’s experiences. That there comes a time when you, as a parent, have to “take your hands off” and ‘let them go’, trust them to the Universe and allow them to lead their own lives, have their own experiences, learn their OWN lessons and live out their OWN purpose… and to trust in that.

If you discovered the opportunity to live forever (immortality), would you want this? 

We DO. I believe in reincarnation and that life is simply a serious of ‘acts’ in an ongoing ‘stageplay’… we just re-enter ‘stage right’ in a new ‘costume’ (body), with a new script (life),  and start again.

I LOVE that we get to work on each lifetime or facet of our eternity, authentically, (via the spiritual amnesia upon each incarnation.) The lessons are profoundly deep and immensely fulfilling.  I’d much rather do it like this, in bits, than all at once in one long lifetime.

Indeed. So many views and visions exist about immortality.  A lingering feeling, intuition and also recurrent vision in future (hynotherapy and breathwork) regressions is that humans are evolving from physica carbon body to crystalline form.  This would definitely prompt review or discarding of physical time and complete transformation in the nature of existence!

What advice would you wish to leave with our audience?

Let your dreams direct your sails, listen to your own intuition and FOLLOW THAT… be like a leaf on the water in the flow of life, don’t fight the ‘current’, do not be ‘distracted by glitter’, the demands, expectations and opinions of others, (no matter how well meaning they may be)… and do not allow the fears of others to extinguish your inner fire! JUMP AT EVERY GOOD OPPORTUNITY & LIVE WITH NO REGRETS!  Tomorrow isn’t promised. Life is not a dress rehearsal - LIVE IT TO THE FULL!

Reflecting and living life more fully in the moment is certainly something we can all benefit from doing and being.

NO-one knows the answers to all the questions and the guidance that you seek, but YOU… it is all Within - go there… seek the silence and the wisdom of the Presence Within… TRUST THAT EVERYTHING YOU NEED WILL COME TO YOU AT THE PERFECT TIME… and above all - ENJOY THE JOURNEY, EVERY MOMENT OF IT!!!

 Any quotes stand out?

A favorite quote of mine is:

“I alone cannot change society for the better. But I can radically transform my OWN Consciousness,

overturning the conditioning that limits my potential. We can all do this, one by one.

Over time we can change ourselves to the degree that society changes from the inside out… Giving birth

to a new way of being. Manifesting our birthright of living in a peaceful and abundant world. Have no fear.

Trust yourself. Live your full potential.”

 Thanks so much Diana for this mind-blowing conversation.  You raise lots of issues that resoante deeply.

Add anything else you wish.

Here at DreamWeaving we offer “Intuitive Colouring Mornings”, Journey-Boarding Workshops, LifeBook Workshops (for keeping you in step with Moon Phases, Important Dates, Astrology, Numerology and much more), Oracle Reading Workshops, Ajna Light Therapy (Activating the 3rd Eye & DMT type experiences), WayShower Counselling and Liquid Crystal Therapy. Read more on our Facebook pages: Diana Sandalwood  and  DreamWeaving Meditation & Counselling Centre

We are located at 29 Arthur Street, Woody Point and Diana can be reached on 0412 429920.

Encourage everyone to connect and deepen relationships, make their own heartfelt contributions to the world and create lasting impact.

Saturday
Dec082018

Interview with Renee McDuffie

I am repeatedly surprised by the ingenuity and resourcefulness of people I encounter.  Delighted to share this dialogue with entrepreneur and supermom Renee McDuffie.  Thanks Renee, for being open to sharing how you feel and adapt through different waves of change in your life.  

How we view ourselves shapes our experience.  How do you see you?

I am firstly a Mother to 3 beautiful children; Tayla, Blake and Jayda, a wife to Shane and an Online business owner/Regional Vice President with Arbonne International. I view myself as a social butterfly, always busy always on the go. I like to think of myself as a self-driven motivated outgoing personality who loves to dream and go big! 

We each know what 'wake up calls' feel like. Sometimes its a dream, an intuition, a deja-vu or another experience. What prompts you to move to the Sunshine Coast?

Lifestyle. You might say I am ready and eager for bigger changes. I am also listening to my heart.

It is said that when you go with the natural flow, you sense synchronicity, suddenly consider new choices and opportunities.  Share some milestones in your life that lead you to where you are.

I suppose graduating with my diploma in Children’s Services (2004), after a debilitating back injury surgery going wrong.  In 2007, I had to learn how to walk again.  I became a very strong-minded, determined person because of this, and shifted my priorities. 

Sounds like your sense of wellness shifted. Health challenges certainly do have a way of shaking us up and guiding us to see what matters You are not alone when you imply your own health scare gave you a deeper appreciation for life. Chicken Soup for the Soul books are well-known.  Invite you and readers to check out the Interview with Darron Eastwell. 

Will do. I know forst hand that if I do not have my health, I cannot care for others or do my best work.

Other milestones include; falling pregnant with my first-born Tayla in 2008, marrying my best friend Shane in 2010, having my son Blake in 2011.  In addition, I took a Career change course to study in personal training ( never completed it), had my gorgeous little Jayda in 2014. Starting my new Career path becoming a business owner in 2015 which I am still so passionate about with Arbonne.

Your story echoes we gain access to different kinds of wisdom at different life stages. What specifically prompted you to get involved in Arbonne?  

I discovered Arbonne in 2014 and didn’t give it much of a thought.  Yet, then was re- introduced by a very close friend in 2015 and I loved the whole concept, mainly of helping others and the whole ethics of the company. I have continued to grow and love the business even more and love my team so much. I have continued on this journey and plan to for a very long time to come. This entrepreneurial role allows me to be present for my family, and the important things.  It has also allowed me many travel opportunities which I don’t think I would have had in other industries. I have done many other jobs but this one has always ticked all the boxes for me as I’m passionate about the health and wellness industry and personal development.

Well, it is said we invite into our lives only what we can handle, though not everyone listens to their passions. Opportunities feel more like synchronicity when we are in touch with our feelings. Working from home has growing appeal.  No wonder you are happy with what you are creating. 

Share some of your strengths and weaknesses and how you use these to your advantage.

Some of my strengths are: I am strong-willed and determined- once I set my mind on something, I get it done. I have learned to be a good listener and love to help others, and am very trustworthy. I also feel another strength is that I’m non- judgemental but this has also worked against me. Weaknesses: I am a massive people-pleaser so am not always as direct and honest as I would like to be. I don’t like to upset others so don’t say some things I probably should. I do sometimes get overwhelmed when situations aren’t within my control, which brings me to the next thing: I can be a control freak! (something I am working on!) To my advantage, when I get an idea on my head, I just go for it and always find a way to make a situation work. My wish to help others can work against me as I want to help/fix everyone’s problems.

Being brutally honest with ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. Kudos to you for being self-aware and taking steps to work on those behaviours that you realize can limit you.

Describe the biggest challenge you have experienced. How do you handle it?

The biggest challenge in my life would have to be when my spinal injury caused me to have surgery which didn’t go well in 2007 (I was age 23). And after a follow up emergency surgery of a blood clot forming on my spine, waking up with no feeling from the waist down, being told I may never walk again was definitelythe biggest life-changing event in my kufe so far. I handled it quite well until I hit a point when I had a breakdown.

Author Brene Brown reminds us nervous breakdowns can be key turning points in our lives. How did yours affect you?

That’s when the determination kicked in. I worked so hard for 2 years to do all I could in rehab to re-generate the nerves and build up my muscle and strength again. Surprisingly, I wouldn’t change this moment in my life.  I i made me appreciate the things we take for granted like walking, toileting etc. Overcoming struggle has also made Me who I am today. And I was lucky enough to be one of the ones to get most of the feeling back. This also lead me into the passion I have for exercise and training.

Its easy to forget we each create our own luck.  We shift from believing in coincidence to seeing synchronicity, to recognizing we create and respond to all that happens. Taking full personal responsibility can seem like a big leap, but it enables us to see blessings, come what may, is that not so?

Absolutely! 

Similar to Joyce Meyer, Jack Ma, Donald Trump, Gerry Adams, Jason Navallo, John Mason, Tedy Bruschi, and others who wrote books called Never Give up, your resilience adn relentless determination take you far. Your story is inspirational in that it encourages people to learn a lesson wherever they are and stretch themselves to reach the next level.

That ordeal definitely taught me a lot about confidence and character-building!

What is the most spontaneous thing you have ever done?

I am spontaneous by nature...

Aren't we all, yet, sometimes adults forget!

Well, yes.  My most spontaneous adult acts are doing the world’s highest cliff jump in Queenstown, N.Z. during a Arbonne trip, and jumping out of a plane! I am an adrenaline junky.

A woman who pushes boundaries... I love your style! We each create a sense of awe and wonder in our life choices.  Let us in on three things very few people know about you.

There’s not a lot that people don’t know about me as I’m an open book. I am definitely an over-thinker and over-dramatize situations in my head. I do a lot of self-talk.  As much as I love a social life, I also love me-time, sitting, watching mind-numbing trash t.v. and documentaries, I also love the beach (my happy place).

Tell us about a time when you did or said something that had a positive impact on an employee, co-worker, or customer. How did it make you feel?

I think in the role I play within my business and team I’m lucky enough to be able to pep my team up and try to help them break through a block in work/ life. I can think if times I’ve cried with some of the girls in my team when I can see a breakthrough in their personal development, within themselves and making them know that they are worthy of everything that they want and more. This always fills my cup up seeing them achieve great things or stepping out of their comfort zones. 

As you imply, stepping out of comfort zones does not come easily to everyone, but it pays off.   If your peers and team had to describe you in three to five words, what would they say?

If my peers and team had to describe me in 3-5 words : loud, chatty, fun, positive, driven, and determined.

What people reflect back tells us a lot about our level of authenticity. Speaking of this, tell us about a dream you have yet to realize. What are you doing to progress further to make it real?

My dream is to build my business up so strong that my husband can travel less with his work and be around more and be able to be more present with me and the kids. He is when he can but is also away a bit interstate and does miss some important things. I am working my tail off to hit that goal so we can then choose to be together more as a family.

Describe a time when a colleague came to you with a problem. How did you respond?

There are a fair few times a colleague has come to me with a problem I won’t specifically name any due to privacy.  Each time, listened with 2 ears and waited to respond. Sometimes people just want to be heard.

So right! Empathy and compassion can be conveyed in silence as well as through words.   We each have the power to give something of ourselves to enrich the world. We do this with time, money or other gestures. Tell us about a time when understanding something differently shifted your perception and priorities.

I’ve had a few situations in life that I have learnt from when I’ve had to step back and put myself in someone else’s shoes to see why they may be saying or doing something that has upset me. I’ve learnt that there is always a reason why someone is doing what they do. I’ve also learned to to as well and I can check my Ego at the door!

Why is it important to develop connection? How do you build a rapport?

I love connecting and building a report with people I meet in life. I’m always fascinated by others and their stories and think it’s so important to build that trust with new people. I guess I listen and if I can relate to something they are saying I let them know that I understand.

Indeed. Sometimes what is left unspoken is very powerful and leaves a huge impact.

If you could write yourself a letter before leaving this world that would be received by your reincarnation, what would the letter say?

Oh gosh! If I could write myself a letter from the future and read it today- wow 😮. It would probably say live life to the full, follow your dreams and don’t let others steal them, always have fun, always laugh even at yourself and love without judgement

Add anything else you wish to say...

My website is http://www.reneemcduffie.arbonne.com   

email: reneearbonne@hotmail.com phone: 0409338774

Much gratitude Renee for all you share.  This is a fabulous example of how shifts in priorities happen in our lives when we least expect it. Renee, like each of us in our own way, is a true gift to this world.  She shows us that once we get in touch with what matters and identify our priorities, we can create a more fulfilling life and be happier people.  Yet, a big message that stands out is before we can truly love others, and make a real difference, we must learn how it feels and what it involves to truly love ourselves. This is a unique journey for each of us. And the Soul learns and unlearns at its own pace.

As Arianna Huffington echoes in her best-selling book Thrive, its up to each of us to uncover and experience directly the meaning of well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving, during our lifetime. This is what gives our lives deeper meaning and us a sense of unique purpose. Check out Thrive Global for hints.

Wednesday
Sep262018

Interview with Paul Dunn

As synchronicity strikes again, I am delighted to share this conversation with Paul Dunn. I am grateful to our mutual friend, Allan Pease for connecting us, and also indirectly, Barbara Pease for her valuable guidance.  Allan is of course, your co-author for the book, Write Language.

Paul, Allan puts us in touch because he tells me you are an expert in, "communicating what matters in ways he is not." Unlike Allan (who echoes power is the palm of your hands), he highlights you are a master in connecting with people through unseen acts of giving. How you evolved into a luminary is to be our focus.

Sure! Well, Allan and I go back so many years. Here is an interesting inside story: I wrote the book originally called, “Write Right”. Allan loved it so much, he approached me because he wanted to buy it. He only changed one word in the book. I said, "Fine!". He offered to put my name on it.  The rest is history. We have had a long association. Allan is the doyan of the speaking profession, not just in Australia, but also in the rest of the world, and an amazing human being.

Absolutely! Allan has presence.  He is an excellent teacher because he gives personal attention. Now, I am drawn to you because you empower people to make their own decisions about connection.  I relate as I guide people to act on what makes them feel most alive.  This often involves finding courage to face fears, change self- perception and/ or path.  

In what ways has the trajectory of your life changed? After all, you have been involved in so many things. You not only describe connections.  You also guide people to innovate while creating new habits, impact and connection.  

Well, if we were conducting this interview in the B1G1 office in Singapore, the word connection would be right above me.   Connection is particularly meaningful now in this age of disconnection. Kids are often more connected to their phones and texting than to their family.  They forget about more natural connections.

So very true. These days, so many things exist to hijack our attention - phones, Internet, other technologies. Love that you imply we need to disconnect from these and focus on the natural world to recall the feeling of deeper connection.  So, how did you get into your line of business?

To connect the dots, I think my life is one of amazing luck, actually.  I grew up in a tiny village of Dover in the U.K.  My dad was a miner.  I went to study in London. At 21, I was headhunted. I became one of the first 10 for HP in Australia. This is before most people reading this were born most likely. That was amazing to be able to hang out with Dorians of the electronic business as it was then, not the computer business.  Bill Hewlett and David Packard, and learn about all those things they felt was part of building a great company. Hewlett-Packard (HP) launched the computer thing. I was running that then. I loved connecting. I started one of Australia’s first computer companies in 1973. It became incredibly successful in its day. At one stage, it was doing 23 million. Not that it’s about the money, by the way. It’s all about the way you can add value to the people you are very privileged to serve.

Now, it grows clear that a sense of connection is not only about physical places and people. It's also about intangibles. It touches on intuition.

Yes. I think that wherever we are, we need to realize connection is the result of critical moments in our life… pivotal moments when we made certain decisions without thinking.

Tell us more...

Okay.  Picture it: one day, in 1980 I was asked to a seminar in Brisbane where I was living. I was literally dragged to this event to hear a speaker named James ("Jim") Rohn.

Jim Rohn echoes a version of true success must be attracted not pursed.  Love that idea. 

Well, while I was asked to go hear Jim Rohn speak, I was overseeing over 150 people. What did I need with a seminar? I had no idea even what a seminar was. Then, my response to the experience surprised me: I was absolutely transfixed. It was like a time tunnel. "Wow!" I thought to myself. "That’s what I can do, I can speak and move audiences to new levels of understanding." I called my colleagues to let them know I was leaving.  They thought I was kidding!

You were clearly listening to your intuition, ready to step outside your comfort zone.

I never looked back.  In April 1st,1981 I left HP and created the Results Corporation. By Dec 23, we were serving 23,000 small businesses in Australia and the world. In 1992, I morphed that to focus on the accounting profession. Not that I am an accountant, but I thought they need to wake up and still do, by the way.  I had this crazy idea of saying, look if you are being honest if you had to say what you do, what would you say? They said, “We report on history.” And I replied, how much better would it be if you were able to totally flip that and be able to help select clients create history? So, I launched Results Accountants Systems.  We had the privilege of working with over 17,000 accountants worldwide.  They absolutely loved it.  Life-changing for them and certainly life-changing for me.  In 2000, I sold that, went to live in France, ostensible to retire.  That was challenging for me. So in 2003, I started speaking again.  

Love that retirement is increasingly a transition for people to forge or discover new kinds of connections.

That's right. Making connections never stops, but how we view them and how conscious we are, changes.  Now, in 2006, I was at an event in Bangalore, India, as a participant, not speaking at it. A friend asked me to dinner.  We went to a sad place called the Taj Mahal. I met Pastor Silva. I asked him what brings you here? Story of connection. Silva said, 4 years ago my church asked me to go to this island. I initially went to Sunday school 18 months ago, with 12 kids. I saw the 2004 tsunami. We did not have too much time. Let's play a game--- run to higher ground. We watched the church and parents of these kids washed away in the tsunami. We spend the last 18 months with the kids. It took 4 months to get off the island.  We wandered in India looking for somewhere for a place to live. After a while, we found a place, but now it's getting pretty critical. We need to pay for shelter, for the kids to go to school, pay for their books, food. It cost $3000. He said, "your friend, who introduced us, is helping." Then I said, "if you or anyone from here heard this would have said what I said- it's fixed. Done."

What an amazing, life-changing story! Invites us all to recall how it feels to empathize, to imagine vividly how it feels to be in another person's shoes.

Yes. Imagine this: 4 months later, Pastor Silva went to an email café, and emailed me in broken English. He sent me some photos, 4 actually. The first was a long shot of the tiny house. The second shot was a one room place, where kids were eating food.  The third showed the 12 kids doing their homework with their new school books. The fourth shot changed everything for me. The photo showed they had written Paul Dunn Home in tall letters about a foot tall outside the home.

That kind of connecting is like a skipping stone on water. It happens between the words, between emails, between the lines. It's a feeling of appreciation that knows no time or space.

Connecting is felt here for sure. 

What did you realize at that pivotal moment?

At that very moment, I realized something deep. If you had asked me just before that point, what is business about, I would have said, well, my whole life has been running on two things;  adding extraordinary value to the people you are priviliged to serve and having fun. I never worried about the numbers. They seemed to come anyway.

Curious how so many people are taught to be preoccupied with numbers and forget the power of connection. 

Hmm. Well, at that moment, I felt there is a literal obligation that we have to do whatever we can help others who, through no fault of their own, are in different circumstances than ourselves. 

It feels like the deeper revelation about connection is about selflessness.  Does this remind you or any peers or mentors?

It's kind of like with Richard (as in Sir Richard Branson). Go back 9 years ago and you ask him, "What's your thing?" He would’ve said: "to get up every morning to disrupt industries that need disrupting and have fun doing it."

Talk to him now, and he says the same two things as well as to make a real difference in this world. When you get that third piece, it's like the RAS (reticular activating system).  You know about that from Allan and Barbara Pease and the cool brain research that is presented as part of their latest book, The Answer.  

Yes. Love that Pease book! Also get great insight from Richard Branson's Autobiography, Losing my Virginity (How I survived, had fun and made a fortune doing business my way).

Even without reading that book, you notice the universe has this interesting way of making us aware of other people who have the same revelation we do. Consider the example of cars as well. As soon as you buy one, all of a sudden, you see the same vehicle everywhere. They have always been there, but you just did not notice them before.

Yes! I love the car analogy. Seeing a particular vehicle is also something that happened with increasing frequency to me before it entered my own experience. Love the revelation that part of you cannot feel whole without connecting to something larger than yourself in an altruistic way. Does anyone else stand out to you as shaping or deepening your sense of connection?

Indeed. Another person who came across my radar was Masami Sato.

What a lady! What a story! She is really onto something cutting edge that connects on a universal scale. I invite everyone to read her book Giving Business: Creating Maximum Impact in a Meaning-driven World.

She was someone I was mentoring at the time.  During our mentoring session in 2007, she got this amazing idea: She said, 'I am imagining a different world. Can you imagine this- every business transaction relates something great in our world.' Like what? I said. Well, like you go buy a plasma tv from Harvey Norman on account of who you want better vision. If you bought that, how about someone who could not see could get the gift of sight? I went oh wow!  Imagine having a cup of coffee and while you drink it, and a kid gets life- saving water? Imagine someone buys your book. and a tree gets planted. I replied- that is the best idea I have ever heard. Can I be your mentor for the rest of your life? That took my understanding of connection to a whole new level.

This B1G1 vision feels truly like one of the best ideas ever. It's about giving life to and grounding interconnection on a massive scale. How did this idea take shape on a practical level? Where does the project stand?

Well, it took us 3 years to figure out how to do it and we founded the company as B1G1. So far, the business owners or businesses that are members of B1G1, we have created 161,000,000 giving impacts in our world. That is on track to be 1.6 billion.  We call these smiles.

B1G1 is one of the most extraordinary ideas I have come across as well, and it crosses my radar due to hearing about you. Funny though, it's not necessarily something everyone has heard about. It presents a vision of success that involves a lasting connection. What does success feel like where you are sitting?

It's certainly not about what you have around you. It’s not about shiny objects. Its about something bigger.

How about expanding on this...

Three years ago, on Sept 23, the United Nations (UN), Paul Polman (from Unilever),Mary Robinson, and Richard Branson was there. Branson said, "This is the first time the world body acknowledges something really important: governments are not the bodies that change our world, its businesses that change our world. That’s why I am here-- to launch the Sustainable Development (Global) Goals. 17 targets we have to hit as responsible people by 2030 to eliminate poverty and recognize diversity on this planet.

This reminds me of when I was one of the original founding members of the Space Generation Forum (SGF). Youths from across the globe attended UN meetings and lobbied with the intention of supporting the peaceful uses of outer space and earthly uses of related space technologies. We spoke about focusing more attention on using technology to benefit sustainable development and the issues listed on the global goals mentioned above. Larger global impact requires a collective shift in priorities.  

New connections are definitely happening in different arenas. 

It feels like more people are experiencing a change of heart or awakening to a new way of seeing this world.  We see new kinds of cooperation emerging.

That's right! B1G1 gets down to grass roots. At that level, it's very interesting- redefining success as a race. On the way, I see other things, I spoke to a woman on the Sunshine Coast, where Allan is. By all accounts, she is very successful. She works in real estate. She found B1G1, and had a transformation. She realized as passionate as she is about real estate, I need meaning and purpose in my life.  It's this sense of belonging.  In fact, one of the things I am very privileged to do is do TedXtalks. One of the great things about doing TedXTalks is meeting other speakers. I met Brene Brown. Her talk, The Power of Vulnerability has over 23,000,000 views.

Love Brene Brown! Listening to Shame is another of her life-transforming talks.

Brown says connection it's why we are here.  Itis what gives meaning and purpose to our lives.  That underscores this human need we have to do this. There exist some brilliant books about this. For example one of the best: Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari.  It normally talks about how we came to be here. Connection is really the key to it all, I think.

Agree whole-heartedly. It’s a revelation I have had in my own life. 

That you refer to Brene Brown is another synchronicity.  As the result of watching her Ted talks, like I have read all of her books. I really respect the work she does: she brings very sensitive issues into the public sphere and encourages people to feel comfortable with subjects we typically hide from ourselves. 

That's right. 

She echoes connection is deepened through being open and transparent. So, you raise the topic of Belonging. In Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, she goes into this is a lot of depth.  She says it takes courage to connect and connection somehow makes us feel vulnerable.  Although people are widely taught to fear vulnerability, Brown says "what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful." She reminds us strength is found in talking about what evokes discomfort because we feel free. She talks about  belonging as related to something that enables us to feel part of something greater than ourselves. This enables us to feel lighter too.

That is it! It's not about me. It's not about you. It's about all that and more.

It’s a feeling, I am getting, a vibe off you related to this B1G1 project. It's heart-warming and heart-opening.  Many people have not yet able to put their fingers on what they seek or crave. Yet, they feel something is missing in their lives, something they are still hoping to figure out. 

In this light, what makes you feel most alive? It may be more than one thing.  This would give readers a bit more insight into the real Paul Dunn, get to the heart of you, what drives you.

Look at the physical things I do. Connection, meaning and purpose could come from going to the gym every morning because you are connected to yourself. You cannot connect with others until you connect with yourself. 

I feel enormously lucky. I am to talk with an audience of businessowners in Perth this week. How amazing is it, how privileged is it from me, to get on stage and be able to take a group of people from a particular level of understanding to a new level of understanding.  The only way you do that is by connecting with them. It’s as simple as that.  The funny thing is, Allan Pease, whom you mentioned earlier, knows all about this.  Very few people can connect with people like Allan does.  One thing that is very interesting- speakers have to be aware of this---you are there in front of a group, you are a God if you like, people are looking up to you, I never think about it that way. Yet, then, you are in a hotel room all on your own. Unless you are connected to yourself, you are lonely. Just look at entertainment industry...

Who are your other mentors?

Ron Taki was an early mentor. He said, "Paul, you really should speak." I said, "Really?" "Yes!- Do you get butterflies?" I said, "Yes." I love that he taught me the secret is to get butterflies flying in formation. It took me 32 years to get the butterflies flying in formation in my head. Until recently, I would be in front of a reflective surface, talking to myself, for them for them for them! Several times. So that I could get the focus off me and onto them. 18 months ago, I was sitting at a table and the heavens opened. The two kids were here. I was catching up with email and I was invited to watch a 3 min video from Norweigan govenment. It opens on a pure white environment. Huge guy walks on from side of screen. He is the ultimate Harley rider. His arms are covered in massive tattoos, nose rings. He looks scary. On left hand side of screen, no judgement involved but this is the only way I have to describe it- an eccentric woman enters.  Other women enter. Everyone starts hugging. Nothing sexual. Ministry of Diversity presents message. We all are one. That’s it. That day, I realized when I was saying “for them, for them, for them," I felt I was distancing myself from my audience. Now I say, "for us for us, for us...." This acknowledges I am part of this learning process.

Fabulous story! Butterflies are a universal symbol of getting in touch with what enables us to fly. The government of Denmark did something similar in a video entitled All That we share.  More countries are getting on board as well, getting involved in unifying initiatives.

Wherever I look, these days, there is that stuff. It's about the tiny little things. In Singapore, for instance, the MRT train arrives , takes me to the office very efficiently. When I used to take the bus, I would always smile. They would start the whole process. Just imagine for a moment if everyone smiled at everyone else. For me, its what we are here to do.

How would you relate this back to B1G1 and the evolution of business?

B1G1 takes this to a slightly different level. How great is it that we can do some kind of transaction, and not need not be monetary one. It could be meeting each other or, each time I send you an email, a kid gets access to education.  What’s great is to understand, yes, we can connect one-on-one, and then, through all sorts of other mechanisms, we can connect with people and impact the lives of people we are never going to meet.

Extraordinary! The B1G1 slogan: Connect, create impact and see things differently stands out to me. Where did this come from?

Great question. Look at what we do not do. We do not use the word charity. Back in early 2000, when Masami had this idea, we said "okay, let’s look at this non-judgementally." Charities kind of do that. We realize though, that in every poll you see, almost everybody has either had a bad experience or knows of someone who has. We realized we had to do things differently.

And how do you do that?

We talk about the joy of giving.  Among our projects, you never see faces of emaciated children meant to evoke guilt. You never us use words like donate.  You never see our B1G1 business members saying “a percentage of our profits go there.” You never see a chief executive presenting a big check to B1G1. As the result of us, a kid got access to education. We are about giving smiles.  For example, you will see things like, “As the result of doing business with us, we protected Orangutan habitat." There are 600 or so projects (the board rejects 9/10 by the way) are pretty high impact projects people can get involved in. This allows us to be human.

I noticed earlier this way I was speaking at an accounting conference in London. 6500 Accountants. Accountants and businesses like to be at the forefront of what is being disrupted. They like to be  at the cutting edge.  I was asked what is the next best thing? People is the next big thing. Xero is a big thing. They came out at their conference with artificial intelligence but point out humans produce that. Their new Hash Tag- “Human.” We are getting it.

Why is this getting this wider 'human connection' important?

Recall the global financial crisis. That was a watershed. Look at what's going on in parts of America or other parts of the world. We ask, 'is that stuff really happening?' As we see this is not just happening to one person, that we are all affected, we really are getting it.

Has anyone in particular had a profound impact on your understanding of the human connection?

Neale Donald Walsch.  In his books on Conversations with God (not religious book as you likely know)...

I have read them all. They are brilliant! The conversations cover topics of universal relevance. 

Yes. Well, I have spent time with Neale in Ashland, Oregon. He is a “We are one” sort of person. In essence he says, sadness is just so we know what happiness is. The reason we look at a landscape and see mountains is so we can also see the valley, tell the difference. It is very interesting to see how we look at things and very difficult sometimes not to be judgmental, incredibly difficult.  I think once we get that all of these things exist for a reason, if just we become aware, oh my gosh-what is the lesson? What is the gift?

Asking those kinds of questions changes how we see ourselves. Seeing everything and everyone as a blessing does change the way we see the world and function in it.

By the way, I love that your TedX Talks echo the deep joy that is felt from sustainable giving.

You have seen them? Really? Wonderful!

Another thing that stands out in your talks,  is how you present information. You state that you do not intend info presented to be judgemental. You simply offer data for audience reflection, so they reach their own conclusions.

Yes.

How do you see a domino effect happening? B1G1 is expanding. You also speak about small and large businesses  in your talks and which are taking steps to do greater good. Do you see we have to have tsunamis and global crisis or harmful situations for people to wake up to the power of connection?

No. I think adversity simply occurs. We do not have to have tragedy. Look at B1G1. Recall the term 'hockey stick' if you look at growth in things. People are also talking about topics now they did not used to discuss openly. 

That is encouraging. It's as if people are finding courage to explore reasons behind their personal and socio-cultural taboos, why they adopt and adhere them.

People only ever do what they are ready to do. I also am in awe of how women do things. It doesn’t mean men do not do equally great things but men have to work at it. Women are able to show us some interesting things. Thankfully great changes going on in that area.

Indeed Women are more emotional in nature and we are seeing them in more leadership roles as well as in pivotal roles in the background.  We each have a part of play in creating connections.

I see great changes occurring in the world over as the result of deeper connections.

One last question- what kind of advice or insight would you like to leave with our audience to invite people to view themselves and their lives in a new way?

Wow! Well, there are so many things, no one thing. As we back track through this interview, we see many things. I have this book called Gratitude journal. Every day begins with this and ends with that. This ability to be grateful and at the same time as curious about everything else, underpins everything. You realize you are just a tiny speck somewhere. But wow! How great is it to actually be here experiencing this life.

Also, what else amazes me, when in B1G1, we go on study tours, we look at the impact is what is happening. It absolutely amazes me. You see kids in the direst of circumstances and they are smiling. There was this one area in Kenya where they had visally-impaired (blind) kids. “Sam Well” is 14 was kept in a room by his parents until he miraculously walked and found this school. He reached out and found my face. I say to him, Sam Well, how do you deal with this apparent disability? He says “What disability? I see the world, experience the world...by the way, would you like to hear me play my keyboards?" So, he gets them out and does the Stevie Wonder thing. Look at where he is coming from. He says "I am here, I am grateful." That is a great lesson.

What it echoes is that the simple things in life mean the most and so often these are overlooked.

Exactly. I call this The Power of Small.

Love your message that small business can make a mighty difference in the wider world. It's like the size of our heart grows based on getting involved in projects that touch lives. I feel your message is to cherish every moment and everyone in some way.  Thanks for sharing these life-transforming stories and revelations with our audience.

You ask me questions I have not been asked and I express responses spontaneously in ways I can never offer again in exactly the same way.

Invite our readers to research B1G1 and other individuals and projects mentioned in this article. We each make a difference by connecting with the wider world. This begins by deepening the connection with ourselves. Why we exist hits us when we awaken to see the world differently. 

As Marcel Proust echoes: "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes"

Sunday
Aug192018

The root of everything

Getting to the root of who you are involves true courage.  This is not the heroic kind, putting your life or reputation on the line, that western society has come to focus on.  Its about remembering how it feels to speak openly and honestly, fearlessly putting our vulnerability on the line. 

In other words, we must be willing to take responsibility, set an example for living authentically.  Otherwise, we simply create and encounter a mirror of our own deception.  When was the last instance you risked being vulnerable and disappointed? How did that turn out for you? 

Practicing true courage involves selectively sharing your vision with people who support you, not downplaying your dreams. Its about allowing tears or emotions to flow as they will, not hiding your true feelings as society so often teaches.  Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others and relate to them with compassion on equal footing.

If the root of everything is genuine connection, then everything you think, do or say either strengthens or weakens this connection.  The topic certainly merits some attention.  What if you feel energized or drained based on the degree you feel seen, heard and valued, based on the freedom you give yourself to offer input without fear of judgment?

Through her research, Brene Brown reveals that only one thing separates people who feel a deep sense of love and belonging (connection) from people who seem to be struggling for (or running from) it.  This is the depth of belief in worthiness.  True connection arises from an equal exchange of energy. How do you share or exchange energy to derive your self- worth? What are your behavioural patterns telling you about the nature of connection in your life? 

If we want to fully experience connection, we must act as if we know we are worthy of it.  We must also recognize being who we are doesn't require us to change. It simply requires self-acceptance to guide our life choices. Take an inventory of how you feel. Let go of who you think you are supposed to be. Olny seeing through the falseness can you embrace who you are.